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So this woman was walking her dog in Belmont, Massachusetts when, according to her, a car came speeding by. What did she do? As reported in the Belmont Citizen-Herald:

According to a police report, an officer on Oct. 1 met with a Belmont man who stated he was driving down Stone Road the previous morning when an object came through his open window and hit him in the face. He soon realized the projectile was “a flying bag of dog feces that splattered across his face, and the remaining matter soiled the front of the car,” the report said.

The Juice’s first thought: Helluva shot! Second thought: If the car is going so fast, how does she pull that off? Backstory:

The day before, on Sept. 30, an officer was dispatched to Stone Road to take a report from a woman about a speeding complaint. The woman reported she was walking her dog down Stone Road and threw a bag at a dark-colored sedan that was allegedly speeding down Stone Road, almost hitting a person on a bicycle.

The woman told police she ran to hid in a neighboring yard after throwing the bag, which she admitted was filled with feces, because the vehicle remained in the area.

The charges?

… assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, vandalism to property and disorderly conduct …

Yes, a “dangerous weapon” … Click here to read more.

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Artistic license, as it relates to the Philippine national anthem and flag, is about to be seriously curtailed. After the Senate votes (it was 196-0 in the lower house – think it’ll pass?), improper singing of the national anthem – Lupang Hinirang (Beloved Land) – and unpatriotic displays of the Philippine flag will get you in some serious trouble. Per Reuters:

“Our Congress has given more teeth to government’s campaign to invigorate patriotism, respect and love of country by singing our anthem properly,” Representative Salvador Escudero, the bill’s principal author, told reporters.

He lamented that Filipino artists and singers had been changing the anthem’s military march melody and beat, and that the flag had been made into shirts and short pants.

If the Senate passes the law, the first approved by the lower house since the change of administrations in June, violators face up to two years in jail and a fine of 100,000 pesos ($2,280).

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Paul Ewing was certainly a stand-up guy to admit killing his neighbor’s plants with Roundup (in what has to be a unique way – see below). But was it really necessary to tell the police why he was mad at his neighbor? From The Bradenton Herald:

To get back at his neighbor for owing him money, Paul Ewing resorted to a series of drive-bys toting a water gun filled with Roundup weed killer, the Bradenton Police Department reports.

He told investigators that he was upset because his neighbor owed him more than $200 for drugs.

Brilliant!

The 35-year-old, who lives in the 100 block of 10th Street West, confessed to his actions after he was pulled over Thursday for driving with a suspended license.

In the front yard, Ewing gunned down flowers and bushes, the report stated. To get to the plants in the backyard, he filled water balloons with the weed killer and tossed them onto his neighbors property. Ewing estimated the landscaping damage to be about $250.

The Bradenton Police Department had been investigating the incidents that began May 1 and lasted until July 1.

Ewing was released from Manatee County jail Thursday after posting a $500 bond. He has been charged with criminal mischief with property damage.

Here’s the source.

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judge%20walton.gif Do not trifle with Judge Reggie Walton of the United States Court for the District of Columbia. He will let you have your say. Rest assured, though, that you’re going to hear what he has to say too. When 12 of Scooter Libby’s pals asked for the court’s permission to file a brief supporting Scooter, it was granted, but with this little cherry on top:

It is an impressive show of public service when twelve prominent and distinguished current and former law professors of well-respected schools are able to amass their collective wisdom in the course of only several days to provide their legal expertise to the Court on behalf of a criminal defendant. The Court trusts that this is a reflection of these eminent academics’ willingness in the future to step to the plate and provide like assistance in cases involving any of the numerous litigants, both in this Court and throughout the courts of our nation, who lack the financial means to fully and properly articulate the merits of their legal positions even in instances where failure to do so could result in monetary penalties, incarceration, or worse. The Court will certainly not hesitate to call for such assistance from these luminaries, as necessary in the interests of justice and equity, whenever similar questions arise in the cases that come before it.

Bam! The 12 gents are: Robert Bork, Alan Dershowitz [!] Vikram Amar, Randy Barnett, Viet Dinh, Douglas Kmiec, Gary Lawson, Earl Maltz, Thomas Merrill, Robert Nagel, Richard Parker, and Robert Pushaw.

You can read the order here. HT: The Next Hurrah

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Didn’t I just tell you not to tell me that? But no, you just couldn’t resist! As reported by news.com.au:

A robber wearing a transparent plastic bag over his head has held up a service station on the Gold Coast.

Pure genius.

Police said the man entered the BP service station at Labrador about 3.53pm yesterday wearing the plastic bag, and wielding a large carving knife, according to the Courier-Mail.

He approached the male attendant and demanded cash.

In response, the worker placed the money tray from the register on the counter and the robber helped himself.

At least someone was thinking clearly. (Get it!) Now this may surprise you, given the awesomeness of the disguise:

The worker was able to give police a good description of the bandit. He was described as about 170cm tall in his mid-20s and wearing three-quarter length denim shorts, a white T-shirt and a sky blue baseball cap.

And?

The man handed himself in to police today. Police expect to charge the man over the robbery.

This gent is up there with the wet bandits.

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Except for Rich Sanchez (see photo above and video below), nobody wants to get tased. But how far would you go to avoid it? Hopefully there is not another soul out there who would go to this length. As reported by The Macomb Daily:

A judge in Mount Clemens has sentenced a father to a year in jail and parenting classes after he used his 2-year-old daughter as a shield during a confrontation with a Taser-wielding police officer.

27-year-old Joseph Cox of Belleville … pleaded no contest to misdemeanor child abuse and guilty to home invasion and obstructing an officer.

He was accused in March of breaking into his ex-wife’s Warren home. The child was held in front of a Taser pointed at Cox by an officer. The officer didn’t fire.

Clearly, Mr. Cox is no Rick Sanchez.

<td style='padding:2px 1px 0px 5px;' colspan='2'Moment of Zen – Sanchez Taser
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

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Here’s a tasering you probably remember …

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Lots of people eat fish. Probably most people. Is it really so bad to eat a goldfish? Apparently so, as Briton Chris Caswell found out the hard way. As reported – with no slant whatsoever[!] – in The Sun:

Cruel Chris Caswell was arrested yesterday over the sick stunt that was videoed by his giggling pals and posted on Facebook.

Damn you Facebook!

The lout, 30, paid £1.99 for a fish then asked staff to put it in a glass he had brought along, claiming he lived just across the road.

A puzzled shop worker agreed – then watched in horror as he downed the fish in one swallow.

Oh the humanity!

After Caswell ate the creature, his pal doing the filming crowed: “Goldfish down the hatch!” The yobs then marched out of the shop cackling and joking.

Police were alerted after the appalling footage was posted on the web.

Roofer Caswell was arrested in a dawn raid at his home in Newton Aycliffe, Co Durham, yesterday on suspicion of cruelty to animals.

Really? A “raid”?

He was quizzed at a police station for an hour then released.

Should have asked President Obama for special dispensation to send the gent to Guantanamo Bay.

The yob last night insisted he was an animal lover and it was just a prank.

He bleated: “It was over a year ago. We had been out drinking at a friend’s party. I can’t remember much about it. I have just got a puppy. I like animals.”

If Caswell is found guilty of animal cruelty he could face a £20,000 fine or six months in jail.

This guy is a criminal? Sounds more like a prankster. Here’s the source, including video of the incident.

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Fancy having a “go” at the “Good To Go”? Maybe that’s how these folks ended up carnally knowing each other for over an hour outside of the “Good To Go” convenience store in Florida. As reported by WZVN-HD:

According to a sheriff’s report, deputies responded to the Good To Go Store at 16871 San Carlos Boulevard in Fort Myers in reference to an indecent exposure call.

As the deputies arrived, they spotted a naked Pomfret and half-naked Prothero having sex in plain view underneath a tree near the store, according to the report.

When a deputy walked over and told them to stop and get dressed, neither listened, the deputy said.

Sorry deputy. The Juice believes they actually did listen to you … and just chose to ignore you since they were kinda busy.

Once the deputy announced she was with the Lee County Sheriff’s Office, both reportedly stopped and put on their clothes.

And then?

George Pomfret, 49, and Brenda Prothero, 48, both of Fort Myers, were arrested [taken into custody] and charged with Indecent Exposure in Public.

Click here for the source, including photographs.

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There’s nothing wrong with grown men liking toys, be they iPhones, sports cars, or … plastic action figures … A man in Japan was perhaps a little too attached to his toys, based on what he did when his mommy threw some of them away. As reported in the Japan Times:

A man charged with torching his home in Kasai, Hyogo Prefecture, admitted Tuesday he did it out of anger because his mother threw away some of his plastic figures from the “Gundam” animation franchise.

Oh, they were “Gundam” action figures? Now it all makes sense!

“Plastic figures of Gundam are like my life partners. I thought I would rather burn to death with them than have them thrown away,” said Yoshifumi Takabe, 30, who pleaded guilty as his trial began at the Kobe District Court. Nobody was injured in the blaze [although his mom was in the house!].

Takabe told the court he piled 200 to 300 boxes of Gundam plastic figures up to near the ceiling in his room.

Very uncool, especially since his little brother, mother and grandmother also lived in the 2-story house he torched . Here’s the source.

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The Juice is of course referring to Elmo. For you Elmo fans, no worries. It turns out Elmo can take care of himself, and then some. As reported by the Orlando Sentinel:

Police in Winter Park said a man dressed as Elmo was attacked at a local music store on Saturday afternoon by a man who believed the Sesame Street character was a threat to him.

According to Winter Park police Lt. Wayne Farrell, the man had been hired to wear the Elmo suit for an event at Winter Park Village, and was on his break when the attack occurred at the Guitar Center on Orlando Avenue at about 3 p.m.

“He just wandered into the Guitar Center to look at instruments,” Farrell said. That’s when police say a man, who they said felt “threatened” by the Sesame Street star, attacked.

“He immediately thought (the man dressed as Elmo) was a threat,” Farrell said. Farrell called the ensuing struggle a “very physical fight,” with multiple punches thrown.

Who won?

“Elmo got the best of the guy,” Farrell said. “He broke two of his fingers.”

Adding insult to injury …

Police took the assailant to a local hospital, where Farrell said he will be temporarily detained for mental health evaluation.

Here’s the source.