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Things must not be going well if you get to a place where you need to return a box of condoms for a refund. And, when the clerk won’t give you a refund, you call 911, claiming that you were robbed. As reported in the North Jersey Record,

Kadien Jackson, 21, of Blauvelt, N.Y., told police he made the bogus report to help him get his money back. Instead, he was charged with making a false report — a crime that carries prison time upon conviction.

“So, what are you in for?”

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One can imagine the would-be abductors talking beforehand: “Hey, how about that kid?” “Sure, why not?” Here’s why not: Not only was he on his way home boxing training, but the kid is “the two-time Australian junior champion and two-time Queensland champion.” As reported in The Cairns Post:

It seemed innocent enough – three people in a mini-van asking for directions at a well-lit intersection at 8pm on Wednesday in the quiet rural community of Yungaburra.

“It seems so innocent,” 15-year-old Jackson said yesterday. “They stopped and asked for directions and I walked up to the campervan to help. The sliding door opened fast and I spun around to see what was happening.

Here it comes …

“Then this bloke grabbed me by the collar and tried to drag me into the van. He was really trying to drag me in but I pulled back with all my weight and then I hit him in the left ear.”

Bam!

It only took one punch from the two-time Australian junior champion and two-time Queensland champion to send the alleged abductors fleeing up Maple St from the scene.

Nice. Here’s the source, including a photo of the pugilist.

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There are many ways to steal. But have you ever heard of a thief whose tool of the trade is a vacuum? Well, you’re about to. As reported by The Lincoln Journal Star:

The vacuum remains at large, but Lincoln police ticketed a man who they believe used one to suck a bunch of quarters out of several apartment house laundry machines.

After surveillance photos from the March 4 laundry room theft were released Friday, police received three tips via Crimestoppers that identified the suspect as William Logan Jr., 40, 5709 Hartley St.

There is a mitigating factor.

He had a mountain bike in tow …

The Juice has a soft spot for cyclists … Here’s the source.

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The term “road rage” is used a lot, probably too much. But this case right here, this is definitely road rage. As reported by The Tampa Bay Times:

The onslaught began when Bonnie N. Coleman, 31, was driving west on Tampa Road in Oldsmar and Therese O’Neill, 29, cut in front of her 2012 Saturn station wagon.

Oh no you didn’t just cut in front of her.

Coleman didn’t like that, deputies said, so she ran into the rear bumper of O’Neill’s 1992 Dodge station wagon. “They didn’t know each other,” said Pinellas County sheriff’s spokeswoman Cecilia Barreda. “It just appears the victim had switched lanes and the suspect became very angry.”

So she bumped her. Not cool, but … oh wait, there’s more.

Coleman trailed O’Neill and bumped her car several times, officials said, before they reached East Lake Road and were stopped by a red light.

Coleman then tried to push O’Neill’s station wagon into the intersection, deputies said.

Holy crap! Sure seems like she trying to get Ms. O’Neill either killed or seriously injured.

That’s when O’Neill retaliated. She backed up into Coleman’s car, then ran the light to try to escape the enraged driver, according to the Sheriff’s Office.

“I think she was trying her best to do what she could to get away from this woman,” Barreda said. “But (Coleman) continued and continued and was so persistent. It didn’t end.

Deputies said Coleman followed O’Neill from Tampa Road onto Mayfair Place in Palm Harbor, where the two women got out of their cars and began to fight. Coleman pulled O’Neill’s hair, kicked and punched her, officials said.

A 45-year-old witness to the road rage incident, Jill Ann Atwood, stopped nearby, called 911, then got out of her car, ran up to the brawling women and attempted to help O’Neill.

That’s got to be it. No?

Coleman struck Atwood in the eye with her fist, deputies said.

That, actually was the end of it, pretty much.

Coleman was charged with aggravated battery, aggravated assault with a motor vehicle and simple battery. Deputies said she was uncooperative to the last and acted “agitated” as she was taken into custody.

As for the victims …

Both O’Neill and Atwood were taken to Mease Countryside Hospital in Safety Harbor with non-life-threatening injuries following the attack.

Whew! The Juice is exhausted. Here’s the source.

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If this were to become a trend, perhaps golf would become a lot more popular? As reported by kmov.com (St. Louis):

On Monday afternoon, police arrested two women after they allegedly exposed themselves while on an Alton, Illinois golf course.

And people say golf is boring …

Officers with the Madison County Sheriff’s Office responded to Woodlands Golf Course at 2839 Harris Lane around 2 p.m. in reference to a citizen complaint. The caller stated that two women were exposing their “sexual organs” while on the course.

When officers arrived, they saw Alicia Binford, 43, and Shelly Lewis, 45, lewdly exposing their breasts.

Binford and Lewis, both from O’Fallon, Missouri, were arrested and charged with public indecency. They were taken to the Madison County Jail and held on $100 bond.

Here’s the source, including mug shots of the ladies.

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When he was a kid, in addition to being a tool, this California elected official must have really sucked at baseball. Sadly, below you can see him taking it out on his stepson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Cp-vMQXX7I

You can read more about it here.

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Shouldn’t a grandfather know that his love for his grandchild is unconditional? You won’t believe why this grandpappy was displeased with his granddaughter. As reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News:

The Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office was contacted May 31 by the victim’s adoptive mother, who said her daughter had been threatened by the victim’s biological grandfather.

The victim told deputies she’d been staying with her grandfather since May 26 and had asked him to drive her to a fast food restaurant so she could apply for a job. Her grandfather said he didn’t want her working there because she’d be working with African Americans.

Right. Like he said “I don’t want you working with African Americans.”

That prompted an argument between the two, and the victim said her grandfather threatened to “crack her skull” and “slit her from ear to ear.” The victim contacted her drill instructor and asked that he pick her up, as she feared for her safety.

The drill instructor said he picked her up but before leaving, the grandfather said in a serious tone he would kill her and “slit her ear to ear.” The drill instructor then drove her to her adoptive mother’s residence in Shalimar.

Not cool, pappy. Not cool. Older, but not wiser. We’re all one people. The charges?

The grandfather was charged with misdemeanor assault. His court date is June 26.

You’ll find the source here.

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Sure, it’s illegal. But can it possibly be that this is a judicious use of police manpower? Unlikely. As reported by The Morning Call (Lehigh Valley, PA):

A detective from the Monroe County district attorney’s office made arrangements to meet Brian K. Ryder Friday after reading his ad on Craigslist from a male seeking a female to “smoke with.” The ad read, “Any females into 420? It’s nice out. Let’s go smoke. Email if interested.”

Investigators made arrangements to meet Ryder at the Stroud Mall on Route 611, but Detective Joseph Coddington pulled him over in his pickup truck prior to arriving at the mall. Ryder was charged with possession with intent to delivery marijuana, possession of a small amount of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. He also was cited for having an expired inspection on his truck.

Yes, that’s him. [The photo is from the Monroe County District Attorney’s office.] Dude looks like he’s thinking “Really? You did all that for this?” Here’s the source.

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Be honest. You’ve smacked or kicked a machine – a parking meter, a vending machine, a copier … But this guy took it to another level. Per The Salt Lake Tribune:

A Salt Lake City mortgage company employee allegedly got drunk, opened fired on his firm’s computer server with a .45-caliber automatic, and then told police someone had stolen his gun and caused the damage.

Maybe he didn’t do it?

Salt Lake County prosecutors say Campbell called police late on Aug. 12, claiming a man had stolen his gun and fired into the $100,000 computer server owned by RANLife Home Loans, located at 268 W. 400 South.

A probable cause statement alleges that Campbell told police he had been “mugged, assaulted with his own firearm and drugged” by a mystery assailant.

So don’t be so quick to judge. Wait, something is coming in over the wire …

… acquaintances of Campbell reportedly told police he had earlier been drunk, was armed and had threatened to shoot the computer and maybe himself.

Doh! Of note: “acquaintances” not “friends.” The charges?

… criminal mischief, a second-degree felony; carrying a dangerous weapon while under the influence and providing false information to police, both Class B misdemeanors; and public intoxication, a Class C misdemeanor.

No word on whether the server will make it …

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The cops have you red-handed, with the evidence right there in front of you. So what do you do?
Here’s an option you might not have considered. As reported by the Hunterdon County Democrat (New Jersey):

On Thursday, June 1, at about 1:55 a.m., Patrolman Joseph SanGiovanni saw a 2012 Nissan Maxima driven by LaQuan Mayes, 38, of Newark, allegedly fail to stop at a red light on Route 22.

Upon stopping the car, Patrolman SanGiovanni smelled raw marijuana inside the vehicle and saw a dime bag of marijuana in plain view inside of the cup-holder in the center console, police said. When the patrolman requested that Mayes hand over the bag, Mayes picked it up and ate it.

Gulp. “Bag? What bag?”

A consensual search of Mayes’ car did not turn up any additional contraband.

Free to go? Not exactly.

Mayes was charged with possession of less than 50 grams of marijuana, obstruction of justice, failure to make lawful disposition of a controlled dangerous substance, driving while in possession of a CDS and failure to observe a traffic signal. He was released on his own recognizance.

What? You released him? And the evidence? Here’s the source.