Squeezed on:

disc golf

There’s a certain part of Helena, Montana where – let’s just say if you’re going there, LEAVE YOUR DISC AT HOME, lest you be accused of folfing.  You really don’t know what “folf” means? Well, as defined by the Helena Montana Code, folf is “A game formally called disc golf. It is played with golf discs and simulates the game of golf in accordance with the rules of golf on a course usually containing nine (9) to eighteen (18) “holes” or “tones”. The holes or tones are predesignated stationary targets. The purpose of the game is to hit each of the targets with the golf disc with a minimum number of throws.”

But you can’t just folf anywhere. No sir.

5-13-2: FOLFING PROHIBITED:

No person shall play or engage in the game of folf or throw a golf disc at nighttime in any area within the business improvement district that has not been sanctioned as a designated folf course by the city. (Ord. 2797, 6-23-1997)

Son, you have been warned. And if you don’t heed, well here’s what.

5-13-3: PENALTY:

Any person violating the provisions of this chapter is guilty of a misdemeanor and may, upon conviction, be punished by a fine not to exceed five hundred dollars ($500.00) or imprisoned in jail for a term not to exceed six (6) months, or both.

Can you imagine someone actually getting 6 months in jail for playing disc golf? Here’s a link to the Helena, Montana Code.

Squeezed on:

middle finger flip the bird fuck you

You probably already guessed that the country in question is not the United States. The country is Turkey.  As reported by todayszaman.com:

The case was opened by former Justice and Development Party (AK Party) deputy and lawyer Süleyman Sarıbaş. In a leaked recording of a phone call that was made as part of the corruption investigation, Cengiz, of Cengiz Holding, which has received lucrative state tender contracts, such as for the third airport, was heard using extremely vulgar language with reference to the nation and the public. Sarıbaş sued Cengiz for TL 10,000 over the businessman’s comment to his friend, “We will f–k this nation,” referring to the people of Turkey. An İstanbul court on Tuesday decided Cengiz must pay TL 8, 000 in compensation.

Sarıbaş has promised to use the money awarded in the lawsuit to sponsor a new ablution area and bathroom for the mosque in his hometown.
“I went to the mosque in my village in December. The ablution room and bathrooms were in very bad condition. I called on the imam and the villagers and said that once summer comes, I will have new ones made. The project plan was prepared the other day, and now his [Cengiz’s] money will go where it belongs,” Sarıbaş said.

Following the court decision, Sarıbaş also said that any citizen could sue Cengiz for his profanity targeting the nation in order to punish that kind of mentality.

Any citizen can sue? It sounds more like “this nation” is going to “f–k” him! Here’s the source.

(Legal Juice is brought to you by Washington, DC personal injury lawyer, and bicycle commuter, John Mesirow.)

 

Squeezed on:

cosmetics makeup make-up

Who says crime doesn’t pay? It paid awfully well for this family. The operative word is “paid” because the jig is up! As reported by NJ Advance Media for NJ.com:

Three members of an Edison family have been sentenced after guilty pleas in a cosmetics counterfeiting ring that earned them hundreds of thousands of dollars, according to Middlesex County Prosecutor Andrew Carey.

Shazam!

Jorge Robles, 51, was sentenced to five years in prison after he pleaded guilty to second-degree counterfeiting. His ex-wife, Ana Del LaMota, 45, was sentenced to three years of probation and will have to pay restitution for third-degree counterfeiting. Their daughter, Rossy Robles, 23, was admitted into pre-trial intervention after a guilty plea on third-degree counterfeiting. She has to remain out of trouble and keep a job for three years.

So what was the scam?

They imported hundreds of pounds of fake Chinese cosmetics and sold them as Make-up Art Cosmetics brand, the prosecutor said. MAC is part of the Estee Lauder company. The family then sold the counterfeit cosmetics to retailers in New York with the business name Baby Castle. Rossy Robles had her own separate Internet retail business, the prosecutor said.

Click here for the source.

Squeezed on:

police station

If you want to get the police department’s attention, there are other ways. This way, though, will definitely work! As detailed in the Colorado Springs Police Department blotter:

On 01-09-14 at approximately 0756 hours, officers from the Sand Creek Division were dispatched to the Brunswick Zone, 999 N Circle Drive regarding a robbery. The investigation revealed an unknown male entered the business and verbally threatened the victim to open the cash register. The victim was unable to comply compelling the suspect to leave the area. The suspect is described as a white male in his mid- 30s, approximately 5’7 with a thin build, short blonde hair with a goatee, wearing a large black jacket and jeans. The investigation is continuing.

He got away! Or … did he?

***UPDATE***
On 01/10/2014 at approximately 12:51am, the Colorado Springs Police Department received a call from the pay phone at the 7-11 at 995 N. Circle Drive. The caller, later identified as 36 year old Paul Harrill, advised that he was upset that police had not come when he had attempted to rob the Brunswick Bowl earlier. Officers responded to the scene and located Harrill a short distance away from the 7-11. The investigation revealed that Harrill was upset with police officers and firefighters over a disturbance that he had been involved with on the evening of 01/09/2014. So a couple of hours later, he had called the police from the 7-11 pay phone complaining about the contact. When officers did not come to talk to him as soon as he wanted, Harrill went and attempted to rob the Brunswick bowl to get officers attention. When officers did not locate him after the attempted robbery, he was even more upset so he called back again on the morning of 01/10/2014. Harrill was booked into the El Paso County Criminal Justice Center on the charge of Attempted Robbery.

Think he’s satisfied with the police response now?

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

hug

If more people were as suspicious as this “good samaritan,” The Juice would move to an island. Hell, he might just do it any way. As reported by khou.com:

A loving husband triggered a massive police presence on Tuesday at a Cricket Store in southeast Houston

Police received a call that someone in the store was being held against their will.

What did the man do to warrant all this?

Actually, the store manager was hugging her husband goodbye.

A passerby saw the embrace and thought she was being held hostage.

Next time, do us all a favor, and keep it to yourself!

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

question mark

What exactly is HRUI? You have to ask? It’s horseback riding under the influence. The Juice has blogged daily for 7 years, and he hasn’t come across a similar case. Driving a motorized barstool under the influence? Yup. Driving riding mowers under the influence? Many times. Anyway, as reported by 9news.com (Denver, Colorado):

Patrick Schumacher is facing charges of riding a horse while under the influence of alcohol after witnesses saw the rider and horse occasional wandering into traffic on Broadway near the school Monday afternoon [in Boulder].

Officers observed that Schumacher was slumped to his right side as he crossed streets and forced pedestrians off the sidewalk. Police pulled the horse over, and Schumacher was arrested on suspicion of riding under the influence after he was given a sobriety test.

How do you pull a horse over? But wait, it gets a little stranger still.

Police say Schumacher had a small dog in his backpack and beer in one of his saddlebags. The horse and the dog have been impounded.

 Schumacher is also facing a misdemeanor animal cruelty charge as well as prohibited use of weapons and a reckless endangerment charge.

Wow. Lots of charges. In case you’re wondering where he was going with his dog and his beer …

Schumacher told officers that he was traveling from Larkspur to Bryce, Utah (a 600-mile journey by car) on his horse in an effort to attend his brother’s wedding.

Schumacher said he previously lost his driver’s license, so he decided to ride his horse to Utah.

Brilliant! You’ll find the source here.

Squeezed on:

money

This thing could have gone south many times … but it didn’t.  As reported by The International News:

The robber entered the bank and went up to the teller’s window but could not load his gun. He next tried to break the window with the gun but failed again.

The robber then climbed up on the counter and managed to drag the window down. He then proceeded to steal whatever money he could find.

The CCTV video showed the robber almost exiting the bank but then remembering that he had left his gun behind on the counter. The criminal also had difficulty fleeing when he could not start his motorcycle.

Despite all these errors, authorities were unable to stop the robbery from taking place.

The Juice is confident that, given how smoothly the robbery went down, the gent will be caught!  Here’s the source.

 

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

school lunch

Since the dawn of the school lunch, their have been bullies around to steal lunch money. But this is not your typical lunch money shakedown, and not just because it also involves stealing lunches. No, this case is unusual because of who did the stealing. nbcphildelphia.com reports that …

A New Jersey school bus aide was arrested after she allegedly stole bagged lunches and money from dozens of preschool students.

Now that is pretty damn low.

Rosa Rios, 33, of Millville, New Jersey, was arrested Friday and charged with robbery and theft. Rios worked as a bus aide for the Sheppard Bus Service.

A Millville Police Officer said she was looking over surveillance footage from a school bus in the company back on Feb. 4 while investigating whether money was stolen from the bus driver. She then spotted Rios on camera going through the students’ backpacks, police said. In all, Rios stole lunch money and bagged lunches from 29 kids between the ages of three and five, according to investigators.

Police said the thefts took place between the beginning of January and the beginning of February.

So a bunch of kids went hungry for over a month? No wonder they set bail relatively high.

Rios is currently being held in Cumberland County Jail in lieu of $50,000 bail. Police also said she no longer works at Sheppard Bus Service and the company is working with them to obtain more surveillance footage.

Click here to see the source, which includes a short video news story.

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

gavel

If you had to guess the state, you would have guessed “Florida.” You would have been right. As reported by The Miami Herald:

Miami-Dade County Judge Jacqueline Schwartz broke judicial conduct rules when she told the owner of a Coconut Grove convenience store last year to “Go f— yourself” in a dispute over a political campaign sign, the Florida Judicial Qualifications Commission has found.

The punishment? A public reprimand, and she has to write a letter of apology to the convenience store owner. You can read A LOT MORE, and see a photo of the judge, here.

 

 

 

Squeezed on:

coffee cup

There is something to be said for keeping your composure. There’s also something to be said for getting as far away from the scene of the crime you just committed as fast as you can.  Per NJ Advance Media for NJ.com:

Michael J. Cassano, 38, of Oakland Gardens, N.Y., allegedly robbed Hudson City Savings Bank on Essex Street just before 3 p.m. He placed a BB gun on the counter, and the teller gave him $4,000 in cash, Lodi police Detective Capt. Donald Scorzetti said in an e-mail.

Woo-hoo! Quick, scram! Or at least don’t linger. Or …

He ran off, but didn’t go far, Scorzetti said. He went into a Dunkin’ Donuts at 370 Essex Street (about a fifth of a mile away, according to Google Maps) to get a cup of coffee, Scorzetti said.

Cassano then asked a man in the parking lot for a cigarette. As he walked back to his car, two Maywood police officers stopped him, Scorzetti said. Cassano allegedly had both the cash and the BB gun in his possession.

He has been charged with first-degree robbery and two other weapons offenses. Bail has not yet been set, and Scorzetti said federal charges are also pending against Cassano.

You’ll find the source, including the mug shot, here.   (This post is brought to you by your friendly neighborhood personal injury lawyer, the neighborhood being Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia.)

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated: