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You’ve probably never been arrested, let alone twice in one day. Carl Michael Gunther of Naperville, Illinois, has. As reported by the Chicago Tribune:

Police were called to the Crosstown Pub and Grill at 909 E. Ogden Ave. in Naperville after Carl Michael Gunther, of the 1000 block of Jane Avenue, refused management’s request to leave, police said.

Big mistake, that.

Police searched Gunther’s car and determined he had driven while intoxicated.

What what what? [Funnier for South Park fans.] Did they breathalyze the car? Anyway …

Police said they found a multicolored glass pipe in his car.

Police said Gunther resisted arrest and urinated in his jail cell while he was being held. He was charged with driving under the influence, possession of drug paraphernalia, damage to property and resisting a peace officer, police said.

Okay, not a good night, but at least it’s over? Nope.

After posting $300 bond, Gunther took a cab to a relative’s house, where he left the cab without paying, police alleged.

Dude!

Police were called to Pembroke Road near Chicago Avenue about 4 a.m. April 22 and arrested Gunther again. He was taken to the DuPage County Jail, where he was charged with theft of labor/services and violation of bail bond, police said.

The Juice would recommend laying low for a spell. Here’s the source.

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This is the story of a man who thought big, very big. Unfortunately, his thoughts involved the altering of a $10 check he received when he closed a bank account. The new number on the check? $269,951! Per the News-Press:

A Cape Coral [Florida] man was arrested Monday on fraud and grand theft charges after he allegedly tried to alter a $10 check from Florida Gulf Bank to $269,951 then deposit it.

Clair Arthur Smith, 42, is also facing a charge of failing to register as a convicted felon in Lee County.

Oops. What’s the evidence?

Investigators searched Smith’s home and found the deposit receipt and the clothes he used during the [ATM] transaction.

Oh, and …

Smith confessed to investigators on tape to the crime.

 

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So maybe wearing this particular shirt to court was not the best decision Jennifer LaPenta, 19, of Round Lake Park, Illinois ever made. But did it warrant two days in jail? As reported by the Lake County News-Sun:

Associate Judge Helen Rozenburg charged LaPenta with contempt of court for wearing the garment in her courtroom Monday. LaPenta was sitting in the gallery waiting for a friend’s case to be called when the judge called her forward.

What did the shirt say?

“I own the [pussy], so I make the rules.”

So what happened?

Rozenburg asked LaPenta if she thought her shirt was appropriate.

LaPenta said she told the judge that it would have been inapprorpriate had she been the defendant.

Rozenburg immediately sentenced her to 48 hours in jail and had her cuffed, LaPenta said.

Why wear that shirt?

LaPenta said that she had been at a gym Monday when her friend asked her for a ride to the courthouse. She was wearing sweat pants and that T-shirt when she was cuffed and jailed.

LaPenta said she bought the shirt in the gay section of Spencer’s. She said she is openly homosexual and said the judge was a “homophobe” for putting her in custody for wearing the shirt.

“I’m shocked that the judge took the actions she did. She could have asked her to remove her shirt or leave the courtroom,” said Peter Kalagis, LaPenta’s attorney. “To me, that was an extreme action.”

LaPenta said the judge did not give her an opportunity to turn her shirt inside out or exit the courtroom.

Here’s the source.

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Really? You’re going to use a taser (in the back!) on a guy who posed NO THREAT to anyone? Have you read the manual? Even used properly, people die, Jack. Think about it.

For more taser posts, scroll down a bit, and enter “taser” in the “Search This Blog” box.

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In some countries, it’s legal to change your name to just about anything. That’s what George Garratt decided to do. His new legal name? Hold on. The Juice needs to take a deep breath. Okay, here it goes …

Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.

Whew. That’s a mouthful. Why would the Captain do that? Per The Telegraph:

“I wanted to be unique. I decided upon a theme of superheroes.”

Oh, so that’s the theme. Here’s the source, including a photo of the Captain. And if you like stories about strange names, check this out.

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Maybe you can get away with giving a fake name to the cops for a little while, but in this day and age, not for long. Although in this case, technology was not even a factor. From the Murfreesboro (Tennessee) Post:

When most people get pulled over by Murfreesboro’s finest and are asked to produce identification, they do so willingly.

But David Prochaska, 21, of Tomahawk Trace, thought differently when he was pulled over Wednesday and claimed to not have an ID on his person. He also gave a fake name and social security number.

That’s not the only difference between Prochaska and most people. He also has his initials tattooed on his neck.

Doh!

After noticing D.J.P. on the suspects neck, Murfreesboro Police Officer Ramona Thomas, searched Prochaska only to find a receipt in his pocket with his real name on it.

“It was also determined that Mr. Prochaska had four active warrants of his arrest,” Thomas reported.

Doh!

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So, how can a 34-year-old man, who admitted to a four-month-long sexual relationship with a 13-year-old girl not see the inside of a cell? He was originally sentenced to 3 years but, on appeal, the court reduced the sentence to 1 year and 4 months. Why? The court concluded there was “real love” between Vicenza butcher Antonio de Pascale and the girl. Truly frightening, as are the comments of Judge Simonetta Matone of Rome:

The law must ‘always look to be reasonable in these cases. Every relationship is a relationship and the real maturity, whether physical or psychological, of the minor must be weighed, with the help of experts.’

What? No! No weighing, your honor. I wonder where she would draw the line. Twelve? Ten? And why is it likely that de Pascale won’t do any time? Because Italy currently has a general amnesty for anyone sentenced to less than 3 years. A fitting end to an outrageous case. To read more (a little), click here.

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Although words can cause a lot more pain than a physical injury, a 21-year-old man who called a woman “fat” might disagree. As reported by the Lincoln [Nebraska] Journal Star:

Police say a 24-year-old man is missing a chunk of his right ear that was bitten off by a woman who didn’t like being called “fat.” Police spokeswoman Katie Flood said officers were called to a Lincoln hospital around 3:25 a.m. Wednesday to talk to the injured man.

Flood said officers later learned that the injured man and two others had been arguing with other people at the birthday party. Flood says the man told 21-year-old Anna Godfrey that she was fat.

Officers said Godfrey then tackled the man and took a bite.

And what about the ear?

Flood said the ear chunk was not found.

Zoinks. The charge?

Godfrey was arrested on suspicion of felony assault and remained in custody Wednesday.

To the South Park fans out there, remember, words are like bullets.

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So you’ve always wanted to be a police officer. And, you’ve always wanted to be a little, um, bigger. Turns out you can’t satisfy both of your wants, at least if you live in Papua, Indonesia. Why not? As reported in the Jakarta Globe:

An applicant “will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged,” said Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto, quoted on local website Kompas.com.”If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military.”

What’s the big deal? (sorry!)

The ban was applied since the unnatural size causes “hindrance during training,” said police spokesman Zainuri Lubis in Jakarta, quoted by news portal Detik.com.

Of course, a hindrance! And, just in case you’re curious …

Papuans use a local technique to achieve the enlargement, according to a sexologist … wrapping the penis with leaves from the “gatal-gatal” (itchy) tree so that it swells up “like it has been stung by a bee.”

Hmm. Now it’s starting to sound like a hindrance …

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It’s an age-old story: two girls are involved with the same dude. What to do … Conclude that they should both dump this two-timer? No. Go to the dude and tell him he has to choose between them? No. Flip a coin? Arm wrestle? First come, first serve? No, no and no. Fight? Yes. So, from the Colorado Springs Police Blotter:

April 25, 2010 – Assault

Summary: Officer Barry Worstell was dispatched to Memorial Central reference an assault. On the above date and time the suspect, Carriel Mackey age 18 and the victim, April Graham age 20 agreed to meet and settle their differences reference a male both of them were involved with. During this meeting Mackey produced a sharp object and cut Grahams face multiple times. Graham was treated at Memorial Central for the lacerations and received multiple stitches. Two of the most notable lacerations were a four inch cut along the right side of the head nearly missing the jugular which went all the way to her skull and the second was across her nose cutting the cartilage and laying it open. Mackey has not been located.

Absolutely brutal.

At approximately 0100 hours, on 4/26/10, Officers from the Sand Creek Division arrested Ms Mackey at her residence. Ms Mackey was booked into the Criminal Justice center on charges of 1st degree Assault.