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If you don’t know when to say when, at least know when to take a cab. As reported by The Murfreesboro Post:

Officers stopped a vehicle driving on the center lane traveling down Maple Street early Saturday morning.

When asked for her license, the woman driving the car handed the officer a credit card.

The driver agreed to attempt a field sobriety test, which she was unable to pass.

She was placed under arrest and informed of her rights and the implied consent law, to which she replied, “No, I am going to call a police officer.”

Okay, if that’s how you want to use your one phone call …

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How long was the Complaint filed by a Vancouver, Washington attorney against GMAC Mortgage, et al.? 465 pages! You probably won’t be surprised to hear that the Defendants filed a Motion for a More Definite Statement (in laymen’s terms, “What?”). Here’s a paragraph from the Complaint. Do you think Judge Leighton granted the Motion?

Plaintiffs, for a Fifty-Fourth Claim for Relief, reallege and incorporate herein Paragraphs 1 through 105, including the First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth, Thirteenth, Fourteenth, Fifteenth, Sixteenth, Seventeenth, Eighteenth, Nineteenth, Twentieth, Twenty-First, Twenty-Second, Twenty-Third, Twenty-Fourth, Twenty-Fifth, Twenty-Sixth, and Twenty-Seventh Claims for Relief alleged under the federal Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act of 1970 [“RICO”][Title 18 U.S.C.A. §§1961 et.seq.], and the Twenty-Eighth, Twenty-Ninth, Thirtieth, Thirty-First, Thirty-Second, Thirty- Third, Thirty-Fourth, Thirty-Fifth, Thirty-Sixth, Thirty-Seventh, Thirty-Eighth, Thirty-Ninth, Fortieth, Forty-First, Forty-Second, Forty-Third, Forty-Fourth, Forty-Fifth, Forty-Sixth, Forty-Seventh, Forty-Eighth, Forty-Ninth, Fiftieth, Fifty-First , Fifty-Second, and Fifty-Third Claims for Relief.

Okay, now breath. Judge Leighton granted the Motion, using the following prose:

Plaintiff has a great deal to say,

But it seems he skipped Rule 8(a),

His Complaint is too long,

Which renders it wrong,

Please re-write and re-file today.

Nice. Here’s the Order.

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Back in December, a Costa Mesa, California woman, who was herself going through a rough patch, allowed a woman to sleep in her car. Upon returning to the car, she reports that the sleeping woman had died. So what did she do? Nothing! Here’s what happened, and how the police just discovered the body, as reported by The Orange County Register:

Investigators said the driver of the car had befriended the woman at Mile Square Regional Park and allowed her to sleep in the car overnight in December. That was the last time she saw Signe [a transient woman from the Fountain Valley area] alive, Everett said.

After finding the body inside the four-door vehicle, the woman [who said she was a 57-year-old former real estate agent who at one time lived in a home in Corona del Mar] told investigators she was afraid to report the body to police, and instead decided to continue using the vehicle while the body sat covered in clothes on the passenger’s side.

How was the body discovered?

It wasn’t until Monday that the body was found by police, after receiving a call of a car partially blocking a driveway at the 2000 block of Tustin Avenue.

Officers were able to smell a foul odor coming from the car, and after seeing a leg underneath a pile of clothing on the seat, broke a window to get access inside.

Inside the car, officers also found a box of baking soda that the driver used to try to dissipate the smell.

Could the good samaritan be charged? Maybe.

An autopsy has revealed no obvious signs of foul play, but the cause of death is still unknown, he said. Officers are also looking at whether there were any health code violations due to the fact that the driver was transporting a corpse, he said. The driver has not been cited or arrested.

Click here to read the full story, which includes photos and a video.

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It’s axiomatic that the more you drink, the worse your judgment becomes. Hell, some folks can’t even tell their own house from someone else’s. Take this bloke, for example … Per The Northern Territory News:

A woman at home alone was terrified when she heard someone having a shower in her house.

Police later found a red-faced neighbour who was so drunk that he went into the house because he thought it was his own.

Perhaps red-faced, but at least clean …

The man got lost on the way to his house in Katherine on Wednesday night. He walked into the home and took a shower in an attempt to sober up.

The 34-year-old householder was asleep upstairs. She woke up, heard the water running and frantically rang the police.

When officers arrived, they found the 42-year-old sitting on the woman’s verandah – dressed again.

He said “sorry” to the police and woman many times after realizing his mistake. The man was taken into protective custody to sleep off his big night.

“Excuse me, sir. Northern Territory News. So what happened last night?”

The man sobered up yesterday but was too embarrassed to talk to the NT News.

As you might imagine, this has happened before.

A couple once found a man cooking breakfast in their kitchen in the early hours.

And a woman in Darwin’s northern suburbs was watching TV when a drunk strolled in through the front door thinking it was his house. He left when she screamed.

Oops. Here’s the source.

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Man, this crime thing is easy. They’ll never catch us! Hey, I need some new jeans. Let’s head over to Walmart … Well, that’s what 20-year-old Dustin Matthew Marshall and 19-year-old Lindsey Samantha Scholl apparently did. And Mr. Marshall got his jeans. But when he took off with the new ones, he left the old ones behind in the dressing room … with his wallet in the pocket! As reported by NewsChannel5.com (Nashville, Tennessee):

Police said they arrested two people in a string of thefts after one of the suspect’s literally left his identification behind.

… Matthew … and … Scholl were arrested and charged with charged with burglary, three counts of theft from a motor vehicle, two counts of theft under $500 and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Police said they were able to identify the pair as suspects in a string of thefts since October 14 after Marshall allegedly stole a pair of jeans and left his old jeans, containing his wallet with his driver’s license inside, behind in the dressing room at Walmart.

On Saturday night, police said the suspects fled the Longhorn Steakhouse in Gallatin without paying for their meal and left behind evidence that linked them to one of the auto burglaries.

The police never had it this easy.

Officers later located the pair outside their home on East Prince Street and subsequently obtained a search warrant which produced evidence connected the suspects to the remaining auto burglaries and a burglary at the Christian Towers Apartments.

Both Marshall and Scholl were arrested and booked into the Sumner County Jail.

Here’s the source, including photos of the accused.

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The public library is a terrific place for a 92-year-old man to … hook up? So thought Florida resident Herbert Johnson. The library’s employees were not flattered. Per nbcmiami.com:

Stuart resident Herbert Johnson, 92, has been ordered to stay out of Martin County public libraries after waging an amorous campaign toward female employees.

His offensive included, for one librarian in particular, a letter left on the front desk “containing sexually explicit language stating what (he) wanted to do to” her.

Authorities say Johnson also sent the woman “innapropriate” gifts and letters, which she either refused or destroyed. A second employee reported Johnson made unwanted advances toward her, as well.

You’re really not going to tell us what the “inappropriate” gifts were? Not cool.

A Martin County deputy visited Johnson at home, handing him a trespass warning for all county libraries.

Banned! Here’s the source.

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Remember the “wet bandits” from the movie “Home Alone”? Their m.o. was to flood a house after burglarizing it. So, caught for one, caught for them all. While this Rhode Island gent did not flood any houses, he had a very revealing clue in his pocket. As reported by WPRI (Pawtucked, Rhode Island):

Police said MCU detectives arrested Jimmy Honeycutt and his girlfriend Stephanie McDole Wednesday.

Detectives pulled over the pair in the city because their car matched the description of a vehicle wanted in connection with a similar robbery at a Getty gas station the day before in Attleboro.

Wait for it …

Major Martins of the Pawtucket Police Department says Honeycutt was found with evidence linking him to the robberies. In his pocket police discovered torn pages from a phone book, with asterisks next to some of the businesses robbed this month.

Boom! It doesn’t get much easier than that.

Police said during two of the earlier robberies, the suspect used a syringe to threaten the clerks.

The charges?

Honeycutt is charged with five counts of first-degree robbery. McDole is charged with two counts of first-degree robbery.

Click here for the source, including a video.

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Well, when you’re “managing” something, you still have to use it, right? Maybe that’s what happened when a woman allegedly stabbed her classmate during an anger management class! As reported by The Seattle Times:

Bellevue police say Faribah Maradiaga [age 19] “blew up out of control” and stabbed the classmate’s arm and shoulder several times after the two women exchanged words.

Police said Maradiaga, who already has a pending assault charge, told them that the other woman had threatened her first, according to charging documents.

Maradiaga walked into a classroom on the Bellevue College campus, where a court services agency rents space for the anger management class, around 9 a.m. Saturday while a video on anger management was being shown, according to the charges. Maradiaga started complaining about the movie and disrupting the class, according to the documents, when the victim told Maradiaga “the video was good and to give it a chance.”

That’s the provocation?

Maradiaga, who was sitting two rows behind the victim, then stood up and started talking “trash” before pulling out a knife with a 3-inch blade and stabbing the other woman, police and prosecutors say.

Of course. Everyone brings a knife to anger management class. You might need it to defend yourself if someone snaps …

The charges [second degree assault] say Maradiaga then threatened to kill the victim’s family. Maradiaga is being held on $50,000 bail in King County Jail and is scheduled to be arraigned Oct. 25.

The family too? Yikes. Here’s the source.

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Whatever you do, make sure you don’t grab Mr. Green’s raincoat!

Mr. Ryan, an Illinois attorney, was on his way into the courthouse. As described by the court (Mr. Ryan is the “Respondent”):

Deputy Kennealy, who was assigned to first-floor security at the Daley Center during May of 1999, testified that she was on duty at one of the security stations on the morning of May 24, 1999. At about 9:20 a.m., the Respondent approached the security checkpoint and emptied his pockets into a property tray. Kennealy recalled that the Respondent placed a pack of cigarettes and a napkin and, possibly, a set of keys in the tray. (Tr. 19-23)

Kennealy reached into the tray and picked up the pack of cigarettes the Respondent had placed inside, in order to conduct a search for weapons. At that point, she stated, the Respondent tried to grab the cigarette pack out of her hand and remarked, “Oh, shit, I have to get out of here.” (Tr. 24-26) The Respondent turned and began to walk back through the metal detector, and Kennealy and another deputy brought him back. (Tr. 24) Kennealy felt that the Respondent was attempting to flee at that time because he tried to walk out “fast.” (Tr. 31)(emphasis added).

Kennealy then looked inside the cigarette pack, and found a white powdery substance which was later determined to be cocaine. (Tr. 25-26, Admin. Ex. 6) She placed the Respondent in custody and took him downstairs to the lockup area. In a search of the remainder of the Respondent’s property at the lockup, Kennealy found cannabis in the napkin the Respondent had placed in the tray. (Tr. 25-26, Admin. Ex. 5)

So it’s not looking too good for Mr. Green. Just what did he have to say for himself? Do you think the court will buy it?

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It’s at least a mildly interesting strategy – hiding in plain sight. And sometimes it even works on TV and in the movies.In real life? Not so much, as Floridian Bryan Hartman discovered. Per The Orlando Sentinel:

A St. Cloud man was arrested Monday after drug agents found marijuana growing in his front yard, they said.

Seventeen plants, from 2 feet to 7 feet tall, were growing in planters in front of the home of Bryan Hartman, 45, the Osceola County Investigative Bureau said. The house is in the 1100 block of Mississippi Avenue.

Hartman gave permission to search his home and was arrested on a charge of cultivation of cannabis, agents said. He was being held at the Osceola County Jail.

Doh!