Squeezed on:

cosmetics makeup make-up
Who says crime doesn’t pay? It paid awfully well for this family. The operative word is “paid” because the jig is up! As reported by NJ Advance Media for NJ.com:

Three members of an Edison family have been sentenced after guilty pleas in a cosmetics counterfeiting ring that earned them hundreds of thousands of dollars, according to Middlesex County Prosecutor Andrew Carey.

Shazam!

Squeezed on:

police station
If you want to get the police department’s attention, there are other ways. This way, though, will definitely work! As detailed in the Colorado Springs Police Department blotter:

On 01-09-14 at approximately 0756 hours, officers from the Sand Creek Division were dispatched to the Brunswick Zone, 999 N Circle Drive regarding a robbery. The investigation revealed an unknown male entered the business and verbally threatened the victim to open the cash register. The victim was unable to comply compelling the suspect to leave the area. The suspect is described as a white male in his mid- 30s, approximately 5’7 with a thin build, short blonde hair with a goatee, wearing a large black jacket and jeans. The investigation is continuing.

He got away! Or … did he?

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

hug
If more people were as suspicious as this “good samaritan,” The Juice would move to an island. Hell, he might just do it any way. As reported by khou.com:

A loving husband triggered a massive police presence on Tuesday at a Cricket Store in southeast Houston

Police received a call that someone in the store was being held against their will.

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

question mark
What exactly is HRUI? You have to ask? It’s horseback riding under the influence. The Juice has blogged daily for 7 years, and he hasn’t come across a similar case. Driving a motorized barstool under the influence? Yup. Driving riding mowers under the influence? Many times. Anyway, as reported by 9news.com (Denver, Colorado):

Patrick Schumacher is facing charges of riding a horse while under the influence of alcohol after witnesses saw the rider and horse occasional wandering into traffic on Broadway near the school Monday afternoon [in Boulder].

Officers observed that Schumacher was slumped to his right side as he crossed streets and forced pedestrians off the sidewalk. Police pulled the horse over, and Schumacher was arrested on suspicion of riding under the influence after he was given a sobriety test.

Squeezed on:

money
This thing could have gone south many times … but it didn’t.  As reported by The International News:

The robber entered the bank and went up to the teller’s window but could not load his gun. He next tried to break the window with the gun but failed again.

The robber then climbed up on the counter and managed to drag the window down. He then proceeded to steal whatever money he could find.

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

school lunch
Since the dawn of the school lunch, their have been bullies around to steal lunch money. But this is not your typical lunch money shakedown, and not just because it also involves stealing lunches. No, this case is unusual because of who did the stealing. nbcphildelphia.com reports that …

A New Jersey school bus aide was arrested after she allegedly stole bagged lunches and money from dozens of preschool students.

Now that is pretty damn low.

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

gavel

If you had to guess the state, you would have guessed “Florida.” You would have been right. As reported by The Miami Herald:

Miami-Dade County Judge Jacqueline Schwartz broke judicial conduct rules when she told the owner of a Coconut Grove convenience store last year to “Go f— yourself” in a dispute over a political campaign sign, the Florida Judicial Qualifications Commission has found.

The punishment? A public reprimand, and she has to write a letter of apology to the convenience store owner. You can read A LOT MORE, and see a photo of the judge, here.

 

 

 

Squeezed on:

coffee cup
There is something to be said for keeping your composure. There’s also something to be said for getting as far away from the scene of the crime you just committed as fast as you can.  Per NJ Advance Media for NJ.com:

Michael J. Cassano, 38, of Oakland Gardens, N.Y., allegedly robbed Hudson City Savings Bank on Essex Street just before 3 p.m. He placed a BB gun on the counter, and the teller gave him $4,000 in cash, Lodi police Detective Capt. Donald Scorzetti said in an e-mail.

Woo-hoo! Quick, scram! Or at least don’t linger. Or …

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

bank building
Surely there have been plenty of bank robberies that have benefited from the help of an insider.  But have you ever heard of a bank robbery where all of the participants were insiders? Well, you have now. As reported by emirates247.com:

Staff at a branch of Afghanistan’s central bank in southern Kandahar province may have got away with as much as 81 million Afghanis ($1.4 million) when they robbed their own bank and ran, an official said on Saturday.

That is a truckload of Afghanis!

Squeezed on:

Hand holding mobile smart phone
The “selfie” craze was crazy even pre-Weiner.  This young man took it to another level. As seen and written on khou.com (yes, there’s a video):

Officers pulled over 17-year-old Kenneth Davis around 4 a.m. Monday in a truck, police said, was stolen.

Okay, he’s in some trouble.