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Especially if you’re doing it with a random nude body and your ex-girlfriend’s head. Rustan Ang now knows this. As reported in the Philippine Daily Inquirer:

The Court of Appeals has affirmed a four-year prison term, P100,000 fine ($2,470 U.S.) and mandatory psychiatric treatment for a man who threatened to spread a pornographic picture with his ex-girlfriend’s face on it after she rebuffed his attempts to rekindle their relationship.

… On June 5, 2005, Ang sent her a picture through her cell phone of a nude woman with her legs apart. The face was hers. The day before, Ang, who is married, asked her to be his textmate but she refused.She said her face was apparently lifted from a photo taken with Ang when they visited Baguio during their three-month relationship.

Ang warned her in a subsequent text message that it would be easy to post the pornographic picture on the internet, and asked if she wanted him to send more lewd pictures of her.

So she went to the police, and Ang was busted. He was found guilty of violating the Anti-Violence Against Women and Children Act. Four years in prison! To read more (just a little) click here.

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Hitching a ride? Not a big deal, unless … you hitch a ride on a manatee. As reported by The Tampa Bay Times:

Ana Gloria Garcia Gutierrez, 53, was arrested on a misdemeanor warrant while working at Sears at Tyrone Square Mall, according to the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office.

Gutierrez had turned herself in to authorities in October after sheriff’s officials distributed photographs to local media showing her straddling a manatee at the beach.

The photos were taken by another beach visitor who saw Gutierrez riding the manatee Sept. 30 in the water north of Gulf Pier, authorities said. Onlookers called the Sheriff’s Office, but deputies who responded found neither Gutierrez — who was unidentified at the time — nor the animal.

So here’s what led to her surrender.

The Sheriff’s Office shared the photographs a few days later and held a news conference Oct. 2 at which Sheriff Bob Gualtieri referred to manatees as “a huge part of our culture here in Florida” and decried the alleged abuse of the animals.

“Go ride a Jet Ski,” the sheriff said. “Don’t use animals.”

Shortly thereafter, Gutierrez phoned the agency and admitted touching the manatee, authorities said. She later told sheriff’s deputies she didn’t know that doing so was illegal.

The case was referred to the Pinellas-Pasco State Attorney’s Office, which issued the misdemeanor arrest warrant.

Gutierrez was released Saturday from the Pinellas County Jail on $1,500 bail. She did not return a reporter’s request for comment. A man who answered the door at her St. Petersburg home late Saturday denied that she lived there.

What’s she looking at?

Under the Florida Manatee Sanctuary Act, sea cow molestation is a second-degree misdemeanor, an offense punishable by a $500 fine or up to 60 days in jail.

The Juice would be fine with community service, with a marine wildlife education component. You’ll find the source here, including a mug shot.

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Nothing wrong with shooting at cans with a .22 … unless it’s in the middle of a suburban neighborhood! What kind of dope would do this? This kind, as reported at www.thedestinlog.com:

Two men were arrested Thursday after a homeowner on Pompano Street complained he’d found two bullet holes in his garage door.

That’s a little frightening, but it gets worse.

According to a Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office release, while the homeowner was showing a deputy the damage, a bullet passed within 2 feet of the deputy and hit the garage door.

Oh, now it’s on.

Backup units were called and four men were found in the back yard of another home on the same street.

The men had been firing a bolt action, .22 caliber rifle. Two of the men, twin brothers Tyler and Nicholas Hulick, both 19, had fired the rifle at a can and a tree in the back yard.

When Tyler fired a shot that hit the homeowner’s garage, one of the men with him told him he “nearly hit someone” and to “not shoot again.”

Good advice. Surely he listened to his twin brother.

Nicholas then took the gun from Tyler and said, “I wanna shoot some gun,” the release said. Nicholas fired four to six shots in the same direction.

Clearly theses dudes are not “identical” twins.

The can the two men were aiming at was on top of a privacy fence. Nicholas told deputies he shot at a tree in the back yard for a “very short time” before deputies arrived.

From the spot where the men were shooting there was a clear line of sight to the home where the deputy and the homeowner were standing. The two other men present did not fire the rifle. Both brothers were arrested and transported to the Santa Rosa County Jail.

The charges?

Nicholas Scott Hulick was charged with improper exhibition of a firearm, discharging a firearm in public and shooting into a dwelling. He was released on an $11,000 bond. Tyler Grant Hulick, was charged with improper exhibition of a firearm and discharging a firearm in public. He was released on a $2,000 bond.

Sounds about right to The Juice.

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Sure, the First Amendment permits you to yell at police officers, and even flip them off. But in most cases, they’re doing their job, and doing it within the law. And even when they’re not, you should consider your own circumstances before opening your yap. As reported by The Northwest Florida Daily News:

Niceville Police officers were investigating a case of underage smoking on Reeves Street when the man [age 21] and two of his friends “began hollering and asking questions about what I was doing,” the arresting officer wrote in his report.

That’s legit, as long as you don’t interfere. But you’ve now inserted yourself into the situation, which can have consequences.

The men consented to a pat-down and an officer felt two objects in one man’s pocket. The man said one of the objects was a lighter. The other he identified as a pipe he uses to “smoke weed.” 

Yes? You said “yes”? Smooth move. There’s a reason the officer asked for your consent, jack. You could have said “no.”

He was charged with drug equipment possession and marijuana possession. His court date is Dec. 4.

Here’s the source.

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Rule number one: Make sure the getaway car has enough gas to get away! Rule number two: Don’t commit your crime in full view of surveillance cameras. A man in Albany, Georgia broke both rules, and will no doubt pay a hefty price. As reported by WALB:

An Albany car dealership has a big mess to clean up. Thanksgiving night a man broke in to the Five Star Nissan showroom, stole a vehicle, and shattered glass windows as he drove right out the building.

You already know how he was caught.

He ran out of gas in Early County though [and was hanging out by the car!] and is now in police custody.

To read more (a fair amount) click here.

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The weapon of choice? An umbrella. The location of the attempted robbery – a Burger King drive-thru! As reported by The Journal Gazette (Fort Wayne, Indiana):

According to Allen Superior Court documents, [Amanda M.] Ringler [27] pointed an umbrella at an employee through the drive-thru window and demanded money. The employee hit the restaurant’s panic alarm, and Ringler drove off empty-handed, though witnesses notified police of her car’s description.

All that careful planning down the drain!

… Ringler, of Payne, was charged in March with attempted robbery. Last month, Ringler pleaded guilty to attempted theft.

The time?

Allen Superior Judge John F. Surbeck sentenced her to three years in prison, but ordered Ringler to serve 183 days, while he suspended the remaining two years and 182 days. Surbeck also ordered Ringler to serve one year of probation.

Shazam! You’ll find the source, and a mug shot, here.

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If a store won’t take your fake hundred … just go to the next one, and the next one … As reported by Lancasteronline.com:

Toni Lyn Miller, 32, of Sinking Springs, passed a fake $100 bill at one outlet store and tried in vain to pass a similar bill at four other outlet stores, East Lampeter Township police Lt. Robin Weaver said.

Shouldn’t have gotten greedy.

In each incident, the she selected an inexpensive item to receive a large balance of change in return.

Yeah, that’s not suspicious at all. And who would have thought that maybe one of the merchants who rejected the hundred would call the police? Um, lots of people?

Police charged Miller with five counts of felony forgery, four counts of misdemeanor criminal attempt at theft by deception and one misdemeanor count of theft by deception.

She was arraigned on the charges and committed to Lancaster County Prison.

Here’s the source.

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It’s unclear what it will take for this Maine woman to understand that “911” is for emergencies. Check out the series of events, as reported by The Bangor Daily News:

Shirley Isacson, 66, “placed 10 calls to 911 in just over an hour” Friday, he said. “She was not reporting any type of emergency.”

The calls started at around 4:15 p.m. Friday and after being warned several times to stop calling for help if she did not need it, Isacson was given a ticket charging her with misuse of the emergency 911 system.

Lesson learned? Nope.

At around 10:30 p.m. Sunday, Belfast Police Department officials called Old Town to say they had received a call from Isacson’s number and the woman wasn’t making sense. While en route to her home, Old Town police got a second call from Maine State Police barracks in Orono saying they received a similar call.

You are not going to believe who Ms. Isacson called when the police knocked on her door.

… Isacson called 911 to say police were at the door harassing her …

Nooooo! This time she was just given a warning. Surely that’s it. Nope.

An hour later she called the non-emergency number for the Old Town Police Department and when police arrived …

Wait for it …

… she called 911 to say police were again at the door harassing her.

If you’re wondering when this ends – not yet!

In fact when police told her she was under arrest, “she tried to call 911 again,” Casey said.

Isacson was arrested and charged with misuse of the emergency 911 system and taken to Penobscot County Jail in Bangor, where she remained Monday night, a jail official said.

The Juice is exhausted. Here’s the source.

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As Police Cmdr. Kelly McMillin said: “you couldn t make up something stranger than this.” So here’s what happened, per knbc.com. Old Edward Bishop went and stole himself a pickup truck. Not so exciting, but …

…while [Mr. Bishop was] sitting outside a convenience store, a man with a gun hopped in and ordered him to start driving.

The car thief got jacked! Problem was, nobody looked at the fuel gauge.

The pickup ran out of gas and the gunman ordered Bishop to get out and push, but Bishop ran away and called police.

Now both Mr. Bishop and jacker Jomo Sexton are in the pokey.

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Hell, The Juice himself is not the most patient driver. Suffice it to say that, if his car were miked, there would have to be a serious delay, with someone’s finger always on the button. But this dude in Houston? He either has an incredibly short fuse, was in a really bad mood, or both. As reported by www.khou.com:

Police said [David Charles] Patronella [age 56] was driving behind another man southbound on Highway 6 on September 28. When the two drivers reached a light on Westheimer at Briargreen, Patronella allegedly lowered his window and pointed a gun at the other driver. No words were ever exchanged.

Who needs words when you have a gun?

Patronella continued on his way once the light turned green, but the other motorist followed him.

The motorist wrote down Patronella’s license plate number and the address of his home. He then turned that information over to police. The victim said he did not know who Patronella was or why he was upset, but thought it could have been because he was driving slow.

The victim was also able to identify Patronella by a photo lineup created by police.

Are you surprised that a slow driver was so detail-oriented? The Juice would have been surprised had it not gone down this way.

Patronella was charged with aggravated assault. [His] bail was set at $30,000.

You’ll find the source here.