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Although The Juice hasn’t been to Idaho, can it be that bad? And has this guy been following current events in Mexico? The drug war isn’t going too well. Regardless, the guy is just trying to get back there. As reported by The Idaho Mountain Express:

A man who police say wanted to be arrested and deported to Mexico allegedly stole a Jerome Police Department squad car Monday evening and drove it to Carey. The vehicle was recovered about an hour later by the Blaine County Sheriff’s Office.

Guadalupe Cruz-Vasquez, a 38-year-old Jerome resident, was arrested on a felony charge of grand theft and transported Monday night to the Jerome County Jail. The squad car, a Ford Crown Victoria that sustained a broken window, has been returned to the Jerome Police Department.

Jerome Sgt. Duane Rubink said the incident started around 6:40 p.m. when Cruz-Vasquez went to the Jerome County Sheriff’s Office on Lincoln Street and “demanded to be arrested and deported.” When authorities declined to make the arrest, Rubink said, Cruz-Vasquez walked a few blocks to the Police Department, where he allegedly broke a window in the squad car and made off with the vehicle.

Yup. That ought to do it.

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Ah the joy of setting off a bottle rocket – unless it’s in … your pants! As reported by The Highline Times (Washington):

Police responded to a call for medical assistance in the 12000 block of Ambaum Blvd. A man accidentally set off a bottle rocket firework in his pants. He was transported to Harborview by ambulance to be treated for superficial burns on his groin, face and hand. No other injuries were reported.

Oops.

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The threat: “This is going in your permanent record!” The reaction: Most folks just accept it and move on. Another option? Steal it! That’s what former Hillsborough, New Hampshire town administrator Jim Coffey allegedly did. As reported by The Manchester Union Leader:

Police Lt. Ian Donovan said Coffey, the former town administrator who served for 15 years, was told by town officials that he could view or make copies of his files, but he couldn’t remove them.

“He did anyway,” Donovan said.

And he almost got away with it, too. Okay, not really.

He was found by police driving on Route 9 and surrendered the files, Donovan said. The lieutenant said he couldn’t confirm if the entire ream of documents had been returned or if any were missing.

Coffey was released on $1,000 personal recognizance bail. He is due Feb. 24 in Henniker District Court. He could not be reached for comment.

This comes at a bad time for Mr. Coffey. Why? He is now “newly elected state Rep. Jim Coffey.” Doh! Click here for the source.

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When this lady told her husband not to smoke, she meant it. And brother, did she drive the point home when he defied her. Per The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A woman was arrested Wednesday morning for beating her husband with a rock, claiming she didn’t want him to smoke a cigarette because of his poor health. “A woman can only take so much,” she told a deputy.

Even the non-lawyers among you must be familiar with the “I can only take so much” defense.

According to a Bay County Sheriff’s Office incident report, the couple’s 18-year-old daughter called 9-1-1 about 11:31 a.m. Wednesday when she saw her mother beating her father with a rock.

A deputy said that, when they arrived at the scene off North Lakewood Drive, he saw the victim sitting “Indian fashion” on the ground in front of the residence; he was hunched over with his hands over his head, trying to protect himself. His wife was standing behind him. She kicked him in the hip and was using a rock to hit him in the head, the report said.

A deputy told the 41-year-old woman to get off her husband a few times, but she continued to strike him and scream at him, telling him “to give her the cigarettes,” the report said.

The man, age 51, had cuts and bruises, including a bleeding laceration on the top of his right wrist, the report said.

Both husband and wife told deputies they had been suffering with the flu recently and had not felt well. The night before, they got into an argument and the woman scratched her husband’s face, the report said. When he mentioned going outside to smoke a cigarette that morning, the wife became angry and told him “he did not need to be smoking since he is sick,” according to the report.

She followed him outside and began to argue with him, then jumped on him and began hitting him in the head with “a small ceramic bird,” the report said. She grabbed other items to hit him, finally picking up a rock. The man refused treatment by EMS. He said “he knew how to take care of himself,” the report said.

Apparently knowing how to “take care of himself” means tending to his wounds …

The woman was charged with aggravated battery domestic violence. She said she had been dealing with “a lot of (expletive)” for some time and “a woman can only take so much,” the report said.

Told what she was being charged with, she responded, “Yeah, I hit him with the rock,” according to the report. The rock was submitted into evidence.

 

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finger%20severed%20cut%20off%20chopped.jpg No, not that. So 65-year old Pamela Fox thought 50-year-old neighbor Marija Andric harmed her flowers. Ms. Fox then allegedly “poured a caustic substance over the borders and lawn of [Ms.] Andric,” per The Telegraph. But that wasn’t the end of it.

Mrs Fox confronted Miss Andric, who opened her door to find Fox pointing an aerosol spray at her face.

Olive Lycourgou, prosecuting, at Reading Crown Court, Berks, said: “Miss Andric put her hands up to protect her face. Mrs Fox leaned in and bit off the end of Miss Andric’s little finger.” After the alleged assault she said Fox spat blood out of her mouth and ran away. Surgeons were unable to reattach the finger.

Ouchee! Here’s the source.

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Before you honk your horn, just remember that there are folks like this out there. As reported by The Post And Courier (Charleston, South Carolina):

The complainant, 22, of Daniel Island said she was in line for the drive-through at about 2 a.m. when a pickup truck in front of her was taking a very long time, the report says.

She said she honked her horn [NO!!], and then the passenger in the truck, a woman of about 20, got out and came back to her vehicle and began yelling and screaming through her window, the report states.

The unknown woman then reportedly sat on the hood of the complainant’s car while hitting the front of it.

The complainant said the truck then pulled up and an unknown man, also about 20, jumped out of the truck, ran back to her car and started kicking the front bumper. The complainant said the incident scared her because the pair were “just acting crazy,” the report states. She gave police the truck’s license plate number.

The reporting officer did not observe any damages to the woman’s car, but she was given a case number. Nothing further was reported.

Yikes.

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Seriously, are you ever going to escape from the police armed with a dildo? From The Chicago Tribune:

Carolee Bildsten, 56, of Gurnee, will plead not guilty next month to accusations that she charged an officer with the “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device” described in a police report, defense attorney Neil Calanca said.

Mr. Calanca was not pleased with the inclusion of a description of the “weapon.”

A former police officer, Calanca said the officer involved in the incident “should be ashamed of himself,” and that he would have been embarrassed to include such information in a police report. Gurnee police Cmdr. Jay Patrick countered that such reports “are required to be a factual account of an incident.”

So what led to the brandishing of the “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device?”

The alleged assault occurred when the officer went with Bildsten to her apartment in the 5300 block of David Court on Nov. 9 after employees at Joe’s Crab Shack in Gurnee accused her of dining without paying for the second time, according to Patrick.

Bildsten reached into a dresser drawer for what the officer thought was money to pay her bill, but instead pulled out the “pleasure device,” police allege. The officer deflected the sex toy with his hand, and he was not injured, Patrick said.

The charges?

Along with the aggravated assault charge, Bildsten is scheduled to appear in court on Jan. 27 on the Crab Shack-related theft of services charge and an unrelated charge for aggravated driving under the influence of alcohol.

Click here for the source.

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In some countries, it’s legal to change your name to just about anything. That’s what George Garratt decided to do. His new legal name? Hold on. The Juice needs to take a deep breath. Okay, here it goes …

Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.

Whew. That’s a mouthful. Why would the Captain do that? Per The Telegraph:

“I wanted to be unique. I decided upon a theme of superheroes.”

Oh, so that’s the theme. Here’s the source, including a photo of the Captain. And if you like stories about strange names, check this out.

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This is a lesson that a Unity College (Maine) student learned the hard way. After school is over, and your cleaning out your room, MAKE SURE TO TAKE YOUR MARIJUANA PLANTS WITH YOU! Per the Portland Press Herald:

Unity College held its graduation ceremonies Saturday. Security guards on Sunday were checking dorm rooms to make sure they were emptied when they discovered the plants in plastic containers around 7:47 p.m., police said.

Annica D. McGuirk, 19, of Cabot, Ark., has been charged with cultivation of marijuana, and sale and use of marijuana … according to the Waldo County Sheriff’s Office.

If you’re one of those folks who goes through a hotel room or wherever for a final sweep, and you get derided for it, take some comfort knowing that you would have seen those pot plants, and had a much better summer than Ms. McGuirk.

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captain%20obvious%20funny%20picture%20pink%20cape.jpg So these 2 cops were in an unmarked car in street clothes [sort of]. But perhaps alleged prostitute Rose M. Townsend should have picked up on the following signs:

Detective Osborne was wearing a tactical vest with the word “Police” in large letters!

Detective Hamblin was wearing his badge on the outside of his clothing.

Oh, and after Ms. Townsend had approached the car and said “I’m looking to party,” both Detective’s radios “received transmissions dispatching units on a run,” per Detective Hamblin.

So she took off, right? Nope. As reported in The Indianapolis Star:

Townsend, unaware that the men were officers, allegedly offered to perform a sex act in exchange for $20, according to the report.

“Are you kidding?” Hamblin reportedly asked Townsend.

“No, I am not kidding,” she replied, according to the report.

Osborne then got out of the vehicle and placed Townsend under arrest.

“What did I do wrong?” Townsend reportedly asked as the handcuffs were being placed on her wrists.

Zoinks!

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