Squeezed on:

dating date

Dating is always a crapshoot.  This date, though, ended in a very strange way. As reported in the police blotter from the 94th Precinct (Greenpoint–Northside) via brooklynpaper.com:

The victim said she went on a date with the guy and, at the end of the night, he turned cretinous because she did not want to spend the night.

While they were standing between Union Avenue at 1:15 am, the galoot grabbed her phone out of her hand and ran into the subway, she told police.

Bet when the check came he “forgot his wallet.”

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

good neighbors

It’s safe to say these folks won’t be going to each other’s house for dinner any time soon. As reported by The Daytona Beach News-Journal:

A brawl between two families in Oak Hill on Sunday night included punching, scratching and a pit bull named Ellie May and her master both biting their neighbor at the same time, a Volusia County sheriff’s report shows.

Yikes! You can read a ton more, and see a mug shot, here.

Squeezed on:

finger wag wagging

If it’s a “he said/she said” occurrence, the party who has the burden of proof is usually going to lose, even more so in a criminal case because of the higher burden of proof. So if a person alleges that another person threatened him, that will be a tough case to prosecute, right? Generally, yes. But what if, oh, say the threat was made to a police officer? Doh! As reported by The Times And Democrat (Orangeburg, South Carolina):

“On Wednesday, March 26, a deputy sheriff responded to Gregory Complete Auto where Randall Dale Gregory indicated batteries and tires had been stolen from vehicles at his auto shop. While the deputy sheriff was taking the report, Gregory began making statements that ‘the OCSO is going to catch hell from him’ and that ‘he is going to drive a tank up the Sheriff (sic) Office and blow it up,’” Williams said. “Gregory continued making threats including against Chief Kinsey and saying that he would go to his home and steal all of his things. Gregory told the responding deputy sheriff ‘that if he observes any deputy sheriff or Sheriff Leroy Ravenell on his property if he is there ‘he will shoot them,’” Williams said.

Talk about stepping on your, er, that is, shooting yourself in the foot.

Gregory, 54, of 2045 Indigo Drive, was arrested Friday without incident and charged with threatening a public official and threatening public property.

You can find the source, and a mug shot, here.

 

Squeezed on:

bank teller

This teller must have missed the part in teller training about depositing funds by account number. (Who would do it by name?) Well, it turns out there is at least one teller out there who does it by name. And oh man is that teller in the soup. As reported by The Athens Banner-Herald (Athens, Georgia):

 The error occurred March 7, when a Madison County man went into First Citizens Bank on U.S. Highway 29, Hull, and made a $31,000 deposit, but because there are several people by the same name with accounts at the bank, the teller put the money into the wrong account, according to the sheriff’s report.

Doh!

On March 17, the victim called the bank about the money missing from his account. Tellers looked into the matter and discovered the error, deputies said. However, by that time, the 18-year-old Hull man who wrongly received the money had withdrawn $20,000 cash and spent $5,000 using his ATM card, deputies said.

Can you imagine the look on that young man’s face when he saw what his balance was? Best day ever!

The suspect came back into the Hull branch on March 18 wanting to withdraw more money, but a teller informed him of the mistake and asked him to return the money, deputies said. The teen then insisted the money was from an inheritance.

Quick thinking lad.

A deputy went to the teen’s house, where the teen again said he thought the money came from his grandmother’s estate.

It’s the best story I’ve got, and I’m sticking to it!

The deputy told the teen the bank wants the money back as soon as possible, so the teen told the officer he would go to the bank and try to settle the matter without going to jail, according to the report.

However, the teen never showed back at the bank and banking officials told investigators last week that if the suspect didn’t return the money, they would prosecute.

No charges have been filed yet, Investigator Doug Martin said Tuesday.

“Yet.” Here’s the source.

 

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

no%20dancing.jpg

Remember the movie “Footloose,” about the town that outlawed dancing? Although South Carolina doesn’t ban dancing all the time, there is this restriction:

Title 52 – Amusements and Athletic Contests
CHAPTER 13.
DANCE HALLS

SECTION 52-13-10. Operation on Sunday forbidden.

It shall be unlawful for any person to keep open or admit persons to any public dancing hall owned or operated by him or to allow any person to continue thereat between the hours of twelve o’clock, midnight, Saturday and twelve o’clock, midnight, Sunday, and all such places shall be and remain closed to the public between such hours. The violation of the provisions of this section shall subject the offender to a fine of not less than ten nor more than fifty dollars for the first offense and for the second offense not less than fifty dollars nor more than one hundred dollars or imprisonment for thirty days.

Yup, it’s on the books. You’ll find the law here.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

drunk%20driving%20urinal%20cake%20call%20for%20a%20ride.jpg

If you are convicted of driving under the influence SIX times, you should be doing a hell of a lot more time than this bloke. As reported by phillyburbs.com:

A Warrington man will have to spend 11½ to 23 months in the Montgomery County prison for his sixth drunken driving offense.

Robert Cuthbert, 47, of the 1200 block of Folly Road, also will have to serve an additional three-year probation sentence after he completes his parole time.

Assistant District Attorney Nathan Schadler on Friday explained that the reason for the stiff sentence is because this is Cuthbert’s sixth driving under the influence conviction.

“Stiff sentence” my arse. And check out how drunk he was. “He had way too many,” said Schadler, noting that Cuthbert had a blood alcohol percentage of at least 0.243 percent. That is three times the state’s legal driving limit of 0.08 percent.

That, Juice readers, is shitfaced.

“Hopefully this sentence sends a strong message to the public and to him that we will do what has to be done to protect our highways from drunken drivers,” said Schadler.

Strong message? More like, you can turn your car into a death machine over and over and over and over and over again, and still get just 1-2 years.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

aaa battery batteries

When you hear the word “battery” you think of 2 things:  “Hey, do you have a AAA battery?” Or you think of someone getting the ass kicked.  The Juice is quite confident that you would not think of something like this.  Per The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A man was charged with battery after he poured water on a woman during an argument, an arrest report indicates.

Yes, water.

The man, who is 39 and lives in Niceville, admitted to Niceville Police officers he poured water on the woman during their spat and told officers to take him to jail.

As you wish.

The charge was a misdemeanor.  His plea date is April 22.

Sounds like a candidate for the litter patrol, and maybe some anger management counseling.

Squeezed on:

marijuana smell odor

Certainly most people are not dumb enough to just send weed through the mail without trying to mask the smell.  So the question is, does the masking agent smell stronger than the weed? Well, as reported by The Belleville News-Democrat (Illinois):

Eight packages filled with marijuana were discovered at a mail sorting facility in Hazelwood, Mo. when workers there noticed the boxes smelled like pot.

Wait, you smelled the pot? But we masked that, dagnabbit!

The packages, which were addressed to residences in Godfrey and Bethalto, also contained dryer sheets that were apparently intended to mask the smell of the drugs. The boxes were marked with a fictitious return address in California.

Doh! At least they didn’t put their own return address on the packages! But it may not be over yet because …

Postal workers and the Metropolitan Enforcement Group of Southwestern Illinois are investigating the case.

Here’s the source.

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

roadrunner%20coyote%20acme.jpg

If you don’t follow Legal Juice on Twitter (@LegalJuice), the bird gets it. And rumor has it that Mr. Wile E. Coyote is ending his longstanding relationship with Acme for “a more reliable supplier.” When asked if maybe he’s the problem, not the equipment, Mr. Coyote maintained his characteristic silence.

And don’t forget to like Legal Juice on Facebook.

Posted in: Bam!
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

John Belushi

Not to be sexist, but if you don’t recognize that quote, you’re almost certainly female (or young, or old). Why does The Juice say this? Because it’s a classic line from a classic “guy’s” movie called … Animal House.    But back to the story at hand, we have a creepy doctor whose medical career may have just gone down the drain. As reported by The Hindustan Times:

According to sources in the PGIMER administration, a junior resident doctor from the general surgery department was found peeping in the bathroom where a woman doctor was taking bath. The woman identified the colleague who was peeping from top of the wall and raised the alarm.

The sources revealed that the incident took place in the resident doctors’ hostel located above Kairon Block, where both male and female doctors stay. There are common bathrooms for male and female doctors in the hostel.

So, after college, all that medical school, you’re part way through what is probably a grueling residency, and you put it at risk for a peep? To his credit, at least he owned … wait, there’s breaking news on this story.

Fearing disciplinary action and police complaint, the sources revealed, the doctor has fled and has not shown up since then.

And this guy is going to be making medical decisions? What’s the Hindustani word for “fuhgeddaboutit”? Have no fear, though. The authorities are all over this. Or, are they?

According to sources, the PGIMER administration is trying to keep the matter under wraps. Despite the fact that the matter is of criminal nature, the PGIMER administration has failed to make any police complaint regarding it.

When contacted PGIMER spokesperson Manju Wadwalkar said, “We are looking into the matter.”

Yes, a trusted institution. Residents might want to consider an alternative facility.  Here’s the source.