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People say the darnedest things! Take this New Jersey gent. (Too late – the cops already did.) As reported by NJ Advance Media for nj.com:

A township man caught with cocaine and a loaded handgun tried to explain away the powder on his face by telling police that he had just eaten a doughnut, authorities said Wednesday.

Police pulled over the Jeep Grand Cherokee that 30-year-old Octavio Delasuaree was driving after it cut off their patrol car Sunday night on Route 23, according to Capt. Laurence Martin.

Officers Joseph Rooney and Robert Fernandez noticed Delasuaree was having labored breathing, while his hands were shaking uncontrollably, Martin said.

Delasuaree also had powder around his nostrils and mouth, Martin added.

“Mr. Delasuaree attempted to explain his condition by stating he had just eaten a doughnut,” the captain wrote in an e-mail. “The officers observed a clear plastic bag on the floor that was suspected cocaine.”

Police discovered 17 oxycodone pills and a Sig Sauer 9mm semi-automatic handgun in the passenger seat-area, Martin said. The gun was loaded with four hollow point bullets.

Delasuaree told police the gun was for his own protection, according to authorities. He was arrested on charges including possession of a firearm as a convicted felon and drug offenses.

Police said Delasuaree was ordered held on $100,000 bail, with no 10 percent option.

100,000 simoleans? That’s a lot of dough. Here’s the source.

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red car

The fact that someone stole this car kind of makes you wonder what the other choices were. As reported by The Indepedent Record (Helena, Montana):

The Lewis and Clark County Sheriff’s Office is seeking information on a 2003 Red Dodge Neon, which was reported stolen Thursday at 4:07 p.m.

“The car was taken between 8:30 a.m. and 3 p.m. yesterday,” said Sgt. Brian Robinson. The four-door passenger car, with license plate 5-08162A, has tinted windows, damage to the rear bumper and custom black and chrome wheels.

Vehicle sightings can be reported by calling 911, Robinson said, adding, “Do not approach the vehicle.”

Here’s the source.

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As crimes go, this could have been a lot worse. In fact, it’s $5 away from not being a crime at all.  As reported by The Highline Times (Burien, Washington):

When the pastor of Highline United Methodist Church arrived to their location in north Burien on February 25th, she called 911 and let police know that she believed someone had broken into the church. She told police that she saw someone and heard footsteps though no one, other than herself, was scheduled to be there for work at the time. When she called out to whomever might be in the building, she heard them flee the building. Police arrived at the church a short time later and found that the only thing that was taken from the church was an estimated $5 worth of chocolate from the kitchen. Police found no damage to the building and nothing else missing.



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Driving on the interstate can get pretty boring. Not this day. As reported by fosters.com:

A Massachusetts woman was arrested Friday evening after she allegedly “mooned” several drivers on Interstate 93.

Bow police Sgt. William Graham was driving a marked police cruiser northbound on the interstate at approximately 7:35 p.m., when he reported that his attention was drawn to a female passenger in the car in front of him.

The female, later identified as Stephanie K. Sherburne, 22, of Billerica, Mass., was standing in a crouching fashion on the passenger’s side front seat of the car, with her backside to the open passenger’s window. She then, allegedly, lowered her pants and exposed her genitals.

Since it was the weekend of the NASCAR race in Loudon, traffic was heavy there were several cars in the vicinity when Sherburne exposed herself, Graham reported.

The police sergeant stopped the vehicle Sherburne was riding in and arrested her on a charge of indecent exposure and lewdness. She was released on personal recognizance bail to appear on Sept. 4, in Concord District Court.

Here’s the source, which includes Ms. Sherburne’s mug shot.


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police station

When a drug deal goes south, doesn’t everyone head to the police station? Well, that depends. In this case, it sure looks like the right call. Per the website of The City of Tampa, Florida:

Milton Coley and Louis Xavier Ruiz-Machado arranged to meet at 109th Avenue and Lantana Avenue to conduct a drug deal around 12:40pm on 1/11/13. Coley walked up to Ruiz-Machado who was driving a 2003 Dodge Ram pick-up truck. Ruiz-Machado handed over the marijuana, but Coley refused to pay. Ruiz-Machado fired a shot and Coley fled on foot. He then called a friend to pick him up. As Coley got into his friend’s Nissan Altima in the 2200 block of Bougainvillea Avenue, Ruiz-Machado began chasing them in his pick-up truck. The friend feared for his safety and drove to the Tampa Police Department’s District 2 Office for help.

The pick-up truck chased them twice through the parking lot at a high rate of speed. Ruiz-Machado fired at least one shot and then fled as officers exited the district office with guns drawn. A short time later, officers boxed in Ruiz-Machado on the University of South Florida campus at Bull Run Drive and Elm Drive. USF Police, Florida Highway Patrol and the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office helped detain the suspect. They recovered a 9 mm inside the vehicle. At District 2, witnesses saw Coley throw two large baggies with 59 grams of marijuana into the parking lot. He was charged with possession of marijuana. His friend who was driving did not face charges. Officers recovered one 9 mm shell casing in the parking lot.


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library books overdue

Do you really need a law criminalizing the failure to return a library book? Rhode Island thinks you do, and they have one!

Criminal Offenses
Theft, Embezzlement, False Pretenses, and Misappropriation
SECTION 11-41-14

§ 11-41-14  Failure to return book or other library property. – (a) Any person who shall take or borrow any book or other library property from any of the libraries or collections as defined in § 11-44-15(b), and who, upon neglect to return it within the time required and specified in the bylaws, rules, or regulations of the library owning the property, after receiving notice in writing by the librarian or other proper custodian of the property that it is overdue, shall upon further neglect to return it within sixty (60) days from the date of the notice be guilty of a misdemeanor and shall be fined not more than twenty-five dollars ($25.00), the fine to be for the use of the library. A written or printed notice given personally or sent by mail to a last known or registered place of residence shall be considered a sufficient notice. In addition, if the book should be lost, destroyed, or not returned, the person shall within sixty (60) days after being so notified pay to the custodian the replacement value of the book, including all reasonable processing costs, as determined by the governing board having jurisdiction.

(b) All library users shall be notified of the penalties provided in subsection (a) of this section at the time they obtain or renew their library privileges. The final notice provided for in subsection (a) of this section shall also contain notice of the penalties.

So it’s only $25, but it’s still a crime, which is just absurd. And do you really think, as required in subsection (b), that new users are told that about this? Unlikely. Here’s a link to the text of the law.

(This post, and thousands of others, are brought to you by Washington, DC, Maryland and Virginia personal injury lawyer John Mesirow, a/k/a “The Juice.” He handles accident cases involving cars, bicycles, pedestrians, dunking booths [really!], trolleys, trucks, etc.)


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trash cans

Trust me, your trash isn’t that interesting. As reported by The Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

Seattle’s privacy is in the trash, according to eight people suing the city over its composting ordinance.

A lawsuit filed today in King County Superior Court argues that Seattle’s composting ordinance violates constitutional privacy by allowing garbage collectors to sift through peoples’ trash without a warrant.

The suit was announced Thursday morning at a news conference in Kerry Park, where supporters and plaintiffs held signs that read “Stop City Snooping!” and “Don’t Trash My Privacy.”

The Seattle ordinance — approved by voters last year and in effect since January — prohibits residents from throwing food and compostable paper in with regular trash and requires collectors to visually inspect trash to make sure that no more than 10 percent of the contents is compostable.

You can read more here.

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The most important rule regarding any form of communication is thus: “Would I mind if this was out there for the whole world to see?” Well, in retrospect, I think this fellow would mind. As reported by patch.com:

A Crystal Lake lawyer mocked the size of a client’s penis and challenged him to a duel, according to a complaint filed by the Illinois Attorney Registration & Disciplinary Commission.

Attorney Donald Franz called client Mike Rutkowski a “small penis a——e” and “insulted Rutkowsky’s manhood and choice of automobiles,” the complaint said.

Franz also allegedly sent an email to Rutkowski that said, “My mistake, there is only one man involved between us. I challenge you to a duel, you pick the time, place and manner.”

Franz and Rutkowski were in a dispute over $400. Franz had billed that amount for his “efforts to reduce the assessed value of real property (Rutkowski) had recently purchased,” the complaint said.

In his answer to the complaint, Franz admitted to the “general characterization” of the small-penis quip but “denies insulting Rutkowski’s manhood or choice of automobiles.” He also said the duel challenge was taken out of context.

The entire message reads: “Can you please tell me where you would like to be served? Fee agreements are not required in these matters and not between men. My mistake, there is only one man involved between us. I challenge you to a duel, you pick the time, place and manner. I choose small claims court. See you very soon. Don,” Franz said in his answer.

“In its totality, the email is not a threat of violence or challenge to a duel, it is a threat to sue in small claims court,” he said.

Alrighty then. Here’s the source.

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Two Girls hiding behind Straw Bale in Field

You rob a bank and you get away. Of course you wouldn’t go to any of your known haunts, or … would you? As reported by NJ Advance Media for NJ.com:

Within hours of publicizing photos from bank surveillance after a TD Bank robbery, more than a dozen tipsters recognized a 30-year-old Lakehurst man and contacted the police.

So they id’d him, but where was he? Funny you should ask …

Jerome Gilby, 30, was taken into custody at his girlfriend’s house Monday afternoon for the July 10 robbery that occurred at 10 Mule Road in Toms River, police said.

Your girlfriend’s house? Really? Why not just go to your own house? As for the details …

At approximately 6:45 p.m. last Friday, a man entered the TD Bank and handed the teller a note demanding cash. He then fled on foot into an unknown direction.

“Investigators from the FBI, Ocean County Sheriff’s Department CSI Unit, Lakehurst Police, Brick Police, and the Seaside Heights Police Department worked closely to track down the whereabouts of Gilby,” a Toms River Police Department press release said.

The robber was described by authorities as a white male, 25-35 years old, 5-foot-9 and around 170 pounds. He was wearing a black Chicago Bulls Starter hat with a “doo rag” underneath and white sunglasses.

Gilby is being held on $100,000 bail with no 10 percent option.

Click here for the source, which includes a mug shot.

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shoplifters shoplifting shoplift

Maybe this guy’s intentions were good, or maybe he saw what he thought was an opportunity to shoot his gun. Regardless, he is now officially in the soup.  As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

It happened in the parking lot of the Kmart on Outer Loop, near New Cut Road, just before 8 p.m. Thursday.

According to an arrest report, police were called to the area after someone reported a shooting. When they arrived, they met with 24-year-old Robert J. Jones, the man police say fired the gun.

Jones allegedly told the officers that an unidentified white man who was carrying merchandise used an emergency exit to get out of the store. Suspecting the man was a shoplifter, Jones said he confronted him from his truck, demanding a receipt.

You’re seriously going to make a citizen’s arrest over a potential shoplifting? Just get the license plate and give it to the cops!  But no ….

Jones told police that the man got into a van and “appeared to reach for a gun,” according to the arrest report. Jones further told police that he did pull a gun.

At that point, police say Jones told them he got out of his truck, shoved a loaded magazine into his own gun and chambered a round. He then allegedly fired two or three rounds at the white male because he, “looked like he was trying to squeeze off a round.”

Jones told officers the man drove his van northbound on New Cut Road — and that the van should have two bullet holes in the hood.

Hmm. “Appeared to reach for a gun.”  Any witnesses?

A witness at the scene told police that he never saw a gun in the unidentified white male’s vehicle — and that the man in the van was trying to get away from Jones, who was shooting at him.

Officers were able to locate the man in the van, who allegedly told them that, “he had to make an evasive maneuver in his vehicle and drive behind the building because the gun was pointed directly towards him facing New Cut Road,” adding that he was, “in extreme fear for his life at the time.”

You in trouble now.

The officer who wrote the report stated that since Jones had enough time to load and chamber a round before firing, and that he fired as the vehicle was leaving, that his actions, “manifested an extreme indifference to the value of human life,” and that, “the action may have ended in serious injury or death to the vic[tim] and anyone else in the parking lot.”

Police say they found three .40 caliber shell casings at the scene, and recovered a .40 caliber handgun from Jones.

Jones was arrested and charged with one count of first degree wanton endangerment.

Bet he keeps it holstered next time. Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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