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Yeah, firing a bottle rocket out of your butt is never a good idea. And it’s even worse if it fails to launch! From the recently filed West Virginia case of Helmburg v. The Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity and Travis Hughes:

Defendant Hughes was highly intoxicated … and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot a bottle rocket out of his anus on the ATO deck …

Plaintiff and his girlfriend were also present on the ATO deck.

Defendant Hughes placed a bottle rocket in his anus, ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rock blew up in Defendant’s rectum, and this startled plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent to the deck.

So, you might be wondering, what legal duties does the plaintiff allege were breached by ATO?

ATO owed plaintiff a duty … to supervise its guests and its own fraternity members, such as Defendant Hughes, and other under age persons, from consuming alcohol on its premises, which leads to stupid and dangerous activities, such as shooting bottle rockets out of one’s own anus.

What about Mr. Hughes?

Defendant Hughes also owed plaintiff and others on the ATO deck a duty of care not to drink under age, or to file bottle rockets out of his anus.

And here’s a count for both defendants:

Plaintiff asserts that the activity of underage drinking and firing bottle rockets out of one’s own anus constitutes an “ultra-hazardous” activity which exposes both of these defendants to strict liability.

A painful night, all around.

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As a parent, you want to make sure your kids can handle themselves when they are on their own. This is not how you do it. As reported by swflcrimestoppers.org:

Southwest FloridaCrime Stoppers is asking for the public’s help identifying two women who utilized the innocence of several young children to commit a felony crime earlier this week.

According to deputies, two adult females, and five young children, entered the Gymboree store at 20350 Summerlin Road, Fort Myers, on Tuesday evening, July 23, to go shopping. When they approached the check out counter, another female was there speaking with one of the employees. When the suspect became engaged in that conversation, one of the children swiped the victims wallet, which was left on the counter. Once the stolen wallet was in hand, the troupe quickly exited the store and left in a white colored vehicle. The victim’s phone was also taken, but was found shortly thereafter along the roadside near Tanger Outlets.

And if you’re thinking that the adults aren’t that sharp, well …

Within an hour, credit cards left in the wallet were used twice at Pier One Imports for charges of more than $200, as well as the Foot Locker at the Edison Mall, charging up two initial fraudulent purchases for roughly $400. When the suspect and her children, ranging in age from 5-12, returned to make a third purchase for approximately $600 in shoes, the card was declined, as the victim had reported her credit cards as being stolen.

… You would be right.

As a result of a barrage of Crime Stoppers tips received today, the primary suspect in this case has been positively identified as Shanice Stewart, DOB 2/13/88. She now faces charges of felony grand theft and possible other charges. Stewart is a registered convicted felon with an extensive rap sheet, dating back to her first felony for grand theft auto at age 14. Since then she’s been jailed in Lee County for a long list of charges including burglary, aggravated assault, robbery, dealing in stolen property, multiple counts of theft, among other charges. Stewart has also spent jail time in both Collier and Manatee Counties.

You’ll find the source, and a mug shot, here.

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Everyone has heard a dog referred to as “man’s best friend.” This lady sure treated her “best friend” very, very badly. And the kind person who tried to intervene didn’t fare too well either. As reported by The Hamilton Spectator (Ontario):

Police were called to the area of King Street East and Proctor Boulevard around 3:30 p.m. Monday for reports of a woman punching her dog and dragging it by the leash. Callers said the dog was injured and bleeding.

You punched a dog? How can someone do that? But wait – there’s more.

A woman who witnessed the alleged assault on the dog confronted the owner about what she was doing. The Good Samaritan was then punched in the face by the suspect.

You punched the woman who tried to stop you from punching your dog? This woman has some serious anger issues. Hey Lady, The Juice suggests that you get a punching bag (an actual punching bag), and some therapy!

Police found the suspect and the injured dog at home. The one-year-old brown pup named Magnum was given to the SPCA.

A 23-year-old woman was arrested and charged with cruelty to animals and assault. Police have not released her name. She was released on a promise to appear.

Not cool at all. Here’s the source.

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Do you think this dude still hates LeBron? …

Sure, it was a big blow to Cleveland Cavaliers fans when LeBron announced that he was headed south. But really, how upset can you get? Pretty upset, judging from this dude. From the Strongsville Ohio Police Blotter:

SUSPICIOUS SITUATION, MEADOW LANE: A Strongsville man was advised by police last Thursday evening after he got a little too emotional about LeBron James’ defection to the Miami Heat.

A scared resident called police at 11 p.m. because she heard a man yelling in the woods behind her home. The woman told police the man sounded like he was in distress.

When police arrived, they found the Strongsville man in an agitated state. He was highly intoxicated and he said he was upset about James’ decision to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers. Police advised the man to go home and calm down.

The Juice has an idea of how this gent might channel all that emotion – Heat-hating.

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This is definitely the most bizarre type of “fishing” The Juice has ever read about. As reported in the Strongsville, Ohio police blotter of the Sun Star Courier:

… officers had a chat with a boy because of his unusual fishing methods.

Concerned residents called police because the youngster — who was at Waterford Lake on Prospect Road — was catching fish with a bow and arrow that had a suction cup attached.

Sure, that’s a little odd. But then …

He would take the fish out of the water, beat them to death on a rock and throw them back in the pond.

Hmmm. This might be something his parents should know about, no? Apparently not.

Officers told the young fisherman that only catch-and-release fishing is allowed at the pond. The boy left the area.

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How drunk was he? Pretty darned drunk. Per The New Hampshire Union Leader:

Authorities received a call from a Kingston Court homeowner who reported that a man she did not know had walked into her bedroom.


Police responded to the home and found [Ryan] Maszczak [35] asleep in a bed, according to a release.

“Maszczak was intoxicated and appeared to have walked into the wrong residence,” police said in the release.

Oops. The charges?

He was arrested [for criminal trespass] and later released on $1,000 personal recognizance bail. He will be arraigned Aug. 9 at the 9th Circuit Court, Merrimack District Division.

Can’t think of a defense for this one, although to be fair to Mr. Maszczak, The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, not a criminal lawyer. You’ll find the source here, complete with a mug shot.

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Unless you’re the most anal person on earth, you don’t pick your neighbors. You pick the house and the location. Well this gent clearly was not happy with the neighbor he drew, and he picked a strange way to express his displeasure. As reported by The Anchorage Daily News:

A Fairbanks man was arrested for making a false report to police after he punched himself in the face in an attempt to get his neighbor arrested for assault, the Alaska State Troopers said in an online dispatch Monday.


Tony Gesin, 50, called 911 and reported being assaulted by a neighbor at around 10:30 p.m. on Sunday night, troopers said.

When troopers showed up to interview him he allegedly blamed the injuries on his neighbor but ultimately admitted to punching himself because he wanted his neighbor to be arrested.

Excellent plan. Well-executed too. Here’s the source.

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Well, it’s certainly not the first place folks would look for missing property. Nevertheless, by her own admission, Ms. Jones hid the jewelry in her, uh, um … you know. As reported by The Sandusky Register:

Erie County Sheriff’s deputies arrested an Elyria roofer who told them she stole valuable jewelry from a Wakeman home and concealed it inside her body.

Elizabeth N. Jones, 19, is in the Erie County jail on charges that include theft, burglary, tampering with evidence and possession of drugs.

Michele Halliwell, 12000 block Ohio 113 East, told deputies Jones had been part of a crew working on her roof when she went inside to use the restroom and asked to use the bathtub to wash her legs. Shortly afterward, Halliwell noticed her husband’s wedding ring and grandmother’s diamond ring were missing.

Someone had also rifled through her purse and wallet.

… [Jones] also admitted she’d gone inside the Halliwell home looking for something to steal and had concealed the rings inside her vagina. Deputies asked a female nurse at the jail to recover the rings, which together had an estimated value of $5,000.

Yikes. Surely the nurse was thrilled to get that call.

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Next time you’re on the bus, take a look around. Of the folks who are awake, you’re going to see a lot of bored faces. But not on this bus ride in Orlando, Florida! Why is that? Well, per The Orlando Sentinel:

A Longwood woman was arrested Wednesday evening after stripping naked on a Lynx bus and getting off at the Central Station on Garland Avenue in Orlando police say.


Two officers who were at the station at about 5 p.m. when 33-year-old Rosetta Jackson exited the bus asked why she was naked but she offered no explanation.

“Jackson immediately brought her hands up in front of her face and began saying take me to jail,” her arrest report said.


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The first rule of criminal activity could easily be: Don’t talk about the criminal activity. It should go without saying that you don’t want to post MORE THAN 36 YOUTUBE VIDEOS about your criminal activity! Now you know … but it’s too late for this guy. As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

A former Auburn man who showed off the progress of his marijuana growing operation on YouTube with more three dozen videos before he was arrested by deputy sheriffs has agreed to plead guilty instead of going on trial.

Kyle Berry, 41, filed a notice to plead guilty to drug charges stemming from his arrest in November for allegedly growing $16,000 worth of marijuana in his home.

Guess how they caught him. Wrong! Here’s how:

He first got the attention of the Rockingham Sheriffs Drug Task Force late last year after posting a series of videos about his indoor marijuana growing operation. One video captured the reflection of Berry’s face on a foil covered wall.

Investigators matched that image with a prior booking photo, used it as evidence to obtain arrest and search warrants.

Boom! Is it just The Juice, or does this seem like something you would see on TV? You can read more about Mr. Berry’s troubles here.