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football

Old folks like The Juice, especially (and almost exclusively) men, often quote from Animal House. As Dean Wormer said: “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life …” If you could have seen her mug shot (it’s been removed) you would have seen that “fat” doesn’t apply. “Drunk” definitely does. As for “stupid,” judge for yourself. Per The Orlando Sentinel:

An Oviedo Police Department officer who was assisting with security before UCF’s [University of Central Florida] first football game of the season against University of Akron got several reports of a woman urinating inside Parking Garage H.

Uh-oh.

When he went to check it out, he found Kristine Johnson of Sarasota naked from the waist down. She is not a UCF student, university officials said.

If you think she went along quietly …

When police commanded her to pull her shorts back on, she complied, her arrest report said. But throughout the rest of the encounter, police say, Johnson resisted arrest by pushing officers away, picking fights with strangers and yelling and cursing repeatedly.

When she was arrested, officials say, she spit on the doors and walls of her holding cell and cursed and yelled at officers.

Well, someone needs to learn some manners! The charges?

She faces multiple charges, including exposure of sexual organs, disorderly conduct and battery on a law enforcement officer.

Oh, and one more thing. She was banned from UCF! Here’s the source.

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license plate tag

It’s unclear how these gents aroused the suspicion of the cops, but they did. A plate check later and, well, the rest is history. As reported in the police blotter of The Highline Times:

According to the Burien Police department, two men were arrested after police spotted them waiting outside a uniform retailer in Tukwila. The incident took place on Friday, April 10, when two Burien Police Department detectives arrived at a police uniform retailer off highway 99 in Tukwila and spotted two men acting suspiciously outside of the store. The detectives ran a check on the license plate numbers of the Jeep the two men were sitting in and discovered that it was a stolen vehicle. When two additional officers from the King County Sheriff’s Department arrived to visit the uniform retailer, the Burien detectives decided to confront the men in the Jeep. The two men were arrested without incident for possession of a stolen vehicle but it is unclear why the men were waiting outside of the police uniform retailer.

Doh!

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If you forge a very large check, and you get away with it, leave the country! Why, because at some point, the company will audit its books, and you will get busted. If you’re sitting on the beach in a country that doesn’t extradite, when they discover what you’ve done, you don’t care! As reported by The Bismarck Tribune:

A Steele woman is accused of cashing a forged $250,000 check made out in her name.

Michelle Biegler was charged in South Central District Court, out of Morton County, with felony forgery and could receive up to 20 years in prison and a fine of up to $20,000 if she is found guilty.

Doh! You could have been on a beach in Croatia.

Mandan Police Lt. Lori Flaten said her office was notified by Emmons County Sheriff Gary Sanders that KEM Electric, of Linton, reported a check forged on its bank account. A police investigation found that Biegler, an employee of a Mandan-based company, had access to the company’s bank account information. She allegedly used that information to forge a check worth a quarter of a million dollars.

Flaten wrote that Biegler took the check to a bank in Steele and used part of the money to purchase a home, with the rest of the money deposited in a bank account.

So much for that beach in Croatia …

Beigler is being held at Morton County Correctional Center on 10 percent of a $10,000 bond. Flaten wrote that Biegler has more charges pending out of Kidder County in Southeast District Court.

Here’s the source.

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dress dresses

If you live in a western democracy, you probably take a lot of things for granted, like being able to dress how you want to. In Kuwait, not so much. As reported by The Arab Times:

Police have referred three Kuwaiti cross-dressers — 25, 27, 29 years old respectively — to the Criminal Investigations Department, reports Al-Anba daily. The cross-dressers were seized by patrolmen when they were driving in Dasman.

Why not live and let live.

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door bell doorbell ding dong ditch

There can’t be many boys out there who never played “doorbell ditch.” A few Missouri boys have definitely played this game out. In fact, they may never ring ANY doorbell again. As reported by The News-Leader (news-leader.com):

Police say the boys angered the female resident to the point that she tried to run one down with her van, punched another three times while holding a knife to his chest and threatened to kill the boys and others, all while shouting racial slurs.

Ashley D. Crossland followed one boy to the house where the boys were having a sleepover, police say, and illegally entered the home. Confronted by a father of one of the boys, Crossland allegedly “threatened to slit his throat and everyone’s throats in the house, including the babies.”

You can read a lot more, and see the perp’s mug shot here.

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money dollar sign

Dude, it’s not your money. Was it worth risking your life? Okay, don’t answer that since you look pretty good right now. How good would you have looked with a hole in your head? Seriously, just hand over the money. Even if you get fired, good things will happen! (See yesterday’s Juice post.) Any way, back to the present, as reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

Capt. Peter Albert said a person wearing a mask and a hooded sweatshirt — believed to be a man — entered the Gulf gas station at 1 Continental Blvd. shortly before 11 p.m. Wednesday.

Albert said a handgun was shown to the store employee.

The man demanded cash from the register, but the store clerk refused, Albert said.

According to police, the robber hit the clerk with the gun, causing non-life threatening injuries. The gun was not fired, police said.

The unsuccessful robber fled and was seen entering the passenger side of a small, compact gray vehicle, Albert said.

In hindsight, brave. Had he been shot, stupid. Click here for the source, which includes a still taken from the store’s video surveillance footage.

 

 

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Just about everyone knows that when you are being robbed, just give them the money because your life is worth more than whatever is in the register. Remember that The Juice said “just about everyone.” That does not include a certain Popeyes franchisee in Texas. As reported by khou.com:

The pregnant Popeyes manager, who was fired less than 36 hours after a robbery, has been offered her job back.

Marissa Holcomb, who is a mother of three with a fourth child on the way, had a meeting with Z & H Foods owner Amin Dhanani on Wednesday, a day after our original story aired of her firing.

“He just apologized and pretty much offered me if I wanted to go back to his business and work there again,” she said.

Okay, so maybe now Mr. Dhanani gets it. Maybe. So what happened?

Surveillance video shows a man run into the restaurant with a beanie over his face while waving a gun. He forced all employees to the floor, then turned his attention to Holcomb.

“By the back of my shirt, he pulled me up and he pushed me to the front,” she said. “He told me to give him everything out of my safe.”

But the only thing she could open were the registers. … The unidentified robber got away with nearly $400.

Obviously she did the right thing. What happened after that?

Holcomb claimed after the robbery one of her managers gave her an ultimatum: Pay the money back or lose her job.

Her response?

“I told them I’m not paying nothing,” Holcomb said, who said she was fired because she refused to pay the money back. “I just had a gun to me, I’m not paying the money.”

“I don’t think it’s right because now I’m struggling for my family because what I had to do to keep my life,” she said.

KHOU “contacted the Popeyes corporate office in Georgia.”

They initially referred us back to the local franchisee, but the CEO Cheryl Bachelder released the following statement Wednesday evening.

“We recently became aware of a story in Houston involving a Popeyes restaurant and employee. The restaurant is operated by an independent franchisee of the Popeyes brand. We have spoken to the local franchise owner of the restaurant, and he has taken immediate action to reach out to the employee to apologize and rectify the situation. While the facts are gathered, we will closely monitor this until it is appropriately resolved. We deeply regret the distress this situation has caused.”

And after that …

Holcomb is not only being offered her old position, but $2,000 in back pay. For the pregnant mother of three, the decision is tough.

“I do need a way to support my kids,” she says. “I don’t want to go back to a business where I’m treated the same and I just get pushed back out if something else happened.”

What? No, take the money! The dude is under a microscope now! He won’t mess with you. Here’s the source, including a video of the story.

 

 

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baby boy

… a turkey baster. This is a good example of why you put things in writing. People rarely think things will go wrong, especially when dealing with friends. But making babies is serious stuff, and should be treated accordingly as the mother in this case now appreciates. As reported by Virginia Lawyers Weekly (via ap):

A woman who used a turkey baster to impregnate herself is on the losing side of a legal battle over parental rights.

You really can’t make these cases up. If you tried, people would say “That’s absurd! That would never happen!”

The Virginia Court of Appeals ruled Tuesday that the child’s biological father is more than a sperm donor and is entitled to be a part of his son’s life.

The case hinged on an informal agreement between two longtime friends: a woman who wanted to get pregnant and a man willing to supply the sperm to make it happen. According to court filings, Joyce Rosemary Bruce impregnated herself with a turkey baster, believing that Robert Preston Boardwine would not have any parental rights — including a say in the boy’s education and other decisions — because they did not have intercourse.

Said the court: “The path to fatherhood may have been unconventional,” … but it doesn’t remove Boardwine’s parental rights.

Bruce could appeal to the Supreme Court of Virginia . Neither her attorney nor Boardwine’s returned telephone messages seeking comment.

Here’s the back story:

The appeals court’s narrative recounts a woman’s quest for single motherhood, the crumbling of a friendship and a man’s persistence in seeking involvement in his child’s upbringing. It also shows what can happen when two people, even trusting friends, do business without putting it in writing.

It began with Bruce’s desire to have a child to raise on her own. She turned to her friend Boardwine, who agreed after some trepidation to provide the sperm. They discussed a written contract but never signed one.

Boardwine would stop by Bruce’s home and give her a plastic container of his sperm.

“Bruce used an ordinary turkey baster to inseminate herself,” the court said. “No other person was involved. They did not go to a doctor’s office or to a medical facility.”

It didn’t work. Bruce turned to a fertility doctor, and two inseminations with sperm from anonymous donors also failed.

So it was back to Boardwine and the turkey baster. After several visits from Boardwine in June 2010, Bruce learned the next month that she was pregnant.

Everything went well for a while, with Boardwine visiting and bringing a stuffed bear and baby clothes. But their expectations for the future were different. Bruce testified in the lower court that she wanted Boardwine to be only as involved as her other friends. He envisioned a more active role — attendance at the boy’s sporting events someday, and a voice in major decisions.

The relationship soured when Bruce rejected Boardwine’s suggested name for the child. They didn’t speak for about five months, until the boy was born and Boardwine showed up at the hospital. Later visits to Bruce’s home were “sort of strained,” the woman said, and she eventually told Boardwine to stay away.

When that happens, there’s really only one avenue of recourse.

That’s when the father went to court.

Bruce argued that Boardwine had no rights because, under the state’s assisted conception law, he was merely a sperm donor. But the law defines assisted conception as a pregnancy resulting from “medical technology,” and that definition doomed her argument.

“The plain meaning of the term ‘medical technology’ does not encompass a kitchen implement such as a turkey baster,” Judge Stephen R. McCullough wrote for the appeals court.

How bizarre is it that the gent’s claim hinges on whether a pregnancy resulting from a turkey baster is one that resulted from “medical techonology”? Here’s the source.

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monkey

Tarzan was raised by apes, and looked how well he turned out! Case closed! Maybe, but not so fast. As reported by The Grand Island Indepedent (Nebraska):

A situation in which two monkeys were playing with a baby, as shown in a Facebook video, does not violate state standards for child neglect or abuse, said Sgt. James Laudenklos of the Merrick County Sheriff’s Department.

The video was shot in a Merrick County home not far from Grand Island. After seeing the video on Facebook, someone reported it to the state Department of Health and Human Services, concerned about the safety of the child.

Laudenklos, who spoke to the people involved, said the situation does not meet the criteria for neglect or abuse.

Because the child does not live with the owners of the monkeys, it appears to be a one-time incident, he said. The owners of the monkeys have been advised not to let the monkeys play with the child, he said.

The Department of Health Human Services will not pursue the matter, Laudenklos said.

You’ll find the source here.