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Me? Urinating in public? Well I never! Okay, maybe just this once … or, maybe not. As reported by The Iowa City Press-Citizen:

An Iowa City Man was arrested for public intoxication at 10:40 p.m. Sunday after telling police the yellow liquid flowing through a handrail on steps leading to an apartment building was beer.

Told you it was novel, but …

… police say they saw the man urinate, pull up his shorts and no beer cans or bottles were located near him, according to a criminal complaint.

A post-arrest breath test showed Connor Thomas Glascott, 19, of 1956A Broadway St., had a blood-alcohol content of .249, according to police.

Yikes. That’s three times the legal limit in many states.

“The urine was seen flowing through the handrail. The defendant stated he was pouring out a beer,” the criminal complaint states. “There was no open beer can/bottle in the area the defendant was standing.”

Click here for the source.

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That Chinese cooking oil you brought is probably fine. It’s probably not the product of a certain illegal operation, as reported by chinadaily.com:

Chinese police have arrested 32 suspects for producing and selling illegal cooking oil in a cross-province crackdown, the Ministry of Public Security said in a statement Tuesday.

Why is it gross? Well …

More than 100 tonnes of such oil, made from leftovers dredged from gutters behind restaurants, were seized after busting a criminal network spanning 14 provinces, the ministry said.

Tasty!

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True, it was a really, really small gun. (Yes, the gun in the above video works, as you’ll see if you watch it.) But when you’re trying to board a plane, size doesn’t matter as this gent found out. As reported by wmbf.com:

Officers with the Transportation Security Administration found a loaded gun in a backpack at Myrtle Beach International Airport.

A 59-year-old Murrells Inlet man, David Joyner Kelly, was arrested and charged with carrying concealable weapons into certain restricted areas, a misdemeanor.

The gun was a 9mm, loaded with two bullets. It was found in the backpack of the passenger at the security checkpoint on Wednesday, Sept. 4.

Maybe it’s a misdemeanor because of the size of the gun? To see the gun, and the perp, click here.

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Over the years, The Juice has had many personal injury cases where folks have attempted to avoid service of process. Guess how many of them were eventually served? 99+% of them! Here’s a story of a man who really did not want to be served, as reported by Ocala.com:

The victim [process server] told authorities he went to the Southwest Ocala home early in the day but was told by a woman that her father was not there and that he should come back after 6 p.m.

Not uncommon, but …

The man said he returned to the home and got out of his vehicle and was approached by several dogs, which were aggressive. He said he was afraid of being bitten so he used pepper spray to stop the dogs from attacking him.

Whew. But that was just the first line of defense.

Then, he said, a man standing by the front window watching him came out of the home with a black semi-automatic weapon and fired a shot over his head.

The official said he first hid behind his car, then got in the vehicle and drove away and called law enforcement.

So much for not shooting the messenger.

Deputies arrived and detained David W. Fisher, 57. He told them he deliberately let his dogs outside because they are trained guard dogs and he knew the court official would be back to serve him paperwork. Fisher was charged with aggravated assault and threatening a public official.

You’ll find the source here.

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If you’re thinking “gifts” you would be wrong. As reported by The Northwest Florida Daily News (which The Juice somehow missed before):

According to the Fort Walton Beach arrest report, the couple was arguing inside of the bathroom of their residence on Windsor Lane on Dec. 8 when the husband asked the woman to leave the room so he could urinate. He threatened to urinate on his wife if she did not leave.

Oh no you didn’t.

She refused and the husband turned toward the wife and urinated on her, according to the report.

Nasty.

The wife shoved the husband and told him to stop several times then began to hit the man on the shoulder causing him to stop.

The man was charged with a misdemeanor domestic violence battery.

Here’s the source.

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Old folks like The Juice, especially (and almost exclusively) men, often quote from Animal House. As Dean Wormer said: “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life …” When you look at her mug shot, you’ll see that “fat” doesn’t apply. “Drunk” definitely does. As for “stupid,” judge for yourself. Per The Orlando Sentinel:

An Oviedo Police Department officer who was assisting with security before UCF’s [University of Central Florida] first football game of the season against University of Akron got several reports of a woman urinating inside Parking Garage H.

Uh-oh.

When he went to check it out, he found Kristine Johnson of Sarasota naked from the waist down. She is not a UCF student, university officials said.

If you think she went along quietly …

When police commanded her to pull her shorts back on, she complied, her arrest report said. But throughout the rest of the encounter, police say, Johnson resisted arrest by pushing officers away, picking fights with strangers and yelling and cursing repeatedly.

When she was arrested, officials say, she spit on the doors and walls of her holding cell and cursed and yelled at officers.

Well, someone needs to learn some manners! The charges?

She faces multiple charges, including exposure of sexual organs, disorderly conduct and battery on a law enforcement officer.

Oh, and one more thing. She was banned from UCF! Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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Pranks are funny. But really, the only person who can prank a cop is … another cop. Tell it to these folks in Houston. As reported by khou.com …

Harris County deputies said they were initially called to a home in the 13600 block of Treebank Thursday night after reports of a domestic disturbance.

The deputies said they spoke with a couple who was in the home, resolved the situation and left.

But then, around 7 a.m. Friday, deputies received another call from the home.

When officers responded, they said they found the front door cracked open, so they went inside.

You might not want to …

… as they pushed the door open, a bucket fell on one of the deputies, and the others were splashed with liquid.

Alright, where are ya?!

The deputies called for backup, explaining that a bucket full of an unknown substance had fallen on them, and they were unsure if there were other traps in the home.

Other deputies and a bomb squad swarmed the scene. At one point, deputies drew their guns and surrounded the home. The bomb squad checked the home for other traps, but found none.

Whoa there. So what happened after all that?

In the end, though, deputies determined that the bucket was just full of water. No one was injured.

And the perps?

The occupants of the home were nowhere to be found, and no arrests were made.

Here’s the source.

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Could there be a worse use of the one phone call you are allowed from jail? Okay, maybe if you made a bomb threat. But this is right up there. As reported by The Naperville (Illinois) Sun:

Carly A. Houston was taken to the Naperville police station over the weekend, after she allegedly became embroiled in a heated, early morning dispute with a taxicab driver.

A police officer dutifully supplied the 29-year-old Chicago woman with a telephone, instructing her she could make one call to find a relative or friend who could come to the station to post her bail.

Instead, Houston used her call to dial 911, which immediately connected her to Naperville police dispatchers. She pleaded for help, complaining she was “trapped inside the detention facility,” police said Monday.

Snap! Trapped in jail …

[This] earned her another criminal charge … for making a false 911 report.

It was not a good morning for Ms. Houston:

[Her] troubles began about 1:40 a.m. Sunday, when police were called to the BP service station at 901 N. Washington St., police Cmdr. Mike Anders said.

A cab driver there told police he had picked Houston up near the city’s downtown, and that she had instructed him to drive north on Washington Street, Anders said.

When the driver asked for her specific destination, Houston allegedly “yelled, screamed, cursed and extended (both) middle fingers at the cab driver and threatened bodily harm” against him, Anders said. He stopped at the gas station, where employees and patrons were also “alarmed and disturbed” by her reputed behavior, he said.

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Not only did this gent have an interesting method of shoplifting shoes, but he took orders by text! As reported by www.fox41.com:

An arrest report for 36-year-old Sean A. Harrington lists him as “not employed,” but some may say that’s debatable after reading the description of his alleged crimes. Police say he was caught stealing merchandise from Rack Room Shoes on S. Hurstbourne Pkwy., near Six Mile Lane, on Friday afternoon. According to the report, Harrington was allegedly, “concealing shoes down the front of his pants” and left the store without paying.

That can’t be too comfortable …

From there, he allegedly proceeded to a Marshalls clothing store, and allegedly stole clothing valued at $99.95.

Police eventually caught up with Harrington and arrested him.

Let’s go to the videotape …

When a security at Rack Room Shoes reviewed their surveillance records, they discovered that Harrington had stolen a total of $539.89 worth of goods from their store between April 17 and May 20.

And how did the police figure out he was taking orders? Easily.

Upon Harrington’s arrest, police were able to examine his cell phone — and they made a significant discovery. The arrest report states that the phone, “had numerous text messages of others ordering merchandise from [Harrington], who would then go out and steal specific items.”

Doh!

He was charged with receipt of stolen property and theft by unlawful taking.

Here’s the source.

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It’s not always good to keep it in the family. See, it all depends on what “it” is. This, the family could have done without. As reported by ksat.com (San Antonio, Texas):

A man is accused of robbing from a popular West Side restaurant that is owned by his brother-in-law. Felipe Barron Jr., 53, is charged with robbery.

Yup.

According to an arrest affidavit, Barron was caught stealing cash from the safe at Ray’s Drive Inn located in the 800 block of SW 19th street back in April.

The affidavit stated the owner saw Barron closing a safe and confronted him inside the restaurant because Barron was not authorized to be there or employed there.

The affidavit stated Barron tried to run away but was chased by the owner. Barron then struck the owner in the chest before fleeing on foot.

So much for Thanksgiving Dinner.