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Having been ticketed for almost every imaginable violation of the traffic code (parking too close to an intersection, parking too close to an alley, parking too far from the curb, parking at a broken meter [under prior law], along with all the typical violations), the Juice no longer parks illegally. Back in the day, though, say, when he was 28, like Englishman Michael Raphel, he would park just about anywhere.

It would not be a stretch to assume that Mr. Raphel’s carefree parking days are behind him too. Why? Because the police blew up his illegally parked car! As reported by The Telegraph:

Michael Raphel, 28, left his £18,000 red Honda Civic Type R on double yellow lines less than a quarter of a mile from Number 10.

But, fearing a potential terrorist attack, the Metropolitan Police carried out two controlled explosions after CCTV footage showed him running from the parked vehicle.

The force of the blast blew the doors off and smashed the windows, leaving the car wrecked.

£18,000! ($30,000 US!) Alright, pal, what were you really doing there?

… visiting London to celebrate a friend’s birthday …

How did Mr. Raphel react?

”We have laughed about it a bit now but I’m bit gutted to be honest.

”I know in this day and age they have to be suspicious but I didn’t feel this was warranted.

”I wasn’t treated badly, but they could’ve been a bit more tactful.

”The car was registered to me, I’m sure there are ways they could have contacted me if they had really tried to.”

Agreed. Here’s the source.

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Suspected of smoking in the boys room, you are escorted to the principal’s office. Tactically, it’s probably not smart to call the principal a “fucker,” a “fag,” and a “fucking fag.” That’s what Mr. L was alleged to have done. And the punishment? Suspension? Expulsion, maybe for a repeat offender? No, young Mr. L was charged with a crime – “Interference with Staff, Faculty or Students of Educational Institutions” – a class three misdemeanor!

His public defender, Eric Vanatta, after asking his client “what the fuck he was thinking” [okay, I added that part], decided to attack the constitutionality of the law, arguing that it violates his client’s right to free speech under both the United States and Colorado Constitutions. He does so by tracing the origin of the word, and discussing, in a hilarious way, how pervasive the word is in our culture. No fucking way (cuff me) I can do this justice. So here it is, the entire Motion to Dismiss the Constitutionality of Fuck, “Fucker” and “Fucking Fag”
from Colorado v. C.L., a Child (Dist. Ct. of Larimer County, Co.)

Thanks to Cindy Hill for submitting this Motion to Legal Juice!

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Yes, folks, this bird is protected by the Constitution, as the City of Pittsburgh learned the hard way. Back in 2006, David Hackbart (of Butler, Pennsylvania) flipped off a cop, and got a disorderly conduct citation. He fought it, hard. Per the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

Pittsburgh City Council initially approved today a $50,000 settlement for a lawsuit filed by a Butler County man who gave the middle finger to a motorist and a police officer in 2006.

The officer cited him for disorderly conduct. The county eventually dropped the charge, but Hackbart sued to recover the cost of defending himself. U.S. District Judge David S. Cercone ruled in March that the officer violated Hackbart’s First Amendment right to free speech.

You can read more bird-flipping stories here, here, here, and here

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This Ohio bank robbery suspect was much more alert than the police officers who were dutifully searching him as he was face down on the hood of a car. So how did he get rid of what was likely the note he used when he allegedly robbed a bank? He ate it! Check it out:

As reported at Ohio.com:

Twinsburg police Patrolman Daniel Biada said a dash cam video of Thursday’s arrest of John H. Ford, 35, of Cleveland, shows Ford gobbling a piece of paper while officers searched his pockets.

”As we’re searching him, officers are removing items and throwing them on the cruiser [hood],” Biada said. ”We’re searching him for weapons. We’re not looking at his head.”

Twinsburg police reviewed the images captured on camera and said they observed Ford leaning over to eat something off the hood of the cruiser.

”He grabbed it in his mouth, just like Pacman,” Biada said. ”He just ate it right there.”

Notwithstanding his quick thinking, it’s not looking too good for Pacman.

Authorities said they found a .38-caliber pistol on the driver’s side floor of Ford’s car and a wad of cash covered in red ink on the passenger side of the vehicle.

Ford is also a suspect in bank robberies in Stow and Akron.

Suggestion: Don’t hold Mr. Ford anywhere near the evidence room.

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No doubt coffins are heavy. But it’s probably easier to carry them when you are sober! As reported by The Local:

Two sisters are claiming damages [20,000 kronor ($2,895 US] from a firm of funeral directors after their father’s coffin was plunged ungracefully into a grave by undertakers unsteady on their feet.

During the funeral, which took place in February 2008, they claim a number of undertakers were clearly drunk while being in charge of the coffin.

Not cool.

As they approached the grave they are reported to have lost their grip which resulted in a heavy fall into the ground with the coffin landing on its side.

Having earlier been close to overturning the coffin whilst in the church, it was the final blow in a number of incidents the grieving sisters list in a summons sent to Södertörn district court in Stockholm. “Both daughters were in chock and ran away in tears from the cemetery,” their lawyer Michael Abejon wrote in the claim. “They didn’t dare to look in the grave as they were convinced the coffin had opened and their dead father had fallen out.

This will make for some great PR, no? Pay the claim!

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Generally, The Juice is not inclined to prejudge a pending action, but, IMHO, THERE IS NO WAY THIS WOMAN SLEPT THROUGH THIS! NFW. As reported by the Chicago Tribune:

A Buffalo Grove woman is accused of allowing an underage drinking party in her home after her son and 17 other teenagers were cited over the weekend for unlawful possession and consumption of alcohol, police said Monday.

17 other teenagers! But wait …

Police officers went to the house in response to reports of loud music and people yelling about 3:20 a.m. Sunday, Husak said. The teenagers, ranging in age from 16 to 19, were given breath tests at the scene and cited for violating a village underage drinking ordinance …

It was so loud somebody called the cops!

Margaret Couch, 46, told officers who were called to her home in the 200 block of Cottonwood Road that she was sleeping and unaware of the party, said Buffalo Grove Police Cmdr. Steve Husak. Couch was cited for violating a Buffalo Grove nuisance ordinance.

No! Sleeping? That’s the best you can do? How about “What was that, sonny? I’m a little hard of hearing.” Or “I thought it was that ‘non-alcoholic’ beer.”

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I told you not to tell me that! Per Arkansas Online:

Ozark Police Chief Jim Noggle said age is not a factor in determining when his officers use a Taser on someone.

Noggle said Tuesday that officer Dustin Bradshaw used his Taser last week on a 10-year-old girl who was kicking and combative with Bradshaw after her mother called police.

According to a report filed by Bradshaw on Nov. 12, the officer was called to an Ozark home for a domestic problem. The girl was on the floor of the house screaming and crying. She refused to follow her mother’s instructions and the mother told Bradshaw to use his Taser.

Bradshaw carried the girl to the living room and told her she was going to jail, according to the report.

“While she was violently kicking and verbally combative, [the girl] struck me with her legs and feet in the groin,” Bradshaw wrote in the report.

“The subject was actively resisting arrest at this time,” Bradshaw wrote. “I was having a difficult time placing the cuffs on her and administered a very, very brief drive stun to her back with my Taser. She immediately resisted and was placed in handcuffs.”

The girl would not walk on her own so Bradshaw carried her to his police car.

She was taken to the Western Arkansas Youth Shelter in Cecil.

The girl’s father has been in contact with police, Noggle said, and he is upset the officer used a Taser.

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While scouting locations for an indoor marijuana cultivation facility, would you not exclude any buildings near police stations? You would not, if you were a certain group of folks in Los Angeles. They decided to set up shop in a building 25 feet from a police station. Are you sitting down? Because this will shock you: They got busted. How? As reported by The Mercury News:

“Our gang officers were in the parking lot. The air was still. The breeze was right. They could smell growing pot,” said Los Angeles police Lt. Stephen M. Carmona, commander of detectives at the Topanga station.

Damn! You mean pot has a distinctive smell?

“They came over, did a closer search, did some sniffing around, so to speak.”

Please, just the facts. Bad puns cause me pain.

He said the gang and narcotics officers had surveilled the building, saw few cars coming in and out and detected a brand new ventilation system on the roof.

But it was the electricity bill of building tenants that really tipped them off.

And the poignant smell of freshly grown pot wafting into the adjacent police station.

Not 25 feet from an 8-foot wall along the cop shop was an industrial warehouse that Carmona said contained 850 marijuana plants of different sizes.

Here’s the source.

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I would wager that this was one door-to-door salesman some of you Juice readers would be quite pleased to see. What was he selling? Weed! As luck would have it (bad luck, that is), one of the doorbells he rang at 3:30 a.m. was at the home of a Brownsville police officer. Doh! Per The Brownsville Herald:

Anthony Carrazco, 19, was arrested at the officer’s apartment at approximately 3:30 a.m. when he tried to sell the officer three ounces of marijuana, said police spokesman Jimmy Manrrique. He was later charged with one count of possession of marijuana and one count of possession of a prohibited weapon.

And the kicker?

Because the apartment was located near a school zone, the charges were upgraded to state jail felonies.

Damn you school zone! Here’s how it went down, per the police spokesman:

(Carrazco) went to an apartment building in the downtown area. He had over three ounces of marijuana in his possession and obviously looking for people to buy marijuana from him.

An intoxicated Carrazco went door to door looking for a buyer and when a man opened the door, he made the offer.

(Carrazco) asked him if he wanted to buy marijuana. This person he approached is a Brownsville police officer. The officer said he would be right back and went to go get his badge and handcuffs.

Carrazco was cooperative and didn’t offer any resistance.

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