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It’s not exactly “the dog ate my homework,” but it’s in the same family of lame excuses. As reported by The Beacon-Times:

An Aurora man who said he was exhausted from taking care of a puppy was charged with DUI after falling asleep in a fast food restaurant drive-through lane Saturday morning.

Police found Matthew Gunderson, 29, 4100 block of Landing Drive, asleep behind the wheel of his car at the Steak and Shake restaurant in the 4300 block of Fox Valley Center Drive around 2:17 a.m.

A restaurant employee called police after she noticed Gunderson asleep. According to police reports, it took officers several attempts to wake the sleeping Gunderson. When he finally woke up, police said he complained of exhaustion. Gunderson said he had a new puppy and was tired from trying to take care of it, police said.

Gunderson was charged with drunken driving after police said they noticed he showed signs of intoxication.

How considerate of him to make the bust so easy! Click here for the source.

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The “lesson” this teacher was trying to teach will – with absolute certainty – never be forgotten by seven South Korean elementary school students. As reported by The Korea Times:

Police Monday investigated an instructor at a rural South Korean boarding facility who bit a hamster to death and swallowed it in front of children.

Yikes! Why?

The instructor, surnamed Yu, 44, said he did so because he was “afraid of rats.”

So that may explain why you chose a hamster instead of a rat. So, again, why?

After finding out that some children were teasing hamsters, Yu bit one to death and swallowed it to teach them “how dear life is,” according to police.

Seven children saw him eat the animal.

Yu also used abusive language in front of the children.

Hmm. Interesting method. Think the parents were a little upset? You betcha.

He left the facility when other teachers protested. Parents have filed a complaint with police, alleging child abuse.

Yu told Yonhap News Agency by phone that he had feared rats after being bitten while at elementary school.

“I couldn’t control the situation and couldn’t stand it,” he was quoted as saying.

He then reiterated that he wanted to teach the children how precious life was.

“While watching the hamsters die from teasing, I thought I should teach the children it was wrong to make light of life,” he said.

He apologized to the children, parents and other instructors, saying he would not have killed the hamster if he had known it would be considered a form of child abuse.

Yu appeared at Jeongeup Police Station and admitted his act. Police booked him without physical detention for child abuse.

Crazy. Here’s the source.

 

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Driving around the fountain in your car- that’s hilarious! No, not really. As reported by bt.com:

A cheeky driver thought he’d found a free car wash in the shape of Wakefield’s Bullring fountain – until the police noticed the brazen bather and gave chase.

The video shows the moment a motorist is chased by police after he took his car for a wash – in a fountain.

The incredible footage captures the driver of the silver Vauxhall Insignia spinning round under the jets of the famous Bullring fountain in Wakefield, West Yorkshire.  
As a police car approaches, the car wash cheapskate makes a crawling getaway as the plodding panda car makes after him.

Incredulous onlookers start shouting “nick him” as the police car appears on the scene, cheering as the cop car enters the Bullring.

Here’s the source, including a video of the “action.”

 

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If you ever needed evidence supporting the fact that soccer fans are extremely invested in their teams, look no further than this bizarre incident. As reported by espnfc.com:

The shocking incidents occurred in Maranhao, Brazil, last Sunday. According to reports, referee Otavio Jordao da Silva fatally stabbed footballer Josenir dos Santos Abreu.

A ref doesn’t just stab a player right? Right.

Dos Santos Abreu is believed to have struck the referee after questioning a decision. In retaliation, Jordao da Silva stabbed the player.

This was a very bad decision.

Having witnessed the incident, an outraged group of spectators turned on the referee. He was tied up, beaten, stoned and quartered. They then put his head on a stake and planted it in the middle of the pitch.

One man, Luiz Moraes de Souza, 27, has been arrested over the incident. Police are searching for two more suspects.

You’ll find the source here.

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Call me crazy, but shouldn’t you run a criminal background check before you give someone the job, especially one involving children? Er, uh, yup! Fortunately this gent’s crime only involved money.  Per The Shreveport Times:

Bossier Sheriff Julian Whittington says a Haughton man is wanted on felony theft charges for defrauding parents, youth and sponsors by stealing nearly $3,000 from a youth baseball league.

Well, he said he didn’t have a criminal record!

Robert Martin III, 25, of the 2100 block of Rogers Ln. in Haughton, applied with Haughton Dixie Baseball League to be a coach for the spring season. He quickly started accepting payments from parents and sponsors for baseball uniforms, t-shirts, belts and socks. Unbeknownst to them, Martin schemed to take the money and run. Although Martin had indicated on his coaching application in late February that he didn’t have a criminal record, the league discovered through a routine background investigation in March that Martin had a prior criminal history, making him ineligible to coach the children. League leadership immediately contacted Martin to have him return the funds and any equipment, but he never showed up.

Bossier detectives soon began their investigation and determined Martin had cashed checks he had received from parents and sponsors. Others had given him cash. In total, he swindled the group for $2,897.00.

Doh! That is one well-run league. As for “the coach” …

A warrant was issued for his arrest on April 10, and he has continued to elude authorities. Martin is wanted for felony theft charges and faces a $5,000 bond.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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Even the best phone scams succeed just a fraction of the time, but that provides a good living for too many people.  What about a scam that has virtually no chance of succeeding? Here’s just such a scam, as reported in The Brooklyn Paper’s Police Blotter:

90th Precinct – Southside–Williamsburg

A manipulative thief tried to get a woman to hand over a large sum of cash by telling her in a phone call to her Keap Street home on May 10 that they had kidnapped her son and were removing his fingers.

Even if you think it’s a scam, the caller now has your attention because you’re not sure.

The victim told police that she received the call in her apartment between S. Third and S. Fourth streets at 12:30 pm from a man who demanded that she send $1,000 to keep her son alive.

“We have your son,” the man on the phone said. “If you don’t give us $1,000, we are going to kill him.”

Someone else came on the phone and said that they were cutting the son’s fingers off and then another voice screamed.

Then they told the woman to go to Western Union branch and wire them the $1,000.

Now that’s enough to motivate any parent to take action. Of course, you always ask to talk to the victim, or for “proof of life” right? Or you can do what this woman did:

The victim instead called her son, who told her that he was at work and still had all his fingers.

Doh!

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Any dispute that goes on for more than thirty years must have earth-shattering ramifications, no? No. Just money, and horsies. As reported by The Brandon Sun:

A federal appeals court says the United States Polo Association cannot be held in contempt for selling sunglasses with a logo that resembles Polo Ralph Lauren’s famous trademark of a horseman whacking a ball.

The 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Manhattan issued its written ruling Wednesday. The decision reversed a finding of contempt by a lower court judge.

The dispute between the polo sports governing body and Polo Ralph Lauren has gone on for more than three decades.

The appeals court says the Polo Association sold nearly a million pairs of sunglasses bearing the double horseman trademark from 2009 to 2012.

Here’s the source.

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Certainly a Judge must control the courtroom. How a Judge may do this, not surprisingly, is determined by the law. One tool is the power to hold someone in contempt. [Hint: It’s a power used, a lot, below.] According to the Supreme Court, if the sentence imposed for contempt is less than 6 months, there is no right to a jury trial. Now, to our man in Maryland.

In 1990, Mr. Johnson was convicted of malicious destruction of personal property, placed on probation, and given a 3-year suspended sentence. He had to stay out of trouble for 3 years. Unfortunately, in 1991 he was convicted of burglary, and sentenced to 10 years. So Mr. Johnson is in jail for a couple years, when he is called to court for violating his 1990 probation – with just 10 days remaining on the 3-year suspended sentence.

Althought the prospect of serving an additional 3 years – on top of the 10 years he was already serving – did not sit well with him, his probation agent told him that the State would not seek to tack on the additional 3 years for violating his probation. WRONG! The Judge added on the 3 years, and a lively, lengthy, colorful conversation ensued. And just when you think it might be over …

THE COURT: Call the next case please.

[PROSECUTOR]: State calls Eugene Wright …

MR. JOHNSON: — at the same time. Don’t make no motherfucking sense.

THE COURT: Bring him back. Take him back.

MR. JOHNSON: No motherfucking sense.

THE COURT: Pull him back.

MR. JOHNSON: Yo, man, stop yanking on my motherfucking arms. Motherfucking —

THE COURT: Sit him back over there in front of the table. [Uh-oh]

THE CLERK: Give me the file back. He might be under contempt of court.

THE COURT: Now, stand up there. Come back to that table there. Step on up now. What’s wrong with you?

MR. JOHNSON: What the fuck you think wrong with me, man? Goddamn, I’m trying to tell you I ain’t have no motherfucking option in this shit, man.

THE COURT: All right.

MR. JOHNSON: What the fuck? You think everybody just want to go sit in prison for the rest of their life because you ain’t got nothing better to do than to sit up there and crack jokes. This ain’t no motherfucking joke, man. This is about my goddamn life.

THE COURT: That cost you five months and twenty-nine days in addition to the three years I’ve just given you [#1, and suspiciously shy of the 6 months that would require a jury trial]

MR. JOHNSON: Fuck this shit, man.

THE COURT: All right. That’s five months and twenty-nine more in addition to the five months and twenty-nine I’ve given you. [#2]

MR. JOHNSON: Fuck you, bitch.

THE COURT: That’s five months and twenty-nine days. That’s three years. That’s five months and twenty-nine days. Now, wait a minute. That’s consecutive to the three years that you’re now doing. Each one of those. Separate and independent. [#3]

MR. JOHNSON: If I had a gun, your motherfucking head would be splattered all over the back of the goddamn wall for —

THE COURT: And you’d better shoot straight when you try. When you get out, come on. Five months and twenty-nine more for that. That’s consecutive to the three others and consecutive to the one that you’re doing now. [#4]

MR. JOHNSON: Whatever man. You’re tired of giving it out? Did you finish or what?

THE COURT: Well, we can see. That’s five months and twenty-nine more. [#5]

MR. JOHNSON: Kiss my ass again.

THE COURT: Five months and twenty-nine more. [#6]

MR. JOHNSON: Kiss my ass until you’re tired of giving me another.

THE COURT: That’s six of them.

MR. JOHNSON: Kiss my ass again.

THE COURT: Seven. Five months and twenty-nine days. [#7]

MR. JOHNSON: Fuck you. Kiss my ass again.

THE COURT: Five months and twenty-nine days. [#8]

MR. JOHNSON: All right.

THE COURT: Consecutive.

THE CLERK: Silence.

MR. JOHNSON: So you finished giving out time?

THE COURT: I guess. Until you cuss again.

MR. JOHNSON: Suck my dick. [Very tricky, because “dick” isn’t a cuss word.]

THE COURT: Five months and twenty-nine days consecutive. [#9] [Damn!]

THE BAILIFF: Quiet in the Court.

MR. JOHNSON: You finished?

THE COURT: I suppose.

MR. JOHNSON: Well, what the fuck are you holding me for then?

THE COURT: Five months and twenty-nine more days. Consecutive. [#10]

MR. JOHNSON: Get the fuck off me, man.

THE COURT: Call the next one.

Not thrilled with the prospect of finishing his 10-year sentence, then 3 more years for the probation violation, then just under 5 MORE YEARS for contempt of court, Mr. Johnson appealed. Who do you think won? Mr. Johnson did. The Maryland Court of Special Appeals reversed the contempt convictions.

In the instant case, the trial judge, by engaging in a prolonged dialogue with the appellant,may have provoked the appellant into repeatedly committing acts of contempt. Convictions for those acts may not stand.

The Court of Special Appeals held that the entire incident described above be considered as only one episode of contempt, and sent the matter back to the trial judge on that one count of contempt, with the not-so-subtle hint that they “leave it to his judgment what further action should be taken.” Johnson v. State, 642 A.2d 259 (Md. Ct. Spec. App. 1994).

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One of Kansas Judge Rebecca Pilshaw’s bad days (no, that’s not her above!) came as she was trying to empanel a jury in a murder case. Loyal readers know the Juice hates jury weasels. But nobody hates folks who try to avoid jury duty more than judges. There was a little of that going on. As reported in The Kansan:

One prospective juror said she wouldn’t believe anything the police said. Pilshaw dismissed her from service, but ordered her to attend every day of the trial because, “You need an opportunity to be exposed more to our law enforcement personnel.”

Then Judge Pilshaw lost it (at least, for a judge, this is considered losing it) and said:

Anybody else want to mess with me?

Actually, Pilshaw thought another juror did.

Later, a juror said her religious beliefs made it uncomfortable for her to judge someone else and that anyone on trial must be guilty of something. Pilshaw said she thought the woman simply didn’t want to serve on a jury, but had “said the magic words” to be dismissed.

Judge Pilshaw apologized the next day. Ironically, her outburst opened up the door, literally, for two more jurors to be excused! How? Because the Judge said that anybody who felt inimidated could leave, and two opportunistic jurors did. The defendant in the case was convicted of murder, appealed, and … lost. The Kansas Supreme Court held that the trial was not tainted by Judge Pilshaw’s conduct. And what about Judge Pilshaw? Her disciplinary case is pending. Here’s hoping she gets just a reprimand. (She was publicly censured.)

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Englishman Elliot Carnell caught one hell of a break. After drinking 15 pints of beer at a Christmas party, Carnell punched his ex-wife’s Sri Lankan boyfriend in the head – 6 times! Oh, and he hit his ex-wife and her daughter when they tried to stop him. Carnell copped to the racially aggravated assault, and was sentenced to 150 hours community service and alcohol counseling. But wait …

As if that sentence wasn’t light enough, it gets worse. When Carnell showed up to begin his community service (picking up litter), he was ordered to stop! Why? Because he’s a truck driver, and officials were concerned that, with the additional work [the community service], he would exceed the maximum of 48 hours per week for a truck driver! And he might be tired and get in an accident. Said Mr. Carnell:

I was a bit bewildered by what happened but I’m happy. I was willing to do the punishment.

Said Ms. Carnell:

I’m really upset. It’s not right. Now he’s free to go to the pub drinking with his friends and causing trouble. He should have gone to jail. It’s not a strong enough punishment. He must be laughing.

Probably. And this is not Mr. Carnell’s first racially related assault. His prior conviction was for popping a German dude wearing an England football shirt. You can read more (just a bit) in the Daily Mail article.