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barbie_head_1.jpg So MCA Records put out a song called “Barbie Girl.”(If you haven’t heard the song, lucky you. Not only does it SUCK, it becomes stuck in your head.) Anyway, it doesnt’ paint poor little Barbie in the best light, so Mattel sued MCA for using Barbie’s name without permission. MCA then agreed to place the following language on the album: the song is “social commentary and not created or approved by the makers of the doll.”

MCA’s response: fuhgeddaboutit. “It’s akin to a bank robber handing a note of apology to a teller during a heist. It neither diminshes the severity of the crime nor does it make it legal.” MCA’s response? Not pleased with Matell’s use of the words “bank robber,” “heist,” “crime,” or “theft,” they countersued for defamation!

The Judge ultimately found for MCA Records, and offered this little nugget: “The parties are advised to chill.” The case is Mattel v. MCA Records, 296 F.3d 894 (9th Cir. 2002).

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You can’t go through life without encountering folks who just plain like to hear themselves talk. I can deal with that. But what about people who just plain like to hear other people say … “ouch” … and don’t mind making it happen? Per WSAU in Wisconsin:

A 41-year-old woman from Plover is in custody after shooting people with blow darts from her van. It’s believed Paula Wolf hit five people. She told police that she liked to hear people say “ouch”.

Police arrested Wolf and found the blow darts in her vehicle. Police also recovered a blow gun, a slingshot, and a bucket of rocks. Its also believed that she broke the front window of a business in Stevens Point.

Uncool.

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There are many variations on the theme, including “You’re in a shitload of trouble,” or “You’re in some deep shit.” That last one is particularly appropriate in the case of 52-year-old Thomas Hovis Jr. As reported by WANE:

A wanted man in Albion literally created a big stink to avoid being captured by police. He was found hiding neck-deep in a pit of liquid manure.

Police were seeking to arrest Hovis for multiple felony drug charges out of Steuben County, including manufacturing and possession of methamphetamine. His previous offenses include multiple drug charges, aggravated battery, and even a murder conviction in Florida.

Quite a few strikes there.

“We had units that were observing the location,” explained Doug Harp, Chief Deputy for the Noble County Sheriff’s Department. “We decided based on the information that we had about his criminal background, the charges he was faced with, that we should use our tactical teams [and our clothes pins…].”

When officers arrived, they saw Hovis run into an outbuilding at the rear of the residence. Police attempted to coax Hovis out of the building, but he refused.

SWAT Team members eventually deployed tear gas to enter the building and locate Hovis hiding inside a manure pit.

And if you think he just gave up, nope.

Hovis was removed from the pit and continued to fight arrest. Officers had to tase him before taking him into custody.

A search of the home where Hovis was found also turned up three one pot meth labs, 18 marijuana plants and two grams of methamphetamine. Three guns were also seized, including an assault rifle.

Now that’s some serious …

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Although it’s dangerous to handle explosives for a living, a lot of these folks would probably prefer dealing with bombs than having to do what South Lake Tahoe, California Explosive Ordinance Team members recently did. What was that? Just remember that this is posted in the “Gross” category. As reported in the Tahoe Daily Tribune:

The incident began about 4:30 a.m. when a California Highway Patrol officer contacted Steven Ferrini, 60, in a “No Parking” zone on Highway 89 near Luther Pass, according to a CHP report.

The officer arrested the man after allegedly finding what was believed to be methamphetamine.

During a subsequent search, officers found “a suspicious wire, with an on/off switch” in the man’s front left pocket leading to his anal cavity, according to the report.

Uh oh.

Officers planned to have the device removed by medical personnel at Barton Memorial Hospital, but during an interview with the man at the CHP office, “the subject began to explain his knowledge of explosives and bomb-making,” according to the report.

Red alert!

The man’s statements caused officers to become suspicious. They contacted the El Dorado County Explosive Ordinance Disposal Team and evacuated the office around 5:45 a.m.

Try to imagine how that call went. “Um, bomb squad, there may be a bomb in this guy’s … Can you send some people over?”

About 9 a.m., “the EOD team rendered the device safe and determined it was not an explosive device. The vibrator was subsequently removed and placed into property,” according to the report.

The man was booked into El Dorado County Jail in South Lake Tahoe on suspicion of possession of a controlled substance.

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Ecotourism is so yesterday. There’s a new kind of tourism you may not have heard of. Per Whatcom County (Washington) Sheriff Bill Elfo, as reported in The Seattle Times:

[Douglas Spink] was “promoting tourism of this nature for bestiality.”

Oh my.

When county deputies and federal investigators searched the property they found videotapes that included images of a man, who was visiting the property, having sex with several large-breed dogs.

The man, a 51-year-old British national, was arrested for investigation of four counts of bestiality, Elfo said. He is being held in the Whatcom County Jail in lieu of $150,000, Elfo said.

How do federal prosecutors allege this all came about?

Douglas Spink, 39, a one-time dot.com millionaire, convicted drug smuggler and horse trainer, was quietly living on rural property south of Sumas when he connected with James Tait, who was in a Tennessee jail on a bestiality charge.

Tait had earlier been convicted of trespassing in 2005 in the Enumclaw case, in which a Gig Harbor man died after having sex with a horse.

The two men’s communications set in motion an investigation that resulted in Spink’s arrest Wednesday at the Sumas farm for suspicion of violating his federal probation for drug smuggling. Federal prosecutors and Whatcom County sheriff’s officials say Spink also allowed people to come to the farm and have sex with animals.

This is a wild one, readers. You should click here to read a lot more.

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How embarrassing? Check this out, as reported by The Telegraph:

A man who was caught drink-driving in a toy car with a top speed of 4mph has been banned from driving.

Paul Hutton, 40, was pulled over by police as he drove an electric Barbie car, which moves slower than a mobility scooter, near his home in Essex. Mr Hutton, who has four children Simon, 17, Calum, 14, Laina, 12, and John, 11, admitted being a ‘complete twit’.

Speaking after the hearing at Colchester magistrates court, he said: “You have to be a contortionist to get in, and then you can’t get out. “I was very surprised to get done for drink-driving but I was a twit to say the least. “It is designed for three-to-five-year-olds.

“Originally it was a pink Barbie car but I put bigger wheels on it but it’s not fast. “I’m not unhappy with my punishment, just a little bit surprised.”

Mr Hutton, who is divorced, is a former RAF aeronautical engineer who now studies electrical engineering at Colchester Institute. He explained: “I’m in the third year of my electrical engineering course and it was a little project I was doing with my son who is doing a car mechanics course. “When it was done I couldn’t resist the temptation to take it out.

“Mr Hutton, was found to be twice the drink-drive limit, he said. Appearing before magistrates last week, he admitted driving the toy car while drunk. He was given a mandatory three-year ban because he had received another drink-drive ban within the past ten years. Magistrates also gave him a 12-month conditional discharge and ordered him to pay £85 court costs.

Chairman of the bench Neil Munson said: “This is most unusual. “I have never seen the like of it in 15 years on the bench.

“The vehicle is not even capable of doing the speed of a mobility scooter and could be outrun by a pedestrian. “Taking this into account, we feel we can impose a sentence of a conditional discharge for a period of 12 months.”

The car was confiscated by police until the hearing but Mr Hutton now hopes to get it back.

Here’s the source, including a photo of the driver.

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More jobs for locals? It may be simple, but perhaps it’s just a little bit harsh. So how do you do it? You ban foreigners from doing the jobs! Done. That’s what happened in Malaysia, as reported in The New Straits Times:

Owners of coffee shops and restaurants are unhappy over a ruling that bars foreign workers from serving customers from next month.

The ruling, according to the West Coast Coffee Shop and Restaurant Owners’ Association, applies to all eateries. Foreigners will only be allowed to work in the kitchen.

Members of the association said they would be hard hit because it would not be easy to find locals to replace the foreigners.

The association, led by president Dr Yong Chen Yun, met state Resource Development and Information Technology Minister Datuk Dr Yee Moh Chai to appeal against the ruling.

 Yong had said there was a need to find a long-term solution to encourage more locals to work in the sector.

 Waiter Masri Asanong said the decision by the government was fair because many locals were keen to work in such establishments but could not compete with foreigners.

So what’s stopping these “keen” local workers? Here’s the source.

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Any parent would be rightfully angry upon learning that their child was bullied. Perhaps, though, stabbing the bully is not the proper response. Say what? Per the Toronto City News:

Here’s what [the police] say happened: two female students at an Oshawa school – which isn’t being named – were engaged in a war of words. The elder of the two was allegedly picking on the 13-year-old, forcing the young girl to kneel in front of her.

So the younger girl told her mom what had happened, pouring out her sad story. But instead of going to the principal, cops allege the mom went straight to the bully.

Uh oh.

Witnesses told them they saw a car pull up on Olive Ave. on Wednesday at about 7:30pm, come to a sudden halt and then heard a woman shouting at the girl who was standing on the street.

As the startled bystanders watched in stunned surprise, the woman allegedly got out of the vehicle, grabbed the youngster by the hair and stabbed her in the left side of her stomach with a pocketknife.

The girl was taken to hospital, where doctors said that the knife luckily hit a bone – otherwise, it would have been much worse.

Mom was busted for assault. The bully was busted for uttering threats. Here’s the source.

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True. Kids can legally drink at bars in Wisconsin and Texas if a parent buys them the drinks. That may be about to change in Wisconsin, as reported by Jason Stein of the Milwaukee, Wisconsin Journal Sentinel.

Parents at a bar or restaurant could buy alcoholic drinks for children who are 18 years of age or older – but not those younger than that, as now allowed – under a bill passed 56-41 by the Assembly. The bill now heads to the Senate.

Under current law, patrons must be 21 to buy a drink but parents can buy drinks for their children of any age. Wisconsin and Texas are the only two states to do so. Under the bill, which is supported by the Tavern League of Wisconsin and the Wisconsin Medical Society, children under 18 can still go into bars if accompanied by a parent.

Here’s the source.

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Have you ever heard of squirrels invading a person’s home? Apparently this has been a major problem for a man in Parsippany for 17 years! It has been so bad that Mr. Slaughter (yes, that’s his real name) caught over 50 squirrels in recent years and released them several miles away. How bad was the squirrel problem? Per The Star-Ledger:

Slaughter said yesterday he had been trying to keep squirrels off his property for 17 years, catching them with the trap and then releasing them a few miles away in a wooded area.

During that time, he said, the animals broke into his home and were responsible for foul odors, and they destroyed the wooden edges on his roof.

So why is Mr. Slaughter in hot water?

[Mr. Slaughter] forgot to remove the trap two weekends ago as he went out of town to celebrate his birthday and the Easter weekend, resulting in a squirrel starving to death in the cage. It remained there for at least four days, he said.

Unfortunate, but criminal?

[Mr.] Slaughter, 52, has been charged with needlessly killing an animal and not providing food, water or protection to an animal, police said.

Said Mr. Slaughter:

“I just stupidly left the thing out.”

The Juice would let it go at that. (Please, PETA members, no emails! It was an accident!)

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