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If you’re going to commit fraud, at least be creative or clever. You know, something that would make a good movie. But nooooooo, you had to go and commit this super-simple, guaranteed-to- be-caught fraud. As seen in The New Hampshire Union Leader:

State Police were called to a single-car collision at 10 p.m. Aug. 15, 2011, at which St. Laurent had collided with a jersey barrier near Exit 3 on Daniel Webster Highway in Nashua.

At 11:24 p.m. that night, Progressive Northern Insurance Co. initiated a policy for St. Laurent by telephone, authorities said. The next day, St. Laurent told Progressive he had been in a car accident at 1 a.m. on Aug. 16, 2011, and filed a claim in excess of $1,000 in damages.

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There’s something to be said for doing things the old-fashioned way. For example, when you steal stuff, visit your local fence. Maybe it’ll decrease your profit margin, but you get one-stop shopping, and you know who you’re doing business with. This gent went new-school with Craigslist. Like many thieves before him, things didn’t work out too well. As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

A Louisville man has been arrested for selling stolen goods on Craigslist.

Police say Blain Morgan used the popular classifieds website to buy and sell stolen property worth over $10,000. Officers caught up with him after he allegedly listed a stolen computer and printer on the site. According to police, those items were stolen during a business burglary.

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bible
Yes, you can get busted for walking down the street with a Bible. And yes, of course there is more to the story. As reported by The Bradenton Herald:

The Bradenton Police Department detained a naked man after he was spotted walking in the 1100 block of Martin Luther King Avenue West at 12:09 a.m. Sunday, according to a report.

Details, details. So the guy was nude. People are too uptight.

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The Juice’s middle school teachers were so boring. Such was not the case for a Houston middle schooler. As reported by The Houston Chronicle:

A 42-year-old Aldine middle school teacher who allegedly performed a lap dance for a student on his birthday has been charged with a felony.

Felicia A. Smith, of Spring, is charged with improper relationship with a student, according to a criminal compliant filed in the case.

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To those of you who have a problem with the phenomenon of bikini-clad baristas, this post almost certainly won’t do anything to change your opinion. But if you’re a fan, you can put this arrow in your quiver. Why? Because if this “Sweet Cheeks” barista hadn’t been so concerned about her appearance, her appearance would have been drastically altered. As reported in The Highline Times (Washington) Police Blotter:

One person was slightly injured when a minivan crashed into a bikini espresso stand near S. 262nd St. and Pacific Highway. Police at the scene say that the minivan went off the highway and crashed head-on into the drive-thru window at Sweet Cheeks Espresso. The driver was slightly hurt in the crash.

According to crews at the scene, the barista who would have been standing at the window was unhurt, as she was actually touching up her make-up in another room when the minivan hit.

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job

Are you insinuating, sir, that I am not gainfully employed? Well, let me tell you something … Per wfmj.com:

School authorities report to police that the fifteen year old boy was caught in the school with five packages of pot on Tuesday. The assistant principal told officers that the boy confessed that he intended to sell the marijuana to another student.

Uh-oh.

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If you are prone to occasionally jostling, you’ll want to stay out of Topeka, Kansas. Why? The long (non-jostling) arm of the law, that’s why. From the Topeka Municipal Code:

9.45.060 Jostling, crowding.

It shall be unlawful to be found jostling or roughly crowding or pushing any person in any public place.

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Hey, The Juice wasn’t born yesterday, or the day before that, or …  this gent clearly thinks the police were. He “fell asleep” at 3:10 a.m. on the subway? As reported by brooklynpaper.com in the police blotter for the 84th Precinct (Brooklyn Heights–DUMBO–Boerum Hill–Downtown):

A thief swiped a sleeping man’s wallet on a Coney Island-bound N train on April 6, according to the authorities.

The victim said he went out for drinks in Manhattan and that when he boarded the train at Herald Square at 3:10 am, his wallet was in his front pocket. He said he fell asleep immediately and did not wake up until the train reached the Atlantic Avenue–Barclays Center stop, at which point he discovered that his billfold had been lifted, cops said.

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So this couple was shooting a gun in the woods. What’s the big deal? Well, there are all kinds of woods. As reported by The Bradenton Herald:

A man and a woman have been charged with getting drunk and shooting at a tree at G.T. Bray Park in Bradenton, according to police. About 11:10 p.m. Sunday, officers responded to reports of gunfire at the park, 5502 33rd Ave. Drive W.

They were in a public park! Doh!

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So maybe it’s not CSI, but it’s damn impressive nevertheless. As reported by www.big1059.com out of Miami,Florida:

An Akron man who pleaded guilty to aggravated burglary and robbery will spend six years in prison. 40-year-old Charles Smallwood was also sentenced to an additional four years on two other pending cases for a total ten year sentence.

About the duct tape …

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