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There is something to be said for keeping your composure. There’s also something to be said for getting as far away from the scene of the crime you just committed as fast as you can.  Per NJ Advance Media for NJ.com:

Michael J. Cassano, 38, of Oakland Gardens, N.Y., allegedly robbed Hudson City Savings Bank on Essex Street just before 3 p.m. He placed a BB gun on the counter, and the teller gave him $4,000 in cash, Lodi police Detective Capt. Donald Scorzetti said in an e-mail.

Woo-hoo! Quick, scram! Or at least don’t linger. Or …

He ran off, but didn’t go far, Scorzetti said. He went into a Dunkin’ Donuts at 370 Essex Street (about a fifth of a mile away, according to Google Maps) to get a cup of coffee, Scorzetti said.

Cassano then asked a man in the parking lot for a cigarette. As he walked back to his car, two Maywood police officers stopped him, Scorzetti said. Cassano allegedly had both the cash and the BB gun in his possession.

He has been charged with first-degree robbery and two other weapons offenses. Bail has not yet been set, and Scorzetti said federal charges are also pending against Cassano.

You’ll find the source, including the mug shot, here.   (This post is brought to you by your friendly neighborhood personal injury lawyer, the neighborhood being Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia.)

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Surely there have been plenty of bank robberies that have benefited from the help of an insider.  But have you ever heard of a bank robbery where all of the participants were insiders? Well, you have now. As reported by emirates247.com:

Staff at a branch of Afghanistan’s central bank in southern Kandahar province may have got away with as much as 81 million Afghanis ($1.4 million) when they robbed their own bank and ran, an official said on Saturday.

That is a truckload of Afghanis!

The Kandahar raid is believed to have been carried out by a senior official at the bank, an employee of nine years, with the help of his son and brother-in-law who were also on staff, according to Azimi.

Think they’ll be apprehended?

The robbery at the branch in Spin Boldak near the border with Pakistan was discovered on Thursday and investigators believed the group has escaped to Pakistan.

Fuhgeddaboutit. Here’s the source.

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The “selfie” craze was crazy even pre-Weiner.  This young man took it to another level. As seen and written on khou.com (yes, there’s a video):

Officers pulled over 17-year-old Kenneth Davis around 4 a.m. Monday in a truck, police said, was stolen.

Okay, he’s in some trouble.

After Davis gave officers permission to look at his phone, they discovered several pictures and a video of Davis driving around in another pick-up truck they recognized as stolen.

In the video, Davis appears to be lip syncing to a rap song while it plays in the radio.

“It’s a sign of the times,” said Sgt. John Krueger of the La Porte Police Department. “That’s just a reflection of the younger criminal at this time—they feel comfortable bragging with their friends.”

Police say Davis also admitted to breaking into another vehicle parked off the 8700 block of Collingdale. The teen managed to open the lock but since the vehicle had a club on the steering wheel, he was unable to drive off.

Davis has been charged with two counts of unauthorized use of a motor vehicle and one count of burglary. Police say the pictures on his phone might implicate him in even more crimes.

Now he’s in a lot of trouble. Here’s the source, including the selfie video.

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The Juice should have a separate flavor (check out the “flavors” [categories] on the right-hand side of Legal Juice) for posts like this: “What were you thinking?”  As reported by The Baxter Bulletin (Mountain Home, Arkansas)

Bull Shoals police officer David Chatman gave Stephen Lewis [age 47] a simple choice on Friday afternoon: take down a sign Lewis was putting up in Bull Shoals or receive a citation. (Lewis is the owner of Lewis Sign & Neon in Mountain Home.)

You should know that Mr. Lewis was driving a 30-foot-long, 12-foot-high bucket truck!

The incident started when Chatman informed Lewis that the sign he was erecting in Bull Shoals did not have a permit. Because sign owners didn’t have the proper documentation, Chatman told Lewis that the sign had to come down or he would receive a ticket.

Chatman described Lewis as uncooperative, saying he would not produce his driver’s license and would not get out of the truck when Chatman asked him to do so. Lewis eventually did get out of the truck and give his license to the police officer.

“I went and sat in my patrol car to write the citation out,” Chatman said. “At that time, I observed Mr. Lewis get into his truck, put it in drive and take off.”

Now that is a man with a plan.

Chatman informed his dispatcher that he was in pursuit of the large white truck heading east on Arkansas Highway 178. The pursuit was slow, never getting above 45 mph, according to authorities. Officers from Flippin, the Arkansas State Police and the Baxter County Sheriff’s Office headed out to various points in hopes of laying down spike strips.

45 mph? Shoot, even on his beater commuting bicycle, The Juice can almost hit that. Ok, maybe 30, going down a steep hill.

The pursuit ended at the intersection of AR Highway 178 and AR Highway 5 North when officers boxed Lewis in, forcing him to pull over.

Lewis was arrested by Bull Shoals police and taken to the Marion County jail, charged with fleeing and obstructing government operations, plus two additional misdemeanor offenses. He was released Friday night on $855 bond.

Think he’ll get the “proper documentation” next time? Here’s the source, including a photo of the getaway vehicle.

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When making a decision, one component is often something like this: “What is the worst thing that will happen to me if I do this?” This gent certainly did not make that calculation before he made this recent decision, as reported by North Country Now (Potsdam, New York):

Potsdam police report that at 2:08 a.m. Thursday, an officer saw [MD] walking on Main Street with an open container of an alcoholic beverage.

Hey, not so fast with the jumping to conclusions. Okay, so it was probably the right conclusion, but still …

“Patrol made contact with [MD] who refused to obey the officer’s orders which was to stop walking away from the officer. [MD] was then escorted to the ground by patrol and was placed into custody. [MD] was transported to the Potsdam Police Department where he was processed and released on appearance tickets for the listed charges,” then department’s blotter report said.

Doh! Should’ve just taken the open container citation! That could have been the worst thing that happened to him. But it was not to be.

[MD], 28, of Potsdam, [was] charged with resisting arrest after allegedly refusing an officer’s order to stop walking away with a presumed open container of alcohol.

Oh, so now it’s “presumed” to be alcohol? Here’s the story.

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Although The Juice has represented dog bite victims, he still likes the rest of the critters. So he was not pleased to read about the behavior of these would-be robbers in The Journal Gazette (Fort Wayne, Indiana).

Two men armed with a gun attempted a robbery in a home in the 200 block of Esmond Street shortly after noon Tuesday, Fort Wayne police said.

The victims told police that two men knocked on the door asking for a 17-year-old who lived in the home.

Great plan so far. It gets better.

When they were told the person they were looking for wasn’t home, they pushed inside, pointed a gun to the resident’s head and demanded money, police said.

When the man told the suspects he did not have any money, police said, they threatened to shoot his dog. Police said two other people inside the home who heard the commotion also had the gun pointed at their heads while the suspects demanded money.

So much for Plans A, B, C and D.  Apparently there was no Plan E.

When everyone continued to tell the suspects they didn’t have any money, the men left, police said.

Well, that went well, at least for the victims – although they were undoubtedly terrified. So did the cops catch the perps?

Shortly after, two men with guns were seen in the 3000 block of South Clinton Street, which is near the home on Esmond Street, police said. Officers were not able to locate the suspects.

Nuts. Here’s the source.

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Just jumping up and down and yelling after touchdowns apparently was not a sufficient celebration for some of these folks. (Like most fans, they must not find field goals very exciting.) As reported by The Highline Times (Burien, Washington):

A resident in the Boulevard Park neighborhood of Burien called the police anticipating a neighborhood disturbance of fireworks and bullets during the Superbowl. The call went out to police on the afternoon of Saturday, January 31st. They told police that after each Seahawks scoring drive, one of their neighbors fires off “ridiculously loud illegal fireworks” but what ultimately caused them to alert authorities was when a separate neighbor began firing off a handgun after every scoring drive. Police confiscated the illegal fireworks but did not report any contact with the neighbor who allegedly fires off their handgun after successful scoring drives.

Guess they’ll all be shooting guns next year, and probably for years to come, given their youth, stellar defense, stellar running game, and a very good young quarterback (who had a bad game at the worst time).

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Well sir, the officer might have said, I have some good news and some bad news … Per The Sun News at cleveland.com:

A township officer assisted a Medina Township officer on an arrest at 2:41 a.m. Jan. 24. According to the Medina Township officer, the driver he had pulled over in the Hills had nearly struck his cruiser while the Medina officer was on another traffic stop. The driver passed a Breathalyzer test, registering .08 percent – at the legal limit – but was cited for marijuana possession and failure to move over for a stopped emergency vehicle.

Right at the legal limit! Your author has never seen this before. Maybe they could have taken it out another decimal? .081? It didn’t much matter though, what with the weed in the car. Here’s the source.

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This is not meant to discourage good Samaritans from taking action. However, when you have two apparently equal sides (who should be able to work it out themselves) arguing, in these gun-toting times, if you intervene, you’re liable to get yourself shot … As reported by The Post and Courier (Charleston, South Carolina):

Investigators told local media outlets that a man trying to stop an argument between two groups of people at Magnolia Mall was shot in the leg around 7:45 p.m.

Police say the gunshots caused hundreds of people to run out of the mall and the shooter was able to get out in the chaos. The family of the man shot drove him to the hospital.

Fortunately, the well-intentioned gent was treated and released.  Trigger happy pappy is still at large. Here’s the source.

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Although The Juice has strong opinions, you are unlikely to meet anyone with the conviction of this Idahoan. Under these circumstances, this is not a good thing. As reported by ktvb.com

A Boise woman is facing felony charges after police say she attacked a Jewish acquaintance, stomping on the woman’s neck as part of a bizarre bid to convert her to Christianity.

Margurite Dawn Haragan, 58, has been charged with two counts of malicious harassment in an attack police have labeled a hate crime.

Prosecutors say the incident started when Haragan showed up at the victim’s home Feb. 5. It’s not clear how the two women know each other.

“The defendant was banging on the front window yelling at her that she better believe in Jesus and she was not going to leave until she did believe in Jesus,” Ada County Prosecutor Dave Rothcheck said. He said the victim, identified in court only as “A.G.,” opened her door to tell Haragan to leave and to write down her license plate number.

That’s when the suspect slapped her in the face and dragged her to the ground by her hair, Roscheck said.

“The defendant began kicking the victim in the stomach and thigh area,” he said. “During this time the defendant was screaming at the victim that she better accept Jesus or she would not let up.”

Prosecutors say Haragan stepped onto A.G.’s neck as she lay on the ground, pressing down with her foot and pulling up on the woman’s head and hair. Eventually, the woman said she would become a Christian in an attempt to placate her attacker, Roscheck said, and Haragan let her go.

Yikes. You’ll find the source, and Ms. Haragan’s mug shot, by clicking here.