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Sure, you might wield a gun. You might scream. How about barking like a dog? From The Athens Banner-Herald:

A Simmons Street woman scared off a would-be burglar about 11 p.m. Saturday by acting like a dog, an Athens-Clarke police report said.

When a suspicious man tried turning the woman’s door knob, she got on the floor and began scratching at the door and acting like a large dog, police said, though what dog-like behaviors she specifically mimicked remains unknown.

Talk about thinking on your feet (all four of them) …

The man, who wore an olive jacket and appeared to be homeless, quickly ran from the porch, according to the report. Police searched the neighborhood for him, but to no avail.

Who needs a dog when you can just imitate one? (Dog people – please – no hate mail!)

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What happens to bad winners? Usually nothing, but this is not the usual case. As reported by phillyburbs.com:

A video game defeat and a bruised ego landed a victim in the hospital with a broken jaw and his buddy in jail facing criminal charges, according to police.

He and the unidentified victim spent Wednesday afternoon at a residence in Evesham playing a video game that Brown eventually lost, police said.

Winning was enough, though. Dude had to rub it in.

The winner taunted Brown so relentlessly about his bad fortune that the defendant punched him in the face, breaking his jaw, according to police.

The victim was treated at an area hospital, but the injury was so severe, he was transferred to Cooper University Hospital in Camden, according to court documents. Brown is being held in Burlington County Jail.

Not looking like such a big win now, huh?

Rodney Brown, 25, of Clementon, made a first appearance in Superior Court on Thursday before Judge Thomas Kelly, who set his bail at $20,000.
Brown was charged with aggravated assault.

Who do you think is the winner? No winners?

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And some folks say civility no longer exists in the legal profession! In the case of Avista Management, Inc. v. Wausau Underwriters Insurance Co., Judge Presnell (United States District Court – Florida – Orlando Division) would no doubt agree. The attorneys in the case, whose offices are in the same building, could not agree on where to hold a deposition. Judges HATE to be pulled into such minor disputes. So, when Avista’s attorney filed a “Motion to Designate Location of a Rule 30(b)(6) Deposition,” Judge Presnell denied it, and issued a novel ruling, paving the way for the first RPS Showdown.

“Instead, the Court will fashion a new form of alternative dispute resolution, to wit …” Enough legal jargon. The Judge ordered that the attorneys, each with a paralegal as a witness, play “one (1) game of ‘rock, paper, scissors'” [the RPS Showdown] on the front steps of the Courthouse on June 30, 2006. Of course, the Judge chose the Courthouse steps only “if counsel cannot agree on a neutral site.” Well, their offices are in the same building … (Click here to read the two page Order.)

So, with the big game just days away, due to either pre-game jitters, or the thought of scores of TV cameras focused on the event, the attorneys agreed on a location for the deposition. (I’m guessing that the game did take place – behind closed doors.) Noting that “with civility restored (at least for now),” Judge Presnell vacated his widely hailed “rock, papaer, scissors” Order. The RPS Showdown was not to be. (Click here to see the Order.)

Civility was short-lived. In the next few months, the case docket reflects more than 70 entries, the vast majority of which dealt with discovery disputes which, as you now know, judges HATE to be bothered with. But alas, all good things must come to an end. And so it was that on November 17, 2006, the parties put the “civil” back in “civil litigation” with the filing of a “Notice of Settlement” and an Order dismissing the case.

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Freedom … can be short-lived. If you follow this Florida woman’s lead, very short-lived. As reported by abcactionnews.com:

[Jennifer McNeill, 42 had] just been released from jail a few hours earlier on a trespassing charge.

Naturally, she was hungry, and thirsty. So …

According to a Hernando County Sheriff’s Office report, [she] had dinner Wednesday night at the Carrabba’s on Cortez Boulevard in Brooksville. She consumed $45 worth of food and wine.

Delicious. Waiter, check please…

When it came time to pay her bill, the restaurant manager told detectives she handed over a credit card that subsequently was declined.

McNeill proceeded to hand over several other credit cards, according to the report, all of which were also declined.

Uh-oh.

The manager gave McNeill one hour to find someone to come to Carrabba’s to pay her bill. When no one responded, McNeill grew belligerent. Then she started texting people.

The old “one-hour rule.” [Who knew, though it seems reasonable to The Juice.]

At 11:23 p.m., a deputy took her into custody.

McNeill was given no bond, however, because [of her recent release.]

Back in the pokey for $45. That’s gotta hurt. Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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Is it really fair to sentence someone to four years in prison for stealing underwear? Before you answer that, you might want to ask “how many times?” and “from where?” As reported by the Winnipeg Free Press:

James Duerksen spent more than two decades invading the privacy of unsuspecting female victims and satisfying his sexual fetishes. Now the convicted serial lingerie thief is headed to prison after the Manitoba Court of Appeal overturned a conditional sentence that allowed him to remain free in the community.

Duerksen, 40, learned this week the high court has imposed a four-year sentence for crimes they call “strange and disconcerting.” Duerksen, a married father of two, pleaded guilty last year to 92 charges of break, enter and theft that occurred over a 21-year period in Manitoba and Alberta.

Shazam! You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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The pizza delivery person gets robbed so often, that it’s almost an occupational hazard. But this young lady decided to flip the script. As reported by wmctv.com (Memphis, Tennessee):

Once the victims’ pizza was delivered, a visitor went to leave the home, and noticed her purse was missing from her car.

Down the street, a neighbor’s house is wired with video surveillance equipment. Those cameras captured the bizarre theft.

Let’s go to the video.

“The pizza was delivered to the house and as the delivery person was leaving, she looked over into the victim’s car and saw the purse and took the purse from the car. And left,” described Lt. Grigsby.

The purse contained $1,400. That is enough to warrant a felony theft charge.

Apprehending the perp could not have been easier.

By the time deliver driver Amanda Theobald returned to her store around the block, police were already waiting for her.

Curse you surveilling neighbor! You’ll find the source, and a video news story, here.

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If you find money along the side of the road, can you keep it? Maybe. It depends on where the money came from. In this, case, unfortunately for the finders, it’s a “no.” As reported by The South Bend Tribune:

The day after a Michigan City-area bank robbery, drivers apparently were stopping in Portage, Ind., and still finding money the holdup suspect allegedly threw from his car window along Interstate 94 during a police chase into Illinois.

So what’s the problem? Well …

On Monday, authorities reminded people that their seemingly good fortune could land them in jail.

Jail? Yikes!

“The bank has reported it as stolen, and it is bank property,” LaPorte County police Chief of Detectives John Boyd said.

About 4 p.m. Saturday, a dispatcher received an anonymous call about drivers stopping on the shoulder and picking up cash at the 20-mile marker, police said.

The money belongs to the LaPorte Savings branch on Johnson Road, which was robbed about 2 p.m. Friday.

And the bank robber?

The suspect, a 32-year-old man, was apprehended.

 

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So you’re saying that stealing a $1 soda can lead to a felony charge? Well, yeah. Here’s how, as reported by the Naples Daily News:

After filling a courtesy cup with soda Thursday at the McDonald’s soda fountain and then leaving the restaurant, Mark Abaire, 52, of the 500 block of 14th Street North, was arrested by Collier deputies and now faces a felony theft charge, a sheriff’s report shows.

Really? A felony?

A manager told sheriff’s deputies that Abaire entered the store and asked for a glass of water around 10 p.m. Although the employee told him the cup was for water, Abaire filled it with soda at a fountain machine and sat outside the restaurant, according to an arrest report.

During a conversation with the manager, Abaire declined to pay for the soda, valued at $1, refused to leave the premises, and cursed at the manager, the report stated.

Okay, wrong, uncool, but a felony? Please explain.

While his charge is petty theft, because of previous petty theft convictions, the charge for drinking the unpaid-for soda was increased from a misdemeanor to a felony, the arrest report shows. In Florida, a third-degree felony can result in a sentence of up to 5 years in prison and a $5,000 fine.

Seems a little harsh, even for an enhancement, no? And to add to this gent’s woes …

Abaire faces additional misdemeanor counts of trespassing and disorderly intoxication. On Saturday, he remained in the Collier County jail with bond set at $6,500.

You’ll find the source, and a mug shot, here.

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How could The Juice possibly know that people in Wyoming were fishing with guns? Well, do you think they would have passed a law prohibiting it if nobody was doing it? Exactly! Here’s the law:

23-3-201. Fishing tackle; designation of waters for setline fishing; taking fish with firearm prohibited; snagging; penalties.

… (d) No person shall take, wound or destroy any fish of Wyoming with a firearm of any kind or nature.

Very sporting, right? And so much fun! Here’s the source.

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What in tarnation was going on in this Sacramento, California apartment? See if you can figure it out. From The Sacramento Bee:

Police attempted to serve a warrant on Fairfield Avenue. 
Officers said that they 
heard a woman talking inside the apartment, and they 
knocked, identified 
themselves as police officers and asked to speak to the 
woman. A man inside 
replied that she wasn’t there, but they could come back 
later. Officers again heard 
a woman inside and re-identified themselves, adding that 
if the occupants did 
not open the door, it would be forced open. After the 
residents again refused to 
open the door, it was forced open, and the woman was 
found talking to police 
and reporting that someone was trying to break into her 
apartment.

Uh… Sorry, wrong number.

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