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So this British woman (Penny Batkin) is driving her disabled son (he’s 4, can’t walk or talk, and has frequent seizures) to a hospice when she hears him gasping for air, as reported by The Telegraph. Of course she immediately pulls over to resuscitate him, which she does. Apparently almost everything in Britain is captured by CCTV (closed circuit television). Unfortunately for our heroine, patrolling CCTV-camera-wielding traffic wardens taped her pulling over – illegally, and fined her £100 ($145 US).

Surely the ticket would be dismissed when the authorities received her written explanation, with supporting documentation from the doctor? Nope. But she is pressing on with her appeal with the help of a disability advice charity called Richmond Aid.

A spokeswoman said: “It is absolutely shocking to discover that Richmond Council’s parking office cannot find it in their hearts to rescind a parking fine incurred by a desperate mother who had no choice if she was to save the life of her child. We are so appalled we struggle to find the words.”

*#@!&+%^! (That’s the Juice also struggling to find the words.) Here’s the source.

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Here are some interesting excuses offered by speeding drivers, as recalled by a Tennessee judge and some police officers, as reported by The Murfreesboro Post:

… When he asked why she sped, the driver replied, “My colon has fallen in my vaginal canal.” Spence wrote her a ticket anyway. He figured she could bring medical proof to court if she wanted to contest the ticket. She paid it without a hearing.

Smyrna Police Traffic Officer Casey Hughey stopped a speeding driver and asked about the reason for traveling so fast. “My colonoscopy bag is leaking,” the driver replied. “Prove it,” Huey said. When the driver proved his case, Huey simply told the driver, “Have a nice night.”

Murfreesboro Police spokesman Kyle Evans, a former traffic officer, said he stopped a man and inquired about the reason for speeding. “The reason I was going so fast is because I couldn’t see the speedometer,” the driver said. Evans peered inside the car and the speedometer appeared fine. The driver explained. “Sir, I had my head so far up my butt there’s no way I could possibly see how fast I was going,” the driver said. “After a few short laughs and a warning citation, he was on his way,” Evans remembered. “It was the most original excuse I’ve heard in my 10 years as a traffic officer.”

Tennessee Highway Patrol Trooper Kay Peay clocked a man driving more than 100 mph on U.S. Highway 231 South (Shelbyville Highway) one cold morning. “Why are you going that fast?” Peay asked. He replied he was trying to get his window to defog because he couldn’t see. “Let me get this straight,” Peay said. “You’re going 100 mph because you couldn’t see?” “Right,” the driver answered. He got a ticket.

THP Sgt. Rick Smith said he’s had several drivers ride right behind him when he’s driving with his lights and sirens on while responding to an emergency call. In one case, a “silver-spoon-fed 18-year-old driving a Mercedes” chased Smith responding to an crash call. Finally, Smith got behind the driver and pulled him over. The driver complained at the scene and later to Judge Loughry that Smith entrapped him. “He told the judge I said he was a smart a–,” Smith said. “The judge told him he tended to agree with me.”

Say what? Yuk. Nice one. Dork. Mama’s boy. Click here to read more.

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I guess, once upon a time (and still? – okay, let me have it, Tremontonians), certain animal behavior was popular in Tremonton, Utah. From the Tremonton City Ordinances:

13-221. Unlawful Acts. It shall be unlawful for any person to … (4) … let any male animal to any female animal for the purpose of providing entertainment or viewing to any person.

Zoinks! Here’s a link to the Ordinances.

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finger%20severed%20cut%20off%20chopped.jpg No, not that. Read on… So 65-year old Pamela Fox thought 50-year-old neighbor Marija Andric harmed her flowers. Ms. Fox then allegedly “poured a caustic substance over the borders and lawn of [Ms.] Andric,” per The Telegraph. But that wasn’t the end of it.

Mrs Fox confronted Miss Andric, who opened her door to find Fox pointing an aerosol spray at her face.

Olive Lycourgou, prosecuting, at Reading Crown Court, Berks, said: “Miss Andric put her hands up to protect her face. Mrs Fox leaned in and bit off the end of Miss Andric’s little finger.” After the alleged assault she said Fox spat blood out of her mouth and ran away. Surgeons were unable to reattach the finger.

Ouchee! You can read more here.

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OMFG. Make sure you click on the link at the end of the post to see a picture of mailman Gary Bloom’s face. He was just making the rounds in Springfield, Missouri when the dog literally attacked HIS FACE. As reported by ky3.com:

The Springfield-Greene County Health Department quarantined the dog for a mandatory 10 days. The dog’s owners now face fines from the city for having a loose dog and a possible lawsuit from the United States Postal Service.

Said the owner, after the attack:

“He is a good dog.”

Really? And you’re sticking with that?

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If there is a worse driver out there, I’d be shocked (unless it’s the guy in this Juice post). As reported in The Hamilton Spectator, here are some highlights of Toronto resident Gloria O’Neill’s driving history:

Her driver’s licence was suspended as far back as 1978, when she was just 21. In 1984, it was suspended again.

Still forbidden to drive, she got a new licence under a different name.

When that, too, was suspended, she got a third.

In 1995, according to parole documents, O’Neill rolled her car on Highway 401, breaking her back in two places. She was charged in March of that year with driving while under suspension and got 15 days in jail.

Five years ago, after she [ran a red light, and] dragged a pedestrian to his death in a crosswalk, a court banned her from driving for 10 years. [At the time of this hit-and-run, she was driving with TWO suspended licenses, under different names.](She was also convicted of perjury for lying at her bail hearing about her criminal record and multiple licence suspensions.) She only served 9 months for killing this man!

Before you get to angry (#!@*&%!), consider this:

Recently she declined repeated interview requests, saying she has consulted psychiatrists to cope with the trauma of the fatal crash.

“I’m trying to get over it,” O’Neill said when reached by phone. “I have a life and I’m trying to get on with it. I just want to live my life. “

Really? Trying to get over it? By ….

Not longer after that conversation, with five years left on her driving ban, O’Neill got behind the wheel of a Lincoln Town Car registered to her husband, another suspended driver.

On Aug. 28, two Record journalists watched as she drove the shiny red car out of her Toronto parking garage and disappeared down the street.

All told,

[Ms. O’Neill] has been involved in at least 15 collisions, often in rented or borrowed cars.

LOCK HER UP! Oh, and don’t forget about her criminal history, unrelated to driving.

In 1979, under the last name Cloutier, she was sentenced to five years in prison for the beating and robbery of a 62-year-old man while she ran a Toronto brothel. According to media accounts of the trial, while the victim was being entertained by a 16-year-old prostitute, O’Neill and another man robbed him of jewelry, a camera and cash, before beating him so badly he was blinded in one eye.

To read more, click here.

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Former Labour MP Helen Clark (Peterborough, Cambridgeshire) is in the soup for some things she allegedly said to a barmaid. You know things are probably not going well when your “friend” testifies …

“I felt she had had a lot to drink. I felt she was out of control. In my opinion I thought Helen had had too much to drink.”

Thanks, friend. As reported in The Herald, here’s what the prosecutor alleges Ms. Clark said to barmaid Susana Arsalani after Ms. Arslani refused to serve her any more alcohol:

“Why am I treated like a cunt?”; “Who’s the bitch giving orders?”; “You calling me drunk?” [expletive reinserted]

She said Clark had also said: “Don’t patronise me… fuck off.”; “The bitch couldn’t speak English who’s denying to serve me.”; “You bitch, you can’t even speak English.”[expletive reinserted]

Lovely. Ms. Clark was charged with being drunk and disorderly and using threatening words and behavior. Here’s the source.

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Nobody likes a noisy neighbor. What if you lived next to a bar that cranked out music – outside – from 9 p.m. – 3 a.m., from 5 speakers, nonstop? Such was the fate of some folks in Barcelona, Spain. As reported at canada.com:

A court in Barcelona said three persons living near the city’s Donegal pub “developed depressive anxiety syndrome that needed medical treatment” due to the noise …

Oh, and did I mention that the pub owner never got a permit for the outdoor sound system? If you think this is not a jailable offense, you’d be wrong. The owner “received a record jail term of five and a half years for “torturing” his neighbours with loud music from his sound system judicial officials said Monday.” (The pub has closed in 2006.)

Ironically, I’ve often read that one of the hardest things to get used to in prison is … the constant noise.

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Perhaps the Apple iTouch has been out so long that it’s no longer “hot.” A 15-year-old Ohio boy would beg to differ. Seems he bought an iTouch in November 2008. As alleged in the Complaint filed in Federal Court in Ohio:

On December 4, 2008 …Plaintiff … was sitting at his desk with his Apple iTouch in the off position in his pant’s pocket. [He] heard a loud pop and immediately felt a burning sensation on his leg.

Uh oh.

[He] stood up and realized his Apple iTouch had exploded and caught on fire in his pocket.

[He] immediately ran to the bathroom and took off his burning pants with the assistance of a friend. [Give that kid a, uh… Zune.] The Apple iTouch had burned through [his]pants pocket and melted through his Nylon/Spandex underwear, burning his leg. [He had second degree burns.]

Yikes. The Juice wishes the boy a speedy recovery. Props to tomsguide.com for catching wind of this case. (You can read the Complaint by clicking here.)

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Nobody likes getting a speeding ticket. But how far would you go to beat it? If you are Australian Judge Marcus Enfield (former Judge, that is), you’d go pretty damn far. As reported at abc.net.au (and brought to The Juice’s attention by John in Australia), Mr. Enfield got a speeding ticket in 2006. What was his defense?

[H]e claimed his car was being driven by a friend, Teresa Brennan.

Mind you, this was A JUDGE TESTIFYING UNDER OATH. The problem:

It later emerged that [Ms. Brennan] had died in 2003.

Newman! Mr. Brennan pleaded guilty to “making a false statement under oath and trying to pervert the course of justice.” He is awaiting sentencing.