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What about the kids? If they find out the government is trying to tax Santa Claus, how can they believe? As reported by Reuters:

The [Ukraine] government faces $9 billion in foreign debt repayments next year and its budget deficit almost tripled in January-October this year to more than $4 billion.

No, not Santa! [He’s called Did Moroz locally.]

By studying internet advertisements, the state tax service found out that a Did Moroz with a traditional female Snihuronka (Snow Maid) helper would earn 250 to 3,500 hryvnias ($30 to $440) per hour in capital Kiev this season.

“Such citizens will need to file forms and pay taxes,” the tax service said in a statement.

Hmm. “Will need to” not “must.”

The service said it was barred from conducting tax checks on small businesses but urged ordinary Ukrainians to report tax-dodging Santas.

Now that’s a loophole Santa could drive his sleigh right on through. Here’s the source.

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No more beer? No more cigarettes? Why not head to the Walgreens down the road? Well, for starters, it’s closed. You say “don’t worry about it?” Okay. As reported by wtsp.com (complete with a video of the break-in):

The burglar first smashed the front glass door of the Walgreens located at 3890 Van Dyke Road in Lutz at 1:30 a.m. on Christmas Eve. At that time, the burglar took a case of Budweiser, two cases of Bud Light beer and two cartons of Marlboro Special Blend cigarettes.

That ought to be enough for … less than 2 hours?

Apparently not content with his loot, the burglar returned at about 3:18, this time smashing the window in the pharmacy area to gain entry.

Dude must like smashing glass.

As the suspect was trying to remove pain medication, the alarm was activated and the lights in the store turned on. The burglar then ran out of the store.

And then the police caught him? Not yet, though his days are probably numbered given the level of criminal expertise on display here. You’ll find the source (and a video of the crime) here.

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If you’re hungry and thirsty, heading to a food market is definitely the right move. This gent did just that. But when he got there, ay ay ay. As reported by madison.com:

The Madison Police Department stated in a news release that officers were called to the store shortly before 11 p.m. Friday for a disturbance involving a man without a shirt.

A shirtless man in December, in Wisconsin?

“Employees pointed out the suspect, who was in the restricted tobacco area,” said police spokesman Howard Payne.

Prior to that, police said, he allegedly poured Sun Drop soda all over himself while in the soft drink aisles. When in the tobacco area, he allegedly opened packs of cigarettes, eating some and throwing some at customers and employees.

Must have filled up on the cigarettes he ate …

“Officers tried to get him out of the tobacco area, but he wouldn’t cooperate until he was threatened with a Taser,” Payne said.

What could possibly have led this 22-year-old man to do this? Well …

“He did state that marijuana laced with something may have played some role in his rather bizarre behavior,” Payne said.

Enough said.

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Regular Juice readers may recall this post about a marijuana greenhouse set up just 25 feet from a police station. But what if he told you a gent grew marijuana, in prison, with the permission of the guards! And he did it for at least 5 months before he was busted! What do you think he was in for? Drugs? Yup. As reported by The Sun:

Gold-toothed Mohamed Jalloh, 28, convinced jail staff [at Verne Prison in Portland, Dorset] that his super-powerful skunk crop was really tomato plants.

[They] even [let him] decorate one 4ft plant as a CHRISTMAS TREE.

So how was he caught?

Eventually he was grassed up by a jealous inmate – and guards then identified the plants using Google snaps.

Damn you, jealousy! Curse you, Google! Here’s the source.

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Actually, “hot” and “warm” revenge didn’t work out too well either for David Alan Hawkins, who had the misfortune of trying to develop a condominium project when the Savings and Loan crisis hit in the 1980s. He lost his financing, and the project, with the collapse of Queen City Savings and Loan. And, as reported by the Seattle Times:

To add insult to injury, Hawkins won a $3.5 million jury verdict against the S&L, only to have it stripped from him by a judge over a technicality — a move that outraged the jurors who had awarded him the money, according to court documents and news accounts from the time.

How would Hawkins get even?

For years, Hawkins sought justice, using increasingly confrontational and bizarre tactics that included placing invalid liens on the homes of those he blamed — including bankers, judges and lawyers — and filing so many lawsuits that he was banned from filing documents in King County in 1994.

You know it’s bad when you are banned from filing documents with the court, a fate usually reserved for pro se prisoner plaintiffs. Fast forward, years. Hawkins ratcheted the revenge WAY up, with the help of attorney Harry Skeins Jr. They were “selling” the homes of people involved in Hawkins’ misfortune 25 years ago (e.g. Judges, lawyers, a bank executive). Just one problem – they had no interest in the homes! How did they do it?

Hawkins and Skeins set up a fake title-insurance company and convinced lenders that they held legitimate liens on the homes of their victims. An Atlanta lender gave them more than $1.5 million for the sale of homes belonging to a state appeals court judge and a bank executive …

How did they get busted?

… the men were arrested in 2006 after a judge’s wife questioned a real-estate appraiser who showed up at her home one day, according to court documents.

The time? Four years in prison, and about $1.6 million in restitution. Here’s the source.

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Hmm, right? Whatever the act was, it got this lady in a lot of trouble, along with some other things. As reported by SFGate.com:

Modupe Adunni Martin, 29, was taken into custody Thursday morning after a judge pronounced sentence, including three years on probation, said San Mateo County Deputy District Attorney Karen Guidotti.

Martin had been working as a custodian for the Sequoia Union High School District in February 2009 when she told her employer she had injured her ankle at work. She said she couldn’t walk and used crutches to enter 10 doctor appointments over a series of six months.

So she was hurt? Or, was she?

But when investigators from the district attorney’s insurance fraud unit began to check her story using hidden cameras near the doctor’s offices, she was seen leaving the doctor’s appointments on foot without crutches.

Uh oh.

One time, Martin threw her crutches in the back seat of a car, drove to a nearby gas station, changed into high heels and ran to a nearby public park. There she met up with a boyfriend and performed a sex act she couldn’t have done with an injured ankle, said District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe.

Doh!

Martin was arrested in August 2009 and pleaded no contest to one felony count of fraud in October. She had been free after posting $40,000 bail.

“Had been free” being the operative language. Now?

[She] will spend nine months in jail … [and] must also pay more than $79,000 in restitution for workers compensation payments she received.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot of Ms. Martin.

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Everyone speeds some. This Illinois gentleman, though, is in a class by himself. Let’s hope so, anyway. From the pages of The Beacon News:

At 182 mph, Rodney Jones was covering almost the length of a football field every second on his Suzuki Hayabusa motorcycle.

That is not a typo. 182! This probably won’t surprise you:

…. Jones, 39, has what officers believe is the fastest speeding ticket ever recorded in the Chicago area — and likely the state.

Hell, probably the world.

“When I looked at the radar and saw 182, I couldn’t believe it,” said Heinzl, who clocked Jones going more than three miles a minute in what he characterized as “moderate” traffic, before Jones surprised him by stopping.

“I asked him why he didn’t run and he said, ‘I wasn’t in the mood to run. If I’d wanted to run, I’d have run.’”

It’s unlikely he displayed the same demeanor before the court, because he surely could have done a lot worse.

Jones was fined $375 and ordered to buy high-risk insurance, according to court records and the Illinois Secretary of State.

Click here for the full story, including a photo of Mr. Jones.

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Yes, shoplifters will be prosecuted. And so will folks who treat merchandise like this … As reported by The Brooklyn Paper:

A 32-year-old urinated all over costly clothing inside a Downtown department store on Dec. 11, investigators claim.

Dude!

Police cuffed a suspect accused of ruining more than $1,500 of garb inside the Fulton Mall shop between Gallatin Place and Hoyt Street at around 9:48 pm.

The suspect — who faces charges of criminal mischief, disorderly conduct, exposure, and “throwing or dropping offensive matters into streets and public places” — admitted to relieving himself on the clothing, according to documents from the District Attorney’s office.

Here’s the source.

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Yes folks, you read that correctly. As reported by detroit.cbslocal.com:

Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a “power–packed, super–concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt–crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo.”

Festerman claims he was innocently checking the item in the school, when it discharged — and the police were called.

Uh huh.

Festerman was charged with disorderly conduct, which carries a possibly penalty of $200 and/or 90 days in jail. Marine City Schools officials claim he attacked teachers and administrators with the foul smell.

They believe he was acting out over his son’s one-day suspension. In a TV interview, Festerman said his whole family enjoys carrying out “Liquid Ass ” pranks wherever they go, though he said they punished their son for bringing their property to his class and disturbing the room.

What about Festerman’s assertion that he just accidentally sprayed the, um, scent while testing to see if there was any left?

“Our security cameras seem to indicate otherwise,” Wolford said.

Bam! Here’s the source.

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Why shop for gifts when you can jack a what? As reported by The Belleville [Illinois] New-Democrat:

A whole lot of presents did not get delivered Monday when an armed robber carjacked a UPS van and unloaded it with an accomplice in East St. Louis.

The UPS delivery driver was making deliveries before 1 p.m. Monday in the 500 block of North 22nd Street when a man wearing a ski mask jumped aboard the van and pointed a gun, East St. Louis Police Chief Michael Floore said. The delivery man was forced to drive to 37th and Caseyville Avenue, where the masked gunman used a cell phone to make a call.

A blue van pulled up. Its driver and the robber unloaded most of the UPS van.

An organized jacking of a UPS truck? And you fellas expect to get away with that? Fuhgeddaboutit. UPS has to protect its drivers. Fortunately …

The driver was unharmed.

You’ll find the source here.