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Admittedly there aren’t a lot of plausible explanations for shoplifting. Nevertheless, this one is a real doozy.  As reported by The Times and Democrat (Orangeburg, South Carolina):

An Orangeburg woman was charged with shoplifting at the Walmart on North Road.

Walmart Loss Prevention personnel said the woman attempted to take $487 in groceries and merchandise Tuesday.

A deputy spoke with the woman, who said she attempted to leave the store with the items because she was under the impression that the man who was with her earlier paid for the goods, according to a police incident report.

How is that even possible with groceries? Did “the man” bag them too?

 

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The Juice’s middle school teachers were so boring. Such was not the case for a Houston middle schooler. As reported by The Houston Chronicle:

A 42-year-old Aldine middle school teacher who allegedly performed a lap dance for a student on his birthday has been charged with a felony.

Felicia A. Smith, of Spring, is charged with improper relationship with a student, according to a criminal compliant filed in the case.

According to the documents, a Stovall Middle School student told investigators Smith danced for him Feb. 26 in his classroom in front of other students.

He said she placed a chair next to her desk and other students yelled for him to sit down in it. Music began playing and Smith began performing a “full contact lap dance,” according to court records.

The student told investigators Smith sat down in his lap, moved back and forth and touched him all over his body. Toward the end of the dance, according to the documents, the boy said Smith got on her knees and placed her head between his legs.

Happy birthday! You can read a little more, and see a photo of the teach, here.

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A Mississippi state legislator wasted little time in between talking about the crime problem in Jackson to becoming part of it. As reported by wapt.com:

Hours after state Sen. John Horhn hosted a meeting addressing crime problems in Jackson, he was arrested on a DUI charge, police confirmed.

Horhn had called a meeting at the State Capitol earlier in the evening and heard from Jackson residents about crime.

The gent called the meeting! It must not have gone too well.

Horhn was pulled over about 11:30 p.m. Thursday on Beasley Road in front of Callaway High School, a Jackson police official said.

Horhn was booked and released early Friday morning, authorities said.

You’ll find the source, and a photo of the senator, here.

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Back in the time before there were CDs and DVDs, there was videotape. There was also a sportscaster named Warner Wolf whose catch phrase was “Let’s go to the videotape.” Well, if they do that here, this gent’s chances aren’t looking too good. As reported by tcpalm.com:

A corrections deputy charged with misdemeanor battery on an Indian River County Jail inmate has been fired, but he’s seeking his job back, officials at the Sheriff’s Office said.

Mario Pratt was placed on administrative leave Nov. 21 when he was charged with pepper spraying an inmate without justification. After a review by the internal affairs department, the Sheriff’s Office fired Pratt on Dec. 11.

Pratt filed a career services appeal Wednesday, which means his case will be reviewed by a board of deputies at a hearing. That hearing has yet to be scheduled.

So what happened?

The pepper spray incident happened on Oct. 28. Pratt is accused of spraying inmate Michael Dudley Palmer, 21, who was held on drug and theft offenses.

Pratt said the spraying was accidental and happened when he was putting the spray can back in a belt holder, according to a report. He described the discharge as a small amount that didn’t effect Palmer.

And there you were, jumping to all those conclusions when there is a perfectly innocent … wait, there’s some late-breaking news on this story. This just in:

Sheriff’s officials, however, reviewed surveillance video and said they saw the inmate grabbing his face “and staggering away from the area as if exposed to the pepper spray.”

The video also showed Pratt taking out the pepper spray, extending his arm “in a manner consistent with the deploying of the chemical agent, and pointed it toward the area where” the inmate was standing, the report states.

Hmm. Let’s not go to the videotape? You’ll find the source here.

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The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, not a criminal lawyer. Nevertheless, it’s obvious that you can’t steal your own stuff. But you can fake a burglary. The question is, why would you? As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

Police said they responded to the 11 Cranberry Lane home of Theresa Cantella, 25, on Jan. 15 and found her lying at the bottom of a flight of stairs. She said she suffered injuries after interrupting a burglary and was assaulted by an intruder.

Police said in a release that a subsequent investigation did not match evidence at the scene with Cantella’s original statement.

Uh-oh.

During a follow up interview at the Brookline police station, “Cantella confessed she fabricated the story, caused injury to herself and staged the scene at her residence to make it appear as if she walked in on a burglary in progress,” the release said.

Okay. Why would you do that?

She did not give a reason why she fabricated the story, police said.  She was charged with making a false report and is scheduled to appear Feb. 4 in Milford Circuit Court.

Here’s the source, with Ms. Cantella’s mug shot.

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Malcolm Williams came to the Houston County Courthouse to pay some fines and to report to his probation officer. When he emptied his pockets before going through the metal detector, as reported in the Dothan Eagle:

…out spilled two baggies of marijuana along with a wad of cash and a cell phone.

Doh! And you know what else he had on him? A pocket knife and rolling paper. Oops. Deputies tased him, but it didn’t work because of his clothing. Mr. Williams was otherwise subdued and taken into custody, where he is looking at not just probation violation, but a few new charges too.

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Okay, so we’re not talking about the mailman. Surely the newspaper delivery guy is close enough? As reported by ktuu.com:

An Anchorage Daily News deliveryman has been charged with two counts of driving under the influence after his pickup truck slid off the road in Chugiak Wednesday morning — and police found him trying to finish his route in another vehicle.

APD responded at about 6:45 a.m. to a report of a brown Ford pickup with its rear wheels in a ditch creating a traffic hazard at Birchwood Loop and Spruce Crest Drive.

When police arrived, 54-year-old Clifford Johnson was emptying newspapers wrapped for delivery from the pickup into a red Chevy Blazer. Johnson said he’d accidentally backed his pickup into the ditch at about 5 a.m.

In addition to having a strong smell of alcohol on his breath, Johnson was spilling papers onto the ground and had trouble hitting buttons on his cell phone. After field sobriety tests, he was arrested on two counts of DUI — one for each of the two vehicles involved.

“He was just trying to get his papers in,” said APD spokesperson Lt. Dave Parker. “It’s just not something to do intoxicated.”

A breath sample from Johnson yielded a blood-alcohol content reading well over the .08 legal limit, and he was jailed on $250 bail. Both of his vehicles were impounded by police.

 

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What’s worse: A suspect gets away, or an innocent person is injured or dies during  a car chase to apprehend the suspect? The latter, of course.  But if you’re on the lam, don’t you now have an incentive to punch it? As reported by The Belleville News-Democrat:

The man who led police on a high-speed chase earlier in the week still has not been located.

Stephen K. Anderson, 34, whose last known address was in the 3400 block of Hollywood Heights Road, has been charged with aggravated fleeing and attempting to elude a police officer by the St. Clair County State’s Attorney’s Office.

According to police reports, an officer tried to pull over Anderson on Tuesday because he knew Anderson had an active warrant for driving with a revoked license. Instead of stopping, Anderson allegedly made a run for it.

The chase started in the 7900 block of North Illinois Street. Police said Anderson disobeyed several traffic signals and reached speeds in excess of 100 mph before the officer broke off the pursuit near the Illinois 111 and Interstate 64 interchange because of safety concerns.

Police posted a photo of Anderson and an appeal to the public to aid in their search Wednesday, but according to Caseyville Police Sergeant Gerard Spratt, he was still on the loose Thursday evening. Because Anderson allegedly exceeded posted speed limits by more than 21 mph, the charge against him is a class 4 felony.

Anderson’s bail has been set at $50,000. Anyone with information about his whereabouts is asked to call the Caseyville Police Department through CENCOM at 618-277-3500.

Think his time on the lam will be brief? Most likely. Here’s the source.

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Court after court has held that you can f-bomb the police.  Depending on the situation, it may be totally disrespectful and rude, or it may be justified and appropriate. Regardless, it is constitutionally protected.  Of course, that doesn’t mean the police can’t charge you, or that a state court can’t convict you, but you will eventually be vindicated.

So this gent, Mr. Buehler, was recording a proceeding in court. The judge was not pleased, although it appears Mr. Buehler was legally permitted to record. A kerfuffle ensued, and just when you thought it might be over …  As reported by PINAC (photographyisnotacrime.com):

As [Gonzalez Police Captain Gayle] Autry turned around to return to the courthouse, a sarcastic “have a nice day” was exchanged between the cop and one of Buehler’s associates.
Buehler then told him to “go fuck yourself” as he was walking away, prompting Autry to turn around, pull out the handcuffs and arrest Buehler for disorderly conduct, even though numerous court decisions have ruled that using profanity against a cop is protected by the First Amendment.

Judge Voigt later denied Buehler’s motion to recuse herself from presiding over the subsequent trial given her involvement leading up to his arrest.

Buehler defended himself in court on June 5, 2013 and was found guilty after a 7-hour trial presided by the biased Judge Voigt.

He immediately appealed the decision and was granted a new trial with a new judge, who hopefully understands Constitutional law better than Voigt.

You can read a ton more here.

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Money in the form of many large bills

You never know when you might need some cash. Some folks deal only in cash. (The Juice can think of a few …)  But this much?  As reported in The Brooklyn Paper’s Police Blotter (68th Precinct – Bay Ridge/Dyker Heights):

A crook hit the jackpot when he lifted $18,600 from an Eighth Avenue apartment between May 26 and June 3.

The resident was out of town for the span, and when he returned to his house between 67th and 68th streets in Dyker Heights, he found that someone had broken into his apartment and taken the cash and an iPhone 6 from his bedroom dresser, police said.

Who keeps $18,600 cash in a bedroom dresser drawer, other than this gent? Anyone else think the perp knows the victim? The Juice isn’t buying the random “jackpot” theory.