Squeezed on:

best buddies

You’ve heard the expression “Brilliant minds think alike.” Well, what about drunk minds? As reported by nj.com:

Officers Matthew McAuliffe and Robert Appel responded to a report of two men who crashed into a rock wall in the area of Simpson Avenue and Whitfield Place, police said.

Appel found a blue van at the the Sommerfield Avenue-Strowbridge Road intersection and pulled it over, police said. McAuliffe soon joined him at the traffic stop.

Javier Fajardo, of East Elmhurst, N.Y, was driving and intoxicated when the van struck the rock wall, police said.

Not an unusual DUI, but …

Alfredo Guartan, also of East Elmhurst, N.Y., was intoxicated but still took over the wheel and was driving when Appel pulled the van over, police said.

Guartan told the officers he started driving after the crash because Fajardo was drunk, police said.


An open bottle of liquor was seen near the driver’s seat, though neither Guartan nor Fajardo said the bottle was theirs, according to police.

Hey! How’d that get there?

Guartan was charged with driving while intoxicated. Fajardo was charged with driving while intoxicated, driving without a license, leaving the scene of an accident, reckless driving and motor vehicle causing property damage.

Both men were released pending court dates, police said.

Fortunately nobody was hurt. You’ll find the source here.

Squeezed on:

lottery scam

This story reminds The Juice of the time he was in a bank years ago and he happened to overhear a conversation between a disgruntled account holder and the manager. “They cleaned out my account” she said. “They said I won the lottery, and they needed my account number to wire the proceeds. How could you let them do this?” Yes, she was trying to blame the bank. The manager asked her if she had played the lottery. When she replied that she hadn’t, the manager asked “Then how did you think you could have won it?” Bam! Manager of the Year! Here’s a somewhat similar, though much less egregious, story as reported by brooklynpaper.com:

68th Precinct – Bay Ridge—Dyker Heights

A scammer bilked an 80th Street woman out of $1,500 over the phone between Oct. 21 and Oct. 30, police state. The victim said she got the first call at 10:45 am at her home between 11th and 12th avenues, informing her that she had won the lottery and needed to send a $1,500 deposit to receive the prize. After getting several more calls during the next week, the woman decided to send the dough in the form of three $500 gift cards. She got a check for $3,950, but when she went to cash it at 11:20 am, it bounced.

What kind of prize requires a deposit?

Squeezed on:

cross-dressing crossdressing crossdresser cross-dresser

It’s a big country. And if you live in or near a major metropolitan area, you may forget about places like Newcastle, Wyoming. Now the folks there may be very nice, but if this is any indication, they’re not very open-minded. Check out this law:

Sec. 17-14. – Obscenity—Public appearance in nude; dress not belonging to sex of wearer; indecent exposure; lewd or indecent behavior.

It shall be unlawful for any person to appear in any public place in the city in a state of nudity or in dress not belonging to the sex of such person or in an indecent or lewd dress or to make any indecent exposure of his person or to commit any lewd or indecent act or behavior.

“… or in dress not belonging to the sex of such person …” Really? Yes, really. Here’s a link to the law.


Squeezed on:

mcdonald's sign mcdonalds

Having looked at strange law-related stories, day after day, for years, there’s no denying that a fair number of people are nuts about McDonald’s. To The Juice anyway, it remains one of life’s unexplained phenomena. Here’s yet another example, as reported by clickondetroit.com:

Police in Tennessee say a woman ran over her boyfriend three times after he refused to go to McDonald’s with her.

Crystal Greer Brooks, 33, of Kingsport was apparently upset that her boyfriend wanted to eat at a different restaurant, police told the Kingsport Times-News.

Officers were called to West Carters Valley Road shortly after midnight last Wednesday.

What did the police find?

They found Brooks’ boyfriend with abrasions to his arms and back.

His clothing “appeared torn, consistent with being dragged on the pavement,” the Times-News reported.

He told police Brooks forced him over to the side of the road, then got in his pickup truck and ran him over — three times.

That’s just mean. The charges?

Brooks has been charged with aggravated assault.

Wonder how she’ll like the food in jail? Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:


It’s a safe bet that nobody will be trick-or-treating at this man’s house for a long time. As reported at mynews13.com:

Children trick-or-treating Thursday night in a Deltona neighborhood got a rude surprise when Volusia County deputies said a 63-year-old man answered the door in a robe that exposed his genitals.

Call the cops!

One deputy even said when he was dispatched to the home to investigate, the same thing happened to him.

Yikes. You can read more, and see a photo of the perp, here.


Squeezed on:

driving texting eating

Doing any one of these things and driving is stupid. Doing all three at the same time? Idiotic. As reported by BeeNews.com (Western New York):

An Orchard Park man was charged with DWI after patrol responded to an accident in a Union Road lot.

While speaking to the subject, the officer smelled alcohol, and the man said, “Yeah I hit him. I was eating a chicken wing and texting.” His blood alcohol content was .11 percent.


Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:


When a 51-year-old daughter wants to do something nice for her 80-year-old father, it’s a good thing. All agreed? Okay, what if the “thing” is hooking the father up with a prostitute? The Juice’s opinion remains unchanged. As reported by abcactionnews.com:

The pair, who listed their hometown as Dubuque, Iowa, were arrested on Nebraska Avenue, an area of Tampa known for prostitution activity.

Welcome to Tampa, Iowans!

According to the arrest affidavit, 51-year-old Pia Kirchberg offered an undercover police officer $20 if she would have sex with Kirchberg’s elderly father.

Both Pia Kirchberg and 80-year-old Maurice Kirchberg were charged with soliciting for prostitution.

“Prostitution is illegal. It doesn’t matter how old you are,” said police spokeswoman Laura McElroy.”If we catch you trying to solicit a prostitute you’re going to jail.”

With all due respect, wrong!. No judge or jury is going to send an 80-year-old man to jail for seeking companionship, however fleeting. Here’s the source, with mug shots.

Squeezed on:

f bomb

Judges are generally an understanding lot. But there are some things you just can’t say to a judge.  Mr. Harry Elias found this out the hard way. As reported by kamloopsnews.ca:

Harry Elias was in a family court proceeding on Monday when he allegedly told provincial court Judge Stella Frame to f-off during a heated family hearing, several people familiar with the matter said.

Allegedly? It was in open court!

Frame then cited Elias for contempt of court and ordered he be held at Kamloops Regional Correctional Centre overnight.

It turns out the timing of the outburst could not have been worse.

Veteran lawyers at the courthouse said they’ve never seen anyone jailed overnight for contempt of court, but had seen warnings from judges accompanied by a cooling-off period.

The incident came at the end of the day, however, giving no time for Elias to be brought back up after spending time in sheriff’s cells in the basement of the courthouse.

No worries though. Mr. Elias has been released, and is now free to drop f-bombs again, although it’s safe to say none will be directed at a judge. Here’s the source.


Posted in: F-bomb
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:


It’s just a bad idea to leave your car unlocked, period. It’s an even worse idea to leave your car unlocked with dangerous items in it. As reported by TCPalm.com:

A 48-year-old man told Port St. Lucie police Tuesday he discovered his throwing knife, sheath, .40 caliber pistol and magazines missing from his 2003 Toyota Corolla, according to a police report released Wednesday.

He said he left his vehicle Monday in the driveway of his home in the 2700 block of Southwest District Avenue. The vehicle, he told police, was not locked.


As he walked up to his house after noticing the items missing, he saw a plastic bag with writing. The writing stated, “LOADED GUN Unlocked Car = STUPID!!” The bag’s other side read, “LOTS OF Children in area.”

The man saw his handgun and knife were inside, though 30 cartridges were missing.

Master Sgt. Frank Sabol, police spokesman, said Wednesday the person responsible could face charges including armed burglary and theft.

Good luck getting a conviction on that one. Here’s the source, which includes photos of the bag and its messages.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:

po box post office boxes

Yeah, like the post office is going to grant access to a post office box to someone other than the person renting the box. Well, there’s one woman out there who thinks that should be the case. No doubt she would feel otherwise if someone wanted access to her post office box. As reported at nj.com:

A postal customer who was refused access to someone else’s post office box physically assaulted the postal employee who refused her, police said.

Yes, that’s certain to engender cooperation.

On Thursday, Gail Montgomery, 47, of Bridgewater, grabbed and pulled the hair of postal employee Linda Zhang at the United States Post Office at 495 North Bridge Street, according to Lt. Timothy Hoey of the Bridgewater Police.

Montgomery physically assaulted Zhang after the employee would not allow Montgomery to access another person’s post office box, Hoey said.

This next bit will probably not come as a big shock to you:

After the incident, police found that Montgomery had outstanding warrants in three other jurisdictions, Hoey said.

So what happened to Ms. Montgomery? She found some temporary lodging.

Montgomery was lodged in Somerset County Jail in Somerville in lieu of $2,100 bail, Hoey said.

You’ll find the source here.