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You be the judge. Mr. Moyer “was accused of touching the woman’s chest and buttocks in the Toontown area of the Magic Kingdom.” As reported by clickorlando.com:

“I’m not guilty,” Moyer told the judge. “I haven’t, as the prosecution says, molested or grabbed — maybe unintentionally touched, but that’s as far as it went.

The defense [said] that there were nine other people in the room, including Moyer’s family and other Disney employees who are assigned to watch over the characters, and none of them witnessed anything inappropriate.

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If you thought you could find an expert on anything, you would be wrong.  As reported by HurriyetDailyNews.com:

A Turkish judge has taken full responsibility in a pornography case while acquitting the investigation’s suspects after the court failed to find an “expert on artificial vaginas.”

You’re probably wondering why the judge would need such an expert, aren’t you?

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Admittedly there aren’t a lot of plausible explanations for shoplifting. Nevertheless, this one is a real doozy.  As reported by The Times and Democrat (Orangeburg, South Carolina):

An Orangeburg woman was charged with shoplifting at the Walmart on North Road.

Walmart Loss Prevention personnel said the woman attempted to take $487 in groceries and merchandise Tuesday.

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The Juice’s middle school teachers were so boring. Such was not the case for a Houston middle schooler. As reported by The Houston Chronicle:

A 42-year-old Aldine middle school teacher who allegedly performed a lap dance for a student on his birthday has been charged with a felony.

Felicia A. Smith, of Spring, is charged with improper relationship with a student, according to a criminal compliant filed in the case.

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A Mississippi state legislator wasted little time in between talking about the crime problem in Jackson to becoming part of it. As reported by wapt.com:

Hours after state Sen. John Horhn hosted a meeting addressing crime problems in Jackson, he was arrested on a DUI charge, police confirmed.

Horhn had called a meeting at the State Capitol earlier in the evening and heard from Jackson residents about crime.

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Back in the time before there were CDs and DVDs, there was videotape. There was also a sportscaster named Warner Wolf whose catch phrase was “Let’s go to the videotape.” Well, if they do that here, this gent’s chances aren’t looking too good. As reported by tcpalm.com:

A corrections deputy charged with misdemeanor battery on an Indian River County Jail inmate has been fired, but he’s seeking his job back, officials at the Sheriff’s Office said.

Mario Pratt was placed on administrative leave Nov. 21 when he was charged with pepper spraying an inmate without justification. After a review by the internal affairs department, the Sheriff’s Office fired Pratt on Dec. 11.

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The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, not a criminal lawyer. Nevertheless, it’s obvious that you can’t steal your own stuff. But you can fake a burglary. The question is, why would you? As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

Police said they responded to the 11 Cranberry Lane home of Theresa Cantella, 25, on Jan. 15 and found her lying at the bottom of a flight of stairs. She said she suffered injuries after interrupting a burglary and was assaulted by an intruder.

Police said in a release that a subsequent investigation did not match evidence at the scene with Cantella’s original statement.

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Malcolm Williams came to the Houston County Courthouse to pay some fines and to report to his probation officer. When he emptied his pockets before going through the metal detector, as reported in the Dothan Eagle:

…out spilled two baggies of marijuana along with a wad of cash and a cell phone.

Doh! And you know what else he had on him? A pocket knife and rolling paper. Oops. Deputies tased him, but it didn’t work because of his clothing. Mr. Williams was otherwise subdued and taken into custody, where he is looking at not just probation violation, but a few new charges too.

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Okay, so we’re not talking about the mailman. Surely the newspaper delivery guy is close enough? As reported by ktuu.com:

An Anchorage Daily News deliveryman has been charged with two counts of driving under the influence after his pickup truck slid off the road in Chugiak Wednesday morning — and police found him trying to finish his route in another vehicle.

APD responded at about 6:45 a.m. to a report of a brown Ford pickup with its rear wheels in a ditch creating a traffic hazard at Birchwood Loop and Spruce Crest Drive.

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What’s worse: A suspect gets away, or an innocent person is injured or dies during  a car chase to apprehend the suspect? The latter, of course.  But if you’re on the lam, don’t you now have an incentive to punch it? As reported by The Belleville News-Democrat:

The man who led police on a high-speed chase earlier in the week still has not been located.

Stephen K. Anderson, 34, whose last known address was in the 3400 block of Hollywood Heights Road, has been charged with aggravated fleeing and attempting to elude a police officer by the St. Clair County State’s Attorney’s Office.

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