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doh

Got the gun? Check. Ready to do this? Check. In the bank? Um. No. Per the Lexington Herald-Leader:

Police in Nicholasville say a man showed a gun and tried to rob a bank, but he wasn’t in one.

The Jessamine South Elkhorn Water District has offices in what was formerly a branch of Farmers Bank.

City police spokesman Scott Harvey told the Lexington Herald-Leader a man came into the building Tuesday, showed a pistol and demanded money.

When an employee told the man the office really didn’t have any money, the confused would-be robber replied, “I know you have money. It’s a bank.”

He was told it was no longer a bank and he left with nothing.

If they catch the dude, just imagine the ribbing he’ll get in jail …

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We all have days that we just want to end, even The Juice. But we all, er, most of us, that is, power through those days. Not this gent. The damage? You won’t believe it. As reported by The Union Leader:

A former civilian painter who pleaded guilty Thursday to setting two fires aboard the USS Miami could serve about 20 years in prison and have to pay some of the $500 million in damages and injuries. [The victims in the case include the Navy as well as seven firefighters and sailors who were injured during the first fire, which took 12 hours to extinguish.]

Casey James Fury, 24, who worked at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard for two years, faces two counts of arson after he confessed to setting a four-alarm fire aboard the $900 million Los Angeles Class submarine May 23 and a smaller fire in the dry dock at the Kittery facility June 12.

Why? [Just pretend that you don’t already know.]

Investigators determined Fury, who worked as a painter and sandblaster, started the two fires because he was anxious and wanted to leave work.

Fury, who has been in custody at Cumberland County Jail since his arrest July 22, and his attorney, David Beneman, signed the agreement to plead guilty Tuesday with Thomas Delahanty, U.S. attorney for the District of Maine, and Assistant U.S. Attorneys Darcie McElwee and James Chapman.

Delahanty said Fury entered his plea in federal court Thursday.

So what’s the deal?

As part of the agreement, Fury could be imprisoned no less than 188 months – just over 15.6 years – and no more than 235 months – about 19.6 years, according to court records.

“The judge accepted it pending on a presentencing investigation,” Delahanty said, adding he anticipates the report to be finished in the next three months.

Here’s what Mr. Fury could have faced (or could be facing if the deal is ultimately rejected by the Judge):

Per federal statute, the first arson charge could keep Fury in prison for the rest of his life, and the second count has a maximum penalty of 25 years.

Here’s the source, including a photograph of Mr. Fury.

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u s us marshal badge

Okay, so this gent is probably a good U.S. Marshal. Still, ain’t no way Raylan Givens would have done this. Yeah, yeah. The Juice knows it’s a television show. But hey, it’s a damn good one.

As reported by The Northwest Florida Daily News:

An off-duty U.S. Marshal left his loaded gun in a dressing room at the Silver Sands Outlet Mall on Sunday afternoon.

A customer at Kenneth Cole found the gun in the dressing room.

She alerted a store clerk who then called the Walton County Sheriff’s Office.

By the time deputies arrived, the law officer had realized he had left his gun behind and was walking back in to retrieve it, said Catherine Rodriguez, a spokeswoman for the Sheriff’s Office.

“He felt pretty awful about it,” she said.

Would have felt worse if the gun had walked off and, say, was used in a crime. As for why the Marshal may have let his guard down …

The officer is a U.S. Marshal out of Atlanta who is vacationing in the area, Rodriguez said.

You’ll find the source here.

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too good to be true scam

Yeah, this was a job alright – a con job. How do people not see through these schemes? This one is out of the 62nd Precinct (Bensonhurst—Bath Beach) as reported by brooklynpaper.com:

The [22-year-old] victim said she applied for a position listed on the website Craigslist from her home in between 15th and 16th avenues and got a call from the schemer that she had gotten the job. The con man sent her two checks for $6,291.87, and told her to deposit them in her personal account and write and deliver checks to three of his vendors, she said.

The victim complied, and signed three checks totalling $4,799.10 and personally gave them to the supposed employees — only to get a call at 2 pm on Feb. 8 from a bank stating that the checks she had received were fraudulent and she was out the four grand in dough, police reported.

Who pays their bills that way? Why would the “employer” not just pay the “vendors” directly, by mail or otherwise? Like he needs you to do that? Doh!

 

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busted

Whether to prosecute or not is a judgment call. In this case, let it go! You will not believe what this woman is being prosecuted for. As reported by foxcarolina.com:

A Pickens woman has been arrested and charged after deputies said she failed to return a Jennifer Lopez movie she rented in 2005.

Kayla Michelle Finley, 27, has been charged with failure to return a rented video cassette, according to the Pickens County Sheriff’s Office.

According to warrants Finely rented Monster-In-Law from Dalton Video, which is no longer in business, in 2005 and the tape was not returned within 72 hours.

Finley was sent letters to return the video several times but never responded, according to the warrant. It also said a certified warrant was sent to the woman on Sept. 12, 2005.

Finley denied ever getting those warnings, and said she would fight the charges.

It’ll be the trial of the century! You’ll find the source, and a photo of Ms. Finley, here.

 

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It’s fair to say that people generally know what’s in their underwear, and where it came from, right? An Italian gentleman with a wad of a cash in his skivvies couldn’t answer the “where it came from” part, putting him in the soup. As reported at www.couriermail.com.au:

British border control officials caught an Italian man trying to smuggle £10,000 ($17,330) out of Northern Ireland in his underwear. The man was stopped by border control officials on July 23 as he boarded a flight to Rome from Belfast International Airport.

The cash – consisted of British Pound Sterling and Euro notes – was discovered in the man’s underwear, pockets and wallet.

The UK Border Agency said today the man was not able to provide a “reasonable explanation” for why he was carrying such a large amount of cash.

No explanation, no cash.

“The money was detained under the Proceeds of Crime Act and will only be returned if he can provide proof to a court that the money came from a legitimate source.”

The man chose not to travel on the flight, the agency said.

Hmm. Perhaps he wouldn’t be so welcomed without all that cashish. Here’s the source.

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no soup for you

Yeah, getting banned from the internet for a period of time is probably a fair punishment for what this man did. As reported by the New York Daily News:

Jason Willis, 31, thought he was just having some innocent fun advertising his neighbor’s sexual services on personal ad sites.

But he caught a whole lot of heat after men started turning up at her Waterford house at all hours of the day – including one who was wearing nothing but a trench coat.

The victim, named only as Dawn, contacted cops in Nov. 2012 and they traced the adverts to Willis.

He was this week barred from using the internet for 30 months as part of a plea deal after confessing to sending men to her house.

You can read more, and see a photo of Mr. Willis, here.

 

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You’re probably thinking, hmm, a bow and arrow? A pea shooter? A crossbow? A taser? (Please, that’s not Juiceworthy.) An RPG? A bazooka? No actually … via nbcconnecticut.com …

Police said David J. Walski [60], of 55 Crouch Avenue, fired several rounds at his male relative with a flare gun, striking him one time. The victim was transported to William Backus Hospital for a non-life threatening injury.  One of the flares entered the victim’s residence, but no significant damage was caused.

A flare gun? Who shoots someone with a flare gun even once, much less “several” times?

At around 9:20 a.m., a 911 caller reported a man was shot in the area of 69 Fountain Street and the perpetrator  fled from the area in a blue Chevrolet.

Officers observed the described vehicle traveling away from the scene, and encountered Walksi when they stopped the car on Washington Street. Inside the vehicle, police discovered the flare gun they say Walksi used in the shooting.

Walski was charged with first and second degree assault, first- degree reckless endangerment, driving with weapons in a motor vehicle, carrying a dangerous weapon, and breach of peace.

He was held on a $100,000 bond and will appear in Norwich Superior Court on Monday.

You’ll find the source here, including a photo of Mr. Walski.

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Sure it’s true that kids these days do a lot of things sooner than kids used to. But this? Yikes. As reported by Reuters:

A ten-year-old Norwegian boy came up with a novel excuse after he drove his parents’ car into a snowy ditch on Wednesday morning: he told police he was a dwarf who forgot his driving license.

The boy lives near Dokka, a town about 110 kilometres north of Oslo. Sometime before 0600 local time, he loaded his 18-month old sister into the car and headed for their grandparents in Valdres, about 60 kilometres away, local police said.

He drove more than 10 kilometres before he veered off the road. A snowplow driver found him and alerted the police.

Shazam! and Wow! Fortunately everyone was fine. Here’s the source.

 

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budweiser black crown

Yes, of course he was drunk. At least this way he has a reason (not an excuse) for fighting over a bottle of Bud … with cops! And he’s 20! Brilliant! Per The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A young man didn’t want to give up his Budweiser Black Crown to an Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputy and now faces a pair of criminal charges.

The incident that led to the arrest of Travis Michael Abadie, 20, no address listed, took place at the corner of Kelly Street and Third Avenue where deputies encountered a group of young people drinking in the street. When they arrived, the group scattered.

Abadie didn’t run off but continued to walk away from deputies, despite commands to stop. A deputy noted he appeared to be intoxicated.

So cool, just strolling away.  Not like his wimpy friends who probably didn’t get busted.

A deputy tried to take away his beer and Abadie tried to snatch it back, according to the report. The deputy finally got the bottle, but Abadie continued to resist and struggled with deputies until they used a takedown technique to subdue him.

It bears repeating – he fought with the police over a bottle of Bud, which he possessed in violation of the law! Hence the charges:

He was charged with liquor possession by a person under the age of 21 and obstruction without violence. His plea date is Feb. 18.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot of a happy young man.