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Please, please, please just tell The Juice you did not fall for the oldest trick in the book – the “key swap.” Okay, so The Juice had never heard of the “key swap” either. As reported by tcpalm.com:

It sounds like a Hollywood heist. Thieves stole a $55,000 vehicle from the Arrigo Dodge dealership Wednesday afternoon without breaking a sweat or a window.

Maybe Hollywood, Florida, but pretty smooth nonetheless.

Investigators said it happened while an employee was showing a black 2012 Jeep SRT8. The thief took a look inside, started it, and as he was getting out, swapped the keys for an identical pair. The next few moments were all captured on camera.

The male thieves get into the Jeep and drive right off the lot undetected minutes after the salesman had just showed it.

So they just swapped a dummy key for the real one, and then hit the road soon thereafter. As for their current whereabouts? Unknown.  You can read more, and see a video of the story, here.

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You will not believe the lengths this gent went to just to get a discount on some donuts, not that asking them for free would have changed the story very much. As reported by www.mysuncoast.com:

Deputies say 48-year-old Charles “Chuck” Barry went to the drive-thru of a Trinity Dunkin’ Donuts last week, and after identifying himself as law enforcement, asked for a discount on his order of donuts.

Why certainly officer! No?

When the clerk refused to give him the discount, Barry allegedly held up a gun — still in its holster — and said, “See, I’m a cop!” The witness told investigators Barry never pointed the gun at him or took it out of its holster.

Yeah, still not buying it. Undeterred …

The next day he went through the drive-thru again and the manager took down his license plate tag.

Really? Again?

On November 12, surveillance was set up at Dunkin Donuts and a Deputy with the Pasco Sheriff’s Office observed Barry driving away from the business. A traffic stop was conducted and while speaking with Barry the deputy observed he had a law enforcement badge in his wallet. He was also carrying a .38 caliber revolver in his front pocket. He was positively identified by store personnel and arrested on above mentioned charges [False Impersonation of a law Enforcement Officer and Improper Exhibition of a Firearm.]

You’ll find the source, which includes a video and a mug shot, here.

 

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Coming forward as a witness is your civic responsibility, even when it’s dangerous. That said, the concept of “honor among thieves” is altogether different. Tell that to this gent, who committed a slew of crimes with his twin brother. As reported by wmbfnews.com (Charleston, South Carolina):

Federal prosecutors say a 30-year-old man was convicted of 39 armed robberies after his twin brother testified against him in court.

Wo. That is a boatload of armed robberies.

US Attorney Bill Nettles said Winard Montez Eady of North Charleston was convicted following a four day trial for his role in a string of business robberies. Eady was convicted of conspiring to commit robbery affecting interstate commerce and possession of a firearm in furtherance of the conspiracy.

According to court officials, the robberies focused on Asian restaurants, check cashing businesses, and loan businesses in or near Charleston County, also ranging as far as Walterboro, Holly Hill and Georgetown.

Evidence presented in the trial established that Eady, along with his two accomplices, committed a series of 40 armed robberies between July 2009 and March 2011.

Incredible that they were at it for almost 2 years without getting caught. The testifying brother must have gotten a huge break, right?

Court officials say Raynard Eady, who is facing 80 years in prison, and Simmons, who is facing 32 years, had previously pleaded guilty to their roles in the robberies and testified in Winard Eady’s trial.

Raynard Eady and Simmons each admitted to committing over 25 of the robberies.

The three men will be sentenced at a later date.

He’ll probably still get his break. Remember, he’s facing 80 years.  Here’s the source, including a mug shot of Winard Eady.

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Hawaiian mom Ijeva Matavele had not been pleased when her 14-year-old daughter failed 2 classes. The girl agreed to get tutoring, and things … did not improve. As reported in the Honolulu Advertiser:

The daughter… skipped tutoring classes and hung out with friends. On the day her report card was due, the daughter — even though she was reminded by the mother to bring it home — said she forgot it at school, but eventually disclosed her grades included four C’s, one D and one incomplete.

When the mother demanded to know why the grades hadn’t improved, the daughter refused to answer. The mother then grabbed a plastic backpack containing a school folder and jacket and hit the daughter on the left arm as the girl tried to block the blow.

The daughter disclosed she had not been going to tutoring. When the mother demanded to know where she had gone instead, the girl refused to answer, prompting the mother to hit her with a plastic hanger about five times.

When the girl said she had been hanging out with friends, the mother felt deceived, got a small car brush and hit the daughter on the top of the left hand and on the knuckles with a plastic handle of a tool.

Ms. Matavele was charged with child abuse. So what happened? Hung jury. Then conviction. Then conviction affirmed by appellate court. Then conviction tossed by a 3-2 vote of the Hawai’i Supreme Court.

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Beginning at the beginning – it’s a hunk of metal, plastic and glass.It can be replaced. A brain splattered all over the pavement can’t. From The Orlando Sentinel:

Val Jacques was playing chess at a Christian community center on Central Boulevard in Orlando on Friday afternoon, police say, when he saw a man climb into his sport utility vehicle. He’d left the keys in the ignition.

Jacques tried to open the door to the Mazda SUV, but the man locked it. Police say Jacques climbed on the roof, and the thief hit the gas.

So the dude goes from playing chess to would-be stuntman like that [The Juice just snapped his fingers.]

Minutes later, police say the thief, later identified as Mazzard McMillian, blew through a red light at the intersection of Central Boulevard and Orange Blossom Trail, smashing into a pickup truck and sending Jacques flying.

Had Mr. McMillian seen more movies or tv, he would have simply slammed on the brakes. And to all of you “reading” advocates, you can’t get that stuff in books … As luck would have it:

An Orlando officer who happened to be stopped at the intersection saw the crash, noting in his report that he saw Jacques “in the air and it appeared he was thrown” from the Mazda.

When the officer approached to check on Jacques – who’d travelled about 100 feet from the SUV, he said – McMillian got out of the Mazda and took off.

100 feet? More like “launched” than “thrown.” So was McMillian caught? He was. And if Mr. McMillian was hurt (likely), he was at least in good enough condition to tell the police what happened. To read more, click here.

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Nobody likes waiting in the ER. But few people, if any, have reacted as this woman did. And it didn’t stop there. As reported by The Cleveland Plain Dealer at cleveland.com

Prosecutors said in April that [37-year-old Teri] Garko sought emergency medical treatment at the hospital and became angry at being kept waiting. She attacked the technician who was assigned to check her vital signs.

That will certainly get you attention. Not help, but attention.

“Garko punched and kneed the female victim numerous times in the face, chest and spine,” the news release said. “She also slammed the woman’s head into the floor and ripped a patch of hair and scalp from the woman.”

Note: “news release” – so The Juice did not make that up. But that wasn’t the end of it.

While out on bond for the hospital attack, Garko broke into the home of her ex-boyfriend and stabbed him and the woman he was sleeping with. Prosecutors said she stabbed the woman in the chest, which led to the attempted murder charge.

Okay, now it’s over. So what happened to Ms. Garko?

Summit County Prosecutor Sherri Bevan Walsh said Teri Garko pleaded guilty to attempted murder, felonious assault and assault of an emergency medical worker.

The time?

[She] was sentenced Tuesday to 11 years in prison …

Here’s the source, with a mug shot of Ms. Garko.

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Do you think you would wake up while someone was setting your pants on fire? This gent didn’t. As reported by nj.com:

A 47-year-old Trenton man suffered burns to his leg when his pants were set on fire last night after he fell asleep on the front porch of his home, police said.

The man awoke around 9 p.m. on the 1200 block of East State Street to find his pant leg on fire, police said.

Is The Juice the only one who thinks this guy was shitfaced?

The man was taken to the hospital and treated for second-degree burns to his calf.

The man told police no one was in the area when he awoke and no suspects have been identified. The case remains under investigation.

Here’s the source.

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You’ve heard the expression “Brilliant minds think alike.” Well, what about drunk minds? As reported by nj.com:

Officers Matthew McAuliffe and Robert Appel responded to a report of two men who crashed into a rock wall in the area of Simpson Avenue and Whitfield Place, police said.

Appel found a blue van at the the Sommerfield Avenue-Strowbridge Road intersection and pulled it over, police said. McAuliffe soon joined him at the traffic stop.

Javier Fajardo, of East Elmhurst, N.Y, was driving and intoxicated when the van struck the rock wall, police said.

Not an unusual DUI, but …

Alfredo Guartan, also of East Elmhurst, N.Y., was intoxicated but still took over the wheel and was driving when Appel pulled the van over, police said.

Guartan told the officers he started driving after the crash because Fajardo was drunk, police said.

Brilliant!

An open bottle of liquor was seen near the driver’s seat, though neither Guartan nor Fajardo said the bottle was theirs, according to police.

Hey! How’d that get there?

Guartan was charged with driving while intoxicated. Fajardo was charged with driving while intoxicated, driving without a license, leaving the scene of an accident, reckless driving and motor vehicle causing property damage.

Both men were released pending court dates, police said.

Fortunately nobody was hurt. You’ll find the source here.

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This story reminds The Juice of the time he was in a bank years ago and he happened to overhear a conversation between a disgruntled account holder and the manager. “They cleaned out my account” she said. “They said I won the lottery, and they needed my account number to wire the proceeds. How could you let them do this?” Yes, she was trying to blame the bank. The manager asked her if she had played the lottery. When she replied that she hadn’t, the manager asked “Then how did you think you could have won it?” Bam! Manager of the Year! Here’s a somewhat similar, though much less egregious, story as reported by brooklynpaper.com:

68th Precinct – Bay Ridge—Dyker Heights

A scammer bilked an 80th Street woman out of $1,500 over the phone between Oct. 21 and Oct. 30, police state. The victim said she got the first call at 10:45 am at her home between 11th and 12th avenues, informing her that she had won the lottery and needed to send a $1,500 deposit to receive the prize. After getting several more calls during the next week, the woman decided to send the dough in the form of three $500 gift cards. She got a check for $3,950, but when she went to cash it at 11:20 am, it bounced.

What kind of prize requires a deposit?

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It’s a big country. And if you live in or near a major metropolitan area, you may forget about places like Newcastle, Wyoming. Now the folks there may be very nice, but if this is any indication, they’re not very open-minded. Check out this law:

Sec. 17-14. – Obscenity—Public appearance in nude; dress not belonging to sex of wearer; indecent exposure; lewd or indecent behavior.

It shall be unlawful for any person to appear in any public place in the city in a state of nudity or in dress not belonging to the sex of such person or in an indecent or lewd dress or to make any indecent exposure of his person or to commit any lewd or indecent act or behavior.

“… or in dress not belonging to the sex of such person …” Really? Yes, really. Here’s a link to the law.