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You’re really going to make a federal case over a can of beans? Well, yes. Because that was no ordinary can of beans, as reported by The Hartford Courant.

Police on Saturday arrested a Fair Haven man who they say received a kilogram of cocaine through the mail that had been hidden inside cans of beans.

So maybe it was a few cans of beans.

William Suarez-Claudio, 26, of 63 Market St., was charged with possession of narcotics with intent to sell ten ounces or more of narcotics and possession of narcotics with intent to sell within 1500-feet of a school. The drugs had a value of more than $100,000, police said.

Who spilled the beans?

Officers from the New Haven police department’s Tactical Narcotics Unit, working with inspectors from the U.S. Postal Service in Connecticut, intercepted a parcel that had been mailed in Puerto Rico.

After obtaining a search warrant, police opened the package and discovered the cocaine. It had been divided and hidden inside sealed cans of kidney beans. The beans had been removed and replaced with water. The cocaine had been compressed into large chunks, wrapped in plastic and covered with petroleum jelly, police said.

The parcel was delivered to 63 Market Street, first floor, where it was received by the first floor resident, Suarez-Claudio, police said.

Snap! It’s the fuzz. Head for the back door!

Suarez-Claudio attempted to flee through the rear of the apartment building as officers were coming through the front door to execute a warrant, but police stationed in the back yard took him into custody. Suarez-Claudio had the parcel in hand as he attempted to flee, police said.

Should have known they always cover the back door, at least on TV. Here’s the source.

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You may like shopping at Walmart. You may like working there, or you may have no choice but to work there. But if you think they give a damn about their employees, spend 30 minutes on the internet and you’ll learn otherwise.  The Juice can understand an employee doing something unwise to try to protect his benevolent boss’s business. This clearly doesn’t fit in that category. As reported by wftv.com:

A Walmart manager had an unexpected ride down a Florida Interstate in the back of a truck after he tried to stop a man and woman he suspected of shoplifting beer late Monday afternoon.

First mistake: chasing someone down for beer! What if they turned around and shot him? It’s just beer!

The manager, Mike Dawson, said he noticed the pair leaving the Titusville, Fla., store with a shopping cart containing beer. He said when he asked for a receipt, the two headed for their truck.

“I had asked them for a receipt and they kept throwing beers into their car,” said Dawson.

As the two began to back up and leave the parking lot, Dawson said he was forced to jump into the back of the truck.

Forced?

“I ran up to get their license plate, but when I realized how close I was, I jumped in the back so they didn’t run me over, ” Dawson said.

Doh!

The truck traveled along several streets and at high speeds down I-95. Dawson said the two stopped the truck twice.

“One time they tried to beat me up and I lost my glasses. The second time was in the back woods somewhere, I was like, ‘I’m not getting out for you to run me over,'” said Dawson.

So how did he escape?

Dawson said he used the only thing he could to try to get someone’s attention – the stolen beer.

“I kept throwing beers from the back of the truck, not at people’s cars but towards people’s cars, hoping that someone would call the police,” said Dawson.

Enter our hero.

Witness Dave Stewart said he saw the truck turn down a remote road in Brevard County, Fla. “Well, I just saw all the beers alongside the road,” said Stewart.

Stewart said as he caught up to the truck, it stopped. He said he had his gun on his hip, ready to use. He told the driver of the truck that he had called the sheriff.

“The gentleman in the back got out, and as soon as he did, the other guy jumps into the pickup truck and just leaves,” said Stewart.

So the pursuit of some stolen beer could have turned into a shootout…

Dawson said the man who stole the beer had a tattoo on his chest that read either 1987 or 1997. The pickup truck was blue with LH as the first letters on the license plate.

Investigators are still looking for the pair. They said they are checking to see if they are the same couple believed to have stolen beer from a Palm Bay, Fla., Walmart recently.

Still, nobody got the full license plate! Here’s the source, with a video news story.

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Who knew that your undergarments are infused with your scent? Pretty much everyone, except for this woman, who tried to outsmart a police dog by stripping down to her bra and panties before fleeing. As reported by tcpalm.com:

A 25-year-old woman found in her bra and panties after a traffic crash told an officer she stripped off her clothes to try to “conceal her scent” from a police dog.

But Angela C. Ferranti’s disrobing plan last week apparently didn’t work as Kilo, a police dog, tracked into a wooded area in central Port St. Lucie where she was found, according to a recently released report.

Doh! You can read more (a fair amount) and check out the mug shot and the arrest paperwork by clicking here.

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It might be tempting to simply chalk this one up to bad timing, but the dude tried to steal the hottest item in the world on the first day it was available! As reported by WDRB (Louisville, KY)

According to an arrest report, on Thursday afternoon, 21-year-old Raylon J. Brooks an employee of UPS, removed an iPhone — worth $649 — from a shipping pallet and hid it inside his boot, then tried to walk out of the building with it.

But it didn’t quite work out as he planned.

How could this ingenious plan have failed?

“UPS did a random audit today, and as employees were leaving, they made them take their shoes off,” the arrest report states.

Random my arse.

Police say that, when Brooks took his boots off, the iPhone fell out.

Brooks allegedly admitted to stealing the iPhone and gave a written statement. He was arrested and charged with theft.

Given the available choices: (1) What? How’d that get in there? (2) No hablo Ingles. (3) I was just checking to make sure the facility is secure. (4) Okay, you got me… – It’s hard to give the guy too much credit for fessin’ up. Here’s the source.

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So you didn’t hear about the sale at Macy’s where, for a very limited time, everything was $5? Well, there is a catch. There’s always a catch. As reported by wpbf.com:

Vasthi Marseille and Marline Santelus were arrested Thursday on charges of grand theft and organized scheme to defraud.

Wait. You’re arresting them for buying things on sale?

Police said the women [Macy’s employees] selected almost $1,000 worth of merchandise that they manually marked down to $5 apiece while working at the Macy’s in the Town Center at Boca Raton.

Yeah. Who would ever figure that out? It’s not like it would be in the computer or anything. The back story of this brilliant crime is truly fascinating:

According to the arrest report, Marseille said she knew of another sales associate “who had done unauthorized price adjustments for other employees in the past,” so she figured “why not?”

Or not. Here’s the source.

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Although countless acres of pot are growing throughout the world, it is unlikely many of them are in the garden of a convent. There is (or was) one such acre in the garden of a convent in Uganda, as reported by the BBC:

A regional police chief told the BBC that plants covering one acre had been found and uprooted in the southern Masaka district. Two nuns and two porters have been questioned.

One of the nuns has been quoted by local media as saying the marijuana was used to treat farm animals, such as pigs.

Really? Did she say that with a straight face? Was it before or after she asked if anyone had any food because she was really, really hungry?

Southern regional commander Emmanuel Muhuirwe told the BBC News website that only the porters had been arrested – not the nuns.

He said the nuns had been questioned because the garden was part of the convent. But he said no-one had been charged yet and the porters have been released on bail.

Here’s the source.

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Why shouldn’t you mess with the the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection? Here’s why: They “fined a Marshall Township man more than $100,000 for destroying two acres of wetlands to build a recreational pond.” As reported by timesonline.com (Beaver, PA):

The DEP announced Wednesday that Francois Bitz, 52, of 1640 Pleasant Hill Road has agreed to pay a $137,800 fine as part of a consent order for violating the state’s Clean Streams Law and the Dam Safety and Encroachments Act.

Bitz also will pay recovery costs and oversight fees to the DEP and the Allegheny County Conservation District, the state agency release said.

From 2009 to 2010, without necessary permits, Bitz excavated approximately 2 acres of wetland and impacted about 1,100 feet of stream while constructing a pond on his property, the DEP release said.

Good thing he only coveted a 2-acre pond.

The DEP said it issued two compliance orders to Bitz in July 2010 after inspections revealed he had excavated portions of a stream channel of an unnamed tributary to Big Sewickley Creek, which is classified as a trout-stocked fishery. The agency said Bitz also disturbed significant portions of earth in the surrounding wetlands without developing an erosion and sediment control plan, which could lead to pollution in the stream.

Dude.

The agreement stipulates that the restoration of the property must begin within two months and be completed within six months of the permit being issued, the release said.

Fortunately for all parties concerned, it looks like Mr. Bitz can well afford to repair the damage.

In 1990, Bitz and three colleagues at Carnegie Mellon University co-founded Fore Systems, a Marshall-based technology company that had its first major success when it landed a contract to develop computer network switches for the Navy in 1991.

Here’s the source.

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It can’t be said with certainty what this woman was up to, but it’s gotta be “probably plus.” As reported by brooklynpaper.com, from the 76th Precinct (Carroll Gardens-Cobble Hill–Red Hook):

Cops cuffed a woman who they say was sleeping in an apartment building stairway with a knife, pills, and some tools on her person on Bond Street on Dec. 3. Officers stated they found the 47-year-old woman passed out on the staircase in the complex near and Hoyt Street at 5:25 am.

When she awoke, they noticed that she had a knife on her belt and a few loose pills out in the open, cops said. Further inspection revealed a pry bar and wire cutters, according to a police report.

Hmm. A pry bar. Wire cutters …

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It was an easy day at the office for the police officers assigned to this caper. As reported by The Daily Mail:

It was an early festive gift for John Dacre who had called in ‘special branch’ after the [Christmas] trees and dozens of holly wreaths and festive decorations went missing from his nursery in Spenborough, West Yorkshire.

The thieves had even stolen two of his trollies to cart off their loot.

You were given a hint as to how they were caught…

… once Mr Dacre had spotted the incriminating pine needles on the ground the police were soon on the case.

Together they followed the trail along the Spen Valley Ringway and across fields, stopping at a house in Firthcliffe where the officers found the trees [dumped in a garden].

Ironically, the stolen trees were “supposed to be “low needle drop” trees which don’t shed so easily.” Mr. Dacre was clearly thrilled with the outcome.

‘The police were absolutely brilliant. We walked together following this trail through the pouring rain and I joked to them that all we needed was a big magnifying glass and then we’d be real supersleuths!’

The thieves, not so much. See, the police didn’t just find the stolen items at the house.

‘As an extra present, officers also found a cannabis farm at the address.’

Hmm. Perhaps the owners sampled the crop earlier that day? Here’s the source.

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It’s hard to make the “Wet Bandits” look good, but these gents have done it. How? By leaving their DNA at every crime scene. Brilliant! As found in The Star Online (Malaysia):

A gang of thieves in Ipoh is leaving “a souvenir” behind everytime they rob a house.

The police are trying to track down the group which urinates and defecates in the living room of each house they rob.

The group, dubbed as the geng tahi or “faeces gang”, is believed to be practising black magic to put a “spell” on the home owners.

Doh! Here’s the source.