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James Ramsey, a kindly Scottish granddad, bought a hamster for his grandkids. A few days later, it died. So Mr. Ramsey returned to the same pet store and bought a bird. Soon thereafter, the bird joined the hamster in pet heaven. As President Bush said in Nashville, Tennessee on September 17, 2002:
“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”
Um. Okay. Anyway, that was one dead pet too many. Mr. Ramsey went to the pet store, but it was closed. So he kicked the door, and it opened. He got even with that dang pet store by stealing a snake which, per The Evening Times, “is believed to have been found by a shopper in a Partick Supermarket.” Zoinks! How did they catch Mr. Ramsey?
[He] was traced through DNA found in the store.
DNA? From what? Someone has to fill in that blank for me.