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If you have ever doubted the highly addictive nature of crack, this body cavity smuggling story will disabuse of that notion. As reported by The Gainesville Sun:

A Gainesville woman is facing multiple drug charges after being arrested initially for possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia and then, authorities say, trying to smuggle into the jail two crack pipes — one still loaded with crack — in a most uncomfortable fashion.

Let’s take it from the top.

Cynthia M. Scholes, 41, of 328 SW 34th St., Apt. 29, was a passenger in a car stopped just before midnight Wednesday in the 100 block of Williston Road for speeding, police reported.

Okay, a routine speeding stop …

After the driver consented to a search of the vehicle, police reported finding a cigar wrapper containing about 3 grams of marijuana in the passenger seat where Scholes was sitting. A further search of her purse revealed a crack pipe, police said.

So, not so routine after all.

As she was being taken to jail, Scholes was asked three times, police said, whether she had additional drugs in her possession, which she denied.

Define “possession.”

But as Scholes passed through an X-ray machine during booking, possible contraband was detected concealed within her vagina, according to the arrest report.

Yikes. Time to draw straws for the actual search.

A follow-up search by a female deputy uncovered two crack pipes, one containing about 0.01 grams of crack cocaine. Police later said the pipes were found in the general area of Scholes’ groin.

In addition to the earlier misdemeanor charges of possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia, Scholes then was charged with felony counts of cocaine possession and smuggling contraband into the jail.

Click here for the source, including a mug shot.

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Regular Juice readers know that the cops are going to look everywhere, even there, and other areas in the vicinity! As reported in Off the Beat with Will Greenlee at tcpalm.com:

A deputy stopped the man after suspecting the window tint on his Mercury was illegal. The driver identified himself as Kevin Holloway, but the deputy determined that was bogus. The man said he lied because his license was “no good.”

The deputy confirmed his true name was Henry Chambliss, who along with having a “no good” license had a warrant for violation of probation.

Uh-oh.

Chambliss’ situation didn’t improve when the deputy found crack rocks in the car and a modified soda can that appeared to be used for smoking crack.

Chambliss, 37, said the apparent crack pipe “was most likely his wife’s.”

Really? Your wife’s? Not cool. And then …

“I explained to Mr. Chambliss that the jail would X ray him and if he had anything hidden on his person, they would find it,” the report states.

That’s when Chambliss reported there was “a baggie in his butt crack that contained drugs.”

A plastic bag with crack was extracted from Chambliss’ crack.

Yikes!

Chambliss was arrested on charges including violation of probation, possession of cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia, giving false name while detained and driving while license habitually suspended.

You’ll find the source, including a mug shot, here.

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If you’ve watched any TV, you would know that only serial killers return to the scene of the crime. In this case, returning to the scene of the crime isn’t the issue. This dude never left! As reported in The Brooklyn Paper’s police blotter (88th Precinct – Fort Greene–Clinton Hill):

Authorities arrested a 34-year-old who they say stole beer from a Classon Avenue deli after threatening the clerk with a gun wrapped in a purple bandana on June 12.

You already have more than an inkling as to how this gent was caught.

The deli worker told cops he was in the store between Putnam and Gates avenues at 7:45 am when the accused came in and placed the festively adorned weapon on the counter. The suspect then ambled over to the refrigerator, grabbed three beers, and left without paying, according to a police report.

Cops responded to a call from the clerk and found the accused outside the store, the report says. Police arrested the fellow after they searched him and found a stolen Beretta from Saint Louis, Missouri wrapped in a bandana tucked into his front pocket, according to officials.

He never left!

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Better they should both be involved in one accident, versus each of them slamming into an innocent driver. As reported by wnyt.com:

Police say two people were drunk when they crashed into each other early Sunday morning.

Yikes.

Officers say Laura Stefanik, 25, was making a three point turn in her SUV when she was hit by Ramel Alexander, 31, who was riding his motorcycle.

Alexander flew over Stefaink’s car and landed in the street.

Both were treated and released at Albany Medical Center.

They now face DWI and other related charges.

What are the odds? Here’s the source.

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Obviously there’s no law against looking suspicious. There is, however, a law against stealing cars. Per The Belleville News-Democrat (Illinois):

O’Fallon police have arrested three suspects in relation to a string of car burglaries.

Caught in the act? Not exactly.

According to police, officers got a call in the early morning hours Friday about three suspicious men walking in the 200 block of Chamberlain’s Crossing.

At least one of the suspects was seen looking into a car, prompting a resident to call the police department.

Uh-huh. So how’d they get caught?

Several officers responded to the area; when they found the men, they had possessions from at least two vehicles that had been burglarized.

Charged were filed against Demontee D. Townshend, 22, and Troy J. Moreno, 18, both of O’Fallon.

Townshend was charged with two counts of burglary, Class 2 felonies, and a Class A misdemeanor count of unlawful use of a weapon. Moreno was charged with one Class 2 felony count of burglary.

Both men are in custody at the St. Clair County Jail on $40,000 bail each.

Police said the third suspect, who was not named, has not been charged pending further investigation.

You were carrying around the fruits of your crimes? While you were apparently scouting out another vehicle? Doh! Those are some convictions on a silver platter. Here’s the source.

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None of this would have happened if the gent had only been wearing his seat belt! Anyway, check out where the gent was hiding the weed, as reported by baynews9.com:

It was about 3:35 p.m. on Friday when a Volusia County Sheriff’s Office deputy positioned along State Road 415, in Osteen, spotted a car go by and noticed the passenger — a rather large man — wasn’t wearing his seat belt.

Brilliant!

When he stopped the vehicle, the deputy immediately noticed that both the driver and passenger were nervous. And he also noticed that the passenger still wasn’t wearing his seat belt. At about 450 pounds, the passenger — Christopher Mitchell, 42 — said he was simply too large to wear the belt.

Due to growing suspicions, a Sheriff’s Office drug-detecting K-9 was brought to the scene. The dog quickly alerted deputies to the presence of drugs. The resulting investigation turned up cocaine, 23 grams of marijuana hidden under Mitchell’s stomach fat, a .380-caliber semi-automatic handgun and more than $7,000 in cash stuffed into a tube sock. The deputies also noticed something else: The vehicle’s trunk and interior were sprinkled with carper freshener and scented dryer sheets, a common tactic used to conceal the odor of drugs when they’re being transported.

Under his stomach fat! Admit it. You did not see that one coming. Here’s the source, which has their mugs shots.

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If you’re wondering “Is there a ‘right’ Mercedes to steal?” – the answer is a resounding “yes.” It would be a Mercedes that doesn’t have a lion in the back.. Per The Telegraph:

Caesar, Circus Probst’s ferocious five-year-old star, was being transported a Mercedes van when the vehicle was stolen.

The thief drove off, but abandoned the vehicle with the engine still running after crashing into a road sign. It was unclear whether the thief’s sudden awareness of the animal in the back of the van had inspired him or her to abort the mission.

Unclear? We can probably dispense with the guesswork. Although, that must be one quiet lion …

Police recovered the van in the early hours of Wednesday morning in Wuppertal, in western Germany.

They towed the van away, unaware of its feline freight, and it was not until midday on Wednesday that the circus lion was returned to its rightful owners, more than 12 hours after the adventure began.

In case you’re concerned about Caesar’s well-being …

“Caesar is fine. We’re not worried about him,” said Laurens Thoen, a circus spokesman.

“Since yesterday (Wednesday) afternoon he has been in his enclosure at the circus.”

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Sure, all kids complain. But if they’re complaining about something you’re doing that’s illegal, ignore the complaints at your peril. A Minnesota couple learned this the hard way. Per The Duluth News Tribune:

A criminal complaint says the boy told investigators he had complained numerous times to his mother about the smell of the marijuana. He finally took the matter to his biological father, who told his son to take pictures of the marijuana. The father then forwarded the photos to authorities.

Drug agents served a search warrant on the house in Ravenna Township near Hastings last month and arrested Heidi Siebenaler, a Dakota County probation supervisor, and her husband, Mark Siebenaler. Both face charges in the case.

The defense?

Heidi Siebenaler told KMSP-TV that her husband smokes marijuana for medicinal purposes.

 

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Is it really a “car chase” if the suspect isn’t speeding, but just refuses to pull over? While you’re pondering that, here’s the story, as reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News:

On Aug. 9 the deputy saw a Mitsubishi traveling south on Beal Parkway with no tag light. He activated his overhead lights at Lincoln Drive and Shady Lane.

The driver failed to stop and continued down Lincoln Drive to Auburn Road. He then turned left on Auburn, traveling south, and then turned right onto Riverside, then right onto Maine Avenue. He pulled into a driveway and parked the Mitsubishi.

The officer noted the man, identified as Matthew Allen Birr of Fort Walton Beach, traveled 4/10ths of a mile from the point where the deputy activated his lights to where he stopped.

Okay buddy – what gives?

Birr told the deputy he didn’t want to stop because he was afraid he’d get a DUI. The deputy noted his speed never exceeded 30 mph.

Like most problems that you ignore, this one didn’t go away.

He was charged with felony fleeing and eluding.

No DUI! Doh!

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Something set this guy off,  because he went berzerk. As reported by CBC News:

Durham Regional Police say that witnesses reported seeing a Honda going north on Concession Road 7 at a high rate of speed and swerving in front of oncoming traffic at 5:30 p.m. Wednesday.

Police allege that the driver stopped near Foster Drive, got out of his car and confronted other motorists.

Not cool, but it was just beginning.

According to police, the same individual then drove away and stopped near Ravenshoe Road, where it is alleged that he reached into the cab of a dump truck, assaulted the driver and damaged a radio.

Police also allege that the suspect then threw a hammer, which hit the dump truck driver’s arm.

Even less cool.

It is also alleged that the suspect swung a recycling box at a homeowner, which hit that individual in the head.

Really, really uncool.

The suspect is also accused of assaulting a police officer that came to arrest him.

Now you’ve done it.

[The] 53-year-old Udora man faces two counts of assault with a weapon, a charge of assault, a charge of assaulting a police officer, dangerous operation of a motor vehicle and mischief under $5,000.

You’ll find the source here.