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Oh no you didn’t just drop the f-bomb in court, Lord Justice Nicholas Wall. He did, to make a point. As reported by the Sun:

Lord Justice Nicholas Wall used the words of English poet Philip Larkin to stress the devastating impact on children when couples keep warring after they split up.

The Appeal Court judge, dealing with a residence order, said he hoped he would give the mother and father a fright because they had both come “within a whisker” of losing their nine-year-old son.

As he ruled the boy could live with the mother, he said the parents had harmed him by their “ongoing mutual dislike and recriminations” for each other following the break-up.

The judge issued a statement overturning a decision by Luton County Court, Beds, at which custody of the boy had been given to his maternal grandparents.

So what about the f-bomb? “Quoting poet Larkin’s 1971 work This Be The Verse, he said:

“They f[uck] you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do.

“They fill you with the faults they had, and add some extra, just for you.”

Why the f-bomb?

He said: “These four lines give a clear warning to parents.”

Let’s hope so. They’ve certainly put Lord Wall on the map. Here’s the source.

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Should spitting really be criminalized? “Yes,” said the powers that be in Cincinnati. Here’s a law that was passed in 2006 as part of the “Neighborhood Quality of Life Unified Code”

Sec. 1601-27. Spitting in a Public Place.

No person shall spit upon any sidewalk, street, highway, alley, the floor of any bus used for public transportation, theater, railway or public transportation depot or platform or the floor of any school house, church or public building of any kind.

Whoever violates this section is guilty of spitting in a public place, a minor misdemeanor.

Is it ever enforced? At least once, anyway. As reported by kypost.com, a Ms. Davis was busted for “flipping the bird” and spitting on the sidewalk. But that’s not why she was put in jail.

Police also found Davis had two outstanding warrants.

Oops.

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Tumid? Seriously, does anyone know what “tumid” means? Some legislators did, because they put it in Section 3303.14 of the Columbus (Ohio) Code:

“Nude” or “state of nudity” means a state of dress or undress that exposes to view: …

2. Human male genitals in a discernibly tumid state, even with a complete and opaque covering, or

3. A covering or device that when worn, depicts, represents, or simulates human female genitals, human female areolae or nipples, or human male genitals in a discernibly tumid state.

(Emphasis added by the Juice.) As you may have guessed, “tumid” means “erect” or “stiff” or “rigid.” Now, was that so hard? (Sorry!)

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I guess technically it’s a burglary, since the home was broken into, and something was stolen. But really, jellybeans? And nothing else? As reported by the Erie Times News:

Police said the burglar broke the window in the front door of a home in the 12000 block of East Lake Road in North East Township sometime between 7 and 11:59 p.m. on April 24. Once inside, the burglar took some jellybeans sitting on the dining room table and left.

Police said no other property inside the home was missing or moved.

Nutty. Here’s the source. (In the same vein, check out this post.)

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Sure, everyone has either heard about, or engaged in, a love tumble in a strange place or two. But, as Maxwell Smart often said to the Chief, “would you believe” a couple in British Columbia was caught having sex IN A GARBAGE TRUCK!? As reported in the Courier Mail, there were ” … reports of people walking suspiciously behind a business …”

“When the officer was out of his car having a look around, checking doors he could hear noises coming from the dumpster,” said Sgt. John Price.

The officer called out and got no response, so he pulled out his flashlight and took a look inside.

“He peeked over the edge and in the bottom of the dumpster, a man and a woman (were) full-on nude, intertwined, oblivious to his presence,” Price said, confirming the pair were in the act.

Since they were having sex in a garbage truck, I guess it’s not surprising that they didn’t notice the police officer. The dude was “taken into custody on an unrelated outstanding warrant.” The “30-year-old woman was simply told to go home.”

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I don’t even know if that’s a real drink. But I do know that I don’t expect the dude working at Starbucks to be packing heat. Such was the case at a Washington, DC Starbucks (at 16th and U Streets, NW), as reported by myfoxdc.com. How do we know he was packing? Because he shot himself in the leg! “… while customers and co-workers were close by[!]” I’m guessing that will serve to stimulate much more than anything Starbucks has to offer. The dude, who is doing okay, didn’t have a permit for the gun, and was charged.

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picnic%20table%20round%20metal.jpgThis one is just really, really, really strange. Per wtol.com:

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says [Mr.] Price … was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table.

Holy shiznit! So what charge is Mr. Price looking at? A felony!

What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

And if all that isn’t bad enough, a neighbor videotaped the latest incident. Said Police Captain Johnson,

Once you think you’ve seen it all, something else comes around.

Here’s the source.

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baby%20flipping%20the%20bird%20finger%20fuck%20you%20off.jpg A 9-year-old kid made a bomb! And threw it on his neighbor’s porch, where it exploded! When the neighbor came to the door, the boy flipped him off and ran. As reported by Gannett New Jersey:

The boy made the bomb using three simple household items, police said: a plastic soda bottle, drain cleaner and aluminum foil.

Mixing drain cleaner and aluminum foil creates a gas which, when capped, will eventually explode.

Who knew? Junior, of Millville, New Jersey, is looking at charges of possessing an explosive device and disorderly conduct.

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Mike Timmer, as you will soon discover, is a huge Detroit Red Wings fan. So it naturally figures that he brought an octopus (under his shirt and jacket) to Game 4 of the Red Wings-Avalanche series. Why, you might ask, did he bring the octopus in? Per the Detroit Free Press:

The tradition began in 1952 when a fish merchant threw an octopus on the ice in Detroit because eight victories were then needed to win the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Carrying on a tradition established more than 50 years ago, Timmer chucked the octopus onto the ice of the Pepsi Arena in Denver. Not only did he get booted from the game, he also got busted by the Denver police. For what? “Throwing stones or missiles.” Really.

“It shall be unlawful for any person to throw any stone or other missile upon or at any vehicle, building, tree or other public or private property, or upon or at any person in any public way or place which is public in nature, or on enclosed or unenclosed ground.”

So what happened? Denver Magistrate Catherine Cary dismissed the charges.

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prison.gif New Yorker John McDonald was charged with second-degree assault for attacking a cab driver in Aspen, Colorado. Why? Apparently he was pissed because the cabbie wouldn’t take him somewhere to buy cigarettes. So, said the cabbie, McDonald popped him in the face, breaking at least one bone. (What, that’s a crime?) When McDonald was charged, bail was set at $5,000. He posted it, and left.

Fast forward to January 15th. Per The Aspen Times:

McDonald, who rode a Greyhound bus from New York to Aspen for his court hearing, told District Judge James Boyd that he was broke and needed the $5,000 bond money he put up to get out of jail. Boyd checked repeatedly with McDonald to make sure the suspect knew he was going to be taken into custody.

Here’s the prosecutor’s explanation:

“I’ve never seen it because most people don’t want to go to jail,” Deputy District Attorney Gail Nichols said. “But obviously he doesn’t mind. Essentially he’s revoking his own bond, and hey, why not? Now he has a place to live.”

Such a great place, too. Who wouldn’t revoke their own bond just for the 3 squares? Here’s the rest of the article.

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