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angry anger
Here’s the question The Juice has for the perp: WTF?  As reported by The Herald (Rock Hill, South Carolina):

[According to Rock Hill police], a 44-year-old man texted [Julie] Baker [31] to break up with her this weekend. She then went to his room at Piedmont Medical Center and began fighting the man’s ex-wife.

Say what? First of all, breaking up with someone via text? Say it to her face. And speaking of faces …

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sleep sleeping in bed
Falling asleep on the job is never a good thing.  But if this is your “job”, you are really in the soup. As reported by The Herald-Tribune:

A man burglarizing a Nokomis home passed out on the bed beside a bag of stolen jewelry and didn’t notice deputies taking his picture, according to the Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office.

According to the Sheriff’s Office Facebook page, a cleaning lady discovered Dion Davis, 29, inside her client’s home in the 500 block of Albee Road on Monday, sleeping on a bed with a bag full of stolen jewelry. Deputies arrived and photographed Davis, who did not notice.

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Motorized grocery carts are very useful for certain folks while doing their shopping. But outside of a grocery store, what would anyone use it for? The police may have asked Mr. Wedding that question, among many others. Per wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

According to an arrest report, an officer saw 19-year-old Anthony S. Wedding driving the [motorized] grocery cart on the sidewalk near the corner of New Cut Rd. and 3rd St. Rd., just before 3 a.m. Wednesday.

Police say the officer stopped Wedding to talk to him, and Wedding allegedly told the officer that the nearby Kroger said he could drive the motorized cart home.

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scales of justice out of balance
For this judge, the job is apparently not all about banging away on a gavel and doling out some justice. Although she has only been charged, it’s not looking good. As reported by lancasteronline.com:

A Lancaster city district judge has been removed from the bench after she was charged Monday with a dozen criminal offenses.

The charges relate to District Judge Kelly S. Ballentine dismissing three of her own parking tickets last year and in 2010, according to a police affidavit.

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Walmart sign
Why do so many weird things happen in or around Walmart? Probably because they’ve taken over, and people spend so much time there. Any way, this gent won’t be welcomed in Walmart, or anywhere else, for a spell. As reported by The Herald-Tribune:

A North Port retiree was jailed Wednesday after he masturbated near a woman outside of a North Port Walmart, the city’s police reported.

Ew.

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cell phone
Pocket dialing someone can be awkward at worst (or so you thought), at least, that is, if the person on the other end listens. (Admit it – you listen.) What happened to this gent was much worse than awkward. As reported by wkrn.com (Nashville, Tennessee):

Mt. Pleasant police say they arrested a man for drugs after he pocket-dialed 911 and dispatchers heard him talking about getting high and going to a drug dealer’s house.

Oops.

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doctor
If this case is at all typical, it’s very tough for a doctor in the UK to be permanently barred from practicing medicine. As reported by The Daily Express:

Dr Ellen MacInnes, who has also been banned from driving three times, had to provide a blood sample to prove she was fit to get back behind the wheel, a disciplinary hearing heard.

… However the doctor, of Chelmsford, Essex, abused her position of trust and lied to one of her patients by inventing an illness and claiming she needed to take a sample of their blood. She also forged the signature of a fellow ­doctor.

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peanut butter
This isn’t the movies, where the bad guy is escaping and the good guy picks up a rock and throws it 50 yards and nails the perp.  No, in real life, when you try something like that, something like this happens, as reported in the The Brooklyn Paper’s Police Blotter for the 88th Precinct – Fort Greene–Clinton Hill.

A DeKalb Avenue store clerk accidentally hit a customer in the face with a jar of peanut butter while trying to throw it at a man he was arguing with on Aug. 14, cops said.

Doh!

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Yeah, the beach may have a lot of sand, but it’s nothing like a sand trap. A Florida couple might argue otherwise. As reported by baynews9.com (St. Petersburg, Florida):

A couple was spotted hitting about a dozen golf balls into the Gulf of Mexico from the beach in Redington Shores on Sunday, according to witness Will Root.

The first thing The Juice thought was “they’re littering!”

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phone call
Before you go calling the police about that giant schlong on your driveway, perhaps it’s worth determining if it’s paint or … A homeowner in Millville, New Jersey skipped that step, and called Johnny Law, unnecessarily, as reported by The News of Cumberland County.

Someone graced an East Vine Street driveway with a drawing of a penis early Monday morning or before.

The person who called police reported that someone had spray painted the phalus, but police on scene discovered it was chalk. They advised the property owner to wash it off with water and reported no actual property damage.

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