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The Juice should have a separate flavor (check out the “flavors” [categories] on the right-hand side of Legal Juice) for posts like this: “What were you thinking?”  As reported by The Baxter Bulletin (Mountain Home, Arkansas)

Bull Shoals police officer David Chatman gave Stephen Lewis [age 47] a simple choice on Friday afternoon: take down a sign Lewis was putting up in Bull Shoals or receive a citation. (Lewis is the owner of Lewis Sign & Neon in Mountain Home.)

You should know that Mr. Lewis was driving a 30-foot-long, 12-foot-high bucket truck!

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When making a decision, one component is often something like this: “What is the worst thing that will happen to me if I do this?” This gent certainly did not make that calculation before he made this recent decision, as reported by North Country Now (Potsdam, New York):

Potsdam police report that at 2:08 a.m. Thursday, an officer saw [MD] walking on Main Street with an open container of an alcoholic beverage.

Hey, not so fast with the jumping to conclusions. Okay, so it was probably the right conclusion, but still …

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Although The Juice has represented dog bite victims, he still likes the rest of the critters. So he was not pleased to read about the behavior of these would-be robbers in The Journal Gazette (Fort Wayne, Indiana).

Two men armed with a gun attempted a robbery in a home in the 200 block of Esmond Street shortly after noon Tuesday, Fort Wayne police said.

The victims told police that two men knocked on the door asking for a 17-year-old who lived in the home.

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Just jumping up and down and yelling after touchdowns apparently was not a sufficient celebration for some of these folks. (Like most fans, they must not find field goals very exciting.) As reported by The Highline Times (Burien, Washington):

A resident in the Boulevard Park neighborhood of Burien called the police anticipating a neighborhood disturbance of fireworks and bullets during the Superbowl. The call went out to police on the afternoon of Saturday, January 31st. They told police that after each Seahawks scoring drive, one of their neighbors fires off “ridiculously loud illegal fireworks” but what ultimately caused them to alert authorities was when a separate neighbor began firing off a handgun after every scoring drive. Police confiscated the illegal fireworks but did not report any contact with the neighbor who allegedly fires off their handgun after successful scoring drives.

Guess they’ll all be shooting guns next year, and probably for years to come, given their youth, stellar defense, stellar running game, and a very good young quarterback (who had a bad game at the worst time).

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Well sir, the officer might have said, I have some good news and some bad news … Per The Sun News at cleveland.com:

A township officer assisted a Medina Township officer on an arrest at 2:41 a.m. Jan. 24. According to the Medina Township officer, the driver he had pulled over in the Hills had nearly struck his cruiser while the Medina officer was on another traffic stop. The driver passed a Breathalyzer test, registering .08 percent – at the legal limit – but was cited for marijuana possession and failure to move over for a stopped emergency vehicle.

Right at the legal limit! Your author has never seen this before. Maybe they could have taken it out another decimal? .081? It didn’t much matter though, what with the weed in the car. Here’s the source.

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This is not meant to discourage good Samaritans from taking action. However, when you have two apparently equal sides (who should be able to work it out themselves) arguing, in these gun-toting times, if you intervene, you’re liable to get yourself shot … As reported by The Post and Courier (Charleston, South Carolina):

Investigators told local media outlets that a man trying to stop an argument between two groups of people at Magnolia Mall was shot in the leg around 7:45 p.m.

Police say the gunshots caused hundreds of people to run out of the mall and the shooter was able to get out in the chaos. The family of the man shot drove him to the hospital.

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Although The Juice has strong opinions, you are unlikely to meet anyone with the conviction of this Idahoan. Under these circumstances, this is not a good thing. As reported by ktvb.com

A Boise woman is facing felony charges after police say she attacked a Jewish acquaintance, stomping on the woman’s neck as part of a bizarre bid to convert her to Christianity.

Margurite Dawn Haragan, 58, has been charged with two counts of malicious harassment in an attack police have labeled a hate crime.

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The facts: Ms. Kirkland works at Morton’s of Chicago as the catering manager, where her boss is Mr. Hickey, the restaurant manager. According to the court, there is no genuine dispute as to the following (in other words, “it’s true”):

… that Hickey told Kirkland that she “needed to get laid”; that Hickey told Kirkland to “blow me”; that Hickey asked Kirkland out on a date, which she rejected, the most benign of Hickey’s acts; that Hickey called Kirkland a “fat pig”; that he placed his hand inside of Kirkland’s blouse; that he asked Kirkland about the color of her bra and whether it matched her panties; that he pulled up Kirkland’s dress; that he pulled his pants down and exposed his buttocks to Kirkland; that he put his hand all the way up Kirkland’s dress; and that he waved a vibrator at Kirkland and other women.

Quite the charmer. The test for whether he created a “hostile work environment is

whether a reasonable woman would find that Hickey’s conduct was sufficiently severe or pervasive to alter the conditions of employment and create an abusive work environment.

What do you think? Is Hickey a sexual harasser?

Continue reading →

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In describing this woman as the “best panty thief ever,” The Juice is talking volume. But volume isn’t everything. You know how athletes are often characterized by their level of field awareness? Well, this woman has absolutely NO camera awareness, which will probably lead to her apprehension. As reported by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

A woman pilfered 785 pairs of panties at the Victoria’s Secret at Lenox Square Mall on Saturday, Officer Ralph Woolfolk said Thursday.

The suspected thief put the panties in three shopping bags in a raid on the store lasting two hours and absconded, Woolfolk said.

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Regular Juice readers know that an inmate having a cell phone is not an uncommon occurrence. If you’re wondering how the inmates get them, The Juice would wager that very, very, very few get them this way. As reported by The Mirror:

Police found 10 crossbow bolts, 18 mobile phones, SIM cards and the bow that had been left in a weapons case just 100-metres from the prison fence.

Yup, a crossbow!