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Sadly, this is not The Juice’s first report on crimes of this ilk. Click here for a recent story, and here for another. The most recent report comes from news.scotsman.com.

A pensioner has been sent to prison for having sex with a horse and a donkey.

Joseph Squires was sentenced to a total of 22 months, a Leicester Crown Court official confirmed today.

He previously pleaded guilty to buggery of a donkey between February 2 and February 5 1999, and buggery with a horse between March 15 and 18 2004.

Squires, whose address was previously given as Overpark Avenue, Leicester, also admitted charges of damaging property – relating to the two animals on the same dates.

Yikes.

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Think about this story next time you kiss your girlfriend/boyfriend in public. From the Arab Times:

Police arrested a Kuwaiti youth and his compatriot girlfriend [in Kuwait City] for consuming alcohol and behaving indecently while swimming opposite Al-Sha’ab Al-Bahari, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily. 
Police rushed to the site after receiving information that a girl and her boyfriend were kissing while swimming together. The girl was reportedly wearing a bikini and police smelt alcohol in their breath.

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Ojai, California’s loss is Ashland, Oregon’s gain? Ms. Jennifer Moss, as reported by The Oregonian …

…often pedaled a bicycle around Ojai in a hemp G-string and flower-shaped pasties to promote Earth-friendliness.

Live and let live, right?

Her most recent misdemeanor arrest was for removing everything but her G-string and pasties in front of parishioners leaving an Easter Sunday Mass outside a Catholic church in Ojai. Stunned parishioners thought she was naked, police said.

So that’s why she left? Not really.

“Police attention was part of the reason I left …But the number one reason I left Ojai is they are not conscious enough about the air, the soil and the water. Either you get it or you don’t.”

How are things working out in Ashland?

Moss said she confirmed with police that Ashland’s laws do not prohibit public nudity. She celebrated by stripping off all of her clothes and doing a headstand right outside the police station. Then she rode her bike naked through the center of Ashland.

Here’s the source.

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If you believe your soul needs saving, how would you go about doing it? Probably not the way Shafiq Mohamed did. As reported by www.wafb.com:

A man was arrested early Thursday morning after police responded to a complaint and found him walking down the street completely naked.

According to the Thibodaux [Louisiana] Police Department, Shafiq Mohamed was charged with obscenity after they saw him walking in the 2200 block of Audubon Avenue without any clothes on just before 2 a.m.

Officers said Mohamed told them … “God told him to walk the streets naked to save his soul.”

Here’s the source, including a photo.

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Can you just imagine how much money a college could take in if it could collect $25 from students for public cursing (and $50 for a second offense)? My guess is … a lot. And yes, there really is a college that has such a policy on the books. That school is Hinds Community College in Mississippi. The fines can be doled out for “public profanity, cursing and vulgarity” as reported at www.insidehighered.com. Here’s the skinny on the alleged f-bomber:

And the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education has taken up the case of a student who faced charges following an incident in which — after class, but in the presence of an instructor — he said that a grade he had just received was “going to fuck up my entire G.P.A.” The instructor first threatened to place the student in detention and when the student pointed out (correctly) that the college doesn’t have detention, the “flagrant disrespect” charges were made.

Detention? Hilarious. Why not a “time out” for the young man? Regular Juice readers know that this policy is going down. See, there’s this document out there called the Constitution (note to school: See Amendment 1). You can read more – a lot – here.

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Yes sir. These streakers were in for a real surprise when they ran into a police officer while streaking through a neighborhood in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. And they got what was coming to them, which was … nothing! As it should have been with this truly victimless crime. Per The Union Leader:

In a scene reminiscent of Will Ferrell’s run through the neighborhood au naturel in the movie “Old School,” a Greenland police officer working a construction detail on Bartlett Street early Monday morning got a surprise when a naked woman ran by him.

Portsmouth police responded around 3:30 a.m., and found a man also out and about without any clothes on. The pair said they were playing strip poker with friends and, as part of losing, had to run around the block in the buff.

When police brought the two back to retrieve their clothes, they found two other people in various stages of undress. The streakers got off with a warning.

Sanity! Here’s the source.

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Keep in mind that this is the same town, Kure Beach, North Carolina, that outlawed thong bathing suits. Anyway, way back when (way pre-thong), someone must have been playing the piccolo really loud. Why would the Juice hazard this guess? This is from the Kure Beach nuisance laws:

Sec. 11-31. Certain noises prohibited.

(a) The creation and continuation of any loud, disturbing and unnecessary noises in the town is hereby prohibited…

(b) The following acts, among others, are declared to be loud, disturbing, annoying and unnecessary noises in violation of this section …

(2) Radios, phonographs, etc. The playing of any radio, phonograph, piccolo or any musical instrument in such manner or with such volume as to annoy or disturb any person, or disturb the quiet, comfort or repose of any person in any dwelling, hotel or other residence. (emphasis added)

Picking on the piccolo? Not cool. Here’s the source. (Click on Chapter 11, then Article III.)

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Here’s a very good example, per WTHR.com:

It was a day that kept getting worse for a Terre Haute man who put his car in a ditch and then tried to get it out with a “borrowed” tractor.

When officers arrived, they discovered a large farm tractor and car in a ditch, apparently after falling from the bridge. The driver of the tractor had fled the scene.

Yeah, no chance the police would figure out it was him, what with his car being in the ditch …

Troopers got a tip that the driver was hiding at a nearby farm house on Rio Grande Road. Officers went to the residence and took the driver into custody without incident.

Damn you tipster!

The driver was identified as Kevin Michael Whitesell, age 31, of Terre Haute, IN. Whitesell was taken to the Vigo County Jail. He faces charges of Driving While Intoxicated, Class A misdemeanor; and Leaving the Scene of a Property Damage Crash, Class C misdemeanor. Additional charges may be filed.

The blow-by-blow:

Police say at around 5:00 am, Whitesell crashed his 2000 Chevrolet Cavalier on Bluejay Road just west of Eppert Road. He then walked to a farm house on Rio Grande Road, approximately two miles from the scene, and obtained a 1998 John Deere 9100 Series four-wheel driver tractor.

So after walking 2 miles, it still didn’t dawn on him that this was a bad idea.

Whitesell then drove back to his car on Bluejay, hooked the overturned car to the tractor and began dragging the car (on its top) eastbound on Bluejay.

As Whitesell attempted to make a right turn onto Eppert, he lost control and drove the tractor over the west side of the bridge, dragging the car with it. The tractor was owned by Plant Farms and the owner of the car was Whitesell. Police say Whitesell was an employee of Plant Farms, but he took the tractor without his employer knowing about it.

Damn you Eppert Road!

Damage to the bridge was estimated at $10,000 to $20,000 and the tractor was valued at $150,000.

Zoinks! Here’s the source, with multiple photographs of the scene.

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Okay, so maybe that’s not exactly the defense employed, but it’s damn close. As reported in The South Asian Post:

An Indian man escaped a possible death sentence for drug trafficking after his lawyer told a court it was impossible to walk with a stash of heroin in his underpants.Mumbai police alleged Dhirendra Kamdar was carrying two kilograms of the drug in four, 500-gram packets in his underwear when they picked him up as he walked from a guest house to get a taxi to the city’s airport. But when the case came to trial, Kamdar’s lawyer Ayaz Khan said it was impossible for anyone to walk one kilometre with such an amount of drugs concealed in his smalls, the Daily News and Analysis newspaper said.Khan demonstrated his theory to the judge using four identically-sized bags filled with sugar, and was acquitted of the charge on lack of evidence.

500 grams equals about 1.1 pounds. So the total was almost 4.5 pounds. That would definitely alter your gait.

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Certainly regular readers know the Juice is not a fan of dress codes. Check this out, from Georgia’s Thomson-McDuffie Junior High School website:

In order to foster a climate conducive to [blah, blah, blah] … the following guidelines have been developed with input from councils, faculty, administration, and students.

… sunglasses are not to be worn on campus. … No grills are to be worn.

No shades or grills? That’s cold.

Proper and acceptable undergarments must be worn and must not be visible to others. Cleavage must not show.

How will the school know if the undergarments are “proper and acceptable” if you can’t see them! Brilliant!

Shoes or sandals must be worn. … and athletic sandals are not allowed at school.

No “athletic sandals?” Say what?

Shirts or blouses must have sleeves; shirts and blouses must be tucked in. … Belt line must be visible at all times. Any shirts or blouses that cannot be tucked in may not be worn.

NFW. You have to tuck your shirts and blouses in! Please, transfer me!

Shorts/pants must be long enough to touch the top of the kneecap. Shorts/pants must be fitted at the waist and not be baggy or frayed at the bottom.

Really? The kneecap?

All students must wear identification badges properly at all times.

Is it me, or is this starting to sound like a detention facility?

Personal grooming should be done at home, not at school.

I can’t brush or comb my hair?

The principal of the school has a right to prohibit any item of clothing he deems to be inappropriate.

Wow. That is just laughably unenforceable.

Now that you know the crimes, the times …

Penalty for failure to comply with dress code: First offense – correction (if possible) or ISS and 3 hours detention. Second offense – correction (if possible) and one (1) day of Saturday School. Third offense – three (3) days ISS and required parent conference. A Fourth offense is considered Defiance and will result in three (3) days suspension minimum.

Here’s the school’s website.

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