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If you are convicted of driving under the influence SIX times, you should be doing a hell of a lot more time than this bloke. As reported by phillyburbs.com:

A Warrington man will have to spend 11½ to 23 months in the Montgomery County prison for his sixth drunken driving offense.

Robert Cuthbert, 47, of the 1200 block of Folly Road, also will have to serve an additional three-year probation sentence after he completes his parole time.

Assistant District Attorney Nathan Schadler on Friday explained that the reason for the stiff sentence is because this is Cuthbert’s sixth driving under the influence conviction.

“Stiff sentence” my arse. And check out how drunk he was. “He had way too many,” said Schadler, noting that Cuthbert had a blood alcohol percentage of at least 0.243 percent. That is three times the state’s legal driving limit of 0.08 percent.

That, Juice readers, is shitfaced.

“Hopefully this sentence sends a strong message to the public and to him that we will do what has to be done to protect our highways from drunken drivers,” said Schadler.

Strong message? More like, you can turn your car into a death machine over and over and over and over and over again, and still get just 1-2 years.

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aaa battery batteries

When you hear the word “battery” you think of 2 things:  “Hey, do you have a AAA battery?” Or you think of someone getting the ass kicked.  The Juice is quite confident that you would not think of something like this.  Per The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A man was charged with battery after he poured water on a woman during an argument, an arrest report indicates.

Yes, water.

The man, who is 39 and lives in Niceville, admitted to Niceville Police officers he poured water on the woman during their spat and told officers to take him to jail.

As you wish.

The charge was a misdemeanor.  His plea date is April 22.

Sounds like a candidate for the litter patrol, and maybe some anger management counseling.

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marijuana smell odor

Certainly most people are not dumb enough to just send weed through the mail without trying to mask the smell.  So the question is, does the masking agent smell stronger than the weed? Well, as reported by The Belleville News-Democrat (Illinois):

Eight packages filled with marijuana were discovered at a mail sorting facility in Hazelwood, Mo. when workers there noticed the boxes smelled like pot.

Wait, you smelled the pot? But we masked that, dagnabbit!

The packages, which were addressed to residences in Godfrey and Bethalto, also contained dryer sheets that were apparently intended to mask the smell of the drugs. The boxes were marked with a fictitious return address in California.

Doh! At least they didn’t put their own return address on the packages! But it may not be over yet because …

Postal workers and the Metropolitan Enforcement Group of Southwestern Illinois are investigating the case.

Here’s the source.

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If you don’t follow Legal Juice on Twitter (@LegalJuice), the bird gets it. And rumor has it that Mr. Wile E. Coyote is ending his longstanding relationship with Acme for “a more reliable supplier.” When asked if maybe he’s the problem, not the equipment, Mr. Coyote maintained his characteristic silence.

And don’t forget to like Legal Juice on Facebook.

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John Belushi

Not to be sexist, but if you don’t recognize that quote, you’re almost certainly female (or young, or old). Why does The Juice say this? Because it’s a classic line from a classic “guy’s” movie called … Animal House.    But back to the story at hand, we have a creepy doctor whose medical career may have just gone down the drain. As reported by The Hindustan Times:

According to sources in the PGIMER administration, a junior resident doctor from the general surgery department was found peeping in the bathroom where a woman doctor was taking bath. The woman identified the colleague who was peeping from top of the wall and raised the alarm.

The sources revealed that the incident took place in the resident doctors’ hostel located above Kairon Block, where both male and female doctors stay. There are common bathrooms for male and female doctors in the hostel.

So, after college, all that medical school, you’re part way through what is probably a grueling residency, and you put it at risk for a peep? To his credit, at least he owned … wait, there’s breaking news on this story.

Fearing disciplinary action and police complaint, the sources revealed, the doctor has fled and has not shown up since then.

And this guy is going to be making medical decisions? What’s the Hindustani word for “fuhgeddaboutit”? Have no fear, though. The authorities are all over this. Or, are they?

According to sources, the PGIMER administration is trying to keep the matter under wraps. Despite the fact that the matter is of criminal nature, the PGIMER administration has failed to make any police complaint regarding it.

When contacted PGIMER spokesperson Manju Wadwalkar said, “We are looking into the matter.”

Yes, a trusted institution. Residents might want to consider an alternative facility.  Here’s the source.

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cigarette butt

If you’re thinking this story is about a smoker who did something with a cigarette butt that caused a HUGE amount of damage, you would be right. Per The Star-Ledger (via nj.com):

Middlesex County acting Prosecutor Andrew C. Carey said investigators believe that [school custodian] Jerome C. Higgins, 48, of East Brunswick, tossed an unfinished portion of a cigarette into a trash can inside the school before he left the building sometime Saturday.

Uh-oh.

Carey said the contents of the trash can, located in a custodian’s office, caught fire and the blaze spread throughout the building at about 7:45 p.m.

The result was an inferno that consumed the 50-year-old building that held 450 students in kindergarten through fifth grade.

Poof. Just like that, the building was gone. There must be some serious consequences for that, right? Well …

Higgins is charged with a petty disorderly persons offense for smoking inside the school.

Well, it’s not like anyone will be inconvenienced or anything …

[Edison Board of Education President Gene] Maeroff said the school’s students and staff will not return to school until Wednesday when they will be placed in temporary quarters at Middlesex County College in Edison until more permanent facilities can be found.

All of the children will have to be bused to the college, which is several miles away from the school.

“We’re doing this so they will all stay together,” the board president said. “After a few weeks, they will go to more permanent facility once we find one.”

Um. Sorry? Click here for the source, some photos, a video, and some additional information on this unfortunate event.

 

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ouch ouch ouch ouch

There are lots of ways to resist arrest. This one in particular, every male officer would likely agree, should carry an enhanced sentence. As reported by The Chicago Tribune:

“Something’s wrong with her,” said Cook County Judge Adam Bourgeois Jr., who initially ordered the 20-year-old held on $50,000 bail. After a short recess, Bourgeois decided to instead release Ashleigh Heather Edwards on an individual recognizance bond with electronic monitoring.

You’re curious, right? What did she do?

Edwards, of Berwyn, assaulted [an] officer on a parked train outside the Galewood station on Chicago’s Northwest Side at about 3:40 p.m. Friday, according to an arrest report. The officer tried to remove Edwards after crew members said she entered the train’s “engine compartment” without permission.

Edwards yelled and ran to the other side of the train, police allege, before the officer caught her and attempted to place her under arrest. At that point, police and prosecutors said, Edwards grabbed the officer’s penis and squeezed it to inflict pain, while also kicking and punching and trying to pull away.

Ouch, ouch, ouch! But that wasn’t the end of it.

The officer used pepper spray to restrain her, the arrest report said. But while exiting the train in the 2000 block of North Narragansett Avenue and walking toward the police cruiser, prosecutors said Edwards again grabbed and squeezed the officer’s genitals.

The Juice is inclined to agree with the Judge’s assessment that “Something’s wrong with her.” And in case you think it wasn’t that big of a deal for the officer …

The Metra policeman was taken by ambulance to West Suburban Hospital in Oak Park, where he was treated and released, according to court documents.

As for Ms. Edwards:

[She] will return to court Friday. She faces a felony charge of aggravated battery to a peace officer, along with misdemeanor counts of resisting a police officer and criminal trespass to state land. No booking photo was immediately available.

Here’s the source, including her mug shot.

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A pack of cigarettes! She stole a pack of cigarettes! 22 years ago! People! Where is your sense of proportionality? As reported by wesh.com:

A mother of two sits in jail Monday unable to post bail after being put behind bars for the 1991 theft of a pack of cigarettes.

Jail? You couldn’t release her on her own recognizance for this?

“Back in 1991, I shoplifted cigarettes from Walmart,” Hall said.

So how’d they catch her now?

That 22-year-old crime followed her to Port Canaveral Thursday, where she was wrapping up a dream vacation with her husband and two kids.

The family had cruised aboard the Disney Dream, and authorities were waiting for her when they got back. “I was pulled to the side and told I had a warrant,” Hall said.

Authorities said Hall had failed to pay the $85 in court costs when she was 18; and when authorities checked the ship’s passenger list for terrorists, they found a warrant for Hall.

And to this even more ridiculous, check out the exemplary life Ms. Hall has led since her days as a career criminal …

Since the theft, she had put herself through college, receiving a degree in architecture, and now she helps design jet engines for Pratt & Whitney in Connecticut.

Clearly she’s a flight risk, right? What is wrong with these people? Here’s the official explanation:

The Brevard County Jail will not let her post bail because it’s an Orange County charge and she has to be transferred. However, because of the weekend and holiday, that might not be until Thursday.

That’s a bunch of bureaucratic bullshit. The Juice is not pleased with this “case.” Here’s the source, including a video news story.

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If you thought The Juice was referring to an animal, you’re right – a homo sapien. In the future, this dude will likely walk around the lake to avoid a mother duck and her ducklings. As reported by khou.com:

[A Baytown mother] and her sons went into the CVS in the 1500 block of North Alexander Drive [in Houston, Texas] for about 10 minutes.

When they returned to their van and she began driving away, a man suddenly appeared from the back of the vehicle.

He pulled a knife and threatened to hurt one of the children, if the woman didn’t give him $200.

Son, you picked the wrong van.

The woman punched the suspect in the mouth and grabbed his knife. After a struggle, the thug jumped out of the vehicle.

Bam!

The woman tried to drive away, but the suspect ran toward her van and she struck him with it.

Ouch.

The suspect was taken by Life Flight to Memorial Hermann Hospital in Houston. He has been identified as Ismael Martinez, 53.

And after the hospital …

Martinez will be taken to jail when he recovers.

A well-deserved bad day for Mr. Martinez … Here’s the source, with a mug shot.

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zip your lip

There are lots of times in a person’s life when the best course of action is to just keep quiet. This would seem to be among the most obvious example of just such a case, but not to this gent.  As reported by The Star-Ledger (via nj.com):

Thomas Arahill, 55, was arrested and charged first with threatening a man with a crowbar during a dispute Monday afternoon, said Capt. Thomas Dellane.

Officers responded to Gaff Road in reference to a fight call at 2 p.m., where they made contact with a man who said Arahill had attempted to use a metal bar as a weapon, the police said.

Arahill was arrested, charged with possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose and taken to police headquarters for processing, authorities said.

All you have to do is just keep quiet and you’ll be out of there in no time…

However, after he was released, Arahill saw two of the officers who had arrested him in the town hall lobby, and began threatening them, Dellane said. Arahill refused to leave the area, the captain added.

Doh!

Arahill was taken back into custody and charged with a disorderly persons offense for the loud and threatening behavior, Dellane said.

No release this time.

Arahill was taken to the Ocean County Jail, where he was held on $1,500 bail, authorities added.

Click here for the source.