Squeezed on:

attorney lawyer

Unless there is something the reporter is holding back (or didn’t bother to find out), this lawyer did one helluva job for his client. What did he do? Read this, as reported by www.reviewonline (East Liverpool, Ohio):

Jason Cope, 38, Silliman Street, pleaded guilty to OVI second offense, attempting to use deception to obtain dangerous drugs and falsification. Additionally he stipulated to a probation violation charge.

Do you know how much jail time he got for these four offenses? Zippy. Squadoosh. Nada. He had already been …

… sentenced in Columbiana County Common Pleas Court to six months in prison on Monday for a felony receiving stolen property charge …

As for the four offenses mentioned above?

Judge Mark Frost sentenced Cope to 120 days in jail for the probation violation and 180 days in jail for each of the other three charges, but allowed Cope to serve them concurrently to his prison charge. He was granted credit for 16 days already served.

Additionally, Frost suspended Cope’s license for two years and fined him $1,175.

You can read more – but nothing that will explain this head-scratcher – here.

Squeezed on:

house.jpg

Hey, younger drivers are going to make mistakes, especially after they’ve had something to drink. Here’s the latest installment of “Yikes” as reported by The Hamilton Spectator (Ontario):

A Burlington teen faces careless driving charges after crashing into a home. Halton police say ‘miraculously’ no one was injured when the 19-year-old left the roadway at 10 p.m. Wednesday night.

You’ve got to see the pictures. (Click here.)

The novice driver in a Ford Taurus and a male passenger left the west side of the roadway before crossing the front lawns of two homes. The car struck the front of a house with such impact police say the vehicle’s entire front end was lodged inside.

Think the homeowner was pissed?

“I ran right to the guy (driver) and started yelling at him,” homeowner Kathy Thring told the Burlington Post. “He kept telling me he was sorry. I told him he could have hurt someone.” Thring, her husband Darrin, and two daughters, Taylor, 13, and Sutherlin, 10, were home at the time.

The car remained in the house Thursday morning. Police say main support systems of the home looked to be significantly compromised.

The charges?

Mitchell Bolduc, 19 is charged with careless driving and having a blood alcohol concentration above zero. The accused is a novice driver which under the Highway Traffic Act of Ontario, restricts drivers from having any alcohol at all.

Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

tough%20shit%20cat%20dancing%20funny%20black.gif

For real. Apparently it wasn’t the first time Michael Rainey’s cat mistook neighbor Joseph Loflin’s yard for a litter box. As reported by Click2Houston.com:

“‘Your cat has been back there defecating in my back yard,'” [former police officer] Loflin said he told his neighbor. “I used the slang word, the four-letter word to describe what the cat was doing.”

The “slang word?”

Both men agree that Loflin used the “s” word. Rainey said his 13-year-old daughter was nearby.

Not the S-bomb! Now it’s on.

“I said, ‘Look, I’ve asked you twice. This is the third time. Don’t use that language in front of my daughter,'” Rainey said he told Loflin. “That’s when he responded, ‘There’s nothing wrong with the word, and if I want to use the word, I’ll use the word.'”

Uh huh. So there’s a 13-year-old out there who hasn’t heard the word “shit” before? He probably thinks his daughter isn’t on Facebook … So how did the police get involved?

“I didn’t call him a filthy name,” Loflin said. “I didn’t call him … I didn’t use any profanity towards him. I used it as a noun, then I used it as an adverb to describe what his cat was doing. I think it was greatly taken out of context.” After Loflin threatened to get a trap, Rainey called the police. The police wrote Loflin a ticket for disorderly conduct because of language.

Absurd.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

no littering sign don't litter litterbug bug

Have you EVER heard of anyone getting a ticket for littering? They should, but it just never seems to happen, much to The Juice’s chagrin.  Well, a litterbug in New York got busted, sort of. As reported by brooklynpaper.com:

The litterbug told police that he tossed some trash in the parking lot of a fast-food chain between Kingsland and Morgan avenues at 12:50 pm. A moment later, two men came up to him and showed him shields.

Officer, arrest that man! He just admitted to littering! No?

“Hold on,” said one of the men. “What you are doing is illegal.”

Citizen’s arrest! Citizen’s arrest! (This is funny only to geezers like The Juice who watched The Andy Griffith Show.) Sadly, there was no citizen’s arrest, but there was a little bit of strange justice doled out.

The fake cops told the man that they would write him a ticket if he did not give them $60 on the spot. They followed him to his house, but he could not find any money there, so they walked him to an automatic teller machine, where he withdrew $60 and gave it to the men, the real cops reported.

Bam! $60 fine! The Juice is smiling.

 

 

Squeezed on:

first class seat

If you have ever been lucky enough to fly first class, maybe you’ll have some understanding of what this man did… As reported by The Highline Times (Washington State):

A man sits in King County jail after he allegedly bolted through a security checkpoint at Sea-Tac Airport and onto an empty plane. The suspect did not have a plane ticket when he ran through the TSA passenger screening area. The man reportedly made it to Gate D10 and is accused of going through emergency exit doors and onto an airport ramp. He then climbed the stairs to the jetway, broke safety glass on a security door, made it on to an empty American Airlines plane and belted himself in a first class seat. Officers entered the plane and were able to take the suspect into custody after a short struggle. The man, in his late 20ʼs, was likely under the influence of drugs. A judge set bail at $100,000.

First, what the hell kind of security is that? A guy who is completely wasted makes it through the TSA screening, gets all the way to Gate D10 (you know that’s not close), and then makes it onto a plane? And $100,000 bail seems a little excessive. He hardly sounds like a flight risk (get it?).

Squeezed on:

 

FRG3plate

(photo via @andy_boothe)

It’s not too hard to figure out who the owner of this vehicle roots for. It’s a little harder to figure out why someone who came across this plate decided to take it to another level. As reported in The Washington Post:

The above license plate was tweeted to Dan yesterday by an eagle-eyed reader who took exception to its meaning. While there are many possible explanations for what the “F” stands for, the Cowboys sticker on the car indicates that the real answer is one I can’t write here.

The person who tweeted the photo also copied the Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles’ Twitter feed. The DMV is on top of its social media, and has vowed to look into it.

The Juice has posted numerous stories on license plates and the license plate police. Just use the search box to the right to find more. (Search “license plate”.)

 

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

female police officer

And this thief thought she had the perfect hiding place. Well, as it turned out, not so much. As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky)

Demonica Allen was arrested after police say she stole money while working at a stand during a University of Louisville game.

Police uncovered $166 from Allen after she was arrested.

The money was concealed in Allen’s private area. Police say Allen hid the money in her private area so that officers would not find be able retrieve it.

Just goes to show you that, regardless of the planning that goes into it, there is no such thing as the “perfect crime” … Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

Squeezed on:

dui check point checkpoint dwi

If you’ve had a few, and you’re approaching a DUI check point, what would you do? The Juice can say with at least 99% certainty that you would not do what this man did. As reported by BeeNews.com (Western New York):

A vehicle entered a road check being conducted by the Buffalo Strike Force Detail on Lisbon Street. A Trooper observed that the operator was drinking a beer and that the vehicle had bald tires. The operator failed field sobriety tests and was placed under arrest for Driving While Intoxicated.

The dude was drinking a beer at a DUI check point! Shocking that he failed the field sobriety test …

Squeezed on:

crime

A Mississippi state legislator waisted little time in between talking about the crime problem in Jackson to becoming part of it. As reported by wapt.com:

Hours after state Sen. John Horhn hosted a meeting addressing crime problems in Jackson, he was arrested on a DUI charge, police confirmed.

Horhn had called a meeting at the State Capitol earlier in the evening and heard from Jackson residents about crime.

The gent called the meeting! It must not have gone too well.

Horhn was pulled over about 11:30 p.m. Thursday on Beasley Road in front of Callaway High School, a Jackson police official said.

Horhn was booked and released early Friday morning, authorities said. A court hearing is scheduled for Monday, officials said.

You’ll find the source, and a photo of the senator, here.

Posted in: Bam!
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

back-seat%20driver%20backseat.jpg

Let’s just say this lady does not take criticism well, especially when she’s behind the wheel. What did she do when her husband took exception to her driving? As reported by The Argus Leader (South Dakota):

A Sioux Falls woman tried to run down her husband with a Chrysler New Yorker Thursday night for questioning her driving skills, police say.

Shazam! You might be wondering about the logistics of running someone down for “backseat” driving. The Juice will explain.

The officer had responded to a report of a dispute in the street near the intersection of West 29th Street and South Lake Avenue, where neighbors reported that a man had been hit with a vehicle after arguing with the driver.

Iron Heart sped away quickly when the officer tried to pull her over near 33rd Street and West Avenue, Clemens said, and the pursuit ended due to high speeds near 33rd and Willow Avenue.

The officer returned to the scene of the dispute and spoke with Iron Heart’s husband, who told him he’d upset her when he complained about her erratic driving and demanded to get out of the car. She apparently followed him with the car when he got out, and he later told the officer he’d “bounced” off the hood at one point during the ensuing argument.

Lady, are you high? Well …

Police caught 37-year-old Crystal Lee Iron Heart at the Arena Motel at around 8 p.m. … Iron Hawk was charged with DUI, aggravated assault and aggravated eluding. She also was charged with one count of hit-and-run for allegedly tagging a parked car at 33rd and West.

[HT to a lawyer-source who prefers to remain anonymous. Can you blame him?]

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated: