Legal Juice

You did. You just jacked that little girl's Barbiemobile. Curse you! As reported by Florida's nwfdailynews.com:

A Crestview woman was arrested recently after city police determined she had slipped an acquaintances granddaughter’s Barbie Power Wheel Jeep into her car, on the advice of her boyfriend.

The boyfriend then sold the little girl’s toy, valued at $75, for $20, according to a Crestview police report.

How'd they get caught?

Notified of the theft by an in-law, the victim offered to not go to the police if the thief would return the Barbie Power Wheel Jeep within 24 hours.

A nice offer but ...

The Barbie Power Wheel Jeep had already been sold, according to the police report.

So ...

The victim went to the police.

Here's the source.

Just to be clear, we're talking about using chalk to write on the sidewalk. In Orlando, that can land you in jail. Really. Just ask Timothy Osmar. As reported by The Orlando Sentinel:

Just before Christmas, OPD [Orlando Police Department] arrested 25-year-old Timothy Osmar for "writing or painting advertising matter on streets or sidewalks"

The criminal "advertising" in question? Slogans like "Justice Equals Liberty."

Advertisting? Really? UFB, as is this ...

As of Friday, Osmar was still in jail ..

Through Christmas and New Year's! Mayor Dyer?

Dyer's office was unapologetic, saying city codes clearly outlaw chalk writing.

Please, tell me this guy isn't a lawyer. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

Is it just me, or does "Friday" evoke positive thoughts for you too? For most folks, it's the end of the work week, and the beginning of the weekend. Well sir, an Italian court took a different view of "Friday." As reported by the BBC News:

Italy's top court has banned a couple from naming their son Venerdi (Friday), saying such a "ridiculous" name could expose the boy to mockery.

That's not all, though.

The judges also ordered that the boy be renamed Gregorio - after the saint's day on which he was born.

What the hell is going on in Italy? Do you think the parent should appeal? This was the appeal!

The Cassation Court upheld earlier rulings by lower courts that Friday was too reminiscent of the name of Robinson Crusoe's native servant in the classic shipwreck novel.

And what's up with my Italian brethren?

Gian Ettore Gassani of the Italian Association of Matrimonial Lawyers backed the ruling.

Not cool. Here's the source.

The public library is a terrific place for a 92-year-old man to try to ... hook up? So thought Florida resident Herbert Johnson. The library's employees were not flattered. Per nbcmiami.com:

Stuart resident Herbert Johnson, 92, has been ordered to stay out of Martin County public libraries after waging an amorous campaign toward female employees.

His offensive included, for one librarian in particular, a letter left on the front desk "containing sexually explicit language stating what (he) wanted to do to" her.

Authorities say Johnson also sent the woman "innapropriate" gifts and letters, which she either refused or destroyed. A second employee reported Johnson made unwanted advances toward her, as well.

You're really not going to tell us what the "inappropriate" gifts were? Not cool.

A Martin County deputy visited Johnson at home, handing him a trespass warning for all county libraries.

Banned! Here's the source.

Actually, Dayton, Ohio resident Tony Henderson only thought the woman he propositioned was a prostitute. Unfortunately for him, she was a police officer. So what happened that fateful night in April 2006? As reported by the Court of Appeals of Ohio, Dayton Police officer Dyan Briggs was working as a prostitution decoy. She testified that

Mr. Henderson asked me if I was working, to which I replied I was. Mr. Henderson then stated, come on, and motions for me to follow him back across the street ... And I said what do you want. And he said I want to make love. And I said, okay, you want to have sex. What do I get. He said what do you get. I said, yeah, what do I get.

A fair question, but it raised a red flag for Mr. Henderson.

"He's like man, you sound like a cop. [Walk away, dude. Walk away.] I was like I'm not a cop. And he's like, well, I got some candy. [Doh!] And I said you have candy. And he said, yeah, I got candy. And I said what kind of candy do you have. He said bubble gum. I said what flavor. He said bubble gum. I said is it grape or what. And he said it's strawberry. I said is it sugarless.

Mr. Henderson apparently grew tired of the chit-chat.

"And he's like, fuck you. And I said, you offered me candy. And at that point Detective St. Clair drove up in his car and I believe he placed Mr. Henderson in a set of handcuffs."

Snap! Busted for soliciting a prostitute by offering a stick of gum! Fast forward: Mr. Henderson is before a Judge, and arresting officer Raymond St. Clair testifies:

I asked Mr. Henderson why he asked her, being Officer Briggs, for sex, and Mr. Henderson replied because she's a whore. And I asked why did you offer her bubble gum for sex, and Mr. Henderson replied because I have no money."

Click here to find out the judge's decision.

Continue reading "What Happens If You Offer Gum To A Prostitute?" »

It sounds crazy, right? A light saber beating a taser? But it happened. It all started one night ... as reported by kgw.com (Portland, Oregon) ...

Officers were dispatched to the [Toys R Us] store shortly before 10 p.m., Wednesday on reports that the man had already assaulted three customers with [two 'Star Wars' light sabers]. None of them was injured.

Before officers arrived, dispatchers were told the man had walked out into the parking lot, still swinging the swords. Police found the man in the lot talking incoherently.

An officer tried to use a taser, but the device failed. A second Taser also failed after the man used the light sabers to break one of the wires, Simpson said.

You doubted The Juice? The light saber neutralized the taser! So, it had to be done the old-fashioned way.

Officers then rushed the man, taking him to the ground as he struggled violently and continued to shout nonsense.

David A. Canterbury, 33, was placed on a police hold at a hospital for a mental evaluation.

The charges?

He was cited for three counts of fourth-degree assault, second-degree disorderly conduct, third-degree theft, resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer.

Here's the source, including a photo.

There are many variations on the theme, including "You're in a shitload of trouble," or "You're in some deep shit." That last one is particularly appropriate in the case of 52-year-old Thomas Hovis Jr. As reported by WANE:

A wanted man in Albion literally created a big stink to avoid being captured by police. He was found hiding neck-deep in a pit of liquid manure.

Police were seeking to arrest Hovis for multiple felony drug charges out of Steuben County, including manufacturing and possession of methamphetamine. His previous offenses include multiple drug charges, aggravated battery, and even a murder conviction in Florida.

Quite a few strikes there.

"We had units that were observing the location," explained Doug Harp, Chief Deputy for the Noble County Sheriff's Department. "We decided based on the information that we had about his criminal background, the charges he was faced with, that we should use our tactical teams [and our clothes pins...]."

When officers arrived, they saw Hovis run into an outbuilding at the rear of the residence. Police attempted to coax Hovis out of the building, but he refused.

SWAT Team members eventually deployed tear gas to enter the building and locate Hovis hiding inside a manure pit.

And if you think he just gave up, nope.

Hovis was removed from the pit and continued to fight arrest. Officers had to tase him before taking him into custody.

A search of the home where Hovis was found also turned up three one pot meth labs, 18 marijuana plants and two grams of methamphetamine. Three guns were also seized, including an assault rifle.

Now that's some serious ...

Some fetishes I get, and some I don't. I don't get this one. As reported in The Courier Mail:

After a night out at a pub in Boggabri, in northern NSW [New South Wales, Australia], a group of people went to a private home on March 27.

So far, so good.

"Police will allege that a man went to the home's bathroom and set up his mobile phone to record people going to the toilet," police said in a statement.

"

Uh oh.

About 1am a 29-year-old woman went to the bathroom to use the toilet and discovered the phone.

"The woman viewed the recording, seized the phone and left the gathering."

Dude probably forgot to turn the ringer off.


Police were alerted to the matter and yesterday arrested a 36-year-old man at the property.

 He has been charged with filming a person in private without consent and is due to face Narrabri Local Court on May 25.

Not cool.

Adding insult to injury, the public is now aware of this gent's very own Plaxico Burress moment. But for the reporting law, nobody would have been the wiser. As reported by The Corvallis Gazette-Times:

Ethan Bennett, 36, told Benton County sheriff’s deputies he was at his residence at 24750 Cox Lane in Monroe about 4:15 p.m. Wednesday when he tried to shoot the [squirrel] with a .22-caliber rifle.

The squirrel reportedly ran up his left leg, and he pulled the trigger, hitting himself in the foot.

Doh!

Deputies contacted Bennett at Good Samaritan Regional Medical Center, where he drove himself after the accident. Law enforcement agencies investigate all gunshot wounds admitted to the hospital.

Hospital personnel said Bennett was treated and released.

And if you're worried about the squirrel ...

Capt. Greg Ridler said Bennett did not kill the squirrel.

Whew. Not surprisingly, "Bennett declined to comment about the incident." Here's the source.

It's just a fact: you're not always going to get along with your neighbors. As they say, that's what axes are for.?.?.? As reported by myfoxny.com:

New York State Police troopers arrested Erna Kostanoski, 66, of Bloomingburg on Sunday. They say one of her neighbors was attempting to remove wooden stakes that marked the property line.

So, naturally ...

Kostanoski ... hit her neighbor in the head with a small axe or hatchet. She apparently used the blunt end of the weapon because the neighbor only ended up with a lump to her forehead. It's unclear if she was taken to a hospital for treatment.

Police arrested Kostanoski on assault charges. She was due to appear in the Town of Mamakating Court on Dec. 6, 2011.

And some people say violence isn't the answer! Go figure. Here's the source, including a mug shot.

You won't believe what this door-to-door salesman was selling. As reported by The Sun Sentinel:

A Coconut Creek man accused of posing as a doctor and offering free door-to-door breast exams has reached a deal with prosecutors, lawyers told a Broward judge on Tuesday.

Phillip Winikoff, 81, was accused in April 2006 of carrying on the ruse with women at an apartment complex in the 3200 block of Northwest 40 Street in Lauderdale Lakes. Investigators said two women took Winikoff up on the offer, allowed him into their apartments and realized something was amiss only after the exams started.

So what happened?

At the time of Winikoff's arrest, the Broward Sheriff's Office said he carried a little black bag to lend credibility to his claim of being a doctor. The first victim, 36 at the time, told detectives he started the exam by fondling her breasts, and she knew something was wrong when his hands wandered elsewhere.

Perhaps Mr. Winikoff should have called an escort service?

By the time the victim called 911, Winikoff had already found a second victim, the sheriff's office said.

Preying on women's fear of breast cancer, and then sexually assaulting them? Dude should do time, regardless of his age. It's unsure whether that will happen, as the Judge delayed sentencing. You can read more here.

Talk about dressing for the occasion. You will not believe what this drunk-driving dude's shirt said. As reported by The New York Post:

A fashion-forward Long Island boozehound lost control of his car and rammed it into a marked Suffolk County cop car that was on DWI patrol — all while wearing a T-shirt with a message that couldn’t be more fitting for the occasion.

So what did the t-shirt say?

“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.”

Doh!

The self-professed “drunk” — who has 13 prior arrests and seven convictions for various crimes — spun his 2000 Saturn out of control at about 1:45 a.m. yesterday as he attempted to turn east from County Road 83 to Route 25A in Mount Sinai.

As he came around the bend, he hit the side of a parked Suffolk cop car that was part of the department’s Selective Alcohol Fatality Enforcement Team, in which an officer had been observing traffic for possible drunk drivers.

Oops. You can read more (a fair amount) and see the mug shot here.

Surely she didn't mean she literally had a gun there... But, after Ms. Patterson was arrested in Orlando, Florida, when the police asked her if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, here's what she is reported to have said:

“I have a gun in my vagina, you fucking idiot!" [expletive reinserted]

As to how this came to pass, per wftv.com:

A woman called 911 Tuesday night from outside of a nightclub in an attempt to locate her keys. Kelly Patterson was told to leave Pulse nightclub (see map) and given a trespass warning by an employee.

Patterson, officers say, began to shout obscene comments and make gestures towards the employees. She was told a second time to leave the parking lot, but police said she replied by saying. “Fuck you, I need to get my keys from my friend.” [expletive reinserted]

Perhaps this wasn't the best approach. Nevertheless, the police still tried to assist her.

An officer on scene told Patterson he would help her get her keys, but her friends told the officer they did not have her keys. Investigators said she was given four chances to leave property and was told she would be arrested.

It was then that she called 911, shopping for a more sympathetic cop. Not a good idea.

Patterson refused [to leave the property] and called 911, telling the operator that the officer would not give Patterson her keys and to please send out someone to help her. Patterson was arrested and, when asked if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, police said she replied, “I have a gun in my ...

Honestly, sir, get a life. Don't look at it. Move to the mountains. Read the Constitution. But please, don't waste anyone's time with your complaints about this decal!!!!! As reported by Great Falls Tribune (Montana):

Brian Smith is tired of coming home from work to see what he calls pornography [see above] staring him in the face from across the alley.

Smith, who lives on the 1600 block of 1st Avenue North, said the problem began when he noticed a large decal on the back window of a car in the parking lot of Quality Life Concepts. The decal is a white silhouette of a naked woman.

"To me, this has crossed the line," he said.

What does the decal's owner think?

Offensive or not, Shanna Weaver, who owns the car and decal in question, said it's her right to display the picture.

"It's my freedom of speech, which he can't take away," Weaver said. "It's no different than the mud flaps that you see on trucks."

What do you have to say to that, sir [other than that you want all those mud flaps on trucks across the country removed]?

Smith feels differently. There are certain parts of the body in that silhouette that neither he nor his wife, Louise, like to look at when they pull into their garage directly across from Quality of Life Concepts, where Weaver works — and parks.

"My upbringing dictates that the human body is a sacred thing, not something that should be put on display," Smith said.

Perhaps your upbringing would have been aided with a dose of tolerance. With such disparate views on the subject, could they work this out?

Smith and Weaver confirmed in separate interviews that Smith talked to Weaver about the decal, telling her that he didn't like looking at it and asking if she could back her car into her parking spot or park it somewhere else where the decal didn't face his house. Weaver initially agreed, honoring Smith's request for one day. The next day, the decal was back in Smith's view.

Although The Juice prefers to back in, good for her! But that wasn't the end of it for Mr. Smith.

That's when Smith wondered if he could take his complaint to the police. Smith's point of view is that the sticker on the back of Weaver's car is pornography, and it should be illegal to display it in public.

A police officer dispatched to check out the decal determined that the illustration didn't fit the city or state's statute defining obscenity. The legal spat between Smith and Weaver never made it past a complaint with the Great Falls Police Department ...

You can read more (a lot) here.

Truth be told, The Juice isn't a Kohl's guy either. But some people get really excited about shopping there ...

A man from Oconomowoc, accused of fondling himself in a department store, was charged Monday with one count of Lewd and Lascivious Behavior.

According to the criminal complaint, Daniel Wagner, 38, was seen masturbating in a Kohl's Department store on St. Paul Ave. in April.

Wagner was also charged with Disorderly Conduct. If convicted, he faces up to a year in prison.

(The above is from a report by Wisconsin station TMJ4 at todaystmj4.com.)

Do you think you would wake up while someone was setting your pants on fire? This gent didn't. As reported by nj.com:

A 47-year-old Trenton man suffered burns to his leg when his pants were set on fire last night after he fell asleep on the front porch of his home, police said.

The man awoke around 9 p.m. on the 1200 block of East State Street to find his pant leg on fire, police said.

Is The Juice the only one who thinks this guy was shitfaced?

The man was taken to the hospital and treated for second-degree burns to his calf.

The man told police no one was in the area when he awoke and no suspects have been identified. The case remains under investigation.

Here's the source.

Have you ever had to go to the bathroom so badly that you couldn't make it from the bar to the bathroom? Yeah, neither has The Juice. One Adolfo Mosmann would answer differently. Or, if he could make it to the bathroom, he decided not to make the trip. As succinctly stated by the sorority girls in Animal House, ewwwwww! Per The Orlando Sentinel ...

Adolfo Mosmann, 24, who is from Brazil and in the U.S. on a student visa, was arrested about 1:15 a.m. Monday.

An off-duty Orange County Sheriff's Office deputy who was working security at the [House of Blues] in the 1400 block of East Buena Vista Drive noted in an incident report that Mosmann was caught urinating in the cups and placing them on the bar, where other people were drinking, even though bathroom facilities were nearby.

The security guy must have been ... pissed.

[Mr. Mosmann] was thrown out of the club about 11:45 p.m. Sunday and told not to return, documents show.

And of course a guy who urinates in cups at the bar is going to do as he is told ...

An employee and another witness later saw Mosmann return to the club in Downtown Disney Westside. He was wearing a different shirt.

A different shirt? Brilliant!

Mosmann, who has a Jacksonville address, was described in an Orange County sheriff's report as "intoxicated."

He then was arrested on a trespassing charge.

Sadly, this bender may cost Mr. Mosmann A LOT. Why?

Rosters show that Mosmann has played soccer on college teams at Jackson Community College in Michigan and University of South Florida.

It is unclear whether his student visa is in danger because of his arrest.

"While I cannot comment on the specifics of this case, convictions for some criminal offenses can result in the revocation of student visas," said Dani Bennett, a spokeswoman for U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement. "If a student visa is revoked, the individual may request reconsideration of the revocation."

Where is he now? Hopefully taking a break from the bar scene.

Seriously, you won't believe what this man claims he found in his cereal. Warning: DO NOT READ THIS WITHIN ONE HOUR OF EATING. As reported by The Telegraph (Macon, Georgia):

An Upson County man and his wife have filed a federal suit against a grocery store chain and cereal manufacturer, contending that the man found a used tampon in a bowl of cereal.

If you didn't just about hurl, what is wrong with you?

In the complaint, Thomas and Lynn Roddenberry said they bought a box of Chocolate Chip Crunch cereal from the Save-A-Lot store at 1021 N. U.S. 19 in Thomaston on Oct. 23, 2008.

The following day, Thomas Roddenberry opened the cereal box and poured cereal and milk into a bowl. After taking a bite, Roddenberry said he discovered the tampon in his bowl, according to the suit, filed Wednesday in U.S. District Court in Macon.

Roddenberry said he spit out the milk and cereal and became nauseated almost immediately. He went to an emergency room for treatment, according to the complaint.

The seal for the cereal box and the plastic bag containing the cereal showed no signs of having been broken by anyone previously.

Roddenberry sustained physical injuries “from the adulterated food” as well as emotional worry, according to the lawsuit.

The Roddenberrys are seeking unspecified general and special damages, as well as court costs.

Chon Tomlin, a Save-A-Lot spokesperson, declined to comment Friday, citing pending litigation.

A representative of Ralston Foods, the cereal manufacturer, also declined to comment in a phone message.

Now that is one bizarre, gross case. Here's the source.

Admit it. You've occasionally had one too many. But perhaps not as many as a San Diego, California man recently did, as reported by the San Diego Union-Tribune.

A Pacific Beach man had a surprise waiting for him in his living room Sunday morning: a stranger sleeping naked on his couch.

And just in case you need another reason to lock your doors ...

The naked man had mistakenly arrived at the condominium after a night of drinking, inexplicably took off his clothes on the porch and entered the unlocked front door, San Diego Police Lt. Jim Filley said.

After discovering the disrobed interloper around 7:30 a.m., the homeowner went back upstairs to his bedroom, armed himself and told his wife to call 911, Filley said.

“This gentleman thought he had been walking into his own home, which is in Mission Valley” nearly 20 miles away, the officer said. “We think it was an honest mistake.”

The homeowner declined to press trespassing charges against the intruder.

“He was sober, so he got dressed and went on his way,” Filley said.

Here The Juice was getting ready to holler about getting a gun out to deal with a naked guy, and the gunslinger goes and does the right thing. Well done, sir.

Yes, folks, this bird is protected by the Constitution, as the City of Pittsburgh learned the hard way. Back in 2006, David Hackbart (of Butler, Pennsylvania) flipped off a cop, and got a disorderly conduct citation. He fought it, hard. Per the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

Pittsburgh City Council initially approved today a $50,000 settlement for a lawsuit filed by a Butler County man who gave the middle finger to a motorist and a police officer in 2006.

The officer cited him for disorderly conduct. The county eventually dropped the charge, but Hackbart sued to recover the cost of defending himself. U.S. District Judge David S. Cercone ruled in March that the officer violated Hackbart's First Amendment right to free speech.

You can read more bird-flipping stories here, here, here, and here