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If you are prone to occasionally jostling, you’ll want to stay out of Topeka, Kansas. Why? The long (non-jostling) arm of the law, that’s why. From the Topeka Municipal Code:

9.45.060 Jostling, crowding.

It shall be unlawful to be found jostling or roughly crowding or pushing any person in any public place.

Lest you think The Juice is making this up, click here and search “jostling”. (The “search” box is in the upper right corner.)

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drunk passed out

Hey, The Juice wasn’t born yesterday, or the day before that, or …  this gent clearly thinks the police were. He “fell asleep” at 3:10 a.m. on the subway? As reported by brooklynpaper.com in the police blotter for the 84th Precinct (Brooklyn Heights–DUMBO–Boerum Hill–Downtown):

A thief swiped a sleeping man’s wallet on a Coney Island-bound N train on April 6, according to the authorities.

The victim said he went out for drinks in Manhattan and that when he boarded the train at Herald Square at 3:10 am, his wallet was in his front pocket. He said he fell asleep immediately and did not wake up until the train reached the Atlantic Avenue–Barclays Center stop, at which point he discovered that his billfold had been lifted, cops said.

Just so it’s clear, the guy goes out drinking on Saturday night, and is on the train at 3:10 a.m. on Sunday morning when he “falls asleep.” Really? He must be one sound sleeper, not waking up as someone took his billfold from his front pocket. Please. Does anyone really believe the dude was not 100% passed out? It was in his front pocket! Anyway, as for what the perp got …

The wallet contained debit and credit cards, a MetroCard, and $100 in cash, according to a police report.

Hey, it could have been worse (iPhone, watch, clothes [like he would have noticed?]).

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gun handgun 357

So this couple was shooting a gun in the woods. What’s the big deal? Well, there are all kinds of woods. As reported by The Bradenton Herald:

A man and a woman have been charged with getting drunk and shooting at a tree at G.T. Bray Park in Bradenton, according to police. About 11:10 p.m. Sunday, officers responded to reports of gunfire at the park, 5502 33rd Ave. Drive W.

They were in a public park! Doh!

As [the police] arrived, officers stopped a car as it was leaving the park. Inside, they found that the driver, identified as Ian Tucker, 29, was drunk and openly carrying a gun, according to a report.

“He explained that he and his female passenger had been shooting at a tree within the park,” the report states.

Yup. Nothing to worry about here officer. Just a drunk couple shooting a gun in a public park.

Tucker and the woman, Rachelle Lacasse, 29, were each charged with openly carrying a weapon, discharging a firearm in public or on residential property and improper exhibition of a weapon. They were released from the Manatee County jail after posting bonds totaling $1,120 each.

You’ll find the source, including mug shots, here.

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So maybe it’s not CSI, but it’s damn impressive nevertheless. As reported by www.big1059.com out of Miami,Florida:

An Akron man who pleaded guilty to aggravated burglary and robbery will spend six years in prison. 40-year-old Charles Smallwood was also sentenced to an additional four years on two other pending cases for a total ten year sentence.

About the duct tape …

The victim, who was 91-years-old at the time of the offense, was awakened around 2:30 a.m. on August 5 when two men broke into his house. The burglars put duct tape on one of the windows so there would not be noise when they broke in.

The burglars went to the victim’s bedroom and pushed him around demanding money. The victim began to yell, at which point they found some money in the pants he had worn that day. They took off before police got there.

The victim could not identify the suspects, so DNA was taken from the duct tape on the window. There was a hit on Smallwood and a swab was obtained. His DNA matched the DNA on the duct tape.

Bam! Nicely done, officers.

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Maybe it’s not an addiction. A fetish? Whatever the reason, this gent is flat out not allowed to go to this Walmart, but he can’t help himself. As reported by The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A man went into a local discount store to buy lightbulbs. He paid for them and left the store. No problem, right?

Actually, it was a problem. And why was that?

The man had been ordered on Jan. 28, 2013, to stay out of Walmart. The Niceville Police Department arrest report didn’t say why.

Banned from Walmart? Hmm. There’s got to be a story there. So how was he caught?

He was spotted by a loss prevention employee buying light bulbs.  He was stopped a short distance from Walmart and ID’d by the employee.

Video footage confirmed he had gone into the store a couple of times.

Doh! Damn cameras!

He was charged with misdemeanor trespassing and will step before a judge on April 22.

Here’s the source.

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It would be misleading, though not totally false, to say this guy walked into a Florida Papa John’s and stole pizza. Here’s what happened, per wptv.com:

Polk County deputies say a man walked into Papa John’s Pizza restaurant, put on a pizza costume, and then walked out of the Lakeland restaurant Sunday evening.

You stole a pizza costume? The Juice is guessing you didn’t know they have video cameras in the store.

Detectives say a white man, perhaps 18 years old, entered the restaurant with six others, wearing a white button-up shirt, dark pants and a dark tie. He put the costume on and left the store wearing it.

The costume is described as approximately six feet tall, and looks like a giant slice of pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, green peppers and black olives.

Video surveillance shows the images of the suspect and four persons of interest. They are described as three older white males with dark hair. One had a full beard. The fourth person of interest is described as a white female with dark hair.

Here’s the source, including a photo.

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Whatever your opinion is on the legalization of marijuana, it goes without saying that it’s illegal in many places. It also going without saying that you shouldn’t try to sneak it on a plane and into a foreign country when you know it’s illegal in that country. Or does it? As reported by The Boston Herald:

Harvard is being tight-lipped after one of its instructors was busted with pot in her underwear after landing in Bermuda for a weekend getaway with her husband.

In her underwear! Brilliant! Nobody has tried to hide anything there before … except the Underwear Bomber, and probably scores of other folks!

Drug-sniffing dogs alerted authorities to the 6 grams of marijuana in a small plastic bag stuffed in Mey Akashah’s underwear on Friday.

So you’re saying the authorities have dogs that can smell pot? No way! Okay, she’s busted. Do you think this woman will go down without a fight?

Akashah, an environmental health instructor at the school of public health, told the arresting officers a doctor had prescribed the pot to treat her nausea after a colon operation, according to the Bermuda Sun News.

Whew. So there is an explanation for all this. Or, is there?

… at a hearing yesterday, Akashah failed to pony up any documentation showing she’d been prescribed marijuana for medical reasons. The Harvard instructor acknowledged that she knew marijuana was illegal in Bermuda but said she “responded illogically due to the amount of pain I was in.”

A senior magistrate said he found it “strange” she couldn’t provide any proof, but he discharged her from custody with no fine. He said a conviction would have had an “overwhelming effect” on her.

Wow. That was incredibly nice. The Juice is totally fine with this outcome, unless she was lying. The Juice despises liars.

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This really is like the hen picking up the phone, calling the fox, and inviting him over for dinner. As for why this gent would call the police, consider what he was doing in his house. As reported by The Florida Times-Union:

Shaune Lawrence, 54, reported his Fleming Court home had been invaded by two men and gave deputies consent to search, the Sheriff’s Office said. Once inside, they instead found a spare bedroom and bathroom that were being used as “grow rooms” containing the plants and an elaborate setup of lights and chemicals.

Think he was baked?

Lawrence was arrested about 4 a.m., charged with cultivating marijuana, possession of more than 20 grams of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.

The Sheriff’s Office said the plants would have yielded 55 pounds for a street value of about $44,000.

Here’s the source.

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Public urination must occur almost as frequently as … um … public intoxication? Anyway, you probably wouldn’t be reading this if the gentleman in question, Mr. Nathan Strawn, had not allegedly urinated on the Nativity scene in a public square in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania! The Juice is not a criminal lawyer, but how about this defense:

Public? I thought it was some old, abandoned barn. Damn you pea-sized bladder!

Back to the crime scene. As reported by The Times Leader:

[King’s College student] Nathan Strawn, 22, was arrested after “he was observed fully exposed urinating on the Nativity scene located on Public Square,” city police said in a press release.

The incident occurred at approximately 1:54 a.m., police said.

Strawn was charged with indecent exposure, desecration of venerated objects, open lewdness, public drunkenness and disorderly conduct.

Say what? “Desecration of venerated objects?” Venerated by who? Regardless of one’s religious beliefs, the problematic nature of this vague charge should be axiomatic. As for the rest of the charges, well … er … uh … um. “Say, how ’bout those [fill in sports team]?”

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Almost everyone uses the remote control on their car key to lock the car. And it’s then alarmed too. What a great technology! Remotes have really come a long way. So you’re safe, right? Well, no. And here’s why, per wmbfnews.com:

Apparently thieves are targeting those keyless entry remotes by using a device to de-code the signal and break into vehicles.

Come again?

“On national news they’ve had coverage about these devices. If people are using their remote controls for their car locks they have this device that can pick it up and mimic the code so they can get into the vehicle after you leave,” according to Captain David Knipes with the Myrtle Beach Police Department.


Captain Knipes believes this crime is just another reminder to be careful and aware of your surroundings, “If you can take that extra time to manually hit the door lock than that’s something you should do.”

Not gonna happen. The Juice will not be altering his behavior (although it’s usually not an issue since he commutes to work by bicycle.) You can read a little bit more here.

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