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Seriously, are you ever going to escape from the police armed with a dildo? From The Chicago Tribune:

Carolee Bildsten, 56, of Gurnee, will plead not guilty next month to accusations that she charged an officer with the “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device” described in a police report, defense attorney Neil Calanca said.

Mr. Calanca was not pleased with the inclusion of a description of the “weapon.”

A former police officer, Calanca said the officer involved in the incident “should be ashamed of himself,” and that he would have been embarrassed to include such information in a police report. Gurnee police Cmdr. Jay Patrick countered that such reports “are required to be a factual account of an incident.”

So what led to the brandishing of the “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device?”

The alleged assault occurred when the officer went with Bildsten to her apartment in the 5300 block of David Court on Nov. 9 after employees at Joe’s Crab Shack in Gurnee accused her of dining without paying for the second time, according to Patrick.

Bildsten reached into a dresser drawer for what the officer thought was money to pay her bill, but instead pulled out the “pleasure device,” police allege. The officer deflected the sex toy with his hand, and he was not injured, Patrick said.

The charges?

Along with the aggravated assault charge, Bildsten is scheduled to appear in court on Jan. 27 on the Crab Shack-related theft of services charge and an unrelated charge for aggravated driving under the influence of alcohol.

Click here for the source.

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In some countries, it’s legal to change your name to just about anything. That’s what George Garratt decided to do. His new legal name? Hold on. The Juice needs to take a deep breath. Okay, here it goes …

Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.

Whew. That’s a mouthful. Why would the Captain do that? Per The Telegraph:

“I wanted to be unique. I decided upon a theme of superheroes.”

Oh, so that’s the theme. Here’s the source, including a photo of the Captain. And if you like stories about strange names, check this out.

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This is a lesson that a Unity College (Maine) student learned the hard way. After school is over, and your cleaning out your room, MAKE SURE TO TAKE YOUR MARIJUANA PLANTS WITH YOU! Per the Portland Press Herald:

Unity College held its graduation ceremonies Saturday. Security guards on Sunday were checking dorm rooms to make sure they were emptied when they discovered the plants in plastic containers around 7:47 p.m., police said.

Annica D. McGuirk, 19, of Cabot, Ark., has been charged with cultivation of marijuana, and sale and use of marijuana … according to the Waldo County Sheriff’s Office.

If you’re one of those folks who goes through a hotel room or wherever for a final sweep, and you get derided for it, take some comfort knowing that you would have seen those pot plants, and had a much better summer than Ms. McGuirk.

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captain%20obvious%20funny%20picture%20pink%20cape.jpg So these 2 cops were in an unmarked car in street clothes [sort of]. But perhaps alleged prostitute Rose M. Townsend should have picked up on the following signs:

Detective Osborne was wearing a tactical vest with the word “Police” in large letters!

Detective Hamblin was wearing his badge on the outside of his clothing.

Oh, and after Ms. Townsend had approached the car and said “I’m looking to party,” both Detective’s radios “received transmissions dispatching units on a run,” per Detective Hamblin.

So she took off, right? Nope. As reported in The Indianapolis Star:

Townsend, unaware that the men were officers, allegedly offered to perform a sex act in exchange for $20, according to the report.

“Are you kidding?” Hamblin reportedly asked Townsend.

“No, I am not kidding,” she replied, according to the report.

Osborne then got out of the vehicle and placed Townsend under arrest.

“What did I do wrong?” Townsend reportedly asked as the handcuffs were being placed on her wrists.



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Yes, although it’s not exactly sweeping the nation, apparently you can get high from sewage gas. It’s called Jenkem. If this dude in Fort Pierce, Florida is any indication, it’s bad news. As reported by TCPalm.com:

A rooming house reeking of human waste in the 100 block of North 11th Street was evacuated late Wednesday and closed because a disgruntled second-floor renter apparently emptied buckets of raw sewage inside and left, according to police reports.

Police say the upstairs renter probably has been using the sewage to create a gas that when inhaled creates a euphoric high similar to cocaine. The gas — called Jenkem — is collected in a balloon on top of a closed container filled with digesting human waste.

“Highs” from the gas can last 20 minutes, but police quoted the landlord as saying the renter had become aggressive. And six months after moving in, the renter was told to get out, police reports show.

The landlord “theorized that …. (the renter) may have intentionally destroyed his building with ordure (excrement) as a means of revenge for having been ejected from the property,” the report says.

Not cool.

Police were first alerted 10:55 p.m. Wednesday when a downstairs renter came home to repulsive smells. The first officer on the scene also “noticed a strong foul odor (that) wafted through the cold night air,” reports show.

Inside the downstairs room the renter found brown liquid running down the walls and coming through ceiling. Some was in the curtains and on the floor.

Because of the smells, a police officer used an outside staircase to get to an upstairs hallways and to a room “covered with dark substance that appeared to be fecal matter,” according to the police report. “The room had several dozen containers and a five-gallon bucket….containing some of the material” that was dumped onto the floor and furniture.

Worst tenant ever!

Rebuilding the rooming house could cost $150,000, said police who continuing to investigate the case and whether to file charges.

Ouch. Here’s the source.

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If you’re thinking this Crestview, Florida woman hid the shoes on her person, you’re right. In her coat? Nope. Pants? Nope … As reported by NWFDailyNews.com:

A Nov. 29 video surveillance showed the woman take clothing and pass them to the man, according to an arrest report from the Crestview Police Department. The man rolled each item and passed them back to the woman.

The woman hid a pair of shoes under her breasts. She hid the rest of the items in her purse.

Really? Under her breasts? Those were either some really small shoes or …

The man was also seen selecting items, rolling them and handing them to the woman. He concealed one pair of pants inside his pants.

Quite the pair, no?

The couple was caught outside of the store and escorted to the back until police arrived. With an officer as a witness, the loss prevention officer asked the couple to return the items they took.

They were each charged with retail theft, a misdemeanor.


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Clearly times are tough. But check this out, from a sermon by Anglican priest Tim Jones, per The Daily Mail:

He told parishioners [shoplifting from major stores] would not break the eighth commandment ‘thou shalt not steal’ because it ‘is permissible for those who are in desperate situations to take food that they might not starve’.

Really? The Juice hasn’t seen that version of the ten commandments.

Father Jones, 42, was discussing Mary and the birth of Jesus when he went on to the subject of how poor and vulnerable people cope in the run-up to Christmas.

‘My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift,’ he told his stunned congregation at St Lawrence and St Hilda in York.

‘I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses, but from large national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices.

‘I would ask them not to take any more than they need. I offer the advice with a heavy heart. Let my words not be misrepresented as a simplistic call for people to shoplift.

Good luck getting that genie back in the bottle. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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In Oklahoma City, it’s illegal for a minor to possess a “broad-tipped” permanent marker. Here’s the ordinance:

§ 35-201. – Prohibition on possession of aerosol spray paint by minors.

No person under the age of 18 years may possess an aerosol spray paint container or broad-tipped indelible marker on any public property unless accompanied by a parent, guardian, employer, teacher or other adult in any similar relationship and such possession is for a lawful purpose.

This is not academic, at least for one 13-year-old boy. As reported by The Oklahoman:

A 13-year-old was arrested Friday in Oklahoma City, accused of violating a little-known city ordinance that prohibits possession of a permanent marker in some circumstances.


The teen was caught using a permanent marker at Roosevelt Middle School by a teacher, according to the crime report filed with the Oklahoma City Police Department.

Delynn Woodside noted the marker had bled through a piece of paper onto the desk and reported to a police officer that she also had seen the teen writing on the desk with the marker, the report said.

Woodside, a seventh-grade math teacher, made a citizen’s arrest on the teen, and the police officer transferred the student to a Community Intervention Center that houses juveniles who have been arrested. The name of the minor was not released.

A citizen’s arrest under that law? And sending the kid to Juvie? Why go all “Gomer Pyle” on the kid (see above) instead of just sending him to the principal’s office for defacing school property? Here’s the source.

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As a general rule, cab rides not only lack drama, but are downright boring. There was an exception to the rule a few days ago in Sacramento, as reported by The Sacramento Bee:

A cab driver had a dispute with a rider over the destination at 20th and Q streets in midtown Sacramento on Saturday, according to a crime report.

The fare pulled a folding-blade knife, but no threats were made. The cab driver fled on foot.

The rider also fled on foot but not before paying (and tipping) the cab driver.

The rider was not found, police said.

Isn’t pulling a knife [apparently during an argument] a threat? Anyway, here’s the source.

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Google probably gets sued everyday for some wacky reason. Add this one to the list – in the “Google satellite – underwear” category. As reported by The Mainichi Daily News:

A woman [in Fukuoka] is suing search-engine giant Google Inc., saying her psychological condition worsened after discovering that a search for her address brought up a photo of her underwear hanging out on her veranda.

The woman, who is in her 20s, filed suit against Google at the Fukuoka District Court for 600,000 yen [$7,162 US] in consolation money and other payments.

Opening arguments were held on Dec. 15. The woman said, “I was overwhelmed with anxiety that I might be the target of a sex crime. It caused me to lose my job, and I moved my residence.” Google said that it is hurrying to confirm the facts of the case.

According to the suit and other sources, the woman discovered the photograph in spring of this year when she used Google to do a search for the address of her Fukuoka apartment, where she lived alone.

The suit says the woman already had a form of obsessive compulsive disorder before seeing the photograph, and after seeing it her symptoms worsened. She began worrying that her activities were being secretly photographed throughout the day. She was fired from the hospital where she worked, and moved to a new residence.

After the court session, the woman told the Mainichi that around October, the month in which she filed the lawsuit, the image no longer came up when searching for the address in Google.

“I could understand if it was just a picture of the outside of the apartment, but showing a person’s underwear hanging outside is absolutely wrong,” said the woman.

So, if you have a clothes line up, you might want to … uh … gotta run!