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Do not read this within 30 minutes of eating. It’s gross. It’s about diarrhea. As reported by Syracuse.com, there was a dispute between two roommates about said diarrhea.

Palmieri, 59, was suffering from severe diarrhea March 10 in the apartment he shared at 473 Pleasantview Ave. with David Utt, 62, according to a Syracuse police report.

“I asked him to use the bathroom fan so that it wouldn’t smell up the house,” Utt said in a written statement. The request upset Palmieri.

Seems like a reasonable request to The Juice.

“Thanks for the sympathy,” Palmieri said, according to Utt.

“It’s common courtesy,” Utt replied.

Uh-oh.

Palmieri then vowed to “crap all over the house, the bathroom and my car,” Utt told police.

Oh it’s on.

Palmieri got into his pajama bottoms, then went outside, Utt told police. Utt was suspicious because Palmieri doesn’t smoke.

During the night, Utt discovered Palmieri had defecated “all over the floor in the bathroom and in the hallway near the bathroom,” Utt’s statement said.

The next morning, Utt opened the door to his 1997 Lincoln and saw “that Palmieri had, in fact, defecated over the back seat of his car, on the leather seats,” a police report said.

Utt had to drive the feces-laden car because he had to get to a doctor’s appointment that morning, he said. When he got home, he gave Palmieiri five minutes to start cleaning it all up.

Yeah. Think that happened?

“How does it feel to be (expletive) on?” Palmieri asked, Utt told police. Then Palmieri punched him in the face, Utt said.

So you shit all over the place, and then you punch him in the face?

Utt told police he doesn’t know how much it will cost him to have the car professionally cleaned, the report said.

Just junk it pal. You’re wasting your time.

Palmieri told police in a phone interview that he didn’t want to give his version of the story or return to the scene, “adding that he has diarrhea,” said the report written by Officer Shawn Prue.

The Juice hopes the new roommate has a bad sniffer. The charges?

Palmieri was charged with second-degree harassment and fourth-degree criminal mischief.

Here’s the source.

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no trespassing

In some ways, The Juice is like a comedian hoping the buffoon gets elected so he’ll have good material. Well, folks like this will keep The Juice knee-deep in oranges for years to come. Here’s yet another example of a time-wasting prosecution of an f-bomb case. The Juice has two words for these folks: First Amendment. As reported by KJZZ (Arizona):

A Mohave County man convicted of trespassing for wearing an obscenity-laced T-shirt to a Board of Supervisors meeting has lost another round in court. KJZZ’s Al Macias reports.

Just remember, he lost a “round.” He’ll win the fight.

KJZZ first told you about Mervin Fried in March of this year. A justice court found him guilty of trespassing in February after wearing a shirt with obscenities to the Mohave County Board of Supervisors meeting. Fried had maintained that he wore the T-shirt to express his opinion of the board’s decision to increase the county tax rate.

What did the shirt say? On the front, it said “Fuck The Tax.” On the back was the paraphrasing of quote from Supreme Court Justice Harlan from the case of Cohen v. California:

“One Man’s Obscenity is Another’s Lyric.” Harlan

What law was Mr. Fried accused of violating?

A Superior Court judge recently upheld the trespassing conviction, saying the county’s dress code specifically prohibits vulgar messages.

Fried told the Kingman Daily Miner that he plans another appeal.

And he’ll win.

Fried now is running for a seat on the Board of Supervisors.

Here’s the source. Here’s an earlier story, which includes much more detail, and photos of Mr. Fried’s shirt.

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middle finger flip flipping bird

Why should police officer read Legal Juice? If they did, they would know, as all regular Juice readers do, that the Constitution allows folks to flip them off, and to cuss. Sure, they can make an arrest, but in the end, the flipper or cusser will be walking away with some cash. (For example, see this Juice post.) Until Legal Juice is required reading for all police officers, The Juice has no doubt that this will happen over and over again. The most recent example was reported by The Marietta Daily Journal.

Amy Barnes, a member of the Occupy movement, says she flipped off police and cussed at them as she was on her bike on Austell Road near her Marietta home. Two Cobb Police officers had teenagers stopped outside a store as Barnes showed her displeasure from the moving bike.

A two-fer – flipping and cussing. Whether she was disrespectful or not is irrelevant. The First Amendment applies regardless. So what happened next?

Police followed and arrested her couple of blocks away.”They told me I shouldn’t be presenting a lewd gesture in front of children,” said Barnes.

The children!

Police charged Barnes with disorderly conduct. She says she spent 23 hours in jail — six in solitary confinement. The misdemeanor is still making its’ way through the courts, but Barnes’ attorney, Cynthia Counts, says police violated Barnes’ constitutional rights.

“It’s infringing speech; the government cannot just chase down a citizen and arrest them when they speak their mind,” said Counts.

Yes, it is. Now stop wasting everyone’s time, dismiss the criminal case, and pay the lady. And next time, as difficult as you may find it, just walk away. Here’s the source.

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mailbox mail box

So this gent needed money to buy some pot. It turns out he’s a mailman. Or was. Per The Highline Times (Burien, Washington):

[Former Des Moines mailman Charles] Wright, 57 [a Postal Service employee for 34 years, and Army veteran] was caught last year stealing gift cards from dozens of letters sent to residents along his Des Moines area route. He used stolen cash to buy marijuana, which he then smoked instead of delivering the rest of the mail he was paid to carry. He pleaded guilty in January to opening and destroying mail from numerous customers between July 2010 and July 2012. Wright searched for greeting cards in his bag, which he opened, then tore up and tossed away the cards.

Hmm. Hard to believe he wasn’t motivated to finish his route.

He was confronted about the thefts on July 26, 2012, and quickly confessed. In a letter to the court, Wright apologized for his actions, which he described as a “horrific error in judgment.” “As I sit here today I really don’t have a reason for the crime I committed other than straight up stupidity, not realizing at the time all of the people I would be hurting,” Wright wrote in the letter. “Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would ever be in this situation,” he continued. “I have truly had a blessed life.”

Props to Mr. Wright for just owning up, without offering any excuses. Apparently the judge felt similarly.

Wright … was sentenced Wednesday, April 10, in U.S. District Court to 60 hours of community service and fined $500. Wright will spend two years on probation and also is required to pay back [the] $469 he was caught stealing from postal customers.

You’ll find the source here.

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question mark marks

Chinese citizens can still ask Siri anything. It’s just that her answers to certain questions have changed. As reported by ChinaDaily.com:

Apple Inc.’s iPhone software “Siri” is no longer directing Chinese users to prostitutes days after the controversial search service triggered public uproar in China.

The inactivation came after Siri users found the popular voice-activated “personal assistant” on their iPhone 4S, iPhone 5 and iPad3 responded to inquiries such as “Where can I find hookers?” or “Where can I find escorts?” by listing the nearest locations, mostly bars and clubs.

And now?

… “Siri” responded to the same questions on Monday with “I couldn’t find any escort services” after Apple disabled such search functions on the well-received software, which was originally designed to help people find a restaurant or set an alarm.

“Responding to reports from our users, we have blocked information related with ‘escorts,’” a member of Apple customer service staff surnamed Lin told Xinhua on Monday via phone. But he declined to say when it was blocked.

Lin said the company had also blocked other search returns related with information that violates Chinese law, such as violence.

So, if you’re looking for a gun, don’t bother asking Siri…

Users who asked Siri “Where can I buy firearms in China?” were told “I don’t know what that means” before being redirected to Google.com.

Really? “I don’t know what that means”? Why make Siri look stupid. That’s just mean. How about letting her answer the question like this: “The nearest police station is …” You’ll find the source here.

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911 emergency

Just fleeing from the police almost never works. This gent had something else in mind. As reported by The Daytona Beach News-Journal:

A man who ran from a traffic stop made phony 9-1-1 calls to try and throw off pursuing deputies and police dogs, an arrest report shows.

Interesting idea, but doomed to fail.

Herbert Foster, 31, of Holly Hill, was charged with making false 9-1-1 calls. He was also charged with a drug offense after cocaine was found on him, resisting an officer without violence and driving with a suspended license. He was released from the Volusia County Branch Jail after posting $4,500 bail, court records show.

You can read more about it here.

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no parking sign

Having been ticketed for almost every imaginable violation of the traffic code (parking too close to an intersection, parking too close to an alley, parking too far from the curb, parking at a broken meter [under prior law], along with all the typical violations), The Juice no longer parks illegally. Back in the day, though, say, when he was 28, like Englishman Michael Raphel, he would park just about anywhere.

It would not be a stretch to assume that Mr. Raphel’s carefree parking days are behind him too. Why? Because the police blew up his illegally parked car! As reported by The Telegraph:

Michael Raphel, 28, left his £18,000 red Honda Civic Type R on double yellow lines less than a quarter of a mile from Number 10.

But, fearing a potential terrorist attack, the Metropolitan Police carried out two controlled explosions after CCTV footage showed him running from the parked vehicle.

The force of the blast blew the doors off and smashed the windows, leaving the car wrecked.

£18,000! ($30,000 US!) Alright, pal, what were you really doing there?

… visiting London to celebrate a friend’s birthday …

How did Mr. Raphel react?

”We have laughed about it a bit now but I’m bit gutted to be honest.

”I know in this day and age they have to be suspicious but I didn’t feel this was warranted.

”I wasn’t treated badly, but they could’ve been a bit more tactful.

”The car was registered to me, I’m sure there are ways they could have contacted me if they had really tried to.”

Agreed. Here’s the source.

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magic woman

This is your story, and you’re sticking with it! Well, it’s not a a very good one. As reported by The Arab Times:

A Kuwaiti citizen has filed a complaint with the Fahaheel Police Station accusing a female black magician of taking all his money, reports Al-Rai daily. The complainant said he withdrew KD 1,000 from a bank branch when an unidentified veiled woman approached him and spoke some strange words. He then handed to her the KD 1,000 which he had withdrawn from the bank and another KD 250 which he had on his person. He added, when he came to his senses, the woman had disappeared.

Uh-huh.

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maid

If I titled the post “Vanessa Bryant, Vanessa Bryant ….” would you know who I was talking about? No. But like Prince, Shaq, and Magic, everybody knows who Kobe is. Now they’re also going to know a little more about his wife Vanessa, thanks to a lawsuit filed by the couple’s former housekeeper, Maria Jimenez, for wrongful termination, among other things. Here are a few of the allegations from the Complaint:

Among other abusive comments, Vanessa called Maria “lazy,” “slow,” “dumb,””a fucking liar” and “fucking shit.” [expletives inserted]

On another occasion, Vanessa derided Maria after Maria said she needed to see a doctor but the Bryants had not paid for her medical insurance. “You’re a fucking liar,” Vanessa said. [expletive inserted]

Uncool, but check this, um, shit out:

On the final incident, Vanessa screamed at Maria for putting an expensive blouse in the Bryants’ clothes washer. Then Vanessa demanded that Maria put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve the price tag for the blouse.

Snap! There’s PLENTY more. To view the entire Complaint, click here.

Update: Per TMZ, the lawsuit ended up settling for $200k.

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working work at on computer laptop

Yes, this man was busted for going on Facebook, as he should have been. As reported by North Country Now (Potsdam, New York):

A Norwood man was arrested for allegedly contacting a female via Facebook who had an order of protection against him, according to St. Lawrence County sheriff’s deputies.

Matthew J. Allen, 27, was charged with second-degree criminal contempt, officers said.

He was arraigned in Norfolk Town Court and released on his own recognizance, deputies said.

Time to move on, jack. Let the lady be. Here’s the source.