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Doing any one of these things and driving is stupid. Doing all three at the same time? Idiotic. As reported by BeeNews.com (Western New York):

An Orchard Park man was charged with DWI after patrol responded to an accident in a Union Road lot.

While speaking to the subject, the officer smelled alcohol, and the man said, “Yeah I hit him. I was eating a chicken wing and texting.” His blood alcohol content was .11 percent.

Doh!

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When a 51-year-old daughter wants to do something nice for her 80-year-old father, it’s a good thing. All agreed? Okay, what if the “thing” is hooking the father up with a prostitute? The Juice’s opinion remains unchanged. As reported by abcactionnews.com:

The pair, who listed their hometown as Dubuque, Iowa, were arrested on Nebraska Avenue, an area of Tampa known for prostitution activity.

Welcome to Tampa, Iowans!

According to the arrest affidavit, 51-year-old Pia Kirchberg offered an undercover police officer $20 if she would have sex with Kirchberg’s elderly father.

Both Pia Kirchberg and 80-year-old Maurice Kirchberg were charged with soliciting for prostitution.

“Prostitution is illegal. It doesn’t matter how old you are,” said police spokeswoman Laura McElroy.”If we catch you trying to solicit a prostitute you’re going to jail.”

With all due respect, wrong!. No judge or jury is going to send an 80-year-old man to jail for seeking companionship, however fleeting. Here’s the source, with mug shots.

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Judges are generally an understanding lot. But there are some things you just can’t say to a judge.  Mr. Harry Elias found this out the hard way. As reported by kamloopsnews.ca:

Harry Elias was in a family court proceeding on Monday when he allegedly told provincial court Judge Stella Frame to f-off during a heated family hearing, several people familiar with the matter said.

Allegedly? It was in open court!

Frame then cited Elias for contempt of court and ordered he be held at Kamloops Regional Correctional Centre overnight.

It turns out the timing of the outburst could not have been worse.

Veteran lawyers at the courthouse said they’ve never seen anyone jailed overnight for contempt of court, but had seen warnings from judges accompanied by a cooling-off period.

The incident came at the end of the day, however, giving no time for Elias to be brought back up after spending time in sheriff’s cells in the basement of the courthouse.

No worries though. Mr. Elias has been released, and is now free to drop f-bombs again, although it’s safe to say none will be directed at a judge. Here’s the source.

 

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It’s just a bad idea to leave your car unlocked, period. It’s an even worse idea to leave your car unlocked with dangerous items in it. As reported by TCPalm.com:

A 48-year-old man told Port St. Lucie police Tuesday he discovered his throwing knife, sheath, .40 caliber pistol and magazines missing from his 2003 Toyota Corolla, according to a police report released Wednesday.

He said he left his vehicle Monday in the driveway of his home in the 2700 block of Southwest District Avenue. The vehicle, he told police, was not locked.

Unlocked!

As he walked up to his house after noticing the items missing, he saw a plastic bag with writing. The writing stated, “LOADED GUN Unlocked Car = STUPID!!” The bag’s other side read, “LOTS OF Children in area.”

The man saw his handgun and knife were inside, though 30 cartridges were missing.

Master Sgt. Frank Sabol, police spokesman, said Wednesday the person responsible could face charges including armed burglary and theft.

Good luck getting a conviction on that one. Here’s the source, which includes photos of the bag and its messages.

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Yeah, like the post office is going to grant access to a post office box to someone other than the person renting the box. Well, there’s one woman out there who thinks that should be the case. No doubt she would feel otherwise if someone wanted access to her post office box. As reported at nj.com:

A postal customer who was refused access to someone else’s post office box physically assaulted the postal employee who refused her, police said.

Yes, that’s certain to engender cooperation.

On Thursday, Gail Montgomery, 47, of Bridgewater, grabbed and pulled the hair of postal employee Linda Zhang at the United States Post Office at 495 North Bridge Street, according to Lt. Timothy Hoey of the Bridgewater Police.

Montgomery physically assaulted Zhang after the employee would not allow Montgomery to access another person’s post office box, Hoey said.

This next bit will probably not come as a big shock to you:

After the incident, police found that Montgomery had outstanding warrants in three other jurisdictions, Hoey said.

So what happened to Ms. Montgomery? She found some temporary lodging.

Montgomery was lodged in Somerset County Jail in Somerville in lieu of $2,100 bail, Hoey said.

You’ll find the source here.

 

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It’s so easy, in the comfort of your own home, or sitting there in your ergonomic office chair, to say that you wouldn’t have reacted as this Houston woman did. But can you really know with certainty? Exactly. As reported by khou.com:

According to officers with the Houston Police Department, the woman got upset over her drink at a McDonald’s restaurant, caused a disturbance, and then sped off [and allegedly led police on high-speed chase.]  Police said they spotted her older Mercedes with an expired sticker, and they tried to pull her over.

Okay, so perhaps she overreacted a little.

They eventually used spike strips to flatten her tires. She came to a stop on Hillcroft near Richmond.

Yikes. So what happened to her?

Police said the woman would be charged with resisting arrest. [She was taken to jail.]

Here’s the source, including a photo of the unhappy customer.

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The Juice should have a separate flavor (check out the “flavors” [categories] on the right-hand side of Legal Juice) for posts like this: “What were you thinking?”  As reported by The Baxter Bulletin (Mountain Home, Arkansas)

Bull Shoals police officer David Chatman gave Stephen Lewis [age 47] a simple choice on Friday afternoon: take down a sign Lewis was putting up in Bull Shoals or receive a citation. (Lewis is the owner of Lewis Sign & Neon in Mountain Home.)

You should know that Mr. Lewis was driving a 30-foot-long, 12-foot-high bucket truck!

The incident started when Chatman informed Lewis that the sign he was erecting in Bull Shoals did not have a permit. Because sign owners didn’t have the proper documentation, Chatman told Lewis that the sign had to come down or he would receive a ticket.

Chatman described Lewis as uncooperative, saying he would not produce his driver’s license and would not get out of the truck when Chatman asked him to do so. Lewis eventually did get out of the truck and give his license to the police officer.

“I went and sat in my patrol car to write the citation out,” Chatman said. “At that time, I observed Mr. Lewis get into his truck, put it in drive and take off.”

Now that is a man with a plan.

Chatman informed his dispatcher that he was in pursuit of the large white truck heading east on Arkansas Highway 178. The pursuit was slow, never getting above 45 mph, according to authorities. Officers from Flippin, the Arkansas State Police and the Baxter County Sheriff’s Office headed out to various points in hopes of laying down spike strips.

45 mph? Shoot, even on his beater commuting bicycle, The Juice can almost hit that. Ok, maybe 30, going down a steep hill.

The pursuit ended at the intersection of AR Highway 178 and AR Highway 5 North when officers boxed Lewis in, forcing him to pull over.

Lewis was arrested by Bull Shoals police and taken to the Marion County jail, charged with fleeing and obstructing government operations, plus two additional misdemeanor offenses. He was released Friday night on $855 bond.

Think he’ll get the “proper documentation” next time? Here’s the source, including a photo of the getaway vehicle.

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It was hard to decide whether to put this story in the “Uncool” or “Gross” category. The Juice went with “Uncool,” though it was a tough call. As reported by The Bastro Enterprise:

A video that went viral on the Internet appeared to show someone in a University of Alabama jacket abusing an unconscious Louisiana State University fan after Alabama beat LSU for the BCS football championship, Jan. 9.

Downing, of Smiths Station, Ala., was later booked on charges of sexual battery and obscenity. He was videotaped Jan. 9 “placing his genitals on an LSU fan’s face. The LSU fan appears to be heavily inebriated and practically unconscious,” a police statement said.

Here’s the source.

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We’ve all heard a story about someone mistakenly thinking somebody is pregnant. The Juice will wager you haven’t heard of anything remotely similar to this. As reported by TCPalm.com:

A woman told police a dispute began after Jessie Mae Dorsey told her she was pregnant but she said she was “just getting fat.”

Awkward. But okay? Nope, not okay. Here’s how it went down:

“I’ve had five kids, I know how you walk when you’re pregnant,” Dorsey is quoted as saying.

The victim said she was “just getting fat,” and told police Dorsey walked toward her.

“Who the (expletive) are you catching an attitude with,” Dorsey is quoted as saying.

“You,” the victim said.

Dorsey is then accused of lobbing a cinder block chunk at the victim, hitting her head. Dorsey jumped on her, pulled her hair and bit her face.

The man walking with the victim pulled Dorsey off, and Dorsey beat feet.

Um, dude, think you could have jumped in a little sooner? And Ms. Dorsey, you bit her face! After you insulted her!

The victim had teeth marks on her face and bumps on her head.

Dorsey, 46, was arrested [for aggravated battery] March 16 on a warrant stemming from the … fracas … in Fort Pierce.

Go figure.

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The Juice was going to give the perp the benefit of the doubt on this – like maybe he didn’t know it was a cop’s car – but then he read the rest of the article. Poof! went the benefit of the doubt. As reported by tcpalm.com:

Sheriff’s deputies are looking for a suspect in a burglary to an off-duty deputy’s personal vehicle, according to a news release.

So, you’re thinking, maybe he didn’t know it was a cop’s car. Well …

The vehicle was burglarized Thursday while the off-duty deputy was at the beach at Inlet State Park, according to the release. His department identification, badge and off-duty handgun were stolen, along with his wallet and credit cards.

So, not only did he know, but …

The credit cards were used at the Publix in the Taylor creek Commons Plaza soon after the burglary, according to the release. The suspect was seen wearing a black t-shirt and pushing a shopping cart.

He used the credit cards! Enjoy your freedom, perp. It won’t last. Here’s the source.