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No matter how desperate you are, you just don’t steal from your Granny. Don’t tell that to this fella in New York. As reported by northcountrynow.com:

St. Lawrence County Sheriff’s Deputies charged Codey A. Royce, 21, 38 Ames Rd., Edwards, with fourth-degree criminal mischief and petit larceny for allegedly stealing his grandmother’s safe and throwing it into the Oswegatchie River when he could not open it.

The safe belonged to Elizabeth Bishop, 28 Ames Rd., Oswegatchie. [aka “Granny”].

He was issued an appearance ticket for Edwards Town Court at a later date.

Hmm. Option 1: return the safe to Granny and still have no loot, but avoid Johnny Law (most likely). Option 2: throw the safe in the river, still have no loot, and get busted? And make your Granny retrieve her safe from the bottom of the river! Hmm. Tough choice right? Here’s the source

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Question: How petty was it? Answer: a sticky bun! As reported by WPTV:

A Florida man was arrested by police Monday after allegedly stealing a sticky bun from Walgreens, according to a Boynton Beach Police Dept. report.

Police say James Gomperts fled from police and then crashed his bicycle into a patrol car.

No! A fellow cyclist!

Gomperts was later taken to the Palm Beach County Jail where he was charged with the theft of the bun and resisting officers.

Here’s the source, including the mug shot.

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Yeah, you generally want to be clean when you leave the house. The Juice would suggest, though, that this does not apply when it’s a house you’ve broken into! A Texas man would beg to differ. As reported by KETK News:

Around three thirty [Sunday] morning, [Tyler, Texas] officers got a call that someone had kicked in the door of a house on the 3300 block of Garden Valley Road.

Okay. Just another break-in …

When officers entered the residence, they found 25 year-old Larry Ticey naked in the bathtub.

After a brief struggle, Ticey was arrested and taken to the Smith County Jail. He’s charged with criminal trespassing.

I mean, really! Can’t a man just take a bath in peace!

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If the wacky law isn’t bothering you, why bother the wacky law? Maybe to look like you are doing something? In any event, as reported by The Edinburgh Evening News:

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has launched a drive to banish both types, inviting people across the UK to nominate needless laws and excessive regulations which should be ditched.

Any examples?

Failing to report grey squirrels in your garden, it turns out, is illegal. So is being drunk in charge of a cow.

Fans of mince pies, though, should count their blessings that they don’t live south of the Border, as eating the sweet treats on Christmas Day is still banned in England under a law brought in by Oliver Cromwell in the 17th century.

More? Okay.

It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the Queen’s image upside-down.

A law passed in 1313 makes it illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour. Bizarrely, it is also illegal to die there – allegedly because anyone who dies in parliament is technically entitled to a state funeral and the authorities once wanted to guard against such potential expense.

And if you have to go to the bathroom …

… a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants …

But …

It is apparently legal for a male to urinate in public, as long it is on the rear wheel of his motor vehicle and his right hand is on the vehicle.

There is also seemingly a law that if someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter.

Good to know, that last one. Here are a few more:

It appears still to be illegal to stand within 100 yards of a ruling monarch if you are not wearing any socks.

It is also against the law to allow your pet to fornicate with any pet of the royal household.

Okay, so why bother?

Mr Clegg believes letting dormant laws accumulate on the statute book sends out the “wrong signal”.

Really? The Juice feels otherwise, and agrees with Professor Kenneth Norrie, head of the law school at Strathclyde University.

“When I heard about this initiative, it struck me it was a bit of a wasted exercise,” he says. “Civil servants will be able to advise ministers which laws are causing a nuisance by being there.”

Hear, hear. Here’s the source.

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If you’re a cornered criminal, sometimes just taking off is your best bet. But if you’re going to do that, it’s best not to leave any evidence behind. As reported in The Naples Daily News:

Cory L. Dalton had some simple advice for his mother, Lori Lynn Larocque, when Collier County sheriff’s deputies say they were caught shoplifting from a Kmart in June: “Run, ma, run.”

Remember what The Juice said about the evidence?

Dalton and his mother did run, and got away temporarily. But Larocque left her debit card behind, and on Tuesday investigators located them at Dalton’s home and arrested them.

I thought you had it! Uh-uh. I thought you had it!

Both Dalton, 19, of the 4500 block of Coral Palm Lane, Golden Gate Estates, and Larocque, 38, of the 8900 block of Bonita Beach Road, Bonita Springs, were charged with petty theft. Dalton was also arrested on a warrant for failure to appear in court on a marijuana possession charge.

And in case the cops needed more evidence …

Surveillance video showed a distinctive tattoo on Larocque’s arm. That tattoo was clearly visible when she was located.

Doh! Here’s the source, including photos.

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You’re trying to get out of a bad situation. You have at your disposal a knife and … your [alleged] flesh-eating-bacteria-infected penis. Which do you deploy first? Not a tough call, right? Here’s how it played out in a Seattle Radio Shack, as reported by the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

According to police reports regarding the Jan. 16 incident, a clerk at the 3rd Avenue electronics store spotted Anthony Joseph Urga attempting to steal two iPod Nano players. When the clerk and another employee confronted Urga, the man returned the iPods but refused to open his backpack to see whether he was attempting to steal additional items.

Should of just done it …

“Urga then proceeded to plead with (the clerk) to allow him to leave, because he was sick,” a Seattle police detective said in a June 9 affidavit. “When (the clerk) said no, Urga dropped his pants exposing his penis and stated that he had a ‘flesh eating bacteria’ and that he would expose (the clerk).”

Really? Not the knife?

The detective said Urga then drew a knife from his belt but was tackled before he could unfold the blade.

Too late …

Urga was arrested and taken to King County Jail, which declined to admit him due to an unspecified medical condition, the detective said. The 42-year-old Loyal Heights resident was then driven to Harborview Medical Center; the detective told the court. Urga then walked out of emergency room.

Just walks right out of the ER!

Charged with second-degree assault, Urga is not currently in custody, according to jail records. A $50,000 warrant for his arrest has been issued.

Here’s the source.

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Darn it! I went and gave it away, didn’t I? If I asked you to guess what some of the members of Polk County’s High Intensity Drug Trafficking Area task force were doing while their coworkers were executing a search warrant, you’d probably guess “playing a Wii” right? As reported by Florida’s News Channel 8:

With guns drawn and flashlights cutting through darkened rooms, Polk County undercover drug investigators stormed the home of convicted drug dealer Michael Difalco near Lakeland in March.

As investigators searched the home for drugs, some drug task force members found other ways to occupy their time. Within 20 minutes of entering Difalco’s house, some of the investigators found a Wii video bowling game and began bowling frame after frame.

While some detectives hauled out evidence such as flat screen televisions and shotguns, others threw strikes, gutter balls and worked on picking up spares.

A Polk County sheriff’s detective cataloging evidence repeatedly put down her work and picked up a Wii remote to bowl. When she hit two strikes in a row, she raised her arms above her head, jumping and kicking.

Now, you may be asking yourself “how did anyone find out about this?” The answer, loyal Juice readers, will surprise you:

… detectives with the Polk County Sheriff’s Office, the Auburndale, Lakeland and Winter Haven police departments did not know that a wireless security camera connected to a computer inside Difalco’s home was recording their activity.

Doh!

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Even in late 2009, long hair is STILL an issue in some schools. The crazy thing about this story is, we’re talking about a 4-year-old boy! (Click on the link at the end of the post to see his picture.) Seems Taylor’s long hair violates this Texas schools dress code. As reported by The Dallas Morning News:

It’s too long, Mesquite ISD administrators say, and Taylor can’t attend class with other students until he gets a haircut.

Since early November, the pre-kindergartner has had lessons with a teacher’s aide in the library at Floyd Elementary School, cut off from other students. Neither his parents, who refuse to cut his hair, nor the school district is happy about that, but no one knows when it is likely to end.

A 4-year-old essentially in solitary confinement because of his hair. Brilliant!

“The school cannot give us an honest reason why we should force him to cut his hair. He loves his hair,” said Taylor’s father, Delton Pugh Jr., on Tuesday. “I’ll move out of this school district before I’ll force him to cut his hair.”

According to Taylor’s mother, Elizabeth Taylor, no one complained about her son’s hair until October, when the principal told her it needed to be cut. She refused because he likes his hair long, his father has long hair and the family has American Indian heritage.

Even so, she tried to work with the school and this idiotic rule.

She did trim the child’s hair along the sides and back, but school officials said it was still too long. She offered to put Taylor’s hair in a pony tail and slick back the front so it “will look nice,” she said.

Aaaargh! You can read more (a lot) and see a picture of Taylor here.

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The old saw remains true: if it’s sounds too good to be true, it is. So how did former high school secretary Caroline McNeal allegedly assure that her daughter increased her grades and SAT scores? Per The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

The first clue that something was amiss came when a high school guidance office employee in fall 2007 noticed that the SAT college entrance exam score in the school computer for Ms. McNeal’s daughter was higher than the one sent by the College Board, 1730 vs. 1370.

Further investigation showed the girl’s grades had been altered about 193 times in 24 courses between May 30, 2006 and July 12, 2007, covering school years from 2003-04 through 2006-07.

Many of the changes boosted grades that were already in the 90s, such as changing an accelerated social studies term grade from 94 to 95 and a family and consumer sciences final grade from 98 to 100.

In some cases, the increase was significant, such as raising an exam grade in advanced algebra from 69 to 94.

But that’s not all. She’s also charged with reducing the grades of two other girls!

The girls had higher class ranks than Ms. McNeal’s daughter did before the grades were altered.

According to the affidavit, the grades of the two girls were changed by a couple of percentage points, such as reducing one’s advanced algebra grade for one term from 96 to 94 and the other’s accelerated English grade for a term from 96 to 93.

All very uncool, and felonious.

[Ms. McNeal] was charged with 29 counts of unlawful use of a computer and 29 counts of tampering with public records, all third-degree felonies.

Click here to read more.

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Rule number one for a bank robber preparing a note for the teller: make it legible!

“Hokc ogll sht es wlll ikkk you! Now!”

I totally made that up. In her defense, Stephanie Martin’s note probably wasn’t that bad. Here’s what happened, as reported by kptv.com in Oregon:

Hillsboro police said Stephanie Martin walked into a Wells Fargo bank in Hillsboro and handed the teller a note that read, “Need $300 or I’ll kill you. I’m serious.”

The teller told Martin she couldn’t read the handwriting, police said. Martin then walked to a counter and re-wrote the note on a bank slip, according to Lt. Mike Rouches, of the Hillsboro Police Department.

The teller then hit the silent alarm and the bank’s manager asked how he could help Martin, Rouches said.

Note, what note?

Martin then said she wanted to open an account with the bank, according to officers.

They bought it, right?

Police and FBI agents arrived at the scene and arrested Martin

Since EVERYBODY knows about silent alarms, dye packs, etc., there is only one possible explanation: drugs.

… police determined [Martin] was under the influence of drugs …

Doh!