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The Juice yearns for the good old days, when robbers and burglars used to just rob and burgle. Alas, it appears we shan’t be returning to those days. Yesterday, we learned about the Beanie Baby robber. Today, it’s the fish-killing robbers. Per the TribLocal:

Three goldfish were killed when a burglar poured hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices into a fish tank and stole a BB gun among other items from an Arlington Heights apartment, police said Wednesday.

You bastards! You killed … the goldfish!

The front door of an apartment on the 2100 block of South Goebbert Road was pried open sometime between Jan. 22 and Jan. 24, and burglars made off with a Nintendo game system, CD player, 30 games, 30 DVDs, a Daisy BB gun with extra BBs, jewelry and a 50-pound fire safe containing personal papers and pictures, police said.

Here’s the source.

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What kind of person would steal a little girl’s Beanie Babies? And use a knife during the heist? Perhaps the kind of 18-year-old who would want 6 Beanie Babies… As reported by The Orlando Sentinel:

Two St. Cloud men accused of taking a little girl’s Beanie Babies and other items during a home invasion are being held without bail today at the Osceola County Jail.

Scott Napolillo and Sean Knapp, both 18, face charges of home-invasion robbery, aggravated assault and false imprisonment.

Napolillo is accused of pulling a knife from his waistband and forcing his way into a St. Cloud house to collect on a debt as Knapp waited outside with a souvenir baseball bat.

Must have been a large debt for all that.

The men rode their bicycles to the house.

Okay, maybe a medium-size debt?

The victim, who was not identified, told police Napolillo threatened to stab him if he didn’t have $130 to pay off his debt, the report stated.

Told there was no money, Napolillo ransacked the home and told the victim if he tried to run a friend known as the “Marlboro Man” was waiting outside.

After packing the robbed items in a black bag, Napolillo left after saying he would come back and kill the victim if police were called, the report stated.

After the men left, a police officer on patrol in the area recognized Napolillo as a suspect in several burglaries and followed the men as they rode their bikes across St. Cloud, an arrest report stated.

The officer stopped them for riding against traffic after they cut off a car on 17th Street.

Napolillo had a dagger stuffed inside his waistband and he showed the officer that the black bag contained nine Nintendo video games, six Beanie Babies, the souvenir baseball bat, a cell phone and 13 AA batteries, the report stated.

$130! STFU! NFW did you do all that for $130. Here’s the source, which includes mug shots of the young men.

Posted in: Uncool
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It’s difficult to believe that Utah would be doing this, especially given the recent shootings in Tucson. But it’s true. The “official state” what? Gun! As reported by The Christian Science Monitor:

In one of the most controversial state symbol designations since Alabama in 2006 attempted to name the peach the state fruit (amid protests from its neighbor Georgia, the Peach State), the Utah House voted on Wednesday to honor Utah-born John Browning, the M1911’s inventor, by naming the semiautomatic hand gun America’s first state gun.

And just in case you’re wondering whether it will pass the Utah Senate and become law …

Though the Utah House passed the Browning designation, the Senate still has to approve the bill. The House version passed primarily along party lines, with all but two Republicans voting in favor and every Democrat voting against. Republicans took control of the Utah Senate in November. The state also has a Republican governor.

You can read a lot more about this here.

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Unless you’ve never seen a movie or tv show, you’re familiar with the cop who makes a mess of things and ends up getting busted down to traffic. So what happens if you are a traffic cop, and you mess up? This gent is almost certainly going to find out. As reported in The New Straits Times:

A traffic policeman was ordered to enter his defence by the magistrate’s court yesterday for ordering a woman motorist to strip at a roadblock.

Say what?

Corporal A.S. Affendi Ahmad Sairi, 41, was charged with ordering Ang Ya Ying, 28, to remove her blouse and with pulling her pants to cause her embarrassment and insulting her modesty in front of a petrol station in Cheras at 1.15am on May 4 last year.

Defence counsel Faizal Abd Rahman told the court that he would be calling three witnesses, including the accused…

Whatever the deal is, take the plea bargain!

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Seriously, if the guy is really a magician, how’d he get caught? Case dismissed! As reported by The Arab Times:

The Abdali police have arrested a 65-year-old Iraqi man for attempting to sneak into the country to practice black magic, reports Al-Shahed daily. 
The magician was spotted between unidentified farms and Abdali border post. Police spotted the man and seized from him magic tools. 
The suspect has been referred to the authorities.

Black magic? Please.

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The Juice isn’t sure how he missed this May 2009 story, but it’s none the worse for wear. Bradley Dean Milne, age 33, had a helluva ride. As reported by the Northern Territory News:

Darwin Magistrates Court heard that the couple were planning to drive to East Arm Wharf in the Mazda ute to have sex.

The key word there is “planning.” They didn’t quite make it …

Police prosecutor Leigh Cahill said Milne “became aroused” and the woman gave him oral sex while he was driving until they reached the traffic lights at the Berrimah Rd intersection.

Zoinks! But wait …

They turned right onto Berrimah Rd, and the woman straddled Milne while he kept driving, swerving into the kerbside and back into the middle lane.

Then, after a call from a witness, came the buzz kill, and a truly classic defense offered up by Mr Milne:

When police stopped the car and Milne was asked why he had been drinking – with a blood alcohol concentration of .097 per cent – he said: “Come on, mate. What would you do? We were going to the wharf but we didn’t quite get there.”

And check out this defense offered up by Mr. Milne’s lawyer:

Mr Rowbottam told the court that Milne had not been paying attention to his intoxication, and had been surprised at the reading. “He wasn’t concentrating on that – he was concentrating on his amorous situation,” he said.

Really? That’s what you offer as mitigation? The charges were:

… not wearing a seatbelt, driving without due care and drink-driving when a witness called police after seeing his car swerving all over the road.

The time? No time, just a $1,400 fine and a six-month license suspension.

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Yup. Straight from Judge in the case, as reported by The Palm Beach Post:

“This case presents the strangest facts and set of circumstances that I’ve witnessed in my 28 years as a lawyer,” Circuit Judge Jorge Labarga said as he sentenced Dean to life in prison.

So what happened?

… Marlow [the “victim”] found his apartment in the Villages neighborhood in West Palm Beach ransacked and saw Flint [the deceased] leaving on foot and Dean driving away.

Note – Christopher Dean, who was sentenced to life in jail for his co-burglar’s death – was driving away from the scene.

Marlow pursued Dean up through the neighborhood and eventually back down Interstate 95. There he encountered Flint, 25, who had jumped a fence and was waiting alongside the highway for Dean to pick him up.

Marlow initially told police that, as his SUV approached, Flint turned and appeared to point something at him. Marlow said he ducked in his seat as his Suburban ran off the road and struck the suspected burglar.

So co-burglar Flint is killed by the burgled guy, and burglar Dean gets life in jail. How does that happen?

Under state law, a person can be charged with felony murder if someone else dies while the person is committing a felony crime.

Yes, burglary is wrong, but not this wrong.

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After this experience, it’s hard to imagine any of these young men snorting anything again, EVER. Although they thought they were snorting drugs, turns out they were snorting dogs and a man. Yes, you read that correctly. As reported in The New York Post:

Waldo Soroa, 19; Matrix Andaluz, 18; Jose Marrero, 19; and two juveniles broke into a house in Florida, spotted white powder in two urns, decided it was coke or heroin, and promptly began snorting it, officials said.


… the “drugs” turned out to be the cremated remains of homeowner Holli Tencza’s dad and her two Great Danes.

The [young men] said they eventually realized their mistake, and had a brief attack of conscience.

“Brief” being the key word …

They talked about returning the ashes that were left, but then they decided their fingerprints would be pulled off the urns, so they dumped the evidence in a nearby lake.

Here’s the source. [HT to a regular reader (who wishes to remain anonymous – can you blame him?) for bringing this story to The Juice’s attention.]

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You might think that someone is not going to hit you in the face and get away with it. But you probably hadn’t envisioned anything like this. As reported by fox17online.com (Michigan):

Two men say assaulted a woman assaulted them with a fish last weekend.

Holy mackerel! [Yeah, yeah. You try doing this every day for 3+ years!]

It happened Saturday on Little Black Lake near the corner of Wood Road and Judson Road in Norton Shores. Police say they received a call from two men from Egelston Township in their early 20s.

The men said that a woman had asked them to turn around while she urinated on the ice. When they did, the woman, a 29-year-old from Fruitport, threw a fish, hitting one of them. She then allegedly came up and slapped the other man in the face with a fish.

Someone is clearly having a bad day. So what happened with the cops? Zippy.

The two men decided not to file charges, and the case has been closed.

And you called the cops because …? Here’s the source, with a video news report of the story.

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The Juice recalls hearing of a biblical passage about the actions of the father being visited on his son. Here’s a case of a son’s action resulting in a very unpleasant visit for his parents. As reported by The Spectator [Hamilton, Ontario]:

Hamilton police are searching for a group of men who chased another man into his home and beat up his parents.

The incident began around 2:45 a.m. Monday when a 21-year-old man, who was leaving a bar in Hess Village, refused to give an acquaintance a ride, said police spokesperson Catherine Martin.

When the man arrived home, the acquaintance and about eight other men were waiting, she said.

The victim alleges they chased him into the house and beat up his parents.

The man’s father was sent to hospital with minor injuries, Martin said.

So, obviously the dude found a ride, and quickly, since he and his gang beat the man home. And they beat up his parents? Not cool.