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This has to be one of the worst attempted burglaries of all time. It’s kind of like three guys running from their own shadows.  As reported by khou.com:

The suspects were among three men who walked into a Katz’s Boutique in the 9800 block of the North Freeway on April 13. It was around 3 a.m. and surveillance cameras were rolling.

Police say two of the men had weapons. The suspect with the revolver apparently bumped into the suspect with the rifle, causing the rifle to discharge. “Which then spooked both the suspects,” Officer Brieden said.

Doh! You can probably see where this is going.

Both men began shooting, and police believe they thought they were being fired upon. Nearly a dozen rounds were discharged. In reality, all the gunfire was coming from them. Investigators say that is what makes them so dangerous.

More than a dozen rounds! Let’s go to the videotape. (Click on the link at the end of the post.)

The video shows the suspect with the rifle shooting through a mannequin and the store’s front glass door before the both ran away.

Fortunately …

No customers were inside at the time. Two workers hid and were not harmed.

The burglars are still at large.

 

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Dude, on your best day, you’re not smarter than the cops. You should have just fessed up to it. But no, you hatched this “brilliant” plan to get out of the jam you created. As reported by highlinetimes.com (Burien, Washington):

The King County Sheriff’s Department is reporting that a man in northeast Burien was formally charged with a hit and run after he reported his late model Honda stolen. The incident took place in the early morning hours of April 7 when the suspect was driving near the intersection of Military Road South and South 120th Street. Witnesses told police that they saw the suspect in his Honda driving along South 120th Street when he drove off the road and hit a tree before ultimately lodging his car into a fence. The suspect was then said to have fled the scene or the accident on foot. Shortly after the wreck, the suspect called the police and reported that his vehicle had been stolen. When police investigated the auto theft, they determined that the owner of the vehicle was the very same driver to have driven the car off the road. The suspect was formally charged with a hit and run. Police did not release information about whether alcohol was involved in this accident or not.

It probably went something like this: Police: “So, where were you last night?” Dude: “Okay! I give up! The car wasn’t stolen. Man you guys are good. Just like on TV!”

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One of the first things all car dealers should cover when training salesmen is … how to protect the cars they are selling. If this was covered, this newb must have skipped that day, or nodded off. Yeah, sure, hindsight is 20/20. But that doesn’t rule out foresight … As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

“He came in at approximately about 9:30 this morning,” says Perry Luttrell, G. M. Bardstown 44 Auto Mart. Luttrell says they had no idea Ronny Stutes was on the run. He says Stutes was “Very smooth…had all of his i’s dotted and t’s crossed.”

Smooth? You can judge for yourself.

On Friday, Stutes walked away from a minimum security jail in Marion County, and on Monday he was eyeing a Ford Escape. And little did his salesperson know it was going to be part of his escape.

Get it! Using an Escape to further his mistake? HIlarious. Okay, not so much.

Luttrell says, “Normally a person comes in, we make a copy of their drivers license and let them demo the car…he said he had recently got a dui and could not drive the car so he wanted my sales associate to drive for him to go show his daughter.”

Silky smooth!

The salesman drove Stutes to a nearby Walmart, and he even agreed to go inside and find his daughter. “You know her name supposedly was Tiffany. Go in ask for Tiffany and let her know that she has a surprise out here for her,” says Luttrell.

So, you leave DUI guy alone in a car, with the keys?

But police say that’s when Stutes made his move. WDRB News has obtained surveillance video of him getting behind the wheel and driving off.

Really? You need a video to tell you that? Maybe the car and Mr. Stutes not being there would tell you the same thing?

Luttrell says, “Actually when he went in and asked for tiffany and they said there’s no Tiffany that works here and at that point he realized he…so he ran back out into the Walmart parking lot and found out that she had…that he had taken the vehicle.”

No way! Wow, what an elaborate hoax that was, pulled off by a master criminal. Or not.

And there’s more, police say Stutes drove the car to Louisville where he robbed the First Capital Bank in Fern Creek. He was eventually arrested at a nearby Walmart.

You’ll find the source, including a mug shot of Mr. Stutes, here.

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On your birthday, you get a little leeway. A little.  As reported by wlsam.com:

Will County Sheriff’s deputies were called to Precise Stone in the 14000 block of West Illinois Highway on April 30 when the owner reported a former employee trying to steal property.

Uh-oh.

En route to the scene, officers were told that the suspect was driving on Illinois Highway in the stolen forklift, according to a police report. Officers were quickly able to spot the vehicle, pull it over and arrest the driver.

Someone is in a mess of trouble.

Javier Villasenor-Arreola of East Chicago, Ind., who had turned 43 the day he was arrested, was charged with felony counts of burglary, theft and aggravated DUI; and a misdemeanor count of damage to property. He was also cited for operating a vehicle with expired registration and operating an uninsured motor vehicle, according to police.

The business owner told police Villasenor-Arreola had been terminated about two weeks earlier, and when he was leaving about 3:20 p.m. he saw Villasenor standing in front of the business, apparently intoxicated, the report said.

He drove around the block and when he returned, the front door window of the shop had been shattered, the garage door was open and Villasenor-Arreola was driving the forklift out of the garage onto the street, the report said.

Yikes.

He is being held in the Will County Jail on a $50,000 bond.

Here’s the source, with a mug shot.

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If you’re a dog person, and your dog is sick, you’re going to be upset. But what if the vet tells you that your dog is fine? This story from The Hamilton Spectator (Ontario) illustrates that sometimes, hell oftentimes, things don’t make sense.

Police say the two downtown Hamilton residents took their dog to the vet’s office on Highway 8 in Greensville just after 6 p.m. and – although he and his assistant were closing up and leaving for the night – the vet agreed to open up and examine a growth on the dog’s body.

No good deed goes unpunished …

When he returned from the examination room a few minutes later and told the couple the growth was nothing to worry about …

They were ecstatic, right? Nope.

… the woman became very angry and pulled a large knife from her backpack and menaced the doctor and the assistant.

When the assistant tried to call 911, the woman slashed the phone cord with the knife. The man with her then armed himself with a hammer from the backpack but did not raise it in a threat.

WTF is wrong with you people?

Sergeant Terri-Lynn Collings said a cleaner who was in another part of the building heard the commotion and called police.

Admit it. This is getting exciting.

While the cleaner was calling, the vet got between the woman and his assistant, allowing his staff member to scoot out of the room to safety. The doctor then ran out the front door to a neighbour’s home and called 911.

Well done sir. And the perps?

The man and the woman and their dog ran from the office as police began to swarm into the area.

The pair were caught hiding in a nearby yard as the woman was trying to call a cab.

The charges?

The woman, who is 21, from Hamilton, is charged with two counts of assault with a weapon, possession of a dangerous weapon and mischief.

The man, who is 41 and also from Hamilton, is charged with possession of a dangerous weapon.

Crazy. Here’s the source.

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It was good of this niece to look after her sickly aunt. Or was it? Her motives are certainly in question now, since her aunt died over 2 years ago and, as reported by TheSpec.com (Hamilton, Ontario) …

Police are searching for the body of a Hamilton woman they allege was illegally disposed of by her niece more than two years ago in order to keep cashing disability cheques.

A police media release initially stated the 62-year-old woman died of natural causes in 2009, but case manager Detective Sergeant Matt Kavanagh clarified Friday afternoon that her remains have yet to be recovered.

He said medical records indicated the woman was in “very, very poor health,” but without a body, the coroner cannot confirm a cause of death.

Yeah, it’s generally a good idea to examine the body before determining the cause of death.

“We have an idea where the body is, and we’re still trying to locate it,” Kavanagh said, declining to offer any other details because the investigation is ongoing.

In the mean time …

The woman’s 45-year-old niece was arrested Thursday morning and was released on a promise to appear. She had been living with her sickly aunt, acting as her caregiver in their Stoney Creek home.

She is co-operating with police in the retrieval of the body, Kavanagh said.

So what was the take?

According to the Ministry of Community and Social Services, the maximum amount a single person on Ontario Disability Support Program (ODSP) could receive for basic needs and shelter is $1,064 per month — $31,920 over two-and-a-half years.

How was she caught?

Police began their investigation — led by the homicide unit — in July after a concerned family member contacted them, worried the woman had died without the proper authorities being contacted.

The charges?

… the niece was charged with offering an indignity to a dead person, two counts of forgery, fraud over $5,000, impersonation with intent to gain advantage and uttering a forged document.

Here’s the source.

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As a personal injury lawyer himself, The Juice has heard many stories about behavior before, during and after car accidents.
This one, though, takes the cake. As reported by The Union Leader (New Hampshire):

Jared D. Hooper, 21, of 26 Partridge Lane, was arrested after police responded to the area of Garden and Westville roads around 6:30 p.m. to investigate the accident involving Hooper and another vehicle.

Arrested for what was described as a “minor” car accident? Hmm.

Deputy Police Chief Kathleen Jones said Hooper struck the other vehicle and then got out of his car and ran over to yell at the female driver.

Not cool, but … wait for it …

“He started smashing on the window and was yelling at her. Then he stopped and took off all of his clothing,” Jones said.

Bam!

“When officers got there he was standing there naked. He was still screaming. He had absolutely nothing on. This was definitely an unusual occurrence” said Jones…

As for the obvious question …

Contacted at his home Wednesday night, Hooper said he couldn’t comment on the accident or the reasons why he took off his clothes.

“Unfortunately I can’t respond to questions. I have nothing to say,” he said.

The crime?

Hooper was charged with driving while intoxicated, and with disorderly conduct, lewd behavior and criminal threatening.

Here’s the source, which includes a photo of Mr. Hooper.

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Adding insult to injury, the public is now aware of this gent’s very own Plaxico Burress moment. But for the reporting law, nobody would have been the wiser. As reported by The Corvallis Gazette-Times:

Ethan Bennett, 36, told Benton County sheriff’s deputies he was at his residence at 24750 Cox Lane in Monroe about 4:15 p.m. Wednesday when he tried to shoot the [squirrel] with a .22-caliber rifle.

The squirrel reportedly ran up his left leg, and he pulled the trigger, hitting himself in the foot.

Doh!

Deputies contacted Bennett at Good Samaritan Regional Medical Center, where he drove himself after the accident. Law enforcement agencies investigate all gunshot wounds admitted to the hospital.

Hospital personnel said Bennett was treated and released.

And if you’re worried about the squirrel …

Capt. Greg Ridler said Bennett did not kill the squirrel.

Whew. Not surprisingly, “Bennett declined to comment about the incident.”

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This is not a question a court security officer should be asking. But hey, what are you supposed to do with that thing when you go to the restroom? Clearly, not this. As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

According to New Hampshire State Police, officers from Troop D responded to Concord District Court at 1:30 p.m. Friday to investigate a report that a court security officer had a sidearm that was unaccounted for.

Uh-oh.

Court Security Officer Julie Bickford reported that her sidearm was missing from her holster, and that she believed that she might have misplaced the gun while using a bathroom.

Not to cast aspersions, but really? You just up and lost your gun? While on duty?

The courthouse was searched by troopers, a K-9 team, and court security personnel, but the weapon was not located.

Let’s go to the videotape …

State police reviewed Concord District Court security tapes and identified a female, Courtney Rojek, 24, of Pittsfield, seen exiting the women’s bathroom with a handgun in her hand within minutes of Bickford exiting the women’s bathroom.

Police said Rojek was seen placing the semi-automatic handgun on a table in the vestibule just outside the bathroom, and motioning a male subject over to her, identified by police as Jacob Noury, 33, of Barnstead.

On video, state police say Noury was seen handling the handgun and then placing it in Rojek’s waistband. Rojek and Noury are then seen exiting the court and leaving in a vehicle.

Did it really not occur to them that there are cameras in the courthouse?

Arrest warrants were initiated for Rojek and Noury for Class A felony charges of theft of lost or mislaid property and Class b felony charges for possession of a firearm in a district or superior court facility.

State police, along with Chichester police, located both Rojek and Noury at a tattoo parlor owned by Noury on Route 4 in Chichester Saturday evening. Both were taken into custody without incident.

A search warrant was requested and granted for Noury’s residence in Barnstead. A search was conducted and the missing sidearm, a Glock 40mm semi-automatic pistol, was located inside the residence, according to police.

Noury and Rojek were held on $10,000 cash bail at the Merrimack County Jail. They are due to be arraigned Monday, in Concord District Court.

It’s not known whether Officer Bickford was disciplined, though it’s hard to imagine the consequences of losing your gun, while on duty in the courthouse, would not be severe. Here’s the source.

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If you’re going to commit fraud, at least be creative or clever. You know, something that would make a good movie. But nooooooo, you had to go and commit this super-simple, guaranteed-to- be-caught fraud. As seen in The New Hampshire Union Leader:

State Police were called to a single-car collision at 10 p.m. Aug. 15, 2011, at which St. Laurent had collided with a jersey barrier near Exit 3 on Daniel Webster Highway in Nashua.

At 11:24 p.m. that night, Progressive Northern Insurance Co. initiated a policy for St. Laurent by telephone, authorities said. The next day, St. Laurent told Progressive he had been in a car accident at 1 a.m. on Aug. 16, 2011, and filed a claim in excess of $1,000 in damages.

After an investigation, St. Laurent withdrew the claim.

That must have been one tough investigation. The dude filed a claim less than two hours after he got the policy! Then what?

The case was investigated by the state Attorney General’s Office and state Insurance Department’s Fraud Unit.

Again, another very short investigation. Not surprisingly, charges followed.

Peter St. Laurent pleaded guilty in Hillsborough County Superior Court in Nashua to one count of Class B felony insurance fraud, state officials announced in a press statement …

The time?

St. Laurent was sentenced in court to 12 months in the House of Correction and a $1,000 fine, both of which were suspended on good behavior and successful completion of one year of probation, authorities said.

Dude caught a break. Here’s the source.

Speaking of auto insurance, The Juice is a personal injury lawyer practicing in Maryland, Washington, DC and Virginia.