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A pack of cigarettes! She stole a pack of cigarettes! 22 years ago! People! Where is your sense of proportionality? As reported by wesh.com:

A mother of two sits in jail Monday unable to post bail after being put behind bars for the 1991 theft of a pack of cigarettes.

Jail? You couldn’t release her on her own recognizance for this?

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If you thought The Juice was referring to an animal, you’re right – a homo sapien. In the future, this dude will likely walk around the lake to avoid a mother duck and her ducklings. As reported by khou.com:

[A Baytown mother] and her sons went into the CVS in the 1500 block of North Alexander Drive [in Houston, Texas] for about 10 minutes.

When they returned to their van and she began driving away, a man suddenly appeared from the back of the vehicle.

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zip your lip
There are lots of times in a person’s life when the best course of action is to just keep quiet. This would seem to be among the most obvious example of just such a case, but not to this gent.  As reported by The Star-Ledger (via nj.com):

Thomas Arahill, 55, was arrested and charged first with threatening a man with a crowbar during a dispute Monday afternoon, said Capt. Thomas Dellane.

Officers responded to Gaff Road in reference to a fight call at 2 p.m., where they made contact with a man who said Arahill had attempted to use a metal bar as a weapon, the police said.

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taser
If you are wondering how someone could withstand and do all of those things, you’re in good company. The judge was also puzzled. As reported by The Herald Mail (Hagerstown, MD):

A Hagerstown man who broke a set of steel handcuffs and was shocked with stun guns 30 or more times during a struggle last summer with five police officers was acquitted Tuesday during a trial before a judge in Washington County Circuit Court.

Yup. Acquitted of all charges.

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patience
We all get a little upset from time to time when we’re driving.  But what we do about goes a long way towards determining … whether we will be arrested! As reported by news-press.com (Florida):

The Lee County Sheriff’s Office said Stephen Jones, 56, of Bonita Springs, told deputies he was waiting to turn in the parking lot of Publix on U.S. 41 in Bonita Springs on Friday when the car behind him, a gold Lexus, began honking. Jones said he tried to talk to the driver of the Lexus but was thwarted when she and her male passenger would not open their windows.

That should have been the end of it, but …

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middle of the road
The Juice is scratching is head, wondering how he missed this story…  It’s a virtual certainly that if the residents of this neighborhood could get rid of one person, it would be Jackie Shields. Why her? Well, as reported by The Gloucestershire Echo:

 Only a week after [Ms. Shields] was banned from a large part of Gloucester, she is back behind bars again.

Jackie Shields is alleged to have used the middle of Barton Street as a toilet and stopped a bus in the process.

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judge%20angry%20furious%20upset%20crazy%20bad%20pissed%20mad%20outraged.gif Certainly it’s no State v. Johnson, but the Buldoni case will have to do for today. As reported at myCentralJersey.com, here’s what happened in a case involving Mr. Buldoni, before Judge Emery Toth:

After pleading not guilty, Buldoni, also known as Luis Martinez, tried to explain the offenses to Toth.

But Toth was having none of it …

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As a general rule, cab rides not only lack drama, but are downright boring. There was an exception to the rule a few days ago in Sacramento, as reported by The Sacramento Bee:

A cab driver had a dispute with a rider over the destination at 20th and Q streets in midtown Sacramento on Saturday, according to a crime report.

The fare pulled a folding-blade knife, but no threats were made. The cab driver fled on foot.

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all you can eat buffet
What, you think The Juice is joking? No my friend, this subject is way too serious to joke about. Per the International Business Times:

A Saudi cleric named Saleh al-Fawzan has issued fatwa against all-you-can-eat buffets in Saudi Arabia. He made the statement on a Saudi Quranic TV station.

Fawzan said the value and quantity of the food sold should be predetermined before hand.

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parallel parking spot
“It’s just a parking spot. Fuhgeddaboutit.”  Unfortunately for a gent who was just sitting in his car, another gent really, really wanted his spot. We know this because, per the police blotter at brooklynpaper.com:

90th Precinct – Southside–Williamsburg

The victim told police he was sitting in his ride between Berry Street and Bedford Avenue at 10:45 am when the maniac banged on his driver’s-side window.