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Sure, there are more delicate ways to say this. But regular readers know The Juice prefers the blunt approach. So … The governing administration in Malawi is proposing legislation that would outlaw farting in public! Truth! As reported by afrik-news.com:

The Bingu wa Mutharika led administration is to introduce a raft of legislation that seeks to criminalize an everyday natural occurrence of “passing gas” with the intention to “mold responsible and discipl[ined] citizens.”

Certainly a fair amount of discipline would be involved …

The Local Courts Bill of 2010, according to Malawi media reports, is to be presented in the forthcoming Parliament sitting by Minister of Justice, George Chaponda. The bill, reports say, also deals with citizens who hinder the burial of dead bodies as well as people who pretend to be fortune tellers.

Is there any opposition?

Mr. John Tembo’s [he’s the leader of the opposition party] criticism of the bill is believed to have stricken a chord with local critics who argue that the capacity of the local justice system to handle the expected influx of cases is questionable.

And this, from an anonymous citizen:

Commenting on the bill, a Malawian is quoted as saying: “How can this government criminalise the release of intestinal gases …. Everyone does that, even if it’s in public or it has an accompanying sound which is boring, making it criminal is a joke of democracy.”

Any supporters out there? At least one.

Another [Malawian] said he “support(s) the bill and is welcome. Sometimes breaking wind in public or during meetings is a disturbance of the peace”.

Since the anti-flatulence provision is only part of the proposed bill, perhaps it’s removal would take the wind (oh!) out of the opposition’s sails. Here’s the source.

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So, why did a Georgia mother check her son and two classmates out of school? To rob a bank! As reported by WSBTV.com:

The woman checked the three teens out of Stephenson High School on Friday morning, Lilburn police Deputy Chief Bruce Hedley said. He said the four went to a Wells Fargo on Rockbridge Road and Lawrenceville Highway for a heist. The suspects were armed with at least one handgun, police said.

Unbeknownst to the perps, a witness was on to them.

“I saw what appeared to be a weapon being drawn and two suspects ducking, pulling hoodies up and masks on,” witness Ivy Cromer told Channel 2’s Manuel Bojorquez.

Cromer said he called 911, waited until the suspects came out of the bank and followed them as they drove off in a getaway car.

“They didn’t know I was following them, so they weren’t going very fast. Of course, when they saw the blue lights, they took off,” Cromer said.

After a police pursuit, the suspects’ Red Toyota Corolla crashed into railroad tracks in Dekalb County, police said.


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Per the Alaska Supreme Court’s decision, Judge David Landry: decorative_thermometer.jpg

made inappropriate sexual comments to female court employees in the workplace. These included a note to a female employee that her “Hillbilly thermometers are distracting”, a note to a court clerk referring to a juror, stating, “I think Ms. _______ wants me,” describing one court clerk as a “shameless hussy”…

hillbilly.jpgHillbilly thermometers?! Go ahead, google it in quotes. You’ll get 51 hits (or 52, including this post!). Where does a judge in Alaska come up with that? Judge Landry also routinely signed blank bail orders, leaving it to the prosecutors to decide “the particulars for out-of-custody defendants.” Gee, think there’s anything wrong with that? There are a few more findings (like 14 criminal cases that had to be dismissed in 2005 because Judge Landry failed to schedule the trials within the time required by law), but I think you get the idea. Partially because Judge Landry was defeated in November 2006, his punishment was only a “public censure.” Oh, and “at no time in the future [may he] seek or hold a position as a judicial officer in the State of Alaska.”

They really know how to dole out the punishment …

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The Juice yearns for the good old days, when robbers and burglars used to just rob and burgle. Alas, it appears we shan’t be returning to those days. Yesterday, we learned about the Beanie Baby robber. Today, it’s the fish-killing robbers. Per the TribLocal:

Three goldfish were killed when a burglar poured hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices into a fish tank and stole a BB gun among other items from an Arlington Heights apartment, police said Wednesday.

You bastards! You killed … the goldfish!

The front door of an apartment on the 2100 block of South Goebbert Road was pried open sometime between Jan. 22 and Jan. 24, and burglars made off with a Nintendo game system, CD player, 30 games, 30 DVDs, a Daisy BB gun with extra BBs, jewelry and a 50-pound fire safe containing personal papers and pictures, police said.

Here’s the source.

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What kind of person would steal a little girl’s Beanie Babies? And use a knife during the heist? Perhaps the kind of 18-year-old who would want 6 Beanie Babies… As reported by The Orlando Sentinel:

Two St. Cloud men accused of taking a little girl’s Beanie Babies and other items during a home invasion are being held without bail today at the Osceola County Jail.

Scott Napolillo and Sean Knapp, both 18, face charges of home-invasion robbery, aggravated assault and false imprisonment.

Napolillo is accused of pulling a knife from his waistband and forcing his way into a St. Cloud house to collect on a debt as Knapp waited outside with a souvenir baseball bat.

Must have been a large debt for all that.

The men rode their bicycles to the house.

Okay, maybe a medium-size debt?

The victim, who was not identified, told police Napolillo threatened to stab him if he didn’t have $130 to pay off his debt, the report stated.

Told there was no money, Napolillo ransacked the home and told the victim if he tried to run a friend known as the “Marlboro Man” was waiting outside.

After packing the robbed items in a black bag, Napolillo left after saying he would come back and kill the victim if police were called, the report stated.

After the men left, a police officer on patrol in the area recognized Napolillo as a suspect in several burglaries and followed the men as they rode their bikes across St. Cloud, an arrest report stated.

The officer stopped them for riding against traffic after they cut off a car on 17th Street.

Napolillo had a dagger stuffed inside his waistband and he showed the officer that the black bag contained nine Nintendo video games, six Beanie Babies, the souvenir baseball bat, a cell phone and 13 AA batteries, the report stated.

$130! STFU! NFW did you do all that for $130. Here’s the source, which includes mug shots of the young men.

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It’s difficult to believe that Utah would be doing this, especially given the recent shootings in Tucson. But it’s true. The “official state” what? Gun! As reported by The Christian Science Monitor:

In one of the most controversial state symbol designations since Alabama in 2006 attempted to name the peach the state fruit (amid protests from its neighbor Georgia, the Peach State), the Utah House voted on Wednesday to honor Utah-born John Browning, the M1911’s inventor, by naming the semiautomatic hand gun America’s first state gun.

And just in case you’re wondering whether it will pass the Utah Senate and become law …

Though the Utah House passed the Browning designation, the Senate still has to approve the bill. The House version passed primarily along party lines, with all but two Republicans voting in favor and every Democrat voting against. Republicans took control of the Utah Senate in November. The state also has a Republican governor.

You can read a lot more about this here.

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Unless you’ve never seen a movie or tv show, you’re familiar with the cop who makes a mess of things and ends up getting busted down to traffic. So what happens if you are a traffic cop, and you mess up? This gent is almost certainly going to find out. As reported in The New Straits Times:

A traffic policeman was ordered to enter his defence by the magistrate’s court yesterday for ordering a woman motorist to strip at a roadblock.

Say what?

Corporal A.S. Affendi Ahmad Sairi, 41, was charged with ordering Ang Ya Ying, 28, to remove her blouse and with pulling her pants to cause her embarrassment and insulting her modesty in front of a petrol station in Cheras at 1.15am on May 4 last year.

Defence counsel Faizal Abd Rahman told the court that he would be calling three witnesses, including the accused…

Whatever the deal is, take the plea bargain!

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Seriously, if the guy is really a magician, how’d he get caught? Case dismissed! As reported by The Arab Times:

The Abdali police have arrested a 65-year-old Iraqi man for attempting to sneak into the country to practice black magic, reports Al-Shahed daily. 
The magician was spotted between unidentified farms and Abdali border post. Police spotted the man and seized from him magic tools. 
The suspect has been referred to the authorities.

Black magic? Please.

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The Juice isn’t sure how he missed this May 2009 story, but it’s none the worse for wear. Bradley Dean Milne, age 33, had a helluva ride. As reported by the Northern Territory News:

Darwin Magistrates Court heard that the couple were planning to drive to East Arm Wharf in the Mazda ute to have sex.

The key word there is “planning.” They didn’t quite make it …

Police prosecutor Leigh Cahill said Milne “became aroused” and the woman gave him oral sex while he was driving until they reached the traffic lights at the Berrimah Rd intersection.

Zoinks! But wait …

They turned right onto Berrimah Rd, and the woman straddled Milne while he kept driving, swerving into the kerbside and back into the middle lane.

Then, after a call from a witness, came the buzz kill, and a truly classic defense offered up by Mr Milne:

When police stopped the car and Milne was asked why he had been drinking – with a blood alcohol concentration of .097 per cent – he said: “Come on, mate. What would you do? We were going to the wharf but we didn’t quite get there.”

And check out this defense offered up by Mr. Milne’s lawyer:

Mr Rowbottam told the court that Milne had not been paying attention to his intoxication, and had been surprised at the reading. “He wasn’t concentrating on that – he was concentrating on his amorous situation,” he said.

Really? That’s what you offer as mitigation? The charges were:

… not wearing a seatbelt, driving without due care and drink-driving when a witness called police after seeing his car swerving all over the road.

The time? No time, just a $1,400 fine and a six-month license suspension.

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Yup. Straight from Judge in the case, as reported by The Palm Beach Post:

“This case presents the strangest facts and set of circumstances that I’ve witnessed in my 28 years as a lawyer,” Circuit Judge Jorge Labarga said as he sentenced Dean to life in prison.

So what happened?

… Marlow [the “victim”] found his apartment in the Villages neighborhood in West Palm Beach ransacked and saw Flint [the deceased] leaving on foot and Dean driving away.

Note – Christopher Dean, who was sentenced to life in jail for his co-burglar’s death – was driving away from the scene.

Marlow pursued Dean up through the neighborhood and eventually back down Interstate 95. There he encountered Flint, 25, who had jumped a fence and was waiting alongside the highway for Dean to pick him up.

Marlow initially told police that, as his SUV approached, Flint turned and appeared to point something at him. Marlow said he ducked in his seat as his Suburban ran off the road and struck the suspected burglar.

So co-burglar Flint is killed by the burgled guy, and burglar Dean gets life in jail. How does that happen?

Under state law, a person can be charged with felony murder if someone else dies while the person is committing a felony crime.

Yes, burglary is wrong, but not this wrong.