Squeezed on:

knife kitchen

Most folks probably have plenty of good memories from the time they spent sharing an apartment or a house.  As for these gents, not so much! Per The Colorado Springs Police Department:

On 9/27/14, at approximately 1903 hours, Colorado Springs Officers responded to the 7200 block of Alpenwood Way for a reported stabbing. Upon arrival officers determined a physical altercation between roommates escalated into Patrick Kelsey, a 25 year old male, stabbing his roommate in the leg with a kitchen knife. Kelsey left the residence in a vehicle where he was contacted in the area by officers placed into custody. Both Kelsey and the victim (roommate) sustained injuries in the altercation and were transported to area hospitals for treatment. Kelsey was charged with First Degree Assault and D.U.I.

Yeah, The Juice got plenty pissed at many a roommate over his years in group houses (shout out to Lumpy, Luke, Etch-A-Sketch, Cryin’ Shame and Knuckles), but never that pissed!

Squeezed on:

ninja warrior

What could possibly bring a ninja warrior to tears? Well, if ninjas could cry, the thought of what this man tried to do dressed as a ninja might do it. As reported by myfoxorlando.com:

It was a scary morning for a local woman when, deputies say, a man in a ninja mask attacked her in her own home.

According to the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office, 29-year-old Nick James Nardelli entered the woman’s home through an unlocked door early Monday morning.

The woman said she woke up and saw the masked man, unknown to her, standing in the doorway to her bedroom.

Uh-oh. (Don’t worry. The “uh-oh” is not for her.)

He then jumped on top of her, she said, and zip-tied one of her arms, but she still managed to fight him off.  He ran out of the house and hopped in his car to get away, but deputies say he crashed it into a sewer drain.

Doh!

When they arrived, they found a ninja mask, zip ties and duct tape in a nearby trash can, as well as a receipt for those items in his car.

Detectives said Nardelli admitted to the crime during questioning, and said he didn’t know the woman, but targeted her after fantasizing about it.

Nardelli faces charges of loitering and prowling, burglary with assault or battery, false imprisonment, attempted sexual battery, and possession of burglary tools.

He has been booked at the Pinellas County Jail on a $175,000 bond.

Here’s the source, which includes a mug shot.

Squeezed on:

police officer cop policeman

It’s kind of like the “blue flu” with one big difference – these officers are showing up for work, but with a twist. As reported by Reuters:

Belgians who drive a bit over the speed limit, forget to buckle their seat belts or park illegally can breathe easier this week as police turn a blind eye in protest against plans to raise their retirement age.

The country’s police are up in arms over plans by the incoming government to raise their pension age to 62 from 58 as part of its efforts to cut the federal budget. Some 40,000 officers demonstrated against it in Brussels two weeks ago.

They began the next step in their protest on Tuesday by going easy on minor infractions for the next week.

“Clearly this wouldn’t cover major offences, such as reckless or drunken driving,” said Vincent Houssin, deputy chairman of the 18,000-member VSOA police union.

Police unions say the officers will continue to uphold traffic safety, but for a week at least the state budget will not get the benefit of their work.

Sure, 58 seems young to many folks, like most Americans. But an extra 4 years?  That’s a mighty steep jump. Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

bingo

You would think a bingo hall would be a refuge of sorts. In this instance, you would be wrong. As reported by North Country Now (Potsdam, New York):

A Lisbon woman faces a harassment charge following a Sept. 26 domestic incident, according to St. Lawrence County sheriff’s deputies.

Ruth E. Toomey, 78, Lisbon, was charged with second-degree harassment. Deputies say the incident occurred at the West Potsdam Bingo Hall.

She was released on an appearance ticket.

You couldn’t just hold it in for a few more cards, or take it outside? What about your fellow bingo-goers?  Not cool. Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

gun handgun small

True, it was a really, really small gun. But when you’re trying to board a plane, size doesn’t matter as this gent found out. As reported by wmbf.com:

Officers with the Transportation Security Administration found a loaded gun in a backpack at Myrtle Beach International Airport.

A 59-year-old Murrells Inlet man, David Joyner Kelly, was arrested and charged with carrying concealable weapons into certain restricted areas, a misdemeanor.

The gun was a 9mm, loaded with two bullets. It was found in the backpack of the passenger at the security checkpoint on Wednesday, Sept. 4.

Maybe it’s a misdemeanor because of the size of the gun? To see the gun, and the perp, click here.

Squeezed on:

friends

You’ve heard the expression “Brilliant minds think alike.” Well, what about drunk minds? As reported by nj.com:

Officers Matthew McAuliffe and Robert Appel responded to a report of two men who crashed into a rock wall in the area of Simpson Avenue and Whitfield Place, police said.

Appel found a blue van at the the Sommerfield Avenue-Strowbridge Road intersection and pulled it over, police said. McAuliffe soon joined him at the traffic stop.

Javier Fajardo, of East Elmhurst, N.Y, was driving and intoxicated when the van struck the rock wall, police said.

Not an unusual DUI, but …

Alfredo Guartan, also of East Elmhurst, N.Y., was intoxicated but still took over the wheel and was driving when Appel pulled the van over, police said.

Guartan told the officers he started driving after the crash because Fajardo was drunk, police said.

Brilliant!

An open bottle of liquor was seen near the driver’s seat, though neither Guartan nor Fajardo said the bottle was theirs, according to police.

Hey! How’d that get there?

Guartan was charged with driving while intoxicated. Fajardo was charged with driving while intoxicated, driving without a license, leaving the scene of an accident, reckless driving and motor vehicle causing property damage.

Both men were released pending court dates, police said.

Fortunately nobody was hurt. You’ll find the source here.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

grenade grenades

In the US, with our “zero tolerance” policies for so many things, this kid would have been suspended. Period. Fortunately for him, the boy resides in the UK. As reported at Scotsman.com:

Bomb disposal experts were called to a school in Hamilton, South Lanarkshire this morning amid reports that a pupil had brought a hand grenade into the building.

The pupil at Hamilton Grammar School brought the decommisioned device to class as part of a history project.

Explosive Ordnance Disposal officers called at the school shortly after 9:00am, and ascertained that the grenade posed no threat.

A spokeswoman for South Lanarkshire council described the grenade as a “presentation piece”, owned by the pupil’s grandfather.

The spokeswoman added: “Police were called who went to the school with bomb disposal experts. “They quickly reassured everyone there was no danger posed by the presentation piece and no need to evacuate the school.”

Ah, yes … just like the good old days here, when things were actually evaluated on a case-by-case basis. Now? Fuhgeddaboutit. Click here for the source.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

toy%20gun.jpg

Fortunately for the clerk in this Little River, South Carolina store, this “armed” robber is not very good at robbery. As reported by wmbfnews.com:

[33-year-old Joshua Page Edwards] walked into the store to allegedly shop for a gift, and perused the shop with the clerk before walking up to the counter and handing over a note.

Aren’t notes a bank robbery thing? Anyway …

That note told her “to be quite and give him the money,” an Horry County Police report states.

Edwards then presented an apparent handgun that the clerk immediately recognized as a toy.

Kind of makes you wonder what color plastic it was.

She told him she would not give him anything, so Edwards ran out of the store, saying it was all a joke.

Sorry bro. Can’t unring that bell.

Police reviewed video that matched up with the clerk’s story. They found Edwards nearby and charged him with armed robbery.

Yes, that’s armed robbery. What did Mr. Edwards say when they busted him?

He told police he didn’t do it, claiming he was in a bar the whole time, and perhaps his twin brother was to blame. Two notes saying he was conducting a robbery were found in his pockets.

Oh, and his twin brother also put those notes in his pocket. Doh! Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

aircraft airplane air plane

If you have ever been lucky enough to fly first class, maybe you’ll have some understanding of what this man did… As reported by The Highline Times (Washington State):

A man sits in King County jail after he allegedly bolted through a security checkpoint at Sea-Tac Airport and onto an empty plane. The suspect did not have a plane ticket when he ran through the TSA passenger screening area. The man reportedly made it to Gate D10 and is accused of going through emergency exit doors and onto an airport ramp. He then climbed the stairs to the jetway, broke safety glass on a security door, made it on to an empty American Airlines plane and belted himself in a first class seat. Officers entered the plane and were able to take the suspect into custody after a short struggle. The man, in his late 20ʼs, was likely under the influence of drugs. A judge set bail at $100,000.

First, what the hell kind of security is that? A guy who is completely wasted makes it through the TSA screening, gets all the way to Gate D10 (you know that’s not close), and then makes it onto a plane? And $100,000 bail seems a little excessive. He hardly sounds like a flight risk (get it?).

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

noodles pasta

Indeed, making his food addictive was the goal of a Chinese restauranteur.  As reported by The South China Morning Post:

A noodle shop owner was detained after he was discovered to have been adding parts of a poppy plant – from which opium is made – to food so that customers would keep coming back.

The noodle shop’s owner was held for questioning and confessed that he purchased 2kg of poppy shells (the bud of the plant in which poppy seeds are found) for 600 yuan (HK$756) in August.

He secretly added it to the food to lure in more customers.

The owner was detained for 10 days. Poppy shells used to be an ingredient in a popular hot pot sauce until the product was banned, according to previous reports.

So how did they bust him? Unfortunately, one man had to pay a pretty hefty price to get some justice (just some, not much). (Click on the link at the end of this post.)

The restaurant’s activities came to light after one customer, Liu Juyou, 26, tested positive during a routine urine test under an anti-drink-driving programme, the Xian Evening News reported on Tuesday.

He said he never touched illegal substances, so was shocked by the test result.

You don’t have to imagine what the cops said. “Yeah. Uh-huh. You’re innocent, just like everyone else in here.” Thing is, he was.

Liu was detained for 15 days from September 3, unable to convince police that the drug, he suspected, might have come from the food from a noodle shop he frequented.

Liu asked his family to help him test the theory, eating noodles at the restaurant and going home to take urine tests. When the relatives also tested positive for drugs, they alerted the police, who launched an investigation.

You can read more here.