Squeezed on:

walmart

It’s unclear if this guy is a member of the first group of folks. He’s definitely someone who sucks at Walmart. As reported by The Independent Tribune (Concord, North Carolina):

Michael Anthony Brown, of 207 Lincoln St. SW, Concord, was arrested and charged with assault on a female in March after police say he approached a woman in a Lincolnton Walmart, told her he was a podiatry student and sucked on her toes.

Very credible story. Can you believe she didn’t buy it? He has tried less subtle approaches.

He is a registered sex offender with a history of similar crimes, including multiple incidents of touching women’s feet in Concord.

In September 2000, he approached a woman who was sitting on her porch, showed a knife and told the woman to let him see her shoe, according to an investigation report attached to a Cabarrus court file. Police accused Brown of sucking on the woman’s toes and committing a sexual act involving her feet.

So Mr. Brown pleaded guilty. The sentence?

WSOC-TV reported Brown’s victim in the Lincolnton incident left the courtroom in tears after the judge pronounced the 60-day sentence, and Brown seemed pleased with what happened in court.

Seems light to The Juice too. A repeat crime by a registered sex offender, and only 60 days? Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

 

Squeezed on:

angry%20old%20man%20face.jpg

To look at this 79-year-old gentleman, you wouldn’t think that he’s capable of what he’s been charged with. As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

According to an arrest report, the alleged victim was pulling out of his driveway in the 9800 block of Fairmount Road, just west of Old Bardstown Road, when James W. Handy [age 79] threw coffee on him through his open car window.

Not cool. But wait.

The victim quickly stopped his car and got out, “to ask what the problem was.” Police say Handy quickly replied by smashing the coffee mug against the man’s head. Handy then allegedly cut up the victim’s arm with the broken handle.

Okay. There has got to be some serious history between these two.

When police asked Handy why he did it, he allegedly told them that, “he owed it to him” and that the victim “was staring at him.”

Police say Handy added that he would do it again, too, if the victim “looked at him.”

Perhaps that’s setting the bar a little low for a beat down?

Handy was arrested and charged with second-degree assault.

Here’s the source, with a mug shot.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

woman%20women%20in%20men%27s%20clothes%20suit%20outfit%20man%27s%20male.jpg

The Juice enjoys skiing, but this is just nuts. A Colorado woman tried to pass herself off as her boyfriend so that she could use his ski pass! From The Aspen Times:

The trouble started when a woman was caught trying to use a man named Daniel’s ski pass at Keystone Resort. When asked for a date of birth, she complied but “was slow to recall it” according to a report from the Summit County Sheriff’s Office.

The woman claimed to be in the middle of a sex change and couldn’t provide any personal information beyond the birthday and middle name.

“The female stated her parents knew of her sex change, and she stated they disowned her when she told them,” according to the report.

So if we call your parents …

[Daniel's] father was “shocked” last weekend when a local deputy called asking whether his son was having a sex-change operation.

So shocked that he called the police back to make sure the call was legit. The jig was really up when …

An hour later, the Keystone scanning supervisor told the deputy there was a phone number on Daniel’s ski pass file. The deputy called the number and Daniel answered, informing the deputy that he had given the pass to his girlfriend, Wanda.

Doh! Time to come clean?

The woman spoke with Daniel then told the deputy that she was actually Wanda.

Case closed, the investigation anyway…

[Wanda] was arrested and booked on charges of theft of more than $500 and criminal impersonation.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

gross%20disgusting%20sign.jpg

Warning: this is truly disgusting. If you try and think of a product you could buy at CVS, and then return, that would be really, really disgusting, you would NOT think of this. As reported by the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office:

Investigation revealed the individual was frequenting the CVS since March 2012 and began returning the product in April 2012. He would purchase a pack of enemas and return them at a later time. According CVS personnel, the items appeared to be unused and therefore the store would put the box of enemas back on the shelf for resale.

Enemas! Back on the shelf! “Appeared” to be unused …

On Tuesday, June 5, 2012, a CVS employee thought it was strange that the same individual was making returns with the same product. The employee decided to check the box of enemas after it was returned. Upon opening the box, the employee observed all the enemas (6) had been used and the box had been resealed so it would appear to be unopened. An employee then checked the additional three boxes on the shelf and determined they had all been previously used.

Why does one man need so many enemas? Anyway …

On Tuesday, June 12, 2012 at 10:19 a.m., the same unknown individual attempted to return another box of enemas that were purchased at 8:12 p.m. on Wednesday, June 11, 2012. The employee advised the individual that he could no longer take returns for these items. The employee contacted his loss prevention manager and advised all the area CVS stores about this incident.

Oh it’s on now, enema man.

On Wednesday, June 13, 2012 a CVS employee thought he observed the customer’s vehicle, obtained the tag number and contacted the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office.

On Thursday, June 14, 2012 the JSO was contacted by CVS with information to help identify the suspect. CVS personnel were able to determine that the suspect purchased enemas on one occurrence with a credit card. That transaction, as well as other purchases at the store, and the tag number led police to a possible suspect.

But how would they be sure they had their man? Do you really want to know?

Samples were taken of the fluid in the enema bottles and have been sent to the Florida Department of Health for testing. Fecal matter was located on some of the returned enema bottles. The fecal matter has been collected as evidence and submitted to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE) for testing.

You were warned.

The individual has been identified, and was arrested on an unrelated outstanding warrant. The investigation continues.

Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

law%20books%20old%20book.jpg

It’s time for the Chilean lawmakers to do some housecleaning. As reported by ilovechile.cl:

A recent study by the School of Law of the Universidad Bernardo O’Higgins (UBO), listed several situations sanctioned by the Chilean Criminal Code which may appear a bit… outdated by today’s standards.

Like what?

If you are a woman who has been widowed recently, know that if you choose to rebuild your life and get remarried before 270 days (nine months) after the death of your husband, you can face criminal charges.

Zoinks. Unlikely that one’s enforced.

If you dissatisfied with the current social, economic, or political situation in the country, any decision to “ring the bells of the people” in order to encourage your countrymen to rise against the powers that be will be punished under Article 123.  Remember that this is not just for bells only, but of any other “instrument to excite the people to revolt for that same purpose”, such as speeches or printed manifestos.

A bit chilling, that one. As for dueling …

Article 404 indicates that you must face “imprisonment in its minimum degree” if you challenge your opponent to a duel.

The same penalty will apply if your opponent, in a “fit of cowardice or wisdom”, refuses to participate and you decide to publicly chastise him for his denial.  In addition, those who choose to participate as sponsors of the duelers are also punishable.

So, unless you just say no to a duel, you’re screwed. And finally …

Article 496 of the Penal Code punishes all those who profit from making “premonitions” or interpreting dreams. Although this practice dates back many years, is still very popular.

Here’s the source, which includes a few more outdated laws.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

police chase

Of course it’s believable that a car being chased by one police car escaped, right? Absolutely. What about two? Three? Keep going. As reported by The Hamilton Spectator:

Two video game thieves in a stolen car evaded a helicopter and officers from five police services in an incredible 90-kilometre [55.9 mile] chase from north Toronto to downtown Hamilton.

That’s five police services and a helicopter! And check this out.

The duo criss-crossed the 400 highway system at speeds of up to 180 km/h, even stopping for gas — which they did not pay for — in Oakville en route to the Hamilton apartment building where they dropped the car and ran.

They stopped for gas! And if you think they were eventually caught, think again!  You can read a lot more here.

 

Squeezed on:

how many

The answer to that question is “it depends.” It depends on state law. It also gets complicated when several states are involved. You’re not going to believe how many convictions it took to get this guy off the road. As reported by The Bradenton Herald:

A Tennessee man was found guilty Wednesday of his 13th DUI and will now have his license permanently revoked.

13!

Bob Ray Towry also faces up to 21 years in prison.  “I don’t think he is going to learn his lesson, but at least we got him off the streets,” Assistant State Attorney Ashley Dusnik said.

You can read more, and see Mr. Towry’s mug shot, here.

Squeezed on:

prison%20bars%20.jpg

Is it really fair to sentence someone to four years in prison for stealing underwear? Before you answer that, you might want to ask “how many times?” and “from where?” As reported by the Winnipeg Free Press:

James Duerksen spent more than two decades invading the privacy of unsuspecting female victims and satisfying his sexual fetishes. Now the convicted serial lingerie thief is headed to prison after the Manitoba Court of Appeal overturned a conditional sentence that allowed him to remain free in the community.

Duerksen, 40, learned this week the high court has imposed a four-year sentence for crimes they call “strange and disconcerting.” Duerksen, a married father of two, pleaded guilty last year to 92 charges of break, enter and theft that occurred over a 21-year period in Manitoba and Alberta.

Shazam! You can read more (a fair amount) here.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

black%20robe%20judge%20judge%27s%20judges.jpg

So maybe you’re sitting up above the rest of the folks in the courtroom. But this stuff? Uh-uh. Nope. Fuhgeddaboutit. It’s totally unacceptable. As reported by The Houston Chronicle:

“It was horrible,” Houston attorney Wesley Clements said about the alleged behavior of District Judge Lonnie Cox. “When he started yelling like that at the top of his lungs, it got my attention.”

The allegations are in a motion filed by Clements asking that Cox remove himself from a plea hearing in the probation violation case of Maricelda Marie Aguilar, 22, of Alvin.

Clements said he was in the process of filing a complaint with the State Commission on Judicial Conduct about Cox’s conduct during the Oct. 5 hearing.

And about that motion to recuse himself from the case?

Cox said he was unable to comment about an ongoing case. He filed an order refusing to recuse himself and referring the recusal decision to the presiding judge for the 2nd Administrative Judicial Region, Montgomery County District Judge Olen Underwood.

So what went down with Judge Cox?

Aguilar, now seven months pregnant, has been in the Galveston County Jail since July for violating her probation on an earlier drug conviction. She learned shortly before her arrest that she was pregnant and while in jail has developed a bacterial infection she fears could harm the fetus, she said in a written statement attached the recusal motion. Clements said she also has a condition that cannot be fully diagnosed until after Aguilar gives birth.

The Galveston County drug court had obtained Cox’s agreement to move Aguilar from the Montgomery County Jail to a drug rehabilitation center until she gave birth, allowing her mother to accompany her for medical treatment when necessary, Clements said.

Probation Department Director Janis Bane said the District Attorney’s Office approved the agreement. “It sounded like a good option and a good use of our resources,” Bane said. Nevertheless, the department will respect the judge’s decision, she said.

Everyone is in agreement. So what’s the problem? Well …

At the hearing, Cox became agitated when he discovered that Aguilar had missed several meetings with her probation officer, according to the recusal motion. “The judge while sitting on the bench in open court looked at the plea papers and then screamed, ‘This is shit. This kind of bullshit is not what the drug court should be doing and it is just costing the taxpayers money,’” the motion states.[expletives reinserted]

Oh. So that’s the “temper” in “judicial temperament.” Now it makes sense!

The judge told Aguilar she was worthless and asked “if she thought he would turn her loose to kill the child,” the motion states. “He told the defendant she was worthless and then told the defendant she was not worth the paper and ink that the plea agreement was written on and proceeded to rip the papers to shreds and throw the papers in the air.

“Then he stormed out of the courtroom.”

True, these are just allegation in a motion, but …

The court reporter was not present during the alleged outburst, Clements said, but there were at least 14 witnesses. Aguilar’s mother was present and her statement was attached to the recusal motion.

That’s a bunch of witnesses. And …

The flare-up is not the first attributed to Cox, attorney Byron Fulk said. Fulk said Cox erupted in anger when he and and an assistant district attorney presented a plea agreement in a similar case.

Like Aguilar, the defendant had violated probation after conviction on a drug charge, Fulk said. “The judge takes the bench, looks at the file and says, ‘I’m not going to do this,’” he said. “Then he pounds his fist on the table and starts screaming at the client.”

When Fulk tried to reason with the judge, he said, Cox “starts yelling at me, ‘Step away from the bar, counselor, step away from the bar.’ ”

Attorneys know that the judge almost always wins these battles. That’s assuming that the attorney has the nerve to even engage in such a battle.

Fulk said he admired Clements for doing what other attorneys feared to do. Fulk, who supported Cox when he ran for office in 2008, said, “It’s what we call in the legal profession, black robe disease,” he said. “In my opinion he’s a bully.”

You’ll find the source, including a photo of the judge, here.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

vote%20for%20me.png

Sadly, this story is not about a U.S. politician. This gent hails from Bosnia. As reported by Reuters:

“Seven days after my campaign began, the whole planet is talking about me,” Mirad Hadziahmetovic told Reuters. “I think I have had a super campaign and proved to be the best market expert in Bosnia.”

The self-proclaimed “innovator” had been running as an independent candidate for mayor of Zenica, the fourth-largest city in Bosnia with a predominantly Muslim population, in the October 7 ballot.

The innovative marketing?

The election commission removed him from the race last week over pornographic material accessible on his campaign web page.

Porn!

After each question visitors to his web page posed about local election issues, they were allowed to proceed to links with pornographic content, which had to be removed after the commission’s decision.

Hadziahmetovic appealed against what he said was a “shameful decision” to Bosnia’s state court this week and voiced confidence that it would be overturned.

Add “eternal optimist” to “market expert” and “innovator.”

Unless he is re-instated as a candidate, he will file a suit to the Strasbourg-based European Court of Human Rights, he said.

In an open letter asking for support from Western ambassadors in Bosnia, Hadziahmetovic said he only wanted to turn Zenica into a Hollywood instead of a Tehran.

“I know boys and girls in my country want to make love freely, have fun and enjoy life. They all dream of Hollywood, not Tehran,” he wrote, refering to Zenica’s current mayor, who comes from a Bosnian Muslim party with post-war links to Iran.

You’ll find the source here.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated: