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To be fair to Cuyahoga Falls City Councilman Jerry James, perhaps this is not his signature legislative initiative. Maybe he’ll tackle the saggy pants problem next. But about the proposed ordinance that will no doubt vault Cuyahoga Falls City to the top of the “best places to live” list, as reported by AkronNewsNow.com:

Cuyahoga Falls City Council will see legislation introduced tonight to control those bird feeders in back yards across the city.

Councilman Jerry James tells AkronNewsNow.com “There’s a lot of seed that comes out on to the bird feeders, and they spill on to the ground, and the seeds that aren’t eaten by the birds decay and then some birds will come and get them, and then they end up getting sick and dying.”

Before you panic, this epic legislation would not ban bird feeders. It would simply regulate them.

James says his proposed ordinance would deal with the maintenance of the bird feeders, making sure that the overflow does not lay down on the ground, decay, and cause a problem.

So it’s a jobs bill! They’ll need at least one bird feeder inspector, right?

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A despicable Wisconsin man pleads “no contest” to molesting four young boys. Before sentencing him (to 7 years), Waupaca County Judge Philip Kirk had some interesting things to say, including the following, as reported by fox11online.com:

In his pre-sentence comments he challenged Delton Gorges’ claim of being heterosexual.

“I think you were born gayer than a sweet-smelling jockstrap,” said Judge Kirk.

If you’re not scratching your head, then please explain to The Juice exactly what a “sweet-smelling jockstrap” is. There’s more.

“I think that if anyone believes that in the last 10 years or 15 years all of a sudden you developed an interest in homosexuality and young boys, then I must have looked ravishing in my prom dress this year,” Kirk said.

Certainly some strange imagery, but the point is well-taken. The judge did, though, express some empathy for the defendant, albeit in a strange way.

At one point, Judge Kirk said he believes Gorges was a victim of society’s homophobic attitude, especially considering the era in which Gorges grew up.

“I can’t imagine in the ’40s or ’50s admitting your sexual orientation,” said Judge Kirk. “No one knew there was a closet to come out of in those days. You know you had to be very careful because you could have found your penis floating in the Wolf (River) as walleye bait. It was a terrible life to have to live.”

Say what?

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Ecotourism is so yesterday. There’s a new kind of tourism you may not have heard of. Per Whatcom County (Washington) Sheriff Bill Elfo, as reported in The Seattle Times:

[Douglas Spink] was “promoting tourism of this nature for bestiality.”

Oh my.

When county deputies and federal investigators searched the property they found videotapes that included images of a man, who was visiting the property, having sex with several large-breed dogs.

The man, a 51-year-old British national, was arrested for investigation of four counts of bestiality, Elfo said. He is being held in the Whatcom County Jail in lieu of $150,000, Elfo said.

How do federal prosecutors allege this all came about?

Douglas Spink, 39, a one-time dot.com millionaire, convicted drug smuggler and horse trainer, was quietly living on rural property south of Sumas when he connected with James Tait, who was in a Tennessee jail on a bestiality charge.

Tait had earlier been convicted of trespassing in 2005 in the Enumclaw case, in which a Gig Harbor man died after having sex with a horse.

The two men’s communications set in motion an investigation that resulted in Spink’s arrest Wednesday at the Sumas farm for suspicion of violating his federal probation for drug smuggling. Federal prosecutors and Whatcom County sheriff’s officials say Spink also allowed people to come to the farm and have sex with animals.

This is a wild one, readers. You should click here to read a lot more.

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You just have to wonder WTF this Kansas woman was thinking, or drinking, or … As reported by The Wichita Eagle:

Police said the woman reportedly pulled into the driveway of a house in the 5000 block of West Douglas at about 8:20 p.m. Wednesday. She got out, urinated in the yard and then slapped a 3-year-old child in the face a number of times.

She then drove away, pulling into a second yard and then a third, where she ran over a mailbox. The locations were several blocks apart, Capt. Darrell Atteberry said.

The woman was pulled over at a fourth address and taken into custody.

Yikes.

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If you blamed your mom for the severing of your pinky, would you sue her? A contractor in New Jersey did. As reported at NorthJersey.com:

In 2006, John P. Garrity was installing hardwood floors for his mother, Nancy, when the accident occurred, according to court papers. While working with a miter saw in her garage, Nancy came up behind John and tapped him on his right shoulder. In depositions, John Garrity said that when he quickly turned around, his finger slipped into the saw’s path and severed his pinky.

Yikes. The case went to trial. The verdict? $95,500 for Mr. Garrity, plus $18,500 for medical expenses. The actual award was double that, but the jury found that Mr. Garrity was 50% responsible.

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American Airlines Pilot James Yates showed up at the Manchester, England airport for the Manchester- to-Chicago flight. Yes he was a little late, and DRUNK! Almost 8 times the legal limit.

It seems that Mr. Yates had been out drinking with his two co-pilots the night before. He visited at least 4 pubs before returning to his hotel. He then took a sedative around midnight. He was awakened at 9:00 a.m. the next morning by his captain’s banging on the door. But what about that bottle of Irish whiskey he had purchased the day before? One-third of it was gone! Mr. Yates said he had no memory of drinking it.

When he arrived at the airport, Yates could not find his security pass. He smelled strongly of alcohol and had a red face. Hmmmmm. He was charged with carrying out an activity ancillary to an aviation function while over the drink limit.

HIs trial lasted three days. Testifying for Mr. Yates were senior American Airlines executives, and Brigadier General Thomas Botchie, who was a fighter pilot with Mr. Yates. The defense theory was a good one – he never intended to fly. He went to the airport (in full uniform) to tell his captain that he was unable to fly. Did the jury believe him?

You bet your Irish whiskey they did. It took them only 90 minutes to acquit Mr. Yates, who then slapped his colleagues on the back and simply smiled, but did not comment.

To read more about this story, click here.

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Sure, it’s so easy to say – “just keep your eyes on the road.” Some distractions are not that easy to ignore. Such was the case on I-95 in Connecticut, as reported by The Online Hour (Norwalk) Connecticut).

A naked man “yelling that he was Jesus” was the catalyst for a five-vehicle accident on I-95 Northbound near exit 16 early Saturday morning that injured three people, mangled a tandem tractor-trailer truck and slowed traffic to a crawl for nearly six hours, according to Darien Police Sgt. Jeremiah P. Marron Jr.

Marron said Darien Police responded to a call regarding a nude male causing a disturbance on I-95 north at exit 14. When police arrived, they saw the man hop into a silver car. With assistance from Norwalk and State Police, Darien officers were able to pull the car over near exit 16.

Now that has the makings of an interesting traffic court proceeding!

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A young lady (19 years old) in Georgia was busted for passing a stopped school bus. She claims she didn’t see it because her view was blocked by 2 trucks. The judge didn’t buy it, and, per the Atlanta Journal Constitution, sentenced her to …

..write 2,500 times, “I will not dishonor myself by passing a school bus.”

Nancy Nguyen was ordered to write that sentence and pay a $350 fine, perform community service and take a defensive driving course for passing a stopped school bus in Forest Park in March.

So what’s the problem? She won’t write the sentence.

Nguyen refused to write the sentences because, she said, she didn’t intentionally pass the stopped bus; two tractor-trailer trucks blocked her view, she said. She said she would go to jail rather than write the sentences because she did not feel she had dishonored herself.

“I’m not going to demean myself and be demeaned by other people,” Nguyen told WSB-TV last week.

The Juice is without sufficient information to comment on the merits of her decision. This much is clear, though – she’s got guts.

(Prepare to hit “pause” if you want to read these.)

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It’s unlikely you’ll ever read another story like this. An inmate trying to stop guards from fighting? Actually, there’s a simple explanation: the dude liked the guards. As reported by The Buffalo News:

An inmate at the Erie County Correctional Facility lost a tooth last week when he intervened in a fight between two corrections officers scrapping over a bag of chips, prison personnel told The Buffalo News.

A bag of chips?!

[Undersheriff Mark] Wipperman said the disagreement began over “what appears to be the dissemination of food products.” A source familiar with the event said a bag of potato chips somehow sparked the fight. He asked to remain unidentified because he lacks permission to disclose information about the facility.

Wipperman said the inmate told internal investigators that he got involved because he likes both officers and didn’t want them to lose their jobs.

 

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(No, not in the book.) Warning: This post is not suitable for children. And The Juice isn’t just saying that to pique your interest. You will not believe this woman’s hiding place. As reported by The News-Press:

A Pompano Beach woman is in custody at the Lee County Jail for possession of a counterfeit driver’s license and a fraudulent credit card, which she allegedly hid inside her vagina.

Shazam!

According to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office, Ann Marie Hernandez,46, was arrested during a traffic stop on Interstate 75 on Friday night when deputies discovered thousands of dollars in items bought with a fraudulent credit card aboard her vehicle.

Members of the Highway Interdiction Unit pulled her vehicle over at about 7 p.m. Upon making contact with the driver, the detective immediately noticed the vehicle was full of high-end power tool equipment, some of which still had security tags attached.

As the investigation unfolded, a detective determined the items were recently purchased at a Cape Coral Home Depot using a fraudulent credit card account.

Home Depot was contacted and Citibank confirmed the fraudulent transactions totaling more than five-thousand dollars. Nearly half of the fraudulent items purchased were recovered during the traffic stop.

Yeah. Yeah. But how do you get from there to …

After a female deputy was called to the scene, Hernandez admitted to concealing a fraudulent credit card and fraudulent Florida driver’s license inside her vagina.

Say what? Having gone to the trouble of concealing the items in this manner, it’s unlikely Ms. Hernandez would have just fessed up. So? For now anyway, it’s a mystery.