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Do not read this within 30 minutes of eating. It’s gross. It’s about diarrhea. As reported by Syracuse.com, there was a dispute between two roommates about said diarrhea.

Palmieri, 59, was suffering from severe diarrhea March 10 in the apartment he shared at 473 Pleasantview Ave. with David Utt, 62, according to a Syracuse police report.

“I asked him to use the bathroom fan so that it wouldn’t smell up the house,” Utt said in a written statement. The request upset Palmieri.

Seems like a reasonable request to The Juice.

“Thanks for the sympathy,” Palmieri said, according to Utt.

“It’s common courtesy,” Utt replied.

Uh-oh.

Palmieri then vowed to “crap all over the house, the bathroom and my car,” Utt told police.

Oh it’s on.

Palmieri got into his pajama bottoms, then went outside, Utt told police. Utt was suspicious because Palmieri doesn’t smoke.

During the night, Utt discovered Palmieri had defecated “all over the floor in the bathroom and in the hallway near the bathroom,” Utt’s statement said.

The next morning, Utt opened the door to his 1997 Lincoln and saw “that Palmieri had, in fact, defecated over the back seat of his car, on the leather seats,” a police report said.

Utt had to drive the feces-laden car because he had to get to a doctor’s appointment that morning, he said. When he got home, he gave Palmieiri five minutes to start cleaning it all up.

Yeah. Think that happened?

“How does it feel to be (expletive) on?” Palmieri asked, Utt told police. Then Palmieri punched him in the face, Utt said.

So you shit all over the place, and then you punch him in the face?

Utt told police he doesn’t know how much it will cost him to have the car professionally cleaned, the report said.

Just junk it pal. You’re wasting your time.

Palmieri told police in a phone interview that he didn’t want to give his version of the story or return to the scene, “adding that he has diarrhea,” said the report written by Officer Shawn Prue.

The Juice hopes the new roommate has a bad sniffer. The charges?

Palmieri was charged with second-degree harassment and fourth-degree criminal mischief.

Here’s the source, including a link to the actual Syracuse police report.

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A convenience store clerk in Florida might as well have said “Hey fellas, want some money? Help yourself!” Here’s how it went down, as reported by www.wpbf.com:

Boynton Beach police said two men entered the store [the aptly-named E-Z Market] and found the clerk asleep in the back.

Police said one of the men took between $300 and $400 from the register while the other man kept watch to make sure the clerk didn’t wake up.

Both men then rode off on a bicycle, police said.

Fellow cyclists? Dagnabbit. Please, don’t hold this against The Juice and the ever-increasing number of cyclists out there.

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This Florida woman has never been luckier. Actually, her estranged husband was lucky too. What is The Juice talking about? Check this out, from the Hillsborough County [Florida] Sheriff’s Office:

On May 19, 2013 at approximately 1:27 a.m., the defendant, Julio Villanueva-Vasquez used a tool to puncture the tires of a friend who was visiting the defendant’s estranged wife. The defendant then went to the main entry of the residence and used a tool to attempt to pry the door open. The victim heard strange noises at the door and observed the defendant through the window crouched down. The victim opened the door to take a picture as proof of the defendant being there. The defendant rushed in uninvited.

Here’s where the luck comes in.

The defendant and the victim engaged in a physical struggle before the defendant pulled a semi-auto handgun from his waist area. He then pulled the trigger after pointing the gun at the victim’s chest. The gun did not fire so he racked the slide twice and fired twice more, but the gun malfunctioned. The defendant fled on foot.

Three misfires? That’s some serious luck.

The victim sustained a small laceration to the face. She positively identified Villanueva-Vasquez as her attacker. A domestic violence injunction was in effect against the defendant. He was located at his residence and arrested without incident.

You’ll find the source, including a mug shot, here.

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Dude could have earned $100 many times over with all the effort he put into trying to collect $100 he claims a woman owes him. As reported at www.phillyburbs.com:

A Falls man is accused of sending a woman 75 text messages threatening to set her house on fire, bomb her house and harm the woman’s special needs child if she didn’t pay off a $100 debt.

Say what? Let’s break it down.

Edward Mellor, 40, at first was charged with disorderly conduct following a confrontation at the woman’s house on West Bridge Street in Morrisville Friday night. That’s when he allegedly punched and kicked open the woman’s front door, then fought with one of her friends.

Still, he didn’t stop texting or calling her, police said.

Done? Nope.

He even posted a Facebook message saying that Morrisville police let him go Friday night and “there isn’t anything they can do,” according to the affidavit.

Mellor told the woman he would “put her in a grave” and get his “biker buddies” to “get her,” according to a probable cause affidavit.

And it appeared – to Mr. Mellor – that it worked.

The woman called police and then sent Mellor a text message with a photo of a $100 bill and told him to come get his money. Mellor responded saying he’d be right over and wanted no cops, police said.

Right, no cops. Uh-huh.

But police in an unmarked car were waiting outside the woman’s home and took Mellor into custody when he arrived.

Doh!

Mellor now faces charges of terroristic threats, harassment and disorderly conduct. He was arraigned Saturday before Warminster District Judge Daniel Finello Jr. and sent to Bucks County prison in lieu of 10 percent of $100,000 bail.

You’ll find the source, and a mug shot, here.

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Yes, there is such a thing. Just ask this young man. As reported by The Arab Times:

A GCC youth, who is the son of a diplomat, has been released after being arrested for the third time for driving without a drivers’ license, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily. According to security sources, the youth was arrested three times but was released without receiving penalty, as he is the son of a diplomat and holds a diplomatic passport. Securitymen have submitted a report in this regard to the senior officials.

Now that’s a handy document for a little miscreant.

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The dumb part? Getting so drunk that he passed out. The lucky part? That he passed out on train tracks. Yes, that is the “lucky” part because this youngster crashed in between the tracks. So when the train ran over him, per The Des Moines Register:

Two railroad engineers for Iowa Interstate Railroad said they saw 17-year-old Christian Latshaw on the railroad tracks as they were moving east and crossing a Des Moines River bridge to East First Street south of Court Avenue about 10:45 p.m., according to a Des Moines police report.

When the engineers, David Good Jr. and John Knutson, realized a person was in front of the train, they applied the emergency brake, but the engine and first car still went over the top of Latshaw before the train stopped.

Latshaw told officers he had been drinking at the 80/35 Music Festival, about a mile away, then blacked out and woke up on the tracks.

Officers said Latshaw had bloodshot, watery eyes and smelled of alcohol. He was taken to Mercy Medical Center for treatment of two lacerations on the back of his head and a bruise on his right thigh.

The charges?

Latshaw was arrested and received a delayed referral to juvenile court on trespassing and public intoxication charges, according to the police report.

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First of all, is The Juice the only one who didn’t know some Walmarts are open 24 hours? Maybe if they had more “associates” working, things like this wouldn’t happen. Per The Belleville News-Democrat (Illinois):

According to police reports, two men walked into the [Wal-Mart store in Collinsville] at about 3:20 a.m. They each grabbed a TV and walked out of the store without paying. They got into a car where another man was waiting and fled the scene. The vehicle was described as a blue 1986 Chevrolet station wagon with license plate number R309361.

It’s probably a stolen car, right? Well, maybe not …

The description of the suspects’ vehicle matches a car that police said was used in a similar robbery May 6 at the Best Buy electronics store in Fairview Heights.

The men are still at large, though probably not for long. Here’s the source.

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You have to admit, it’s not the most illogical place to hide some sausage… It would appear, though, that this gent may have overdone it. Per The Cairns Post:

A man hit a snag with police after he stuffed his pants with sausages and a meat pack in an alleged theft at an Innisfail supermarket.

It is the region’s second case of shop-stealing involving sausages stashed in trousers in recent months. (You can read about the first one here.)

Police officers were called to the store after the 50-year-old was seen allegedly leaving without paying for the stash on Wednesday.

In a move that surely disappointed the bargain hunters out there …

It is understood the meat has been disposed of.

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Well, yes, the family that drinks together often does get drunk together. And they do stick together too. As reported by timesonline.com (Beaver, PA):

Rochester police said [Jason Dean] Sheets [25] Sheets and John William Moore Jr., 47, also of 300 Jackson St., Apartment 31, were pumping gas at Sheetz on Adams Street on May 1 when they began harassing a young black man in the store. The two men followed the man out of the store and an argument started, police said.

Not cool.

When officers arrested Sheets, he began to struggle, yell and swear at them, the police report said. Once inside the police car, Sheets tried to kick out the windows and slammed his head against the glass partition, police said.

And mom just stood by and … no?

[Annette Marie] Davis [44], who is Sheets’ mother, became irate during the arrest and also began to struggle with police and kick them in the legs.

Yikes. The charges?

Davis … is charged with two counts of aggravated assault, and one count each of resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and public drunkenness.

Sheets … is charged with two counts of aggravated assault, and one count each of resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and public drunkenness.

What about Mr. Moore?

Moore, who was driving the vehicle Sheets and Davis were riding in, was charged with drunken driving.

Here’s the source.

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Like most cities, Portland has some weird laws still on the books. As reported in the
The Oregonian:

… Then there are the head-scratchers. Publicly scraping clean the skeleton of one’s beloved in a cemetery is a criminal act. Chain letters are strictly prohibited. In city parks, it’s illegal to climb a tree, sit on a vase or lie upon a picnic table. Sailors fleeing a burning ship may, but are not required to, sound a horn or whistle in blasts of four to six seconds, no more or less. Teens might be breaking the law if they cruise down certain busy streets more than twice in a night.

You can read more (a fair amount) here.