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Let’s just ignore the fact that the judge explicitly instructed you otherwise. If you were a juror, would you try to friend one of the parties, in the middle of the trial? A young man in Texas did, as reported by The Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

[Jonathan] Hudson was a juror on a Tarrant County civil case last month when he tried to “friend” the defendant and discussed the case on his Facebook page, according to court records. The woman notified her lawyer who, in turn, told the presiding judge, Wade Birdwell.

Dude! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? And about the judge’s instructions …

Texas recently added specific language to jury instructions that bans jurors from discussing the case on social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, which was in the instructions given to Hudson, officials said.

Doh! After attempting to weasel out of it (“saying he thought she was someone else”), Mr. Hudson pleaded guilty to contempt of court, and was sentenced to 2 days of community services.

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Everyone, and I mean everyone, has had a haircut they have been unhappy with. But, unlike with virtually every other problem, this one actually does go away with time. A man in Norway couldn’t wait. So, as reported at newsenglish.no:

A man in Drammen was so unhappy with his new haircut that he called police, demanding assistance because he didn’t want to leave the hair salon.

News bureau NTB reported that according to the Søndre Buskerud Police District’s logs, the man claimed that the hairdresser had done such a bad job that he couldn’t go outside without a cap. He apparently didn’t have one.

He also had complained about the result of his haircut to the salon’s proprietor, but was told it was too late to do anything about it.

If only the owner had told him he could take care of it … and then shaved him bald!

The police receiving his call for help told him they had many duties in the course of a day, and responded to many calls, but his would not be one of them.

Here’s the source.

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This robber’s weapon of choice – pruning clippers. It shouldn’t come as a big surprise that the endeavor didn’t go so well. As reported by The Bellingham Herald (Washington):

Police released photos of the robbery Thursday, Aug. 30. They show the masked man walking into Starvin’ Sam’s, 1101 Iowa St.

He brandished a pair of pruning clippers with 3-inch blades, said David Kassner, the clerk working the graveyard shift at 2:50 a.m. Aug. 20. The suspect, who wore a black ski mask with eyeholes, strode toward the cash register and demanded money.

He probably didn’t know the clerk was a Vietnam vet.

“But I wouldn’t do that,” said Kassner, a retired U.S. Army staff sergeant who served in southeast Asia.

Instead the clerk backed up and grabbed a hammer-style stapler that happened to be sitting on a countertop. Employees at the service station use the stapler to tack up posters.

Oh it’s on now.

The suspect grabbed the register and tried to take the whole thing with him. Kassner swung the stapler at the man’s head. He missed his target but must have made contact, because the man “ran out real quick” clutching his wrist, Kassner said, and without any cash.

See ya.

The man was last seen running northbound on Moore Street, said Bellingham police spokesman Mark Young.

Police dogs tried to track him, but the trail quickly “evaporated” – meaning he may have hopped into a car or rode away on a bike, Young said.

Here’s the source, with a surveillance photo of the perp.

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You’re up in a police helicopter, looking down at 3 plants on a guy’s deck. Can you really identify them as marijuana? Really? That’s what they’re saying, as reported by The Times at nj.com:

Peter R. Taylor, 23, was allegedly growing the marijuana on the back deck of his home on the 100 block of Coachman Drive. The plants were spotted by the state police Marijuana Eradication Unit during a helicopter flight yesterday, officials said.

“He saw the helicopter and attempted to pull the plants and destroy them,” said Sgt. Gregory Williams, a State Police spokesman.

Florence police and the Burlington County Prosecutor’s Office had received confidential information about the marijuana growing at Taylor’s house and initiated the joint investigation with the state police, officials said.

“Joint” investigation! Get it?

Law enforcement officers on the ground arrested him immediately after the team in the helicopter saw the plants, police said.

A search of the home revealed just over six ounces of processed marijuana valued at $1,800, Williams said. The three plants have a combined value of $6,000, according to the state police.

If they had information from a confidential informant, why not just get a search warrant? Why the flyover?

Taylor was charged with possession of marijuana, manufacturing drugs, and hindering apprehension by destroying evidence, Florence police said.

He was released after posting $25,000 full cash bail.

Here’s the source.

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In Newport News, Virginia, and some other fun-loving locales across the country, it is illegal for anyone over the age of eleven to trick or treat! This is truly one of the dumbest laws The Juice has encountered (and that’s saying something). Here’s the law:

Sec. 28-5. – Prohibited trick or treat activities.

(a) If any person beyond the seventh grade of school or over twelve (12) years of age shall engage in the activity commonly known as “trick or treat” or any other activity of similar character or nature under any name whatsoever, such person shall be guilty of a Class 4 misdemeanor. Nothing herein shall be construed as prohibiting any parent, guardian or other responsible person having lawfully in his custody a child twelve (12) years old or younger, from accompanying such child who is playing “trick or treat” for the purpose of caring for, looking after or protecting such child. However, no accompanying parent or guardian shall wear a mask of any type.

(b) If any person shall engage in playing “trick or treat” or any other activity of similar character or nature under any name whatsoever after 8:00 p.m., such person shall be guilty of a Class 4 misdemeanor.

Here’s a link to the City of Newport News Code of Ordinances (see Chapter 28, Sec. 28-5).

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Defendant Howard Freeman sent two letters to the Judge. On both of them the letterhead reads:

The Committee to Save the Judges From Hanging Even Though They Deserve It.

At the bottom of the stationery the following appears:

The Bible and history tell us that an oppressed people have never once regained their freedom until they had hung the `judges’ and stoned the tax collectors to death; it is the fervent wish of the Committee that we can reason with the `judges’ to quit interfering with our common law protections. Then we will have only the tax collectors to deal with. Redloh 2:25.

Shabang! And just what was Mr. Freeman convicted of – a conviction that he appealed to the Supreme Court of Wyoming? Driving the wrong way on a one-way street! Mr. Freeman claimed that the citation was defective, and that the law under which he was charged is unconstitutional.

Loser, on each claim! The Wyoming Supremes were not amused, nor were they put off by the threatening letters. Of the letters, the Court stated:

While these warnings are dire, it well may be that cases such as the one before us constitute a far more severe punishment. Our rules of appellate practice were designed, at least in part, to protect judges from such consequences.

And that was the final word in Freeman v. Town of Lusk, 717 P.2d 331 (WY 1986).

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Maybe this lady has legitimate beefs with her boyfriend. But the way she chose to deal with the situation, well, it bites. As reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News:

On Aug. 17 an Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputy was called to a Colonial Drive apartment after learning of a domestic dispute.

The victim, who has lived with the woman for about six months, said she began yelling at him because she thought he was looking at other women, and was ignoring her to play video games. She became so angry she started throwing things around the house.

He said she charged him, and he grabbed her wrists to protect himself from her. “The defendent then leaned in and bit the victim on the left side of his chest near his arm pit,” the deputy wrote in the arrest report.

Ouch! While it probably wasn’t “a pound of flesh,” no doubt the vic would say it was plenty.

She was charged with misdemeanor battery. Her court date is Sept. 4.

Here’s the source.

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Has 7-Eleven gone upscale lately? If not, then what on earth did this man buy? As reported by The Burlington County Times (Pennsylvania):

Police are searching for a man who bought more than $1,600 worth of items from 7-Eleven with stolen credit cards.

The man went to the convenience store on Route 73 shortly after 5 a.m. Friday and used the cards to buy $1,633 worth of merchandise, police said Tuesday.

The man’s image was captured by video surveillance equipment at the store. At the time, he was wearing a red Nike baseball cap, white T-shirt, blue jeans, and red and white sneakers. (See above.)

 

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Judges say the darndest things. Take the case of the Honorable Gary W. Velie, a Superior Court judge in Clallam County, Washington. Back in 1988, in response to a complaint, he admitted “the use of racist and sexist language and embarrassing jokes.” Not only was he not reprimanded, the complaint was dismissed “based upon [his] willingness to take corrective action.” But … sometime the next year … per The Commission on Judicial Conduct of the State of Washington,

[Judge Velie] made a remark to attorney John Doherty in open court and in front of court report Penny Wolfe and clerk Tammy Woolridge that he [Doherty] looked like he had been “jacking off a bobcat in a phone booth.” [The Juice is trying to imagine that level of dishevelment.]

In 1990, during the armed conflict between the United States and Iraq, [Judge Velie] remarked: “Nuke the sand niggers” in reference to [his] solution to the Mid-East crisis. The comment was made in the presence of others in the clerk’s office coffee room in the courthouse.

While viewing a property in the course of his duties, with two attorneys in his car, Judge Velie “stated that ‘Johnny,’ a defendant in an old case, “had gone crazy from sucking too many cocks.”

And there were a few others, like the time where he said, in open court, that he knows there are not many starving people. It’s just that “there’s a lot of them too stupid to cook what they are given… In other words, if you don’t give them a Kraft dinner with the instructions written on the box, you give them other normal food, they don’t know how to cook it.”

So, what do you think happened this time? Suspension?

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It’s just a bad idea to leave your car unlocked, period. It’s an even worse idea to leave your car unlocked with dangerous items in it. As reported by TCPalm.com:

A 48-year-old man told Port St. Lucie police Tuesday he discovered his throwing knife, sheath, .40 caliber pistol and magazines missing from his 2003 Toyota Corolla, according to a police report released Wednesday.

He said he left his vehicle Monday in the driveway of his home in the 2700 block of Southwest District Avenue. The vehicle, he told police, was not locked.

Unlocked!

As he walked up to his house after noticing the items missing, he saw a plastic bag with writing. The writing stated, “LOADED GUN Unlocked Car = STUPID!!” The bag’s other side read, “LOTS OF Children in area.”

The man saw his handgun and knife were inside, though 30 cartridges were missing.

Master Sgt. Frank Sabol, police spokesman, said Wednesday the person responsible could face charges including armed burglary and theft.

Good luck getting a conviction on that one. Here’s the source, which includes photos of the bag and its messages.