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It’s not uncommon for people to try to shoplift by putting items down their pants. But an entire rack of ribs? Twice? Truth, as reported by The Sentinel (Pennsylvania).

After going three months without getting in trouble, a Carlisle man was back in police custody Sunday afternoon after trying to steal a rack or ribs by sticking them in his pants.

Carlisle police said Donald Noone, 65, attempted to pull the same stunt on May 22 at the Giant on South Spring Garden Street.

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It’s really nice when siblings hang out together. After this stunt, they’re going to be doing something else together that’s not so nice. As reported by the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office (Florida):

Two sisters from Miami were both arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol Saturday night because after being stopped by deputies, they switched seats in the vehicle they were traveling in.

That there was some quick thinking. Why settle for one DUI when you can get two?

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The source for today’s Juice? A Change.org petition that came The Juice’s way. No doubt this law will end homosexuality in Alabama… Clearly a class adhering to the requirements of this law cannot be called sex “education.” The law is Section 16-40A-2 of the Alabama Code:


… (c) Course materials and instruction that relate to sexual education or sexually transmitted diseases should include all of the following elements:

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As reported in The Huffington Post, Patrick Syring, who “apparently” is a former State Department foreign service officer, really, really dislikes Arabs and the Arab American Institute. (He was indicted for threatening the staff at the Arab American Institute.) Here are a few voice-mails and e-mails:

[Voice mail to the Institute:] Hello, I’m Patrick I’m in Arlington VA, and I think James Zogby is worse than Osama bin Laden. Since he supports Hezballah, he’s an anti-Semitic motherfucker, and the only good Arab is a dead Arab.

[Voice mail to an Institute employee:] Hello Valerie, you fucking Arab American shit. James Zogby and you are all Hezballah supporters. The only good Arab is a dead Arab… You God [inaudible] bitch.

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Since the Juice is against school dress codes, how do you think he feels about “hair” codes? Check this out, from The Hindu (the “Online edition of India’s National Newspaper”):

In a bizarre incident, a teacher snipped off the hair of five students in a school in Burdwan district of West Bengal for allegedly not adhering to the institute’s code of conduct related to hairdo.

The teacher, Manisha Ray, cut short the hair of the students for violating the rule of tying two plaits and coming with with a single plait during the morning prayers. As news of the incident spread, irate guardians entered the school premises in protest. They locked the teachers in a room and demanded Ms. Ray’s suspension. The police arrested Ms. Ray following complaints by the guardians of the students whose hair was cut off.

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You know the cops are getting annoying, idiotic calls like this all the time. As reported in the Sun Star Courier:

FRAUD, CRYSTAL CREEK DRIVE [Brecksville, Ohio]: A resident reported April 1 that someone had hacked into her email account and sent money requests to those on her contact list.

The victim was made aware of the situation when her friends began calling to inquire about the emails. The report did not state if anyone sent the requested funds.

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Do not read this within 30 minutes of eating. It’s gross. It’s about diarrhea. As reported by Syracuse.com, there was a dispute between two roommates about said diarrhea.

Palmieri, 59, was suffering from severe diarrhea March 10 in the apartment he shared at 473 Pleasantview Ave. with David Utt, 62, according to a Syracuse police report.

“I asked him to use the bathroom fan so that it wouldn’t smell up the house,” Utt said in a written statement. The request upset Palmieri.

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In some ways, The Juice is like a comedian hoping the buffoon gets elected so he’ll have good material. Well, folks like this will keep The Juice knee-deep in oranges for years to come. Here’s yet another example of a time-wasting prosecution of an f-bomb case. The Juice has two words for these folks: First Amendment. As reported by KJZZ (Arizona):

A Mohave County man convicted of trespassing for wearing an obscenity-laced T-shirt to a Board of Supervisors meeting has lost another round in court. KJZZ’s Al Macias reports.

Just remember, he lost a “round.” He’ll win the fight.

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Why should police officer read Legal Juice? If they did, they would know, as all regular Juice readers do, that the Constitution allows folks to flip them off, and to cuss. Sure, they can make an arrest, but in the end, the flipper or cusser will be walking away with some cash. (For example, see this Juice post.) Until Legal Juice is required reading for all police officers, The Juice has no doubt that this will happen over and over again. The most recent example was reported by The Marietta Daily Journal.

Amy Barnes, a member of the Occupy movement, says she flipped off police and cussed at them as she was on her bike on Austell Road near her Marietta home. Two Cobb Police officers had teenagers stopped outside a store as Barnes showed her displeasure from the moving bike.

A two-fer – flipping and cussing. Whether she was disrespectful or not is irrelevant. The First Amendment applies regardless. So what happened next?

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So this gent needed money to buy some pot. It turns out he’s a mailman. Or was. Per The Highline Times (Burien, Washington):

[Former Des Moines mailman Charles] Wright, 57 [a Postal Service employee for 34 years, and Army veteran] was caught last year stealing gift cards from dozens of letters sent to residents along his Des Moines area route. He used stolen cash to buy marijuana, which he then smoked instead of delivering the rest of the mail he was paid to carry. He pleaded guilty in January to opening and destroying mail from numerous customers between July 2010 and July 2012. Wright searched for greeting cards in his bag, which he opened, then tore up and tossed away the cards.

Hmm. Hard to believe he wasn’t motivated to finish his route.