Squeezed on:


Movies … real life. Movies … real life. See where we’re going here? Mr. Travis Hayter apparently confused the two, much to the detriment of fellow golfer Alan Bezanson. As reported by the CBC:

A man who hit a golf ball straight at another player, injuring him, has been ordered by the Nova Scotia Court of Appeal to pay more than $225,000 in damages. Plaintiff Alan Bezanson says he hasn’t been able to work since he was injured on June 8, 2002.

The New Glasgow, N.S., man and the defendant, Travis Hayter, were golfing in a foursome that day as part of a wedding celebration for Bezanson’s cousin. By the time they reached the 16th hole, Hayter had consumed nine beers and a half pint of tequila, the court heard.

9 beers AND half a pint of tequila? Incredibly, not only was the dude still standing, he was going all Happy Gimore.

That’s when he ran up to his ball and took a swing out of turn. Someone yelled, “Heads up, he’s going to hit again.” But it was too late for Bezanson, who was standing no more than 20 metres away. Hayter hit what court documents refer to as a “so-called Happy Gilmore shot,” named after a film character played by Adam Sandler.

According to court documents, Bezanson put up his hand to protect himself and the ball hit his left wrist, causing permanent damage to his radial nerve.

Bezanson, a woodcutter, has been unable to work without pain. When the case originally went to court, a judge awarded $227,500 to Bezanson, a father of three.

How did “Happy” take it? He appealed. The grounds?

… it wasn’t the first Happy Gilmore-style shot he had taken that day and Bezanson should have known what was coming.

The result? Not good for Happy.

…the Court of Appeal dismissed that argument, upholding the earlier court’s ruling that Hayter’s behaviour was not a “natural risk” of golfing.

Hayter was ordered to pay Bezanson $85,000 in damages, $67,500 in lost income and $75,000 for lost future earning capacity.

Ouch, all around.

Squeezed on:


Man goes to Presque Isle Downs & Casino in Pennsylvania. Man plays slots. Man wins $2,001 jackpot. Man can’t keep the jackpot? Nope. And here’s why, per the Erie Times News:

The man, 55, had banned himself from the state’s casinos under a Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board self-help program.

What does this mean?

Not only does he forfeit his winnings, but he will be facing a summary criminal trespass charge.

How about a little “insult” with that “injury” …

The gaming board, which regulates the state’s casino industry, offers the self-exclusion program for people who know they need help. Those who sign up decide whether they want to ban themselves for one or five years, or for life.

The Waterford man gambled at the casino Friday, between 10 a.m. and noon, police said. He had signed up for the self-exclusion program in April 2009, police said.

It’s a popular program.

The man is one of 1,351 people across the state, including others from the Erie area, who are currently enrolled in the PGCB’s self-exclusion program. The total number has grown steadily each year, from 185 at the end of 2007.

How about having the winnings go to a charity? It seems to be a win-win situation for the casinos. They get the money, and don’t have to pay the jackpot. Or … do they? The Juice has learned that the money goes to a compulsive and problem gambler treatment fund.

Squeezed on:

burglar%20permaent%20marker%20face%20mask.jpgburglar%20permanent%20marker%20face%20mask%20black.jpgIf you’re going to commit a burglary or robbery, you don’t want to be recognized. So you need a good disguise – something that hides your identity and is easy to change out of. These disguises, done with A PERMANENT MARKER, failed on both counts. From the Daily Times Herald (Carroll, Iowa):

A resident of 1844 Randall Road called 911 to report two men with their faces painted black were trying to break into an apartment.

Moments later, Carroll police officers pulled over a car matching the suspects’ vehicle a couple blocks away and found the two occupants with faces blackened by a permanent marker.

Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, were arrested without incident.

Doh! And …

McNelly was also charged with driving while intoxicated.

Curse you 911 caller! Here’s the source

Squeezed on:


Who knew chickens were so into baseball? Some Texas chickens paid the ultimate price just to try to help their team. As reported by The Houston Chronicle:

Fort Worth area police are investigating whether two prep baseball players sacrificed chickens in a bid to improve their games.

Apparently practicing more didn’t occur to them?

Western Hills High School baseball coach Bobby McIntire says he has not had a chance to talk to the students about why they did it.

McIntire on Wednesday told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram that “baseball is very superstitious” and the idea possibly came from movies.

Any repercussions for the players?

School officials say the boys have been kicked off the team.

Fort Worth Independent School District spokesman Clint Bond says an incident happened during spring break. Bond did not know how many chickens allegedly were killed. He declined to say how the two students were punished.

If you are wondering how Western Hills is doing this season …

[they] beat Southwest High School 11-1. Western Hills is 7-15 overall.

Run chickens, run!

Squeezed on:


Hmm. A woman convicted of forgery appeared in court to receive her sentence. She asked the judge for a postponement due to health reasons, and presented a doctor’s note. Hmm. As reported by the San Luis Obispo Tribune:

Michelle Elaine Astumian was free on $45,000 bail and pleaded no contest in January to felony counts of forgery and using a fraudulent check.

The 41-year-old woman arrived Monday for sentencing in a San Luis Obispo County courtroom and presented a note with a doctor’s signature asking for a postponement.

The Juice knows what you’re thinking: “hmm.”

Prosecutor Dave Pomeroy called the doctor, who said the note is a forgery.

No! Who would do such a thing?

The judge immediately ordered Astumian into custody and she collapsed to the floor. An ambulance took her to a hospital.

Immediately into custody? So …

Pomeroy [said] … that Astumian will be sentenced later, but he doesn’t know when.

Victory! Sort of? Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:


How can you stay in a luxury accommodation for free? You can follow this gent’s lead, as reported by The Panama City News Herald:

According to the Bay County Sheriff’s Office, the three businesses were approached by a man who claimed to have $20 million to invest in the purchase of motels or condominiums.

Hey, The Juice never said it was legal …

However, prior to purchase, the suspect insisted on staying in the penthouse or motel room to check out the property.

In each case, the man stayed on the property for a weekend or a week, sometimes bringing family with him, and then disappears without making any offer to purchase a property or pay for his stay.

Doh! No offense to the victims, but, really?

Sheriff Frank McKeithen encourages any property owner to request a financial statement from any individual expressing an interest to invest in beach property to confirm that, in fact, that person is a qualified buyer for the property.


Squeezed on:


What’s in a name? Plenty, if you’re talking about beer names and the Michigan Liquor Control Commission. You’re in trouble when the standard you’re using, as here, is whether the product is “deemed … to be detrimental to the health, safety or welfare of the general public.” A little vague, perhaps?

As reported by www.mlive.com:

Flying Dog Brewery is suing the state Liquor Control Commission, alleging the agency is censoring its free speech by rejecting labels for the bottler’s “Raging Bitch” 20th Anniversary India Pale Ale.

So Michigan has a problem with “Raging Bitch” beer. What Flying Dog beers has it okayed, you might be wondering?

[Flying Dog] markets approved labels, including “Doggie Style” Classic Pale Ale [and] “In Heat Wheat” Hefeweizen Ale … at many chain and specialty stores in West Michigan.

And don’t forget about this one …

… the state has allowed sales of alcoholic beverages with a vulgar term on the label. Among those are a Grand Rapids brew “Dirty Bastard,” crafted by Founders.

If you’re wondering why “Doggie Style,” “In Heat Wheat,” and “Dirty Bastard” are okay but “Raging Bitch” isn’t, The Juice also wonders. To read a lot more, including Flying Dog’s connection to Hunter S. Thompson, click here.