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turtle
Fans of the Maryland Terrapins have a saying: Fear the Turtle. In this case, it has to be altered slightly: Fear the Turtle’s Owner.  As reported by The Palm Beach Post:

On Tuesday morning, Palm Beach County Sheriff’s deputies were called to the 500 block of West Kalmia Drive, just east of Old Dixie Highway between Northlake Boulevard and Park Avenue in Lake Park.

[Marie] Seymour [age 53] and her boyfriend were drinking when he said he would harm her turtle and allegedly came after her, according to her recount of the events. The turtle’s name was not released.

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It’s no joke. A court in India has temporarily banned Comedy Central. As reported by ndtv.com:

Entertainment channel Comedy Central has gone off-air for at least five days after the government found its shows having “obscene” and “vulgar” dialogues besides being derogatory to women.

The Delhi High Court had on Monday upheld the Centre’s decision to stop the channel’s transmission for 10 days and also imposed a fine of Rs. 20,000 payable to the Centre.

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sleep sleeping asleep
It can’t be said with certainty what this woman was up to, but … As reported by brooklynpaper.com, from the 76th Precinct (Carroll Gardens-Cobble Hill–Red Hook):

Cops cuffed a woman who they say was sleeping in an apartment building stairway with a knife, pills, and some tools on her person on Bond Street on Dec. 3. Officers stated they found the 47-year-old woman passed out on the staircase in the complex near and Hoyt Street at 5:25 am.

When she awoke, they noticed that she had a knife on her belt and a few loose pills out in the open, cops said. Further inspection revealed a pry bar and wire cutters, according to a police report.

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
For offenses involving socks, two British men were sentenced to 18 months in jail (for “conspiring to commit acts of gross indecency”), and put on the sex offenders’ registry for 10 years.  Per The Southport Visiter:

Two men swindled hundreds of people in Southport out of their socks back in the 1990s.

How do you “swindle” folks out of socks?

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dice gambling rolling

Unless you have a gambling problem, you’ll usually play with what you are prepared to lose. No way were these gents prepared to lose what they did. As reported by The Arab Times:

The Ahmadi police have arrested 12 Asians [in Kuwait City] for gambling in an open area at an unidentified location, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily. They have been referred to the concerned authorities to prepare their deportation.

Now that is some high stakes gambling.

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car dealer dealership

“Of all the car dealers in all the towns in all the world, he walks into this one.” (If you don’t recognize this paraphrased quote, see #67.) As reported by Will Greenlee at tcpalm.com

A man accused of running around a car dealership with balloons after downing a bottle of booze and possibly chasing people with a machete was arrested, according to statements in a recently released arrest affidavit.

Yikes. You can read more, and see the gent’s mug shot, here.

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happy birthday
To some folks birthdays are just another day. To others, they are a really big deal. This gent is definitely in the latter group.  As reported by The Gainesville Sun:

James E. Irving Jr., 44, got into a fight with his live-in girlfriend over his birthday present and preferred celebratory breakfast, according to a Gainesville Police Department booking report and information provided by GPD spokesman Officer Ben Tobias. Irving wanted pancakes and instead got waffles.

Oh no you didn’t just serve me waffles!

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drunk drink glass martini
We’ve all been there. You drink to much, and you do something stupid. Usually though, not this stupid.  As reported in the Colorado Springs Police Department’s blotter:

Incident Date: November 15, 2014

Colorado Springs police received a 911 call shortly before 9 p.m. reporting that gunshots could be heard coming from inside a home on the 1200 block of Royale Drive. As officers arrived at the home described by the reporting party, they saw its front door open. At that time they heard numerous gunshots being fired from inside the home. Reacting immediately, officers moved inside the home, toward the sound of the gunshots. The officers contacted three people inside the residence. Further investigation into the incident revealed that the homeowner, and a friend, decided to alternate using a handgun to shoot glass bottles in the basement of the residence, while the third person watched. Both the homeowner and the friend were under the influence of alcohol at the time of the incident. 28 year-old Christian Clark and 23 year-old Codie Leslie were charged with Prohibited use of weapons and Reckless Endangerment.

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