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The Juice is thinking this might have gone down differently if the doctor had expressed interest in the drugs this pharmaceutical salesman was peddling. But he didn’t. Here’s how it went down, as reported by The Independent:

Pakistani authorities have arrested a doctor on suspicion of violating the country’s contentious blasphemy laws after he threw away the business card of a man who shared the name of the Prophet.

Naushad Valiyani, a Muslim doctor in Hyderabad, in Sindh province, was arrested after a complaint to police alleging he had insulted the Prophet.

The case began when Muhammad Faizan, a pharmaceutical representative, gave Mr Valiyani his business card. When the doctor threw it away, Mr Faizan filed a complaint, noting that his name was the same as the Prophet’s.

Here’s the source.

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It pays to know and understand the Constitution, especially the 5th Amendment. A man in Fort Walton Beach, Florida would be well-advised to read it, or at least catch a few episodes of Law & Order. As reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News:

A man stopped for driving with an inoperable brakelight on Nov. 23 was questioned when the officer noticed the man’s pants were unbuttoned and unzipped. The condition of the man’s pants was obvious when he was asked to step out and look at the lights for himself.

Yeah, probably the first guy ever to have a partially unzipped fly…

When the officer questioned him, the driver said he had just left his girlfriend’s house and had picked up the 36-year-old female in his car to give her a ride home.

Okay…

After the officer advised the man that he believed a sexual act was performed in the vehicle, the man said the female had offered to perform that sexual act for $20. The man added that he had paid the $20 but had not yet gotten the act.

Really? It’s not like you were tied to a chair, with a hammer about to smash your toes. How about this answer: nuh-uh.

The defendant had $20 in her pocket, according to her Fort Walton Beach Police Department arrest report.

She was charged with soliciting for prostitution.

Really? What about the loose-lipped, would-be john? Not cool.

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If you can, put aside for a moment how creepy this is. Think of the logistics involved! Here’s the report:

A South Korean who stole 1200 pairs of expensive shoes from funeral homes while posing as a mourner has been arrested, police in Seoul said.

How did he do it?

The man identified only as Park, 59, took off his own shoes before entering mourning rooms and donned more expensive footwear when he left.

1,200 times? And what was he going to do with them?

He intended to sell them through his own second-hand shoe business, police in southern Seoul’s Suseo district said.

Making the thefts even more difficult …

Koreans normally remove outdoor footwear when indoors, especially at funeral homes.

So how did Mr. Park get caught?

Police said they caught Park stealing three pairs of shoes, worth a total of two million won ($1950) when new, at one funeral home.

They then raided his warehouse and found 1200 pairs stored according to size in preparation for resale.

Shazam! Here’s the source, including a picture of the shoes.

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Okay, so we’re not talking about the mailman. Surely the newspaper delivery guy is close enough? As reported by ktuu.com:

An Anchorage Daily News deliveryman has been charged with two counts of driving under the influence after his pickup truck slid off the road in Chugiak Wednesday morning — and police found him trying to finish his route in another vehicle.

APD responded at about 6:45 a.m. to a report of a brown Ford pickup with its rear wheels in a ditch creating a traffic hazard at Birchwood Loop and Spruce Crest Drive.

When police arrived, 54-year-old Clifford Johnson was emptying newspapers wrapped for delivery from the pickup into a red Chevy Blazer. Johnson said he’d accidentally backed his pickup into the ditch at about 5 a.m.

In addition to having a strong smell of alcohol on his breath, Johnson was spilling papers onto the ground and had trouble hitting buttons on his cell phone. After field sobriety tests, he was arrested on two counts of DUI — one for each of the two vehicles involved.

“He was just trying to get his papers in,” said APD spokesperson Lt. Dave Parker. “It’s just not something to do intoxicated.”

A breath sample from Johnson yielded a blood-alcohol content reading well over the .08 legal limit, and he was jailed on $250 bail. Both of his vehicles were impounded by police.

 

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So the parent of a 5-year-old kid had an argument with another parent – on the playground, of course. As a result, Mr. Joseph Moldrich, one of the parents, hatched a scheme to get the kid of the other parent kicked out of school. He would make threatening phone calls to the teacher, pretending to be the other parent! Pure genius, no? No. Here are a few of the messages Moldrich allegedly left (he said he’s going to plead guilty):

You fuck off Oakleigh South.

. . . We know where you live.

. . . Kill, kill, kill.

You fucking, you no leave and me kill you.

Some calls were made with a fake foreign accent, some with a woman’s voice. Wow. Moldrich has been in jail since he was arrested on June 29th. He has not even asked for bail. Should’ve followed The Juice’s motto: What happens on the playground, stays on the playground. You can read the original story here.

Update: Hold the presses! Since the above was originally posted, Mr. Moldrich appeared in court and pleaded guilty. Also from The Herald Sun:

Joseph Moldrich, 48, of Oakleigh South, was given a suspended six-month prison sentence yesterday after pleading guilty to 17 charges, including stalking and making threats to kill.

No jail time, and the prosecutor was pissed!

Prosecutor Sgt Frank Scully argued that Moldrich should be added to the sex offenders’ register, as he had a history of sexual offences, including convictions. “This is an individual who has sat next to teenage girls on public transport and indecently assaulted them,” Sgt Scully said.

“This is man who has attempted to entice a 12-year-old into his car.”

“This is a man who has made sexualised threats.”

Compelling case, no? Apparently not.

The magistrate rejected the application and sentenced Moldrich to six months’ jail, suspended for two years, and put him on a two-year community-based order.

Almost forgot. Here’s another one of Mr. Moldrich’s phone calls:

Moldrich screamed, “You f—ing prostitute, you f—ing slut, you don’t mess with Russians, I kill your wife” after phoning the home of a teacher, the court was told.

Here’s the second story.

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Unfortunately the method for virtually assuring that you’ll get your drugs is also the one that will likely get you busted. The method? Mail the drugs … to yourself! Per The Cairns Post [Australia]:

A man who posted himself an ounce of heroin has been sentenced to four years’ jail.

You mean the postal service screens packages? Newman!

But Malcolm Donald Murray was immediately released on parole after his court appearance yesterday.

The 54-year-old posted himself the drug from Sydney on March 3 this year.

But police intercepted the heroin, which had a $7000 street value.

Murray pleaded guilty in Cairns Supreme Court to possession of a dangerous drug.

The court heard that Murray was in rehabilitation and it was in his and the community’s best interest to keep attending, rather than spending time in jail.

Drug treatment [for a nonviolent offender] instead of jail? Hmmm.

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How can The Juice be so certain that Jennifer Bibby, a 63-year-old neighborhood watch leader will catch the person who vandalized cars in her neighborhood? Because she did it! CCTV may be intrusive, but it doesn’t lie. As reported by swns.com:

Police officer’s widow Jennifer Bibby, 63, is an upstanding churchgoer and well-respected as a neighbourhood watch leader in a tight-knit community.

But she has been arrested and cautioned for criminal damage after being caught on CCTV attacking the cars of neighbours Clare Leverton and Suzanne Hoole.

Clare had suffered a number of vandalism attacks over recent years and believed hooded yobs were responsible for the latest damage, which occurred on Bonfire Night.

But Clare was stunned when the CCTV system she installed to catch the culprits spotted Jennifer covering the vehicles with flour and eggs.

Single mother-of-two Clare, who runs Attitudes Hair and Beauty in Hoddesdon, Herts., admitted she was ”shocked” when she saw Jennifer on the footage.

Clare, 44, said: ”The vandalism had been going on for years at my house so we decided to put up some CCTV cameras as a last resort.

What did Ms. Bibby have to say for herself?

”She denied everything to the police until they said ‘you are on CCTV’ and then she admitted it.”

Doh! You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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The average person will not dial 999 [911 in the US] lightly. The subject of this post is clearly not the average person, because she called 999 when her snowman was stolen. Would the BBC lie? And even if they would, there’s audio of the 999 call. As reported by the BBC:

A woman who dialed 999 to report the theft of a snowman from outside her home has been branded “completely irresponsible” by Kent Police.

The force said the woman, from Chatham, thought the incident required their involvement because she used pound coins for eyes and teaspoons for arms.

During the conversation she said: “There’s been a theft from outside my house.” … “I haven’t been out to check on him for five hours but I went outside for a fag and he’s gone.”

When she was asked who had gone, the woman replied: “My snowman. I thought that with it being icy and there not being anybody about, he’d be safe.”

She was then asked whether it was an ornament, and answered: “No, a snowman made of snow, I made him myself.“

So, said the woman, maybe it’s not the best neighborhood, but …

“It ain’t a nice road but at the end of the day, you don’t expect someone to nick your snowman, you know what I mean?”

No, not really. 999 is for emergencies, know what I mean?

The operator then told her she had rung an emergency line and she should not be calling it to report the theft of a snowman.

Ch Insp Simon Black said: “This call could have cost someone’s life if there was a genuine emergency and they couldn’t get through.”

“We have spoken to her and advised her what is a 999 call, and this clearly was not.”

Clearly Chief Inspector Black has never had his snowman stolen. Here’s the source, including audio of the 999 call.

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What in tarnation was going on in this Sacramento, California apartment? See if you can figure it out. From The Sacramento Bee:

Police attempted to serve a warrant on Fairfield Avenue. 
Officers said that they 
heard a woman talking inside the apartment, and they 
knocked, identified 
themselves as police officers and asked to speak to the 
woman. A man inside 
replied that she wasn’t there, but they could come back 
later. Officers again heard 
a woman inside and re-identified themselves, adding that 
if the occupants did 
not open the door, it would be forced open. After the 
residents again refused to 
open the door, it was forced open, and the woman was 
found talking to police 
and reporting that someone was trying to break into her 
apartment.

Uh… Sorry, wrong number.

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You get popped in the face. Why wouldn’t you call the cops? Well, it depends on who’s doing the popping, and who gets popped. Per the San Diego Union Tribune:

A man who was busy robbing his elderly victim Saturday became so upset when a bystander tried to break up the crime by punching him in the face that he called police to report an assault.

Brilliant!

Once [the police] put two and two together, police officers located the 83-year-old victim, who confirmed the crime, and arrested the 43-year-old man for suspected elder abuse and robbery, said San Diego police Officer David Stafford.

Police were called at 4 p.m. to Akins Avenue at 62nd Street near a trolley station, where the robber had the elderly man pinned against a wall and was rifling through his pockets when the bystander interrupted the crime, Stafford said.

Here’s to the unnamed “bystander” who didn’t just “stand by.”

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