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“Hey buddy, I think you’ve had a few too many. Why don’t you let me drive you home?” That didn’t go over so well. As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

A Raymond man was arrested early Friday after hitting a friend in the parking lot of the Raymond American Legion with his vehicle and fleeing the scene, police said.

Edward Miller, 56, was charged with driving under the influence of liquor and conduct after an accident, police said.

The victim, who police found on the ground in the parking lot on Harriman Hill Road, told officers that Miller, his friend, fled the scene shortly before 12:30 a.m. Friday. The victim was taken to Exeter Hospital to be treated for what were believed to be non-life-threatening injuries.

Police said Miller allegedly attempted to leave the American Legion after consuming alcoholic beverages when he struck the victim’s vehicle, which was legally parked and unoccupied at the time. The victim had left the American Legion hall to try to stop Miller but was struck by Miller’s vehicle in the process, police said. Miller then fled, according to authorities.

Officers arrested Miller at his home, police said. …

Um. Sorry? Here’s the source.

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Warning: Not safe if you are about to eat.  There are some things you just don’t do in public.  This is damn near the top of the list. As reported by The Daily Mail:

London Midland has vowed to give police CCTV images of a ‘disgusting’ passenger suspected of defecating inside a train carriage as it traveled through the Birmingham area.

The passenger who made the awful discovery said the smell was so bad that it forced the operator to cancel the service from Lichfield Trent Valley to Longbridge.

It plunged commuters into hours of misery as the act of vandalism on the Cross City line caused severe delays.

You have to feel sorry for the cop who has to watch the video footage to ID the guy. Here’s the source.

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nesting doll

Why not just see how many stolen things you can try and put inside of each other? Then it’s like you only have to walk out with one stolen thing! This young lady didn’t take it that far. Regardless, it didn’t work. As reported by The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A 19-year-old Alabama woman was caught trying to shoplift alcohol by sneaking it out in a stolen purse, according to Crestview Police Department.

According to the arrest report, Carlie Raybon, of Opp, Ala., was in Wal-Mart on May 20 when the asset protection associate saw her take a black handbag and two alcoholic beverages from inside the store.

The associate told officers that Raybon put the two drinks into the handbag and then tried to leave the store.

The report states the total cost of the stolen property was $11.97.  The teen is charged with misdemeanor retail theft.

Here’s the source.

 

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There are lots of ways to resist arrest. This one in particular, every male officer would likely agree, should carry an enhanced sentence. As reported by The Chicago Tribune:

“Something’s wrong with her,” said Cook County Judge Adam Bourgeois Jr., who initially ordered the 20-year-old held on $50,000 bail. After a short recess, Bourgeois decided to instead release Ashleigh Heather Edwards on an individual recognizance bond with electronic monitoring.

You’re curious, right? What did she do?

Edwards, of Berwyn, assaulted [an] officer on a parked train outside the Galewood station on Chicago’s Northwest Side at about 3:40 p.m. Friday, according to an arrest report. The officer tried to remove Edwards after crew members said she entered the train’s “engine compartment” without permission.

Edwards yelled and ran to the other side of the train, police allege, before the officer caught her and attempted to place her under arrest. At that point, police and prosecutors said, Edwards grabbed the officer’s penis and squeezed it to inflict pain, while also kicking and punching and trying to pull away.

Ouch, ouch, ouch! But that wasn’t the end of it.

The officer used pepper spray to restrain her, the arrest report said. But while exiting the train in the 2000 block of North Narragansett Avenue and walking toward the police cruiser, prosecutors said Edwards again grabbed and squeezed the officer’s genitals.

The Juice is inclined to agree with the Judge’s assessment that “Something’s wrong with her.” And in case you think it wasn’t that big of a deal for the officer …

The Metra policeman was taken by ambulance to West Suburban Hospital in Oak Park, where he was treated and released, according to court documents.

As for Ms. Edwards:

[She] will return to court Friday. She faces a felony charge of aggravated battery to a peace officer, along with misdemeanor counts of resisting a police officer and criminal trespass to state land. No booking photo was immediately available.

Here’s the source, including her mug shot.

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Why do ex-lovers so often go after their replacements?  How does the ex escape blame? As reported by The Times and Democrat (Orangeburg, South Carolina)

Police are looking for a woman accused of breaking out a window in a car owned by her ex-boyfriend’s lover, according to a report.

A Laquinta Drive woman notified deputies about 5:20 a.m. Monday that she had had some unwanted visitors earlier. She said a vehicle drove into her yard and three females got out. She said one of the women began striking her car window with a tire jack.

Deputies found traces of what looked like blood on the front steps of the residence and a tire jack in the yard.

The woman said her assailant was angry with her because her ex-boyfriend was inside the Laquinta Drive home.

Go figure. Here’s the source.

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Yes, this young lady is charged with a felony over $3. As reported by northcountrynow.com (Potsdam, NY):

A Massena teen is facing a felony after allegedly breaking into her employer’s office and stealing $3 in quarters.

Krystal L. Arquette, 17, of 30 George St. is charged with third-degree burglary.

Court documents state that she used a spatula to jimmy the lock and break into the office at Alex’s Ice, 30 George St. on March 30.

Her employer, Ted Krywanczyk, who is also Massena’s fire chief, told police that he watched Arquette commit the alleged offense on security camera.

Arquette was arraigned in Massena Village Court and released under supervision of the St. Lawrence County Probation Department, pending a future appearance.

A spatula, and $3! Click here for the source.

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You’d have to be drunk or stoned to take a cab to a bank robbery and to have it wait for you while you did the deed, right? Right! This gent was drunk!  As reported by The Tallahassee Democrat:

Stanley Geddie arrived by taxicab and was drunk during an attempted heist of a Tallahassee bank Wednesday afternoon, police say.

The 46-year-old was arrested on charges of robbery, petty theft and resisting an officer after demanding $100,000 from a bank manager at the Capital City Bank on Capital Circle Northwest.

Geddie told the manager he had a .357 handgun, was carrying C4 plastic explosives and “would blow this place up,” court records show.

Police arrived at the bank to find the cab driver, who advised them Geddie was drunk and had not paid his $25.50 fare. The driver told police Geddie said, “I will take care of you when I come out.”

When police made contact with Geddie sitting in the manager’s office, he appeared “very intoxicated and spaced out,” according to court records.

Geddie did not follow officers’ commands and was tased during the incident. Court records say that when police told him he would be shot if he made any sudden movements, he said “well then kill me.” He was arrested without further incident. A search revealed Geddie did not have a firearm or explosives.

In an interview with police, the bank manager said Geddie indicated he also had the bank surrounded while continuing to demand the money.

Well, that was a total bust.  You’ll find the source, and Mr. Geddie’s mugshot, here.

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Seriously, it’s a dispute over one spot in a line, and you’re going to brandish a gun? You’re a cop! As reported at fusion.net:

A 911 recording has captured a Tennessee sergeant losing it over a RedBox movie rental.

In the call, obtained by the Knoxville News Sentinel, Sgt. Paul Story, an off-duty Knox County Sheriff’s Office employee, can be heard yelling and threatening a man, Timothy Nelson, after Nelson claimed the sergeant was cutting him in line. According to the KCSO’s own report, the newspaper said, Story was brandishing his gun during the heated exchange.

“You’re a bitch. You threatened me in front of my son,” Story is heard saying. He requested an on-duty officer come to the RedBox, and then called 911 on Nelson, creating the audio that we hear.

“I ain’t done nothing to you. … Are you going to arrest me over a Redbox rental?” Nelson asked.

“Yeah, you did, shit,” Story yelled. “Now that you find out I’m a police officer, you want to back up.”

“Why are you doing this?” asked Nelson.

“Because you’re a bitch,” Story said. “You think you’re somebody. You’re not… Just shut the hell up. I’m done talking to you. I want someone else to come out here and talk to your dumb ass. I’m going to put you in jail is what I’m going to do.”

“For what?” Nelson asked.

Story responded: “For assault, dumb ass. I worked all damn night. So what? You should have got out and stood in line like me. You should’ve waited in line.”

Nelson threatened to file a $25,000 lawsuit concerning the incident, but the department agreed to pay a settlement of $2,500. Story was never officially investigated for the incident, since an official complaint was never submitted. No disciplinary action has been taken.

Yikes. You’ll find the source here.

(Legal Juice is brought to you by Washington, DC, Maryland and Virginia personal injury attorney Legal Juice!)

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Dishonesty is just so, so tiresome. Just tell the truth. Make The Juice happy. But no, this gent, like just about everyone else who gets busted for an alcohol-related offense, only had “a couple of beers.” He’s either a cheap drunk or a bald-faced liar. What do you think? Per The Moultrie News police blotter:

Happy hour ended early for one man who was found about 6 p.m., passed out behind a department store, a police report said. According to the report, police arrived and found that the man reeked of alcohol and had “soiled his pants.” He said he only had a couple of beers at the bar around the corner and was trying to walk to his house in a nearby neighborhood which was actually about 8 miles away.

Emergency personnel told police the man had fallen in the bushes and was disoriented and confused, according to the report. They said he was not making any sense. He was arrested for public drunkenness and his father was called to come pick up his belongings.

A proud day for dad. Here’s the source.

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Law school is really expensive, and it takes three years. So how can you avoid it, and still be a lawyer? Well, just say you are a lawyer. That’s what this woman did, apparently quite well, as reported by newser.com:

A woman used forged documents to pose as an estate lawyer for a decade and made partner at her small firm before her fraud was discovered, according to charges announced yesterday. Kimberly Kitchen was charged Thursday with forgery, unauthorized practice of law, and felony records tampering. State prosecutors contend Kitchen fooled BMZ Law by forging a law license, bar exam results, an email showing she attended Duquesne University law school, and a check for a state attorney registration fee. The firm is based in Huntingdon, about 110 miles east of Pittsburgh. Kitchen, of nearby James Creek, handled estate planning for more than 30 clients “despite never having attended law school,” the attorney general’s office says.

She even served as president of her county bar, says her lawyer, who adds that “she’s an incredibly competent person, and she worked very diligently and was devoted to the people she served. There are things about the charges we don’t agree with.” But the Huntington County Bar Association’s current president called the charges insufficient given “the level of betrayal” over 10 years. Local lawyers were the first to raise questions about Kitchen’s credentials; in December, when the Huntingdon Daily News first reported on the case, the firm vowed to review her work. Kitchen, 45, was previously employed at Juniata College, where she worked in fundraising but “started holding herself out to be a lawyer,” says a senior deputy attorney. She’s married to a state conservation ranger and is no longer working, her lawyer says.

Shazam! Looks like those 30+ clients will be getting some free estate planning – from an actual lawyer. Here’s the source.