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texting
Anybody with half a brain knows how stupid it is to text and drive. It’s also illegal in many states. Still, people continue to do it alarmingly often. As reported by www.news965.com:

A 23-year-old driver in Fort Myers, Fla., admits he was texting while driving when he was caught on video rolling his car after hitting a power pole and a tree.

Driver Michael Woody climbed out of the car safely following the crash and told responding officers that his only impairment was his cell phone … he was texting while driving, something that is now illegal in Florida.

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911 emergency call phone telephone

One would think that, somewhere along the way, this kid learned that 911 is for emergencies only. If not, he should definitely know now. Per The Wisconsin Rapids Tribune police log:

• At 10:49 a.m. Monday, an 11-year-old boy called 911 because his friend used the “F” word at the caller.

Guess what happened next? Nothing, of course!

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shit
Even those among you who think that words like “shit”are “bad” words should concede that they are okay to use when they are integral to the story.  Somehow “contents of the septic tank” just doesn’t get the point across like “shit” does. Anyway, as reported by The Times and Democrat (Orangeburg, South Carolina):

Stanley Lee Dixon, 52, of 5153 Carolina Highway, Denmark, pleaded guilty on Monday to littering over 500 pounds.

Circuit Judge Maite Murphy sentenced Dixon to one year of incarceration at the S.C. Department of Corrections, but reduced it to six months of probation.

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red traffic light signal
Wait – so you’re saying if I post videos on Facebook, other people can see them? Why didn’t anyone tell me this? As reported by pix11.com:

Stephen Ruth of Centereach, Long Island apparently got tired of getting tickets after trying to beat red lights at intersections with cameras affixed to them.

So police said Ruth, 42, did something about it — and then bragged about it on Facebook.

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trail breadcrumbs bread crumbs candy
Okay so it is vandalism, but it barely register’s on the Vandalometer.  How was he caught? The way many “criminals” are caught, of course – by following the trail of penises! As reported by TheLocal.dk:

A 31-year old man from Aalborg was convicted for a fairly bizarre act of vandalism on Tuesday.

On a visit to the local IKEA in Aalborg, the man had taken one of the store’s wooden pencils and proceeded to casually stroll through the warehouse drawing small penises on the walls and pieces of furniture on display.

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bicycle sign image
As a daily bicycle commuter, it pains The Juice to speak (ahem, “allege”) ill of a fellow traveler. Alas, it is not looking good for this gent, as reported by NJ Advance Media for NJ.com:

Jose Angel Perez-Luna, 31, Tannersville, Pa., was arrested early Sunday morning near the Holland Tunnel after a Port Authority police officer spotted a Citi Bike in the open bed of his pickup truck, police spokesman Joe Pentangelo said. At roughly 3 a.m., Perez-Luna had passed Lt. Joseph Macaluso and abruptly stopped at a red light at 14th Street and Jersey Avenue, Pentangelo said.

After noticing the Citi Bike, Macaluso stopped Perez-Luna, who explained that he stole the bike from Manhattan to commute to his job. The bike is valued at $1,000. Perez-Luna was also driving with a suspended license and had previously been cited in Virginia for unlicensed driving, Pentagelo said.

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shotgun
You know that when you point a gun in the air and shoot, that the slug will land somewhere, right? This is especially true when you fire a gun inside a building. As reported by The Bismarck Tribune:

A Bismarck man is accused of firing a shotgun into the ceiling of his apartment, nearly striking a woman who was lying in bed in the apartment above his.

Jeffery Royce Jr., 34, was charged in South Central District Court in Burleigh County with felony reckless endangerment and could receive up to five years in prison if convicted.

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school bus
This kid is Trouble. That capital “T” is intentional. Why? Check out what this youngster has been up to, as reported by wmbb.com (Florida):

Police say that a 12-year-old charged in June with stealing a school bus and taking it on a joyride has done it again.

Yes, again!

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united nations building
Sir, your library card! Now! [Shredder sound in the background.] As reported by The Plymouth Herald:

Officers were called to the on campus library around 12pm after a 41-year-old man had reportedly exposed himself to a female library user.

A police spokesperson said: “Police received reports a male had indecently exposed himself to a female library user at Plymouth University.

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purse handbag
Please, tell me you did not just shoplift while carrying coke in your purse.  As reported by Northwest Florida Daily News:

A Walmart Asset Protection Associate became suspicious of the woman, identified as Tammy Sarah King, around 2:30 p.m. on July 31 because she was “constantly twitching and looking over her shoulder,” according to the arrest report. The associate watched her place several grocery items in her cart.

She then tried to hide the items, worth $313.60, under an air filter before walking out of the store, the report said. She was stopped and Crestview Police officers were called.