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Unless you’re a troglodyte, you’ve heard this refrain, or something similar, many times over the years, and rightly so: “If you’re too drunk to drive, take a taxi.” So how could it be that an Australian guy did just that and still got arrested? Let’s just say there are different ways to “take” a taxi … Per The Cairns Post:

The 21-year-old man allegedly stole the taxi from Cooktown’s central business district about 6pm on Friday.

Police allegedly found the driver, who was unlicensed, at home where he recorded a blood alcohol level of .209 per cent.

He was charged with unlicensed driving, unlawful use of a motor vehicle and drink-driving and will front Cooktown Magistrates’ Court.

No worries. That’s only 4 times the legal limit. Crikey.

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Sure, it was a big blow to Cleveland Cavaliers fans when LeBron announced that he was headed south. But really, how upset can you get? Pretty upset, judging from this dude. From the Strongsville Ohio Police Blotter:

SUSPICIOUS SITUATION, MEADOW LANE: A Strongsville man was advised by police last Thursday evening after he got a little too emotional about LeBron James’ defection to the Miami Heat.

A scared resident called police at 11 p.m. because she heard a man yelling in the woods behind her home. The woman told police the man sounded like he was in distress.

When police arrived, they found the Strongsville man in an agitated state. He was highly intoxicated and he said he was upset about James’ decision to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers. Police advised the man to go home and calm down.

The Juice has an idea of how this gent might channel all that emotion – Heat-hating.

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Seriously, I thought you were someone else … As reported by The Arkansas Times:

Best reason not to work under your car

In August, a Springdale man, angry at his girlfriend, went to the trailer park where she lived, saw her doing some mechanical work under a jacked-up car, kicked the jack away, causing the car to fall, seriously injuring the woman underneath it. Man was charged with assault, among other felonies, and got no satisfaction from the crime since, uh, it wasn’t his girlfriend the car fell on. Some other woman. No word on whether his plea was, “Oops, sorry! Meant to kill somebody else.”

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How petty was the theft? Eight dollars! But it didn’t end there, per The [Tacoma] News Tribune.

Charging documents gave this account:

Troy J. Montgomery went into the store, picked up a pair of tweezers and put them in his pocket. A store employee confronted Montgomery and told him she was calling police.

It could’ve ended there … but it didn’t.

Montgomery took the tweezers from his pocket, threw them and headed for the door.

The store’s pharmacist stepped into Montgomery’s path to stop him and was shoved aside. The pharmacist fell to the floor and suffered a 3-inch cut to his arm.

Shoppers took Montgomery to the ground and detained him until Pierce County sheriff’s deputies arrived.

All that over some tweezers? Dude must have desperately needed them.

A deputy asked Montgomery whether he wanted to answer questions about what happened.

“Not really,” Montgomery replied. “Besides being stupid, I don’t even need the thing, about the dumbest thing I ever did.”

Let’s hope so. The charges?

… third-degree assault and third-degree theft.

“So, what are you in for?” Well …

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Certainly all relationships have their ups and downs, but this is ridiculous. Chalie Simon, a 19-year-old sophomore at the University of Colorado, and her ex-boyfriend had, according to him, broken up about 20 times over the course of a year!

I’m guessing that he broke up the 20th time, and here’s why, as reported by The Boulder Daily Camera:

Cmdr. Tim McGraw said Simon … went to her former love interest’s apartment in the early morning hours and began throwing rocks at his window.

When the man opened the door for her and offered to let her come in from the cold, she allegedly became irate and tried to make her way into the man’s bedroom [where there was another woman], McGraw said.

After several attempts to remove her from the apartment, the woman allegedly grabbed the man’s genitals and “squeezed hard,” McGraw said.

Ouch!!!!!! thought the males reading this. BFD, thought the females. The police?

[Ms. Simon] was arrested and booked into the Boulder County Jail on suspicion of third-degree assault, domestic violence and first-degree criminal trespass.

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You have to wonder WTF this Kansas woman was thinking, or drinking, or … As reported by The Wichita Eagle:

Police said the woman reportedly pulled into the driveway of a house in the 5000 block of West Douglas at about 8:20 p.m. Wednesday. She got out, urinated in the yard and then slapped a 3-year-old child in the face a number of times.

She then drove away, pulling into a second yard and then a third, where she ran over a mailbox. The locations were several blocks apart, Capt. Darrell Atteberry said.

The woman was pulled over at a fourth address and taken into custody.

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Hey, I’ll bet if clown intruders infiltrated your house, you’d try to blast them with your shotgun too. Shot-up stuff can be fixed or replaced. But if the clowns get you, it’s curtains. As reported by the Hudson Star-Observer, a Roberts,Wisconsin man was not about to take any chances …

St. Croix County Sheriff Dennis Hillstead said the man was apparently suffering from some kind of hallucination when the incident took place at 3:56 a.m. Friday (July 9) at the home of the man’s parents where he resided.

“Deputies got a report that a number of rounds had been fired within the home,” Hillstead said. “More shots were fired when the deputies arrived and he apparently fired a shot at his parents as they fled in a vehicle.” The shots hit the windshield.

The man came out of the house carrying a shotgun, with a bag of shells over his shoulder and yelling at persons unknown, the sheriff said. The man was taken in to custody without incident and has been placed in emergency detention.

The man told investigators that he felt a number of men dressed in clown suits were attempting to invade the house, Hillstead said. The home was severely damaged during the shoot-up.

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If these allegations prove to be true, it would be a travesty if this guy keeps his license. Here are the allegations, as reported by The Sudbury Star:

The Notice of Hearing document lists some of the allegations. Patient A was with Bonin from 2003 to 2008. During their patient-physician relationship, he allegedly engaged in “touching, fondling, and kissing Patient A’s breasts and making comments of a sexual nature to Patient A.”

Patient B was under his care for a year, from 2007 to 2008. During this time he is alleged to have been “making comments of a sexual nature.”

What’s the governing body doing about this while the charges are pending?

The College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario has posted the following explanation on its website:

“It is alleged that Dr. [Miguel] Bonin sexually abused two patients, and committed acts relevant to the practice of medicine that, having regard to all the circumstances, would reasonably be regarded as disgraceful, dishonourable or unprofessional.”

How about all three – disgraceful, dishonourable AND unprofessional?

Until his hearing before the college’s Discipline Committee, Bonin, who has been practising as a family physician since the mid-1990s and delivers babies, can only meet with his female patients in the presence of a monitor, approved by the college. This monitor is required to log all of the doctor’s encounters with female patients. As well, a representative from the college can drop in unannounced at any time to inspect his office.

You can read more – a fair amount – here. And if you want to read more “doctor, doctor” posts, click here.

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You’re never going to get rich robbing convenience stores, especially this way. In hindsight, it’s funny. In all other sights, it’s just dumb. Risking getting killed for what’s in a 7-Eleven till? Here’s the skinny, from the San Diego Union-Tribune:

The 20-something suspect entered the 7-Eleven on Gateway Drive near Home Avenue in the San Diego community of Webster about 4:30 p.m., pointed a gun at the woman staffing the cash register and demanded money, police said. But the clerk indicated to the suspect that she could not understand his demand and refused to hand over any money, according to police.

The would-be robber exited the building and drove away in a late-model green Ford sedan. A detailed description was not available.

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If you’re a cornered criminal, sometimes just taking off is your best bet. But if you’re going to do that, it’s best not to leave any evidence behind. As reported in The Naples Daily News:

Cory L. Dalton had some simple advice for his mother, Lori Lynn Larocque, when Collier County sheriff’s deputies say they were caught shoplifting from a Kmart in June: “Run, ma, run.”

Remember what The Juice said about the evidence?

Dalton and his mother did run, and got away temporarily. But Larocque left her debit card behind, and on Tuesday investigators located them at Dalton’s home and arrested them.

I thought you had it! Uh-uh. I thought you had it!

Both Dalton, 19, of the 4500 block of Coral Palm Lane, Golden Gate Estates, and Larocque, 38, of the 8900 block of Bonita Beach Road, Bonita Springs, were charged with petty theft. Dalton was also arrested on a warrant for failure to appear in court on a marijuana possession charge.

And in case the cops needed more evidence …

Surveillance video showed a distinctive tattoo on Larocque’s arm. That tattoo was clearly visible when she was located.

Doh! Here’s the source, including photos.

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