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Most of us would like to be young again. Okay, so most of the old folks like The Juice would like to be young again. And many of us say that we act young and feel young, and that’s all that matters. Not to this Texas lady. She went back to relive it all. As reported by newschannel10.com:

Police say Charity Anne Johnson was arrested after giving officers a fake name and birthday going by “Charity Stevens.” This is also the same alias Johnson used to enroll at the high school.

A spokesperson for the school said Johnson was brought in to enroll with a person who she claimed was her guardian and gave a date of birth indicating she was only 15. Staff at the school discovered her identification was fake and not only that, but that she had been a student there since October 2013.

People at the school say she claimed to be abused by her biological father.  School officials say she came in as a home-schooled student without any prior transcripts. Her bond has been set at 500 dollars.

You’ll find the source, including a news video, here.

 

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Perhaps the thief was so excited about nearly completing his mission, that he forgot to steal the charger! As reported by The Daily Mail:

A gold-plated vibrator has been stolen from a luxury sex shop in Brazil after an armed raider stormed into the shop and demanded staff hand over the item.

Police say the man walked into the Brasilia store, tied up the sales assistant and then took the 18-carat gold sex toy from the display case. He left without taking anything else. The sex toy sells for $4,000, or £2,600.

Store owner Vanessa Baldini, told the G1 news website, the robber might not get any satisfaction from Wednesday’s theft.

Why not?

… the robber didn’t take the charger for the sex toy.

Doh! And if you’re thinking perhaps he did it for the gold plating …

[The store owner] said the Swedish-made vibrator has a stainless steel core, making removing any gold plating extremely difficult.

A few days later … “Um, excuse me. Do you sell chargers separately?” … Here’s the source, with a photo of the spoils.

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What kind of criminal would steal a tracking device? Perhaps one who doesn’t know anything about iPads? As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

Louisville Metro Police say they arrested a woman on Monday after she was caught with a stolen iPad.

You probably know how they caught her.

Police say the iPad was tracked via GPS to the home of 48-year-old Lisa M. Johnson on Huntoon Avenue, near the intersection of Taylor Blvd. and Southern Pkwy. It was there that officers recovered the stolen iPad, according to the arrest report.

Damn that machine!

Johnson allegedly admitted to being at the location of the burglary on the day it took place.

She was arrested and charged with receipt of stolen property.

Click here for the source, including a mug shot.

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There’s nothing funny about screwing with a cyclist, as this South Carolina man now knows. As a daily bicycle commuter on the streets of Washington, DC and Maryland, The Juice is pleasantly surprised that this crime is being pursued. Per wmbf.com (Myrtle Beach, South Carolina):

Conway Police responded to the Kangaroo Express on Church Street on the afternoon of Thursday, May 1, in reference to a report of a man with a gun in a red Jeep. The officer saw four people exit the store and walk toward the Jeep, the report states.

A man identified in the report as Charles Gore told the officer that he had been pointing a toy gun at the driver of Jeep as a joke. The officer found a black and green plastic toy gun inside the vehicle.

See, it was a joke. Isn’t that hilarious? Yeah, not so much. Not at all.

A Conway Police sergeant made contact with the victim. The victim said that as he was biking down Highway 501, the vehicle passed him, Gore stuck the gun out of the window, and said “pow pow pow.” The victim was brought to the incident location and identified Gore, according to the report.

Gore was arrested and taken to the Conway City Court. He was charged with one count of pointing and presenting firearms at a person.

You’ll find the source here.

 

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This case certainly highlights how different cultures can be. As reported at arabtimesonline.com, in Kuwait City …

The Undersecretary of the Interior Ministry Lieutenant-General Suleiman Al-Fahd has ordered the detention of a police officer in the rank of Major for growing his beard without permission, reports Al-Rai daily quoting knowledgeable security sources. The source said Al-Fahd has also warned a lieutenant-colonel for the same reason and has issued strict instructions that disciplinary action will be taken against those who violate the laws especially if they grow beards more than 1.5 centimeters long.

Maybe he thought they wouldn’t notice? He measured wrong?

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It would appear that Mr. Octavian Borges is Taserproof. Check this out, from The Courier Mail:

A North Queensland man, aged 21, has stunned police by proving impervious to a Taser deployment and casually removing the barbs – not once but three times.

Octavian Borges casually removed the barbs fired into his upper body by police during a tense situation at Townsville on Monday.

He was Tasered again twice, but on both occasions only one barb made contact and the weapon could not make a circuit.

The incredible situation developed after Borges allegedly stole a car from a Garbutt address early Monday morning.

He was chased by the vehicle’s owner until he became bogged at Rowes Bay.

A brutal roadside fistfight then broke out sparking a flood of Triple 0 calls to police from passers-by.

When a crew arrived, a bleeding Borges ran off towards an RSL retirement village where he is alleged to have broken into an elderly lady’s apartment.

As officers entered the unit Borges was alleged to be rifling through a cutlery drawer and removed an item placing it under his shirt.

When he approached officers in a threatening matter and refused to drop the object a Taser was presented.

He failed to comply so the weapon was deployed with the barbs hitting him in the shoulder and rib area.

Incredibly, the Taser appeared to have no effect on him and he removed the barbs, taunting police with “is that the best you’ve got?”

He then ran off out of the apartment with stunned police following close behind.

He was approached and Tasered a second time, but only one of the barbs made contact – which he again pulled out.

A third deployment was also unsuccessful and Borges allegedly pulled out a torch he was hiding under his shirt.

When police realised he was not armed with a knife, they approached him and after a short struggle were able to physically restrain him.

He was taken to Townsville Hospital for treatment for a drug-related condition and the injuries he suffered in the roadside fight.

Police said the Tasers involved in the incident had been sent to Brisbane for testing to ensure they were functioning properly.

Borges was charged with enter with intent, unlawful use of a motor vehicle and multiple counts of obstructing police and appeared in Townsville Magistrates Court on Tuesday.

Can a jail cell hold this guy?

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This has to be one of the worst attempted burglaries of all time. It’s kind of like three guys running from their own shadows.  As reported by khou.com:

The suspects were among three men who walked into a Katz’s Boutique in the 9800 block of the North Freeway on April 13. It was around 3 a.m. and surveillance cameras were rolling.

Police say two of the men had weapons. The suspect with the revolver apparently bumped into the suspect with the rifle, causing the rifle to discharge. “Which then spooked both the suspects,” Officer Brieden said.

Doh! You can probably see where this is going.

Both men began shooting, and police believe they thought they were being fired upon. Nearly a dozen rounds were discharged. In reality, all the gunfire was coming from them. Investigators say that is what makes them so dangerous.

More than a dozen rounds! Let’s go to the videotape. (Click on the link at the end of the post.)

The video shows the suspect with the rifle shooting through a mannequin and the store’s front glass door before the both ran away.

Fortunately …

No customers were inside at the time. Two workers hid and were not harmed.

The burglars are still at large. Click here for the source, including a video news story with surveillance footage.

 

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Dude, on your best day, you’re not smarter than the cops. You should have just fessed up to it. But no, you hatched this “brilliant” plan to get out of the jam you created. As reported by highlinetimes.com (Burien, Washington):

The King County Sheriff’s Department is reporting that a man in northeast Burien was formally charged with a hit and run after he reported his late model Honda stolen. The incident took place in the early morning hours of April 7 when the suspect was driving near the intersection of Military Road South and South 120th Street. Witnesses told police that they saw the suspect in his Honda driving along South 120th Street when he drove off the road and hit a tree before ultimately lodging his car into a fence. The suspect was then said to have fled the scene or the accident on foot. Shortly after the wreck, the suspect called the police and reported that his vehicle had been stolen. When police investigated the auto theft, they determined that the owner of the vehicle was the very same driver to have driven the car off the road. The suspect was formally charged with a hit and run. Police did not release information about whether alcohol was involved in this accident or not.

It probably went something like this: Police: “So, where were you last night?” Dude: “Okay! I give up! The car wasn’t stolen. Man you guys are good. Just like on TV!”

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One of the first things all car dealers should cover when training salesmen is … how to protect the cars they are selling. If this was covered, this newb must have skipped that day, or nodded off. Yeah, sure, hindsight is 20/20. But that doesn’t rule out foresight … As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

“He came in at approximately about 9:30 this morning,” says Perry Luttrell, G. M. Bardstown 44 Auto Mart. Luttrell says they had no idea Ronny Stutes was on the run. He says Stutes was “Very smooth…had all of his i’s dotted and t’s crossed.”

Smooth? You can judge for yourself.

On Friday, Stutes walked away from a minimum security jail in Marion County, and on Monday he was eyeing a Ford Escape. And little did his salesperson know it was going to be part of his escape.

Get it! Using an Escape to further his mistake? HIlarious. Okay, not so much.

Luttrell says, “Normally a person comes in, we make a copy of their drivers license and let them demo the car…he said he had recently got a dui and could not drive the car so he wanted my sales associate to drive for him to go show his daughter.”

Silky smooth!

The salesman drove Stutes to a nearby Walmart, and he even agreed to go inside and find his daughter. “You know her name supposedly was Tiffany. Go in ask for Tiffany and let her know that she has a surprise out here for her,” says Luttrell.

So, you leave DUI guy alone in a car, with the keys?

But police say that’s when Stutes made his move. WDRB News has obtained surveillance video of him getting behind the wheel and driving off.

Really? You need a video to tell you that? Maybe the car and Mr. Stutes not being there would tell you the same thing?

Luttrell says, “Actually when he went in and asked for tiffany and they said there’s no Tiffany that works here and at that point he realized he…so he ran back out into the Walmart parking lot and found out that she had…that he had taken the vehicle.”

No way! Wow, what an elaborate hoax that was, pulled off by a master criminal. Or not.

And there’s more, police say Stutes drove the car to Louisville where he robbed the First Capital Bank in Fern Creek. He was eventually arrested at a nearby Walmart.

You’ll find the source, including a mug shot of Mr. Stutes, here.

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On your birthday, you get a little leeway. A little.  As reported by wlsam.com:

Will County Sheriff’s deputies were called to Precise Stone in the 14000 block of West Illinois Highway on April 30 when the owner reported a former employee trying to steal property.

Uh-oh.

En route to the scene, officers were told that the suspect was driving on Illinois Highway in the stolen forklift, according to a police report. Officers were quickly able to spot the vehicle, pull it over and arrest the driver.

Someone is in a mess of trouble.

Javier Villasenor-Arreola of East Chicago, Ind., who had turned 43 the day he was arrested, was charged with felony counts of burglary, theft and aggravated DUI; and a misdemeanor count of damage to property. He was also cited for operating a vehicle with expired registration and operating an uninsured motor vehicle, according to police.

The business owner told police Villasenor-Arreola had been terminated about two weeks earlier, and when he was leaving about 3:20 p.m. he saw Villasenor standing in front of the business, apparently intoxicated, the report said.

He drove around the block and when he returned, the front door window of the shop had been shattered, the garage door was open and Villasenor-Arreola was driving the forklift out of the garage onto the street, the report said.

Yikes.

He is being held in the Will County Jail on a $50,000 bond.

Here’s the source, with a mug shot.