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Please, MADD, no emails. As a personal injury lawyer, the Juice is very aware of the dangers of drunk drivers. Fortunately, this guy didn’t hurt anyone. He had the good fortune to pass out while waiting for his food in a McDonald’s drive-thru in New Jersey! As reported by The Daily Journal:

Police responded to the McDonald’s for a report of an unconscious person in the driver’s seat of a vehicle in the drive-thru line at 1:30 p.m. Friday.

1:30 p.m.? Early start there, dude.

Officer Rick Earl said in his report that when he opened the driver’s side door of McRae’s truck, he smelled a strong odor of alcoholic beverage. McRae then awoke and said to the officer, “Hey, Sarge,” according to the report.

When Earl asked McRae if he had been drinking, McRae replied, “Yeah Sarge, I had a few, but we can work this out,” the report states.

Unlikely.

McRae refused to perform field sobriety tests, according to the report, and was taken to police headquarters, where he needed help walking into the building. His vehicle was towed from the scene.

The charges?

… driving while intoxicated, refusal to submit to a breath test and reckless driving.

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The Juice enjoys skiing, but this is just nuts. A Colorado woman tried to pass herself off as her boyfriend so that she could use his ski pass! From The Aspen Times:

The trouble started when a woman was caught trying to use a man named Daniel’s ski pass at Keystone Resort. When asked for a date of birth, she complied but “was slow to recall it” according to a report from the Summit County Sheriff’s Office.

The woman claimed to be in the middle of a sex change and couldn’t provide any personal information beyond the birthday and middle name.

“The female stated her parents knew of her sex change, and she stated they disowned her when she told them,” according to the report.

So if we call your parents …

[Daniel’s] father was “shocked” last weekend when a local deputy called asking whether his son was having a sex-change operation.

So shocked that he called the police back to make sure the call was legit. The jig was really up when …

An hour later, the Keystone scanning supervisor told the deputy there was a phone number on Daniel’s ski pass file. The deputy called the number and Daniel answered, informing the deputy that he had given the pass to his girlfriend, Wanda.

Doh! Time to come clean?

The woman spoke with Daniel then told the deputy that she was actually Wanda.

Case closed, the investigation anyway…

[Wanda] was arrested and booked on charges of theft of more than $500 and criminal impersonation.

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Regular Juice readers will recall this recent post about a marijuana greenhouse set up just 25 feet from a police station. But what if I told you a gent grew marijuana, in prison, with the permission of the guards! And he did it for at least 5 months before he was busted! What do you think he was in for? Drugs? Yup. As reported by The Sun:

Gold-toothed Mohamed Jalloh, 28, convinced jail staff [at Verne Prison in Portland, Dorset] that his super-powerful skunk crop was really tomato plants.

[They] even [let him] decorate one 4ft plant as a CHRISTMAS TREE.

So how was he caught?

Eventually he was grassed up by a jealous inmate – and guards then identified the plants using Google snaps.

Damn you snitch! Damn you Google! Here’s the source.

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I would bet that even troglodytes are aware of the depth and breadth of the Xbox craze. Even people in their – um – 40s are caught up in it. Even amidst this craze, I think it’s fair to say this guy overreacted. As reported by WXYZ (Troy, Michigan):

Clerks inside the Gamestop store at the Oakland Mall weren’t allowed to talk on the record [really?], but say it was a bizarre scene that played out inside the store Wednesday around noon.

They say one of their regular customers, whom they describe as odd, walked into the store wearing a blue fur coat. He was irate even before talking to the salesmen, cursing and demanding a refund for his Xbox.

One of the salesmen figured his behavior could spell trouble and, as trained, went into the mall to alert security.

Mall security came to the store and spoke with the 43-year-old customer from Detroit, his anger heightened as he threatened to kill someone.

That’s when security called Troy Police.

Admit it. You’re swept up in the story now… And then …

Store employees, knowing police were on their way, tried to stall the customer, and told him they needed his receipt. The customer went to his car and came back with the proof of purchase. Moments later, four police officers arrived, armed with rifles and clearing out the store. Officers say they frisked the man, and according to workers, they held a gun to his head and took him into custody.

That’s it? A proof of purchase and a stun gun? The charges? Making threats against mall workers. The Juice hopes the gent opts for a little more life, and a little less Xbox live.
 

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Um… A police car! A MARKED police car! Said the owner of the towing company, Gary Coe, “I think he just lost it.” Gresham, Oregon police officer Tom Pohlman was resonding to an assault-in-progress at 2:20 a.m. When he was told over the radio that “They’re towing you’re car,” Pohlman said “#@!&* + !&%*^#!” Actually, he said “You can’t print my response.” [Note to Officer Pohlman: This ain’t The Oregonian. Contact the Juice. We will print your response, unedited.]
Why would tow truck driver Steven Syverson, who had 8 months on the job without incident, try to tow a police car? Because the car was parked in a fire zone. Guess what? The police can do this. What happened to Syverson? Lots of bad stuff. As reported in The Oregonian, he was fired AND “arrested on accusations of car theft, obstructing governmental administration, interfering with a peace officer, and third-degree criminal mischief.”

So where does this rate on the weirdness scale? Per Officer Pohlman:

“I’ve been around cops and done this stuff since 1974,” says Pohlman, who, at 55, is eligible to retire. “And this is in the top five or six things that I can say I’ve ever seen people do. And I’ve seen some pretty weird things.”

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So you think you’re a good multitasker? Could you do all of this simultaneously?

Light up a joint …

… while holding a beer…

… while speeding down the road?

I didn’t think so. Per The Cairns Post (Australia):

A driver lit up a joint while speeding past an unmarked police car with an open can of beer in his clutches, incredulous police have alleged.

The El Arish man, 29, was clocked at 115km/hr [71 mph] when he overtook police on on the El Arish-Mission Beach Rd on Cassowary Drive at Bingil Bay, south of Cairns.

When they pulled him over, police say they detected the smell of cannabis emanating from his vehicle.

A subsequent search located a small quantity of cannabis in the car.

It will be alleged that the man admitted to police that he had just lit up a joint as he overtook the police vehicle.

Hey, at least he wasn’t texting … And if you like multitasking stories, here’s a really good one,and here’s another.

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Gino Lee Breeze, a 20-year-old man from Wales, has a wee bit of a thin skin. Thing is, the gents he thought were joking about him, weren’t. No matter, though. The wheels were set in motion as Mr. Breeze went to the home of one of the men he thought had a laugh at his expense. Then things got ugly. Per the North Wales Daily Post:

Breeze went to the [victim’s] house and pushed his way in. He assaulted the man and then ordered him to lick his feet. “He filmed the incident on his mobile phone,” [prosecutor] Evans said.

Humiliating, gross and weird.

Later that day Breeze returned to the man’s house and subjected him to a second ordeal. Mr Evans said Breeze got a knife and a fork from the kitchen. “While holding the knife to the man’s ear and the fork near his eyes he ordered him to sing Baa Baa Black Sheep.”

The defense?

“He accepts his behaviour was despicable,” said Mr Edwards [for the defense].

I guess it’s tough to deny it when you’ve recorded the crime on your phone. The time? 3 years. Here’s the source.

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Maybe it’s a good idea to give a prisoner at least a few bucks upon his release? And maybe it’s not such a good idea to try to rob somebody right after you are released from jail? Anyway, this guy definitely picked the wrong woman to try to rob. From China Daily:

[Mr.] Zhang, left for Qingyuan county soon after being released from the Xinbin Man autonomous county prison.

With no cash for food, Zhang barged into a 48-year-old woman’s house, hoping to steal some money. The woman, however, convinced Zhang that he looked very tired and should take a nap, promising him to give him some money once he woke up.

So much for TCB.

The woman tied the intruder with a rope as soon as he slept off and phoned the police.

Damn you, crafty, hypnotic lady! What kind of time do you get for a crime like this? In Qingyuan County, Liaoning Province in China, you get six years! Just a little bit more than you would get in the U.S….

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We don’t know if there is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe. And it seems unlikely that we’ll find out by installing software on our computers to detect the presence of aliens. But that is precisely what the former director of IT for the Higley Unified School District in Arizona is accused of doing. As reported by abc15.com (Phoenix, AZ) …

Brad Niesluchowski …has resigned [after being given a notice of termination in October, per Superintendent Denise Birdwell] amidst an investigation that he installed software to spy for aliens on school computers.

Dr. Birdwell said Niesluchowski installed the software program SETI@home on nearly 5,000 HUSD computers. SETI stands for the “Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence.”

And?

Birdwell said the program caused the district’s computers to run 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

That’s a lot of juice, no? Yes.

The district estimates during the 9 years of Niesluchowski’s employment, he cost the district as much as $1.6 million in electricity, bandwith and the diminished life expectancy of computers.

Costly and odd, but criminal?

Birdwell said the district is working with Gilbert Police as part of a criminal investigation.

The Juice is down with restitution, not prosecution.

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