Squeezed on:

sleep sleeping in bed

Falling asleep on the job is never a good thing.  But if this is your “job”, you are really in the soup. As reported by The Herald-Tribune:

A man burglarizing a Nokomis home passed out on the bed beside a bag of stolen jewelry and didn’t notice deputies taking his picture, according to the Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office.

According to the Sheriff’s Office Facebook page, a cleaning lady discovered Dion Davis, 29, inside her client’s home in the 500 block of Albee Road on Monday, sleeping on a bed with a bag full of stolen jewelry. Deputies arrived and photographed Davis, who did not notice.

At least he has one thing going for him – he’s a sound sleeper.

Davis, of Nokomis, was arrested, charged with burglary and booked into jail on $10,000 bail.

You’ll find the source, and the photo of the sleeping Davis, here.

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Motorized grocery carts are very useful for certain folks while doing their shopping. But outside of a grocery store, what would anyone use it for? The police may have asked Mr. Wedding that question, among many others. Per wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

According to an arrest report, an officer saw 19-year-old Anthony S. Wedding driving the [motorized] grocery cart on the sidewalk near the corner of New Cut Rd. and 3rd St. Rd., just before 3 a.m. Wednesday.

Police say the officer stopped Wedding to talk to him, and Wedding allegedly told the officer that the nearby Kroger said he could drive the motorized cart home.

“Sure, Mr. Wedding, take the cart for as long as you need it. Oh, and the groceries are free today. So take them too.”

The officer contacted representatives of Kroger, who denied giving Wedding permission to take the cart and accused him of stealing it, according to the arrest report.

Why, you might wonder, did Mr. Wedding do it?

Wedding allegedly smelled strongly of alcohol, had bloodshot eyes and slow speech. Police say he admitted to drinking half a pint of alcohol earlier in the day.

Big shocker there. What were the charges?

Wedding was charged with theft by unlawful taking, alcohol intoxication in a public place and giving an officer a false name or address, according to the arrest report.

Dude is damn lucky he didn’t get a drunk driving charge too. Seriously. Regular Juice readers know this has happened when drunk folks have “driven” similar vehicles. Here’s the source, including Mr. Wedding’s mug shot.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

scales of justice out of balance

For this judge, the job is apparently not all about banging away on a gavel and doling out some justice. Although she has only been charged, it’s not looking good. As reported by lancasteronline.com:

A Lancaster city district judge has been removed from the bench after she was charged Monday with a dozen criminal offenses.

The charges relate to District Judge Kelly S. Ballentine dismissing three of her own parking tickets last year and in 2010, according to a police affidavit.

After a lengthy investigation, the state Attorney General filed 12 charges, including nine felonies, regarding Ballentine’s conduct while on the bench.

She’s charged with tampering with public records (six counts), restricted activities due to a conflict of interest (three counts), and obstruction of the administration of law (three counts).

As of Monday, Ballentine will no longer hear cases or serve as district judge.

“At this time, I have issued an order that she be placed on indefinite administrative leave until all criminal charges are resolved,” said Lancaster County President Judge Joseph Madenspacher, who has authority over the county magistrates.

If you’re wondering how the Judge will get by, here’s how.

Ballentine will receive pay during that time, [Judge] Madenspacher said. “I have no power to suspend her.”

Here’s the skinny:

According to records, Ballentine dismissed three of her own tickets for parking illegally in front of her house.

Ballentine, 43, dismissed a no-parking ticket and an expired registration ticket in December 2010 and a no-parking ticket in January 2011, the affidavit shows.

As The Juice said, it’s not looking good. Here’s the source. And here’s a follow up to this story.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

Walmart sign

Why do so many weird things happen in or around Walmart? Probably because they’ve taken over, and people spend so much time there. Any way, this gent won’t be welcomed in Walmart, or anywhere else, for a spell. As reported by The Herald-Tribune:

A North Port retiree was jailed Wednesday after he masturbated near a woman outside of a North Port Walmart, the city’s police reported.

Ew.

It was at about 12:50 p.m. when officers responded to a call from the 45-year-old female shopper. She said Raymond Douglas Hunt, 62, had followed her throughout the store, waited for her as she checked out and followed her to her car.

As the woman placed her groceries inside her car, Hunt stood nearby with his hands in his pants, staring at her. She told officer she believed Hunt was masturbating.

Seriously, ever heard of computer porn? Magazines? Leave the poor woman alone.

Hunt drove off before police arrived, but was found a short while later and confessed to the crimes alleged against him, police said. He was charged with simple stalking and lewd and lascivious exhibition by an adult.

He is being held in Sarasota County Jail, without bond for the stalking charge.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

Squeezed on:

cell phone

Pocket dialing someone can be awkward at worst (or so you thought), at least, that is, if the person on the other end listens. (Admit it – you listen.) What happened to this gent was much worse than awkward. As reported by wkrn.com (Nashville, Tennessee):

Mt. Pleasant police say they arrested a man for drugs after he pocket-dialed 911 and dispatchers heard him talking about getting high and going to a drug dealer’s house.

Oops.

Dispatchers were able to trace the location of the call to Don Pepe’s Mexican Restaurant on North Main Street in Mt. Pleasant.

Police say that’s where the caller, Grant O’Connor, 25, and a female friend were having dinner.

 

 

Squeezed on:

doctor

If this case is at all typical, it’s very tough for a doctor in the UK to be permanently barred from practicing medicine. As reported by The Daily Express:

Dr Ellen MacInnes, who has also been banned from driving three times, had to provide a blood sample to prove she was fit to get back behind the wheel, a disciplinary hearing heard.

… However the doctor, of Chelmsford, Essex, abused her position of trust and lied to one of her patients by inventing an illness and claiming she needed to take a sample of their blood. She also forged the signature of a fellow ­doctor.

You probably already know what she did with the blood.

… testers became suspicious when two samples arrived at their laboratory – one clean and one with “abnormalities”.

Doh!

Dr MacInnes, formerly of the Baddow Village Surgery in Essex, admitted acting dishonestly when she appeared before a disciplinary panel.

The punishment?

The General Medical Council panel banned her from medicine for a year “for the protection of patients, the public interest and her own interest”.

You might be thinking: “that seems reasonable. Maybe she just needs another chance.” Well, it turns out she’s already had another chance, and another.

She was banned after being sacked from the Tennyson House Surgery in Chelmsford in 2006 after fitting a contraceptive coil “while smelling of alcohol”.

She was also suspended for six months in 2009 after receiving her third conviction for drink-driving.

So, after all that, she can reapply in a year. Here’s the source.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

peanut butter

This isn’t the movies, where the bad guy is escaping and the good guy picks up a rock and throws it 50 yards and nails the perp.  No, in real life, when you try something like that, something like this happens, as reported in the The Brooklyn Paper’s Police Blotter for the 88th Precinct – Fort Greene–Clinton Hill.

A DeKalb Avenue store clerk accidentally hit a customer in the face with a jar of peanut butter while trying to throw it at a man he was arguing with on Aug. 14, cops said.

Doh!

The worker was arguing with the guy inside the bodega between S. Portland Avenue and S. Oxford Street at 9:40 am, according to a police report. The ornery customer chucked something at the clerk and he returned fire with the peanut butter, but hit a 19-year-old woman standing nearby instead, the report says.

Sound like negligence to you? It does to The Juice, who happens to be a personal injury lawyer.  As for the victim …

The woman walked across the street to the Brooklyn Hospital Center for treatment, police said.

Here’s hoping she’s okay.

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Yeah, the beach may have a lot of sand, but it’s nothing like a sand trap. A Florida couple might argue otherwise. As reported by baynews9.com (St. Petersburg, Florida):

A couple was spotted hitting about a dozen golf balls into the Gulf of Mexico from the beach in Redington Shores on Sunday, according to witness Will Root.

The first thing The Juice thought was “they’re littering!”

“I don’t know what they were thinking, safety wise and environment wise,” [witness Will Root] said. “I hate to see that Seinfeld episode repeated.”

Root, 50, said the couple set up on the beach next to him and his wife, Beth LaBaren-Root, near 182nd Avenue W and Gulf Boulevard. They pulled out some clubs and drove a few golf balls into the Gulf before Root said he asked them what they were doing.

“They each hit two or three of them in and then I asked them if they had planned on retrieving the balls out of the water and they said, ‘no, they’d let the kids go out and find them and sell them on a street corner,'” said Root. “We’ve been here for a while and never seen somebody selling golf balls on the street corner.”

FWC spokesman Baryl Martin said it would be considered littering to hit golf balls into the Gulf, unless they’re the biodegradable kind that cruise ships use. Root said based on the man’s response, he doesn’t believe the balls were biodegradable.

“If the kids are going to go out and find them, that means they’re not biodegradable,” he said.

Redington Shores Mayor Bert Adams said this is the first time he’s ever heard of people teeing off on the beach and encourages witnesses to call the non-emergency police line next time.

“That’s definitely a littering violation. I don’t like to see our waters polluted by anything foreign,” said Adams. “Take your golf game to the golf course or to driving ranges, not the Gulf of Mexico.”

My, what a lovely couple! The perfect pair to round out your foursome!

Root said he’s glad he spoke up even though the couple continued hitting golf balls into the gulf.

“I would say they probably put 10 or 15 of them out there, at least,” he said. “I just hope other people would ask and step in … for our environment.”

Click here for the source.

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

phone call

Before you go calling the police about that giant schlong on your driveway, perhaps it’s worth determining if it’s paint or … A homeowner in Millville, New Jersey skipped that step, and called Johnny Law, unnecessarily, as reported by The News of Cumberland County.

Someone graced an East Vine Street driveway with a drawing of a penis early Monday morning or before.

The person who called police reported that someone had spray painted the phalus, but police on scene discovered it was chalk. They advised the property owner to wash it off with water and reported no actual property damage.

Um. Er. Uh. Sorry officers.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

birds

Doesn’t everyone like colorful birds? Well, if you’re in Center Line, Michigan, and want to make your drab bird a little more colorful – don’t. Why? In addition to the obvious reasons (so please, PETA, no more emails) because of this law:

Sec. 10-4. Artificially coloring birds.

It shall be unlawful for any person to artificially color, spray or paint any bird or fowl or to sell, offer for sale, or otherwise dispose of any such colored bird or fowl.

Must have been a craze back in the day. And yes, this law is still on the books, under Chapter 10 – Animals, Article I, Section 10-4.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated: