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bad seat mate seatmate

Every trip is better when the seat next to you is open, whether you’re on a plane, a bus, or, as in this case, a train. Why was this gent a bad draw as a seatmate? Well, as reported atbrevardtimes.com:

 A 33-year-old Florida man was charged Tuesday with lewd or lascivious exhibition for masturbating in plain view on a passenger train. The defendant, Daniel Michael of Marathon, FL, is accused of exposing himself in front of a young child during the incident.

Yikes.

The Volusia County Sheriff’s Office was dispatched to the Amtrak station just west of DeLand Tuesday morning after the conductor reported the alleged incident to Amtrak authorities. An Amtrak agent called the Sheriff’s Office, saying the train was due in the station in just a few minutes.

When deputies got to the station at 9:16 a.m., the train had arrived and they talked to a passenger in the coach section who alleged that while he was trying to sleep, Michael was masturbating in the seat next to him. The witness said Michael then got up while still exposed and walked down the aisle to the bathroom to finish the act, passing by a small child along the way who appeared to be around 3-years-old.

Think Mr. Michael had an explanation for this? Yup.

According to deputies, Michael’s explanation was that his covers were moving back and forth because his stomach was itchy.  Deputies say that he later acknowledged to them that he might have accidentally ejaculated on the bathroom floor.

An accidental erection followed by accidental ejaculation? Really?

Michael was arrested for lewd or lascivious exhibition in the presence of a victim under the age of 16 and transported to the Volusia County Branch Jail in Daytona Beach.

You’ll find the source, including a mug shot, here.

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It probably went something like this: “Don’t worry, honey. I’ll call my friend the Judge. You’ll be out in no time.” Or not, though the call was made to the Honorable James (“Jim”) Patrick Sharp, Jr., Justice on the First Court of Appeals in Houston, Harris County, Texas. Here’s what happened, from the State Commission on Judicial Conduct’s Findings of Fact:

On January 17, 2012, at approximately 8:00 p.m., Justice Sharp received a telephone call from a family friend informing him that her 15-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting at a department store in Brazoria County.

The friend informed Justice Sharp that her daughter had been taken to the Brazoria County Juvenile Detention Center (hereinafter “Juvenile Detention”). She further informed Justice Sharp that Juvenile Detention staff had advised her that pursuant to standard policy, her daughter would not be released until the following morning.

The friend asked Justice Sharp for assistance in securing her daughter’s early release from Juvenile Detention so that she would not be required to spend the night at the facility.

So what did the Judge do? Plenty.

During all of the calls, Justice Sharp identified himself as a Justice of the First Court of Appeals; he stated that he was calling on behalf of his friend’s daughter (hereinafter the “juvenile”); and he sought information on how to secure the juvenile’s early release from Juvenile Detention.

During all of the calls, Justice Sharp was advised that Brazoria County had a policy that required the juvenile to remain in Juvenile Detention until the following morning, at which time a judge would magistrate her and/or review her case.

Policy? Fuhgeddaboutit!

Not satisfied with the response he had been given, Justice Sharp repeatedly and persistently asked Juvenile Detention staff what could be done to secure the juvenile’s early release, and offered to drive to the facility to magistrate and/or “sign orders to release” the juvenile that night.

First up?

During his conversation with the Assistant Director, Justice Sharp referred to the possibility of Brazoria County being sued for failing to release the juvenile that night, stating: “[Y]our county is going to be sued for hundreds of thousands of dollars for this. You’ll have picked the wrong little girl that has friends in high places to mess with.”

Justice Sharp also stated to the Assistant Director, “Well, I can tell you this, things are about to change in Brazoria County. You guys are a bunch of back woods hillbillies that use screwed up methods in dealing with children and I can promise you this, things are about to change in Brazoria County.”

Charming. Moving right along …

At approximately 10:00 p.m. that night, Justice Sharp telephoned a local District Judge and left a voicemail message advising the judge that a friend’s daughter was being detained in Juvenile Detention, and that he hoped the judge would “make a call” to release her.

Justice Sharp also sent a text message to the District Judge asking if he would call Juvenile Detention to help “get [the juvenile] released tonight.”

Next up?

At approximately 10:30 p.m. that night, Justice Sharp telephoned a Brazoria County Commissioner and left a voicemail message identifying himself as “Justice Jim Sharp in Houston,” and advising the Commissioner that his friend’s daughter had been arrested for shoplifting and was being held in Juvenile Detention.

In his voicemail message, Justice Sharp asked the Commissioner, “What can we do to get that girl out tonight?” Justice Sharp further expressed his opinion there was “no sense” in having the juvenile spend the night in jail, and that, “I need your help. You will probably know who to call to make the keys go open.”

At approximately 11:47 p.m. that night, Justice Sharp sent a text message to the Commissioner, stating as follows: “If I were Brazoria Co. commissioner, I’d be on [the] look out for some serious lawsuits arising from your juvie [sic] facilities. . . You don’t release 15 yrs olds accused of simple shoplifting (bra and jeans) to their parents on the request of an Appeals Ct Justice? Serious problems there, Dude. Call me pronto, please. Justice Jim Sharp.”

Props for being such a good friend?

In voicemail and text messages to the District Judge and the County Commissioner, Justice Sharp made the following statements concerning a Juvenile Detention officer, who Justice Sharp accused of being “rude” to him:

a. The officer was the “most arrogant little prick [he] had ever talked to in [his] life,” and that if he had met with the officer “in person,” the officer would have known that he “had visited.”

b. If he had spoken to the officer “in person,” and if Justice Sharp had been in possession of a “baseball bat . . . that son of a bitch would have been cracked upside the head. Fucking little cocksucker.”

c. “Brazoria County Juvie Folks are [not] just arrogant but ignorant. When an Appeals Court Justice calls and identifies himself and then they refer to me as ‘Mr.’ Sharp, it bespeaks a fundamental misunderstanding of respect and pecking order!”

d. “[S]ome county paycheck functionary . . . call[ing] me ‘rude’ also is totally unacceptable and that stupid asshole need find [a] new job that never has him communicating with appellate court justices. Had I been there personally, it would have been damn ugly for him.”

Yikes.

During this same night, Justice Sharp unsuccessfully attempted to contact a former State Representative, a senior district court judge, and a local criminal defense attorney, all in an effort to secure the juvenile’s early release from Juvenile Detention.

Shazam! Like The Juice said, the Judge was fortunate to only receive a public reprimand. You’ll find the full document here.

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fast food grease cooking

The Juice assumed, as many of you probably did too, that working at a fast food restaurant would turn you off to the food. Kind of like, I don’t know what happens in the kitchen, and I don’t want to know. Well, this worker gives the lie to that notion, as reported by beenews.com (Western New York):

A manager at McDonald’s reported that one of the restaurant’s employees walked out with a package of Canadian bacon, two packages of hot fudge syrup, a package of ranch sauce, seven happy meal toys, six cooked grilled chicken patties and two pounds of cooked bacon.

Woo! The Juice’s stomach is percolating just thinking about downing that haul.

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angry ref referee mad

It’s often said that security guards are wannabe cops. Have you ever heard that said about refs? Me either. But check this out, as reported by wwl.com:

An apparent argument over crowd control between high school football referees and members of the Covington Police Department led to the arrest of two members of the officiating crew.

You probably saw that coming. So what happened?

The incident happened at the Mandeville-St. Paul’s game at about 8:45 Friday night.

St. Paul’s Athletic Director Craig Ketelson told WWL’s Deke Bellavia, who was broadcasting from the game, that an argument between two referees and police that were providing security became heated.

Ketelsen said, “I have never seen anything like this before.”

And you probably won’t again …

Covington Police Captain Jack West told Deke Bellavia what officers say happened in the incident:

“Well, a referee asked a police officer to move some people back.  The police officer moved them back.  Another referee came up to the police officer and told him, ‘that’s not far enough.’  The police officer explained….would you please handle the game, referee the game, and we will handle the crowd for you. The second referee told the police officer, nose-to-nose with the police officer, ‘you’re out of the game…get outta here.’  And the police officer said, ‘excuse me sir, just referee the game, and we’ll handle the crowd.’  And he says ‘no, get out.  Get out now.’

West went on to say, “There’s several witnesses that stepped forward who stepped forward to say that’s what happened. So, the two referees have been arrested for public intimidation.”

Yes, the refs actually thought their authority was greater than the police officers controlling the crowd. Click here for the source.

 

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Believe me, The Juice is all for a dad spending as much time as possible with his son. Perhaps that needs a little qualification. That time should not include committing burglary together, while intoxicated! Doh! Check out this story, as reported by whnt.com:

A father and son are in the DeKalb County Jail, facing burglary and other charges. Authorities say one of them fell asleep on the botched job.

According to reports, 37-year-old Christopher Wright and his son, 19-year-old Caleb Wright, broke into a woman’s home in the Cartersville community overnight Sunday. Authorities say the two were apparently intoxicated and stole several items from the home.

Could one of those “other charges” be providing alcohol to an underage individual? So, how were they caught?

The sheriff’s office reports the men decided to hide when the woman woke up. The woman found the younger Wright, Caleb, passed out beneath the bed of her invalid husband.

She called police and a neighbor. It turns out the neighbor was Caleb Wright’s grandfather.

Authorities say the grandfather removed his grandson from the home and later turned him over to officers. The father, Christopher Wright, was also later taken into custody.

All in all, not a banner day for the Wright family.

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ski mask robber burglar rob

Here’s a question for all you criminals out there, and anyone else with a modicum of common sense, or anyone who has ever watched TV (so, basically everyone): If you’re committing a crime, what’s a good way to hide your identity? You will never guess the method employed by these three fellas. As reported by brooklynpaper.com, in the 68th Precinct (Bay Ridge—Dyker Heights):

Three thugs holding their hands over their faces jumped a woman on 63rd Street on Sept. 24, police state.

Your hands? First of all, your hands? Second, that leaves you with just 3 hands total to commit the crime. Third, doesn’t that make it hard to see what you’re doing? Brilliant!

The victim reported she was walking between Eighth and Ninth avenues at 12:30 am when a silver minivan pulled up alongside her. The trio of fiends jumped out, hiding their identities behind their palms.

The threesome threw the woman to the ground, and took her iPhone and $1,000 in cash. The crooks dropped the money a few feet away, but held onto the phone.

Yeah, who needs cash any way. You got an iPhone! Go figure, because The Juice can’t.

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burner phone prepaid phones

This may sound crazy, but when you make a call on your cell phone, there’s a record of it.  And that record can come back to bite you in the arse, as may very well happen to this New Hampshire man. As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

An alleged serial burglar who prosecutors say called his victims to see if they were home testified that he had nothing to do with breaking into seven homes in Rockingham County.

Joshua Fowler, 34, formerly of Sandown and Derry, is on trial for playing a role in the break-ins that happened at homes in Derry, Londonderry and Hampstead between October 2009 and March 2010.

He is accused of either burglarizing the homes on his own, or working as an accomplice. Prosecutors said Wednesday that a key piece of evidence against Fowler was his cell phone calls made to the targeted homes prior to the break-ins.

“It’s a classic circumstantial case,” Assistant County Attorney Jerome Blanchard told a judge Wednesday.

Seems like pretty strong circumstantial evidence.  So what was Mr. Fowler’s explanation?

…  sometimes, he told jurors, he did loan one of his cell phones to a friend, which was later connected to the break-ins.

Wow. That is an incredible series of coincidences, what with there being seven burglaries over six months! But there was other evidence presented.

Homeowners and police were called to testify about the stolen merchandise, which included jewelry, a Macintosh laptop computer and a LCD flat screen television.

Blanchard confronted Fowler about the phone calls made to the homes on his cell phone, and trips to pawn shops that Fowler made that year.

Okay. How about that?

Fowler testified that two valuables he sold — a Claddagh ring and a bar of silver — were not stolen but were given to him by his parents.

Blanchard confronted Fowler citing the testimony of homeowners who claimed the valuables belonged to them.

“Anyone can claim anything,” Fowler said. “I don’t see no serial numbers on them.”

The Juice isn’t there. And he is also skeptical of pretty much all reporting. But if this is a fair summary of the proceedings, it’s not looking too good for Mr. Fowler. You’ll find the source here, including a photo from the trial.

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drunk man person guy singing

Apparently this gent was a real peach on the flight. But that was nothing compared to his antics as he departed the plane.  As reported by The Manchester Evening News:

A drunken jet passenger was tasered by police after stripping naked on the airpot tarmac – and challenging the captain to a fight.

The 52-year-old man, who had arrived in Manchester on an easyJet flight from Malta, also urinated up the side of the Terminal One building.

Yikes!

Video taken of the amazing incident shows the burly, bald man removing his clothes on the runway apron and posturing at the captain – before receiving a slap across the face from his female companion.

You can read more (a fair amount) and see photos and video here.

 

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go play in traffic

Mother of the day! So maybe she didn’t tell her kid to go play in traffic. What this Texas mom did do, though, was arguably worse. As reported by khou.com

Police in League City arrested a woman Monday night accused of making her 10-year-old son walk along the Gulf Freeway frontage road as a form of punishment.

According to the police department, officers received a report of a child walking on the shoulder of the 2100 block of the Gulf Freeway around 8:30 p.m.

During the investigation, police said it was discovered the boy had been forced out of a vehicle by his mom and told to walk home.

Yes that was on a “freeway,” at night! So what happened to her?

Angela Graciela Garcia, 34, was later arrested and charged with abandoning/endangering a child. Her bond was set at $7,500.

Here’s the source, including Ms. Garcia’s mug shot.

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cucumber cucumbers

Exactly how did this burglar get busted by a cucumber? Here’s how, as reported by The Hull Daily Mail:

A dozy burglar was caught by police after having a bite out of a cucumber.

Got it yet?

Billy Donnelly, from Bransholme, Hull was caught after leaving DNA at the scene on a cucumber he had taken a bite from.

Doh! Curse you DNA! Even the Judge noted the unusual nature of this case.

The honorary Recorder of Hull and the East Riding, Judge Michael Mettyear, declared in disbelief: “He was caught by a cucumber.”

You can read a lot more about the case and see Mr. Donnelly’s mug shot here.