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bible

Yes, you can get busted for walking down the street with a Bible. And yes, of course there is more to the story. As reported by The Bradenton Herald:

The Bradenton Police Department detained a naked man after he was spotted walking in the 1100 block of Martin Luther King Avenue West at 12:09 a.m. Sunday, according to a report.

Details, details. So the guy was nude. People are too uptight.

Police said the man was carrying a Bible. When an officer tried to make contact with the subject he ran east where he was caught four blocks later after a brief struggle, police said.

The man was taken to Manatee Memorial Hospital for a medical evaluation. A charge of exposure of sexual organs has been filed with the State Attorney’s Office.

You’ll find the source here.

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teacher

The Juice’s middle school teachers were so boring. Such was not the case for a Houston middle schooler. As reported by The Houston Chronicle:

A 42-year-old Aldine middle school teacher who allegedly performed a lap dance for a student on his birthday has been charged with a felony.

Felicia A. Smith, of Spring, is charged with improper relationship with a student, according to a criminal compliant filed in the case.

According to the documents, a Stovall Middle School student told investigators Smith danced for him Feb. 26 in his classroom in front of other students.

He said she placed a chair next to her desk and other students yelled for him to sit down in it. Music began playing and Smith began performing a “full contact lap dance,” according to court records.

The student told investigators Smith sat down in his lap, moved back and forth and touched him all over his body. Toward the end of the dance, according to the documents, the boy said Smith got on her knees and placed her head between his legs.

Happy birthday! You can read a little more, and see a photo of the teach, here.

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coffee%20espresso%20sign.jpg

To those of you who have a problem with the phenomenon of bikini-clad baristas, this post almost certainly won’t do anything to change your opinion. But if you’re a fan, you can put this arrow in your quiver. Why? Because if this “Sweet Cheeks” barista hadn’t been so concerned about her appearance, her appearance would have been drastically altered. As reported in The Highline Times (Washington) Police Blotter:

One person was slightly injured when a minivan crashed into a bikini espresso stand near S. 262nd St. and Pacific Highway. Police at the scene say that the minivan went off the highway and crashed head-on into the drive-thru window at Sweet Cheeks Espresso. The driver was slightly hurt in the crash.

According to crews at the scene, the barista who would have been standing at the window was unhurt, as she was actually touching up her make-up in another room when the minivan hit.

Whew.

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job

Are you insinuating, sir, that I am not gainfully employed? Well, let me tell you something … Per wfmj.com:

School authorities report to police that the fifteen year old boy was caught in the school with five packages of pot on Tuesday. The assistant principal told officers that the boy confessed that he intended to sell the marijuana to another student.

Uh-oh.

When officers questioned the teen, they asked the student if he was employed.

Good question.

The student, who was wearing blue jeans and tie-dyed Jimi Hendrix tee shirt replied,”Well, I sell weed.”

Bam! Best answer in the history of Boardman Township, Ohio, ever, in any setting.

He faces charges in juvenile court of trafficking marijuana in school.

You’ll find the source here.

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huh-say-what

If you are prone to occasionally jostling, you’ll want to stay out of Topeka, Kansas. Why? The long (non-jostling) arm of the law, that’s why. From the Topeka Municipal Code:

9.45.060 Jostling, crowding.

It shall be unlawful to be found jostling or roughly crowding or pushing any person in any public place.

Lest you think The Juice is making this up, click here and search “jostling”. (The “search” box is in the upper right corner.)

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drunk passed out

Hey, The Juice wasn’t born yesterday, or the day before that, or …  this gent clearly thinks the police were. He “fell asleep” at 3:10 a.m. on the subway? As reported by brooklynpaper.com in the police blotter for the 84th Precinct (Brooklyn Heights–DUMBO–Boerum Hill–Downtown):

A thief swiped a sleeping man’s wallet on a Coney Island-bound N train on April 6, according to the authorities.

The victim said he went out for drinks in Manhattan and that when he boarded the train at Herald Square at 3:10 am, his wallet was in his front pocket. He said he fell asleep immediately and did not wake up until the train reached the Atlantic Avenue–Barclays Center stop, at which point he discovered that his billfold had been lifted, cops said.

Just so it’s clear, the guy goes out drinking on Saturday night, and is on the train at 3:10 a.m. on Sunday morning when he “falls asleep.” Really? He must be one sound sleeper, not waking up as someone took his billfold from his front pocket. Please. Does anyone really believe the dude was not 100% passed out? It was in his front pocket! Anyway, as for what the perp got …

The wallet contained debit and credit cards, a MetroCard, and $100 in cash, according to a police report.

Hey, it could have been worse (iPhone, watch, clothes [like he would have noticed?]).

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gun handgun 357

So this couple was shooting a gun in the woods. What’s the big deal? Well, there are all kinds of woods. As reported by The Bradenton Herald:

A man and a woman have been charged with getting drunk and shooting at a tree at G.T. Bray Park in Bradenton, according to police. About 11:10 p.m. Sunday, officers responded to reports of gunfire at the park, 5502 33rd Ave. Drive W.

They were in a public park! Doh!

As [the police] arrived, officers stopped a car as it was leaving the park. Inside, they found that the driver, identified as Ian Tucker, 29, was drunk and openly carrying a gun, according to a report.

“He explained that he and his female passenger had been shooting at a tree within the park,” the report states.

Yup. Nothing to worry about here officer. Just a drunk couple shooting a gun in a public park.

Tucker and the woman, Rachelle Lacasse, 29, were each charged with openly carrying a weapon, discharging a firearm in public or on residential property and improper exhibition of a weapon. They were released from the Manatee County jail after posting bonds totaling $1,120 each.

You’ll find the source, including mug shots, here.

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duct%20tape.jpg

So maybe it’s not CSI, but it’s damn impressive nevertheless. As reported by www.big1059.com out of Miami,Florida:

An Akron man who pleaded guilty to aggravated burglary and robbery will spend six years in prison. 40-year-old Charles Smallwood was also sentenced to an additional four years on two other pending cases for a total ten year sentence.

About the duct tape …

The victim, who was 91-years-old at the time of the offense, was awakened around 2:30 a.m. on August 5 when two men broke into his house. The burglars put duct tape on one of the windows so there would not be noise when they broke in.

The burglars went to the victim’s bedroom and pushed him around demanding money. The victim began to yell, at which point they found some money in the pants he had worn that day. They took off before police got there.

The victim could not identify the suspects, so DNA was taken from the duct tape on the window. There was a hit on Smallwood and a swab was obtained. His DNA matched the DNA on the duct tape.

Bam! Nicely done, officers.

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walmart

Maybe it’s not an addiction. A fetish? Whatever the reason, this gent is flat out not allowed to go to this Walmart, but he can’t help himself. As reported by The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A man went into a local discount store to buy lightbulbs. He paid for them and left the store. No problem, right?

Actually, it was a problem. And why was that?

The man had been ordered on Jan. 28, 2013, to stay out of Walmart. The Niceville Police Department arrest report didn’t say why.

Banned from Walmart? Hmm. There’s got to be a story there. So how was he caught?

He was spotted by a loss prevention employee buying light bulbs.  He was stopped a short distance from Walmart and ID’d by the employee.

Video footage confirmed he had gone into the store a couple of times.

Doh! Damn cameras!

He was charged with misdemeanor trespassing and will step before a judge on April 22.

Here’s the source.

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pizza.png

It would be misleading, though not totally false, to say this guy walked into a Florida Papa John’s and stole pizza. Here’s what happened, per wptv.com:

Polk County deputies say a man walked into Papa John’s Pizza restaurant, put on a pizza costume, and then walked out of the Lakeland restaurant Sunday evening.

You stole a pizza costume? The Juice is guessing you didn’t know they have video cameras in the store.

Detectives say a white man, perhaps 18 years old, entered the restaurant with six others, wearing a white button-up shirt, dark pants and a dark tie. He put the costume on and left the store wearing it.

The costume is described as approximately six feet tall, and looks like a giant slice of pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, green peppers and black olives.

Video surveillance shows the images of the suspect and four persons of interest. They are described as three older white males with dark hair. One had a full beard. The fourth person of interest is described as a white female with dark hair.

Here’s the source, including a photo.

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