Squeezed on:

bill law

Does anyone really believe there’s no such thing as bad publicity? Check out this proposed Missouri law, as reported at fox2now.com:

Courtney Allen Curtis, (D) District 73, introduced a bill to the Missouri House of Representatives that would make the high five the official state greeting.

Yes, that’s right, an official state greeting.

HB 1624 reads: “The “high five” is selected for and shall be known as the official state greeting in the state of Missouri.”

The bill has already had a second reading. Curtis’ district covers parts of north St. Louis County, including Lambert Airport, and parts of Hazelwood, Ferguson, Berkeley, Bridgeton and St. Ann. This is his first term. He was elected in 2012.

Well, that bill is definitely good news for one person – Ms. Curtis’s challenger in the next election! Click here to see the official proposed bill.

Squeezed on:

time

The question: “What time is it?” These days, that leads many people to pull out their phone to check the time. You know where this is going. As reported in the Police Blotter from the 62nd Precinct (Bensonhurst—Bath Beach) via brooklynpaper.com:

Two bike-riding brutes swiped a man’s cellphone, watch, and jacket after asking him the hour on 63rd Street on Jan. 12, authorities allege.

The victim said he was walking along 63rd Street near 15th Avenue at 4 pm when the punks pedaled up behind him and requested the time. When he took out his mobile device to check, one of them grabbed the gadget while the other tore off the victim’s jacket, cops said.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, this really had to hurt:

The victim told police that his coat pocket contained, of all things, his Cartier timepiece.

Ouch.

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

piranha

How much do you think a piranha is worth? More on that later. For now, you only need to know that, if you live in New York City, you can’t have a piranha.  But just because it’s illegal … As reported by nbcnewyork.com:

A New York City man is accused of smuggling nearly 40,000 piranhas into the U.S. by having them mislabeled as harmless aquarium fish, prosecutors said.

First reaction: run!

[Joel Rakower] began importing the mislabeled fish in 2011, shortly after New York City prohibited possession of piranhas, and continued through 2012, prosecutors said.

In all, he smuggled 39,548 piranhas, worth $37,376, that were then sold to fish retailers throughout the U.S.

So a piranha is worth less than $1? Go figure.

Joel Rakower and his fish distribution company pleaded guilty Wednesday and agreed to pay more than $70,000 in fines and restitution.

Authorities said Rakower admitted buying the aggressive fish from a Hong Kong supplier that he instructed to falsely label the shipments as silver tetras, a more common household fish.

As for the legality of owning piranhas outside of NYC:

Twenty-five states either ban or regulate piranhas, which could pose a serious risk to ecosystems if they got into native waters.

What about the serious risk to swimmers? Or has The Juice seen too many movies with piranha scenes? Anyway, you’ll find the source here.

 

Posted in: Yikes
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

wanted

Yeah, he was about six feet tall, white, a little heavy, with short blond hair and a big nose. He was wearing …  Now that’s the kind of description that could be helpful. But this?

Employees of Smith Oil on East Liverpool Road reported a tall, white, ugly man wearing a hoodie and plaid pajama pants driving a newer model Ford Focus drove off without paying for nearly $34 worth of gasoline.

Ugly? That’s it? Oh, and tall and white. Very helpful. Thanks so much. (As reported in the St. Clair Township Police Report (via The Review, East Liverpool, Ohio.)

Squeezed on:

retired

When Michael Jordan resumed playing basketball, you know he wasn’t going to play with a number 23 Jersey. No, that number was retired, period.  While this gent’s jersey number is still retired, he’ll be wearing it every day, though not in a manner of his choosing. As reported by wdrb.com:

The University of Kentucky may have retired Richie Farmer’s number 32 jersey, but the federal Bureau of Prisons is bringing it back.  The prison system has assigned Farmer inmate number 16226-032 for use when he reports to a yet-to-be revealed facility by March 18. [The inmate number will be worn on his prison jump suit.]

That’s got to hurt. What did he do?

The former Kentucky Agriculture Commissioner is set to serve 27 months behind bars after pleading guilty to abusing his public office.

And in case you’re wondering what he did to merit the retirement of his jersey, it’s pretty impressive.

Farmer gained basketball fame as part of “The Unforgettables” — a group of Wildcats who stayed with the program through NCAA sanctions and led Kentucky back to the NCAA tournament in 1992.

The school hangs Farmer’s basketball jersey from the rafters of Rupp Arena in Lexington.

Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

snail%20slow.jpg

Hell, The Juice himself is not the most patient driver. Suffice it to say that, if his car were miked, there would have to be a serious delay, with someone’s finger always on the button. But this dude in Houston? He either has an incredibly short fuse, was in a really bad mood, or both. As reported by www.khou.com:

Police said [David Charles] Patronella [age 56] was driving behind another man southbound on Highway 6 on September 28. When the two drivers reached a light on Westheimer at Briargreen, Patronella allegedly lowered his window and pointed a gun at the other driver. No words were ever exchanged.

Who needs words when you have a gun?

Patronella continued on his way once the light turned green, but the other motorist followed him.

The motorist wrote down Patronella’s license plate number and the address of his home. He then turned that information over to police. The victim said he did not know who Patronella was or why he was upset, but thought it could have been because he was driving slow.

The victim was also able to identify Patronella by a photo lineup created by police.

Are you surprised that a slow driver was so detail-oriented? The Juice would have been surprised had it not gone down this way.

Patronella was charged with aggravated assault. [His] bail was set at $30,000.

You’ll find the source here.

Squeezed on:

graffiti.jpg

Without Johnny Law, there would be chaos, right? In this situation, Johnny Law needs to step off. In the Australian city of Whitehorse, little children drawing with chalk in front of a cafe have been deemed to be … taggers! As reported by The Whitehorse Leader:

Children drawing with chalk on a Nunawading footpath have been labeled graffiti artists.

THEY MUST BE STOPPED.

Whitehorse Council has drawn the line over pre-schooler’s scribbles outside White’s Cafe in the Mt Pleasant Rd shopping strip.

Sally White, who runs the family-friendly cafe with husband PJ, said she was told by a council officer that the children’s drawings were graffiti and had to stop, after a complaint from a resident.

A single complaint? Was it the nature of the drawings?

Mrs White, who has boys aged three and four, said the cafe had allowed children to draw on the footpath of the quiet shopping strip for the past 12 months.

She said the drawings were usually stick figures, scribbles, fish or pirates.

Nunawading artist and author Lucienne Noontil, a cafe regular, said she could not believe anyone would find them offensive. “I love the drawings and seeing the kids be creative,’’ she said.

First Tunisia, then Egypt, Wisconsin, Bahrain, Yemen, Syria, and now … Nunawading!

Ms Noontil said stopping the drawings would dampen the strong community spirit of the cafe.

Mrs White said she and the children were all in tears when told the drawing had to stop so they had decided to still allow it.

HELL NO, WE WON’T … stop letting the children create art that enriches their lives, enriches the community, and harms nobody… But wait! What about the mess?

Mrs White said they would be willing to wash the drawings off each afternoon when they shut or apply for a permit from council if that was relevant.

Curse you, reasonable lady! But Johnny Law is unmoved by any of this.

Council’s general manager corporate services Peter Smith said the drawings were in contravention of council’s Local Law No. 1 2006 and the state government’s Graffiti Act 2007.

“No matter the age of the person, drawing on public property is considered graffiti,’’ he said.

Let it go, Pete. Let it go. That appears unlikely.

Mr Smith said the council would be obliged to issue a compliance notice if the drawing continued or if a further complaint was received.

Silly complainer. Silly Council. If you’re ever in Whitehorse, make sure you patronize White’s Cafe, because Mrs. White is certainly deserving of your support for her pro-children, pro-art, anit-stupidity stance.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

huh

The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, not a criminal lawyer. Nevertheless, it’s obvious that you can’t steal your own stuff. But you can fake a burglary. The question is, why would you? As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

Police said they responded to the 11 Cranberry Lane home of Theresa Cantella, 25, on Jan. 15 and found her lying at the bottom of a flight of stairs. She said she suffered injuries after interrupting a burglary and was assaulted by an intruder.

Police said in a release that a subsequent investigation did not match evidence at the scene with Cantella’s original statement.

Uh-oh.

During a follow up interview at the Brookline police station, “Cantella confessed she fabricated the story, caused injury to herself and staged the scene at her residence to make it appear as if she walked in on a burglary in progress,” the release said.

Okay. Why would you do that?

She did not give a reason why she fabricated the story, police said.  She was charged with making a false report and is scheduled to appear Feb. 4 in Milford Circuit Court.

What? You’re leaving us hangin’? Here’s the source, with Ms. Cantella’s mug shot.

Squeezed on:

snacks%20chips%20pretzels.jpg

Stealing snack food may be sweeping the nation. The Juice will monitor the situation and keep you posted. The latest installment, which involves undergarments, took place at a gas station in Valparaiso, Indiana. As reported by nwitimes.com:

Faith Green, 39, of Valparaiso faces theft, public intoxication, resisting law enforcement and criminal mischief charges, while Anthony Green, 23, Joliet, Ill., faces resisting law enforcement and drunken driving charges, all stemming from a bizarre Wednesday morning encounter with police.

Around 3:15 a.m. Wednesday, Valparaiso police reportedly found the Greens, both allegedly intoxicated, inside the Pilot Travel Center, 4105 Morthland Drive.

An employee told officers Faith Green reportedly caused $200 in damage to the gas station’s restroom.

Why? That’s just weird. And then …

As an officer was removing the woman from the store, she reportedly began unloading snack cakes and candy bars from her bra.

There goes the snack in the clink. Or did it …

Police said [at] Porter County Jail … officers reportedly found another pack of cookies in Faith Green’s underwear.

Curse you thorough-searching officer! As for Mr. Green:

Officers said Anthony Green then began cursing at them, before leaving the store and heading back to his SUV. Police said when he was told to stop, he took a fighting stance with officers. He backed down, police said, after they threatened to use a Taser to subdue him.

Click here for the source.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

eggs

What, like you never egged anybody or a house? As reported by The Beacon-News:

Written Naperville police reports indicated [Sabrina] Touchstone was arrested about 3:45 p.m. Thursday following an altercation in the parking lot of the Walmart , 776 S. Route 59.

Hmm. An altercation you say.

Sgt. Steve Schindlbeck said Touchstone’s arrest was “the result of a driving altercation” over whether she or another motorist had the right of way in one of the parking lot’s aisles.

Matters quickly “came to a head” when Touchstone allegedly “threw two, 18-count containers of eggs” at two women ages 53 and 20 and the vehicle in which they were traveling, Schindlbeck said. Several of the eggs struck and shattered against the vehicle, and at least one hit one of the women, Schindlbeck said. She was not physically hurt.

Damn! 36 eggs? That must have taken a while.

Schindlbeck said he did not know whether the woman and the woman she was with were related to one another. He also did not know if Touchstone had just purchased the eggs at Walmart.

An examination of court documents revealed Touchstone has received at least 12 traffic tickets in DuPage, Kane and Will counties, but has no criminal record.

Police ticketed Touchstone on a charge of disorderly conduct/offensive act. She is free on bond, and her preliminary appearance date in DuPage County Circuit Court in Wheaton is pending.

You’ll find the source, with a photo of Ms. Touchstone, here.