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Connecticut Judge E. Curtissa Cofield said she had one beer and one mixed drink three hours before her blood alcohol level came in at .17, more than twice the legal limit. What do you think she would say if someone made the same claim in her courtroom?

As reported in The Courant, here’s how Judge Cofield was caught:

On Oct. 9 about 10:45 p.m., Cofield sideswiped a parked state police car, occupied by a trooper, with her BMW in a construction zone …

Instead of being contrite, here are a few things she had to say, as recorded by the police video:

Cofield asked [state police Sgt. Dwight] Washington: “Do you have a reading on my urine test, Negro trooper?”

She refused to sign a form and said: “I’m not signing anything, because when it comes down to the bottom line, who’s smarter, me or you? We’ll figure it out, won’t we?”

“I’m sick of being treated like a freaking Negro from the ‘hood,” she said. Asked if she had an illness and needed medication, Cofield said, “Negro-itis” and “I need to take anti-Negro, ummm …”

And this one, which was not in the video, but in the police report:

“Judge Cofield stated that she was the most intelligent person in the room and threatened our careers. … While speaking on her cellphone, Judge Cofield referred to Sgt. Washington as the ‘Head n—– in charge.'”

So what’s next for Judge Cofield, Connecticut’s first black female judge? The DUI and another charge will be dismissed if she successfully completes an alcohol education program. She’s also awaiting word from the Judicial Review Council, which held a hearing on January 26 on misconduct charges against her. Here’s the source.

Update: She was suspended for 8 months. And she’s in more trouble now, as you’ll see here.

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Regular Juice readers know about the various ways people smuggle things into jail, many of which are NSFW. This is a new one on The Juice. As reported by the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office (Florida):

Deputies have arrested a Trinity woman after she concealed suboxone strips behind stamps on envelopes and mailed them to two inmates at the Pinellas County. The inmates in turn distributed and sold the controlled substance to other Pinellas County Jail inmates. Since the investigation began on August 1, 2013, deputies intercepted a total of 11 pieces of mail containing the opiate.

Pretty clever. Suboxone is also known as “heroin in a breath strip.” These folks had quite a business going, what with each stamp selling for $20.

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Fortunately for the clerk in this Little River, South Carolina store, this “armed” robber is not very good at robbery. As reported by wmbfnews.com:

[33-year-old Joshua Page Edwards] walked into the store to allegedly shop for a gift, and perused the shop with the clerk before walking up to the counter and handing over a note.

Aren’t notes a bank robbery thing? Anyway …

That note told her “to be quite and give him the money,” an Horry County Police report states.

Edwards then presented an apparent handgun that the clerk immediately recognized as a toy.

Kind of makes you wonder what color plastic it was.

She told him she would not give him anything, so Edwards ran out of the store, saying it was all a joke.

Sorry bro. Can’t unring that bell.

Police reviewed video that matched up with the clerk’s story. They found Edwards nearby and charged him with armed robbery.

Yes, that’s armed robbery. What did Mr. Edwards say when they busted him?

He told police he didn’t do it, claiming he was in a bar the whole time, and perhaps his twin brother was to blame. Two notes saying he was conducting a robbery were found in his pockets.

Oh, and his twin brother also put those notes in his pocket. Doh! Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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So when you read this, decide for your self whether this gent was trying to be clever in his choice of hiding places. You know, kind of like “hiding in plain sight.” As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

A man wanted on warrants issued by Portsmouth police ran away from police, prompting an hour-long search, only to eventually be found hiding under a deck of the same house he where he was initially confronted, Portsmouth police Sgt. Chris Roth said.


Michael Sargent, 30, of Portsmouth, was at a home on McShane Avenue in Greenland about 6:15 p.m. Saturday when police confronted him about the warrants on charges of simple assault, harassment and breach of bail. He fled and police searched the area for about an hour.

He was ultimately found about 7:30 p.m. Saturday hiding under the deck.

Oh, you’re looking for me? You’ll find the source here.

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Although they are out there, Kuwaitis would be hard-pressed to find a faith healer, a fortune teller, or a practitioner of black magic. How does The Juice know this? Well, as reported by The Arab Times:

The Farwaniya police have arrested an unidentified person of African origin for carrying black magic tools, reports Alam Alyawm daily.

(Farwaniya is a suburb of Kuwait City.)

The suspect was arrested on suspicion and during interrogation he admitted to the charge of performing black magic.

No word on what the time is for that “crime.”

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Your boat breaks down in the middle of nowhere. But wait, help is on the way … or is it? Well, sort of. As reported by The Florida Sun-Sentinel:

Boynton Beach TowboatU.S. captain Timothy R. Pooler was dispatched to rescue two men in a disabled boat 25 miles off Delray Beach.

But the rescue operation Thursday evening suffered some irregularities, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Pooler, 63, arrived drunk, four hours after being dispatched, and for several hours towed the disabled boat around in circles.


At dawn, he asked the men, Lionel Casey and Lewis Dames of Fort Lauderdale, to drive his tow boat, which then ran out of fuel. Casey and Dames took fuel from their boat, which regained power after the engine had cooled sufficiently.

And they lived happily ever … um, not so fast.

So they towed Pooler’s boat. Until they decided to cut him loose.

Well, that was cold. Maybe not unreasonable, but still cold. And then?

Then their boat broke down again.

Hmm. Karma?

About 12 hours after their initial breakdown, a second tow boat delivered the men to shore — in Jupiter, 30 miles north of their departure point. The FWC picked up Pooler, who admitted that he was drinking and should not have reported for duty as a tow boat operator, and charged him with drunken boating.

All arrived home safely. It could have been a lot worse, like if the Captain was a tow truck driver. Here’s the source.

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Maybe she isn’t quite a cougar, which is why The Juice used the word “cougar-esque.” Anyway, it wasn’t your normal hook-up, as reported by The Gainesville Sun:

A Hampton man was arrested on a lewd and lascivious charge on allegations he engaged Tuesday in a sexual act with a drunken woman at a public park on Lake Santa Fe in Melrose.

Ohhh! “Lewd and lascivious.” Tell me more.

Meanwhile, the woman with whom he engaged in the act was so intoxicated she was taken to the hospital and will be charged via a sworn complaint, Alachua County sheriff’s spokesman Art Forgey said.

No, you won’t learn what the “act” was.

The incident occurred about 2:14 p.m. at the park at 25500 Davonia St. An arrest report states the 35-year-old woman, who is from Keystone Heights, was extremely intoxicated and fell off a bench.

Enter our hero …

The 19-year-old man came out of the water to assist the woman, and they engaged in a sexual act that went on for several minutes until someone stopped them, the report states.

Again with the “act”!

Several people were present, and the act was witnessed by a 12-year-old, the report states.

Here’s the source.

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Is there anyone who doesn’t know that 911 is just for emergencies? The Juice is guessing this dude knew, but was not deterred from calling it an absurd number of times. What stopped him? As reported by The Santa Cruz Sentinel:

From July 30 to Tuesday, Nathan Jarvie, 33, called 911 to chat with dispatchers and officers about nonemergency things such as dirt, overpopulation and other random things, Watsonville Sgt. Tony Magdayao said.

“It’s pretty common sense that if somebody calls in excess of 100 times, I think it’s time for law enforcement to take action against them,” Magdayao said.

Yikes. So what happened?

Officers arrested Jarvie on Tuesday afternoon on a misdemeanor charge of harassing calls to 911.

You’ll find the source here.

(If you like 911 stories, go to any page on Legal Juice, scroll down and enter “911” in the “Search This Blog” box on the right-hand side.)

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What does a police officer in Wales have to do to get fired? As it turns out, more than this gent, although you might have thought otherwise had you read the facts first. As reported by The Telegraph:

An armed police officer who had sex with a married woman while on duty kept his job after arguing that he could still reach his gun because it was attached to his trousers around his ankles.

Bam! You gotta like that argument.

Pc Shaun Jenkins, 36, met the woman while he was on patrol and took her to his house, where they had intercourse as his colleague waited outside for 40 minutes in their car.

At first, there were no consequences. Then he was fired. Then he was reinstated. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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(No, not in the book.) Warning: This post is not suitable for children. And The Juice isn’t just saying that to pique your interest. You will not believe this woman’s hiding place. As reported by The News-Press:

A Pompano Beach woman is in custody at the Lee County Jail for possession of a counterfeit driver’s license and a fraudulent credit card, which she allegedly hid inside her vagina.


According to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office, Ann Marie Hernandez,46, was arrested during a traffic stop on Interstate 75 on Friday night when deputies discovered thousands of dollars in items bought with a fraudulent credit card aboard her vehicle.

Members of the Highway Interdiction Unit pulled her vehicle over at about 7 p.m. Upon making contact with the driver, the detective immediately noticed the vehicle was full of high-end power tool equipment, some of which still had security tags attached.

As the investigation unfolded, a detective determined the items were recently purchased at a Cape Coral Home Depot using a fraudulent credit card account.

Home Depot was contacted and Citibank confirmed the fraudulent transactions totaling more than five-thousand dollars. Nearly half of the fraudulent items purchased were recovered during the traffic stop.

Yeah. Yeah. But how do you get from there to …

After a female deputy was called to the scene, Hernandez admitted to concealing a fraudulent credit card and fraudulent Florida driver’s license inside her vagina.

Say what? Having gone to the trouble of concealing the items in this manner, it’s unlikely Ms. Hernandez would have just fessed up. So? For now anyway, it’s a mystery.