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This may be the worst trade ever made in a jail, anywhere. As reported by the Des Moines Register:

A western Iowa man already convicted on federal fraud charges has been sentenced to more than two years in prison for selling his pain pills for candy.

Say what? And they weren’t just any old pain pills.

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So he wasn’t really “in” for very long, but still. As reported by NorthCountryNow.com (Potsdam, New York):

Potsdam police say they charged a man for yelling on Leroy Street early Sunday morning.

Ryan J. Minsker, 21, Brewster, was charged with unnecessary noice at 12:49 a.m. and released on an appearance ticket returnable to Potsdam Town Court Feb. 14 at 9:30 a.m., officers said.

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There can’t be many boys out there who never played “doorbell ditch.” A few Missouri boys have definitely played this game out. In fact, they may never ring ANY doorbell again. As reported by The News-Leader (news-leader.com):

Police say the boys angered the female resident to the point that she tried to run one down with her van, punched another three times while holding a knife to his chest and threatened to kill the boys and others, all while shouting racial slurs.

Ashley D. Crossland followed one boy to the house where the boys were having a sleepover, police say, and illegally entered the home. Confronted by a father of one of the boys, Crossland allegedly “threatened to slit his throat and everyone’s throats in the house, including the babies.”

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This isn’t the first time The Juice has blogged about a cancer faker. That lady had nothing on Ms. Lori E. Stilley. As reported by The Gloucester County Times (New Jersey) at nj.com:

Making more than $3,000 from sales of an e-book was far from the only thing a township woman did to rake in tens of thousands of dollars from lying about having cancer, authorities allege.

According to a statement released from the Burlington County Prosecutor’s Office, the scheme began and ended in 2011.

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Does anyone really believe there’s no such thing as bad publicity? Check out this proposed Missouri law, as reported at fox2now.com:

Courtney Allen Curtis, (D) District 73, introduced a bill to the Missouri House of Representatives that would make the high five the official state greeting.

Yes, that’s right, an official state greeting.

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The question: “What time is it?” These days, that leads many people to pull out their phone to check the time. You know where this is going. As reported in the Police Blotter from the 62nd Precinct (Bensonhurst—Bath Beach) via brooklynpaper.com:

Two bike-riding brutes swiped a man’s cellphone, watch, and jacket after asking him the hour on 63rd Street on Jan. 12, authorities allege.

The victim said he was walking along 63rd Street near 15th Avenue at 4 pm when the punks pedaled up behind him and requested the time. When he took out his mobile device to check, one of them grabbed the gadget while the other tore off the victim’s jacket, cops said.

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How much do you think a piranha is worth? More on that later. For now, you only need to know that, if you live in New York City, you can’t have a piranha.  But just because it’s illegal … As reported by nbcnewyork.com:

A New York City man is accused of smuggling nearly 40,000 piranhas into the U.S. by having them mislabeled as harmless aquarium fish, prosecutors said.

First reaction: run!

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Yeah, he was about six feet tall, white, a little heavy, with short blond hair and a big nose. He was wearing …  Now that’s the kind of description that could be helpful. But this?

Employees of Smith Oil on East Liverpool Road reported a tall, white, ugly man wearing a hoodie and plaid pajama pants driving a newer model Ford Focus drove off without paying for nearly $34 worth of gasoline.

Ugly? That’s it? Oh, and tall and white. Very helpful. Thanks so much. (As reported in the St. Clair Township Police Report (via The Review, East Liverpool, Ohio.)

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When Michael Jordan resumed playing basketball, you know he wasn’t going to play with a number 23 Jersey. No, that number was retired, period.  While this gent’s jersey number is still retired, he’ll be wearing it every day, though not in a manner of his choosing. As reported by wdrb.com:

The University of Kentucky may have retired Richie Farmer’s number 32 jersey, but the federal Bureau of Prisons is bringing it back.  The prison system has assigned Farmer inmate number 16226-032 for use when he reports to a yet-to-be revealed facility by March 18. [The inmate number will be worn on his prison jump suit.]

That’s got to hurt. What did he do?