Warning: Brushing your teeth will not be the same for a little while after you read this. As reported in the Evening Telegraph, nursing home worker Nina Strange

...dip[ped] a toothbrush into bath water, in which a patient had just defecated, before using it to brush the 75-year-old woman's teeth.

- hitting an 88-year-old wheelchair-bound woman across the back of the head;

- twice hitting an 81-year-old man around the head; and

- pulling an 81-year-old woman's hair as she put her to bed.

Margery Gunter told deputies that her son, Tad Gunter, has been acting weird for the past month, according to an arrest report. She told deputies that her son sits in the living room and fondles himself sexually five times a day in front of her.

A witness, Ruel Montez, grabbed Margery Gunter, brought her to the kitchen and locked the door. Tad Gunter began yelling and throwing things around the room, reports said.

When a deputy arrived, Tad Gunter told him to leave, put his hand on the deputy’s chest and pushed him, authorities said. During a confrontation, the deputy pushed Tad Gunter to the floor. When he tried to get up while swinging his arms and kicking his legs, the deputy drew his Taser.

When Tad Gunter attempted to kick the deputy, the deputy deployed his Taser, striking him with a five-second jolt. During the struggle the deputy gave Gunter two more five-second jolts until one of the Taser’s probes fell out, report said.

When Gunter continued to struggle, the deputy delivered two three-second shocks by placing the Taser against his calf, the Sheriff’s Office reported.

After he was handcuffed Tad Gunter apologized for his behavior.

A law enacted by George I states that: "The severest penaltys will be suffered by any commoner who doth permit his animal to have carnal knowledge of a pet of the Royal house."

In York, it is still legal to murder a Scotsman within the city's ancient walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

In a law passed in 1837, women are allowed to bite off a man's nose if he kisses her against her will.

A law enacted by Edward VI states that anyone found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks.

It is illegal to stand within one hundred yards of the reigning monarch when not wearing socks.

A motorist who feels compelled to urinate in public can do so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his vehicle.

Perhaps that's the reason Tennessee House Republican Leader Jason Mumpower did what he did. As reported in the Nashville Scene:

Tennessee is the only state in nation with a law preventing sex-change recipients from retroactively revising the sex designation on their birth certificates to correspond with their new gender identity. The law makes it difficult for those who have undergone such surgical changes to get driver’s licenses and other documentation, because obtaining such critical documents invariably requires a birth certificate.

Mumpower attached an amendment that would have essentially created a new category of sex.

“A birth certificate can be amended with the designation MTF,” Mumpower tells the Scene, “designating male to female, or FTM designating female to male.”

"Possession of a dangerous instrument and causing a threat or danger to the physical well-being of himself or other people."

In juvenile court, the boy also faces charges of possession of a dangerous weapon on school grounds, attempted assault and breach of peace.

At Ms. Aude's deposition, "as [she] was leaving the room to retrieve [a] document, Mr. Harris remarked that she was going to meet '[a]nother boyfriend' at the car. Ms. Green and Mr. Bernstein quickly told Mr. Harris that his comment was in poor taste and asked him to refrain from making further derogatory comments. The following ensued:"

MR. MULLANEY: It's going to be a fun trial. [Oh, and he's a lawyer, too. Very professional, no?]
MR. HARRIS: It must have been in poor taste if Miss Green says it was in poor tasted. It must have really been in poor taste.
MS. GREEN: You got a problem with me?
MR. HARRIS: No, I don't have a problem with you, babe. [uh oh]
MS. GREEN: Babe? You called me babe? What generation are you from?
MR. HARRIS: At least I didn't call you a bimbo. [have shovel, will dig]
MR.LIPSITZ: Cut it out.
MS. GREEN: The committee will enjoy hearing about that.
MR. BERNSTEIN: Alan, you ought to stay out of the gutter.

"According to Ms. Green's legal assistant, Harris's reference to Ms. Green as 'babe' continued throughout the litigation. In an affidavit ... she stated that 'in the course of her employment, [Mr. Harris] did telephone Ms. Green's office and ask, 'Is the babe in?' He also referred to [the legal assistant] as 'babe."

Ms. Green then filed a motion asking the Court to put an end to this conduct (and some other defense conduct), and requested attorneys' fees. So what do you think happened?

Actually, "hot" and "warm" revenge didn't work out too well either for David Alan Hawkins, who had the misfortune of trying to develop a condominium project when the Savings and Loan crisis hit in the 1980s. He lost his financing, and the project, with the collapse of Queen City Savings and Loan. And, as reported by the Seattle Times:

To add insult to injury, Hawkins won a $3.5 million jury verdict against the S&L, only to have it stripped from him by a judge over a technicality — a move that outraged the jurors who had awarded him the money, according to court documents and news accounts from the time.

For years, Hawkins sought justice, using increasingly confrontational and bizarre tactics that included placing invalid liens on the homes of those he blamed — including bankers, judges and lawyers — and filing so many lawsuits that he was banned from filing documents in King County in 1994.

Hawkins and Skeins set up a fake title-insurance company and convinced lenders that they held legitimate liens on the homes of their victims. An Atlanta lender gave them more than $1.5 million for the sale of homes belonging to a state appeals court judge and a bank executive ...

... the men were arrested in 2006 after a judge's wife questioned a real-estate appraiser who showed up at her home one day, according to court documents.

Okay, maybe that sounds just a little insane. But consider this - he was driving! As reported in the Reading Eagle,

Messerly was driving his employer’s minivan on the bypass in West Reading about 3 p.m. April 4 when he climbed out of the driver-side window, stood on the roof and was catapulted into the woods when the van crashed into a guide rail, borough police said.

When they arrived, the officers were confronted by a nude Messerly, who came toward them and ignored orders to stop. Two of the officers used Taser stun guns on Messerly to try to stop him.

Messerly fell to the ground, but got up as the officers approached him. A third officer hit Messerly in the back with a Taser, which briefly stunned him.

Messerly still refused to heed the officers’ orders and started toward them again.

One of the officers sprayed Messerly in the face with pepper spray, another hit him in the back with a baton and another reactivated one of the Tasers.

Messerly still refused to cooperate.

After a second shot of pepper spray to his face, another hit to his back with a baton and a fifth jolt from a Taser, Messerly was taken to the ground and handcuffed.

... Messerly ... told police he had used crack cocaine the night before the April 4 accident and had not slept since then, according to [Court] documents.

... driving under the influence, risking a catastrophe, indecent exposure, resisting arrest, public drunkenness and related offenses.

So no matter what happens, the lesbians win! Actually, that's not true. The Lesbians might win. What the hell am I talking about? Three Greek women who live on the island of Lesbos filed suit against the Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece, per the AP, claiming that its name "insults the identity" of the people of Lesbos.

Please! Even assuming the Lesbians defeat the lesbians, what about the other, um, BILLIONS OF PEOPLE who will still use the word "lesbian" as a synonym for a gay woman? What's next, Lesbos v. Rest of World? Ladies, you can't unring the bell. You can't put the genie back in the bottle. (Help. Any more trite phrases to express this?) Here's the AP story.

Since he [Sunil] was missing, the police moved an application in the court to book his brother. The application was moved on April 22, and Mukesh was asked to appear on May 9.

According to a woman examined by Arkansas Dr. Clarence Jay Arendall, here's what happened, as reported by the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette:

[The woman] said in the lawsuit filed March 12 that she visited Arendall for an ear infection in the past five years but that during the examination, he lowered her pants, touched her genitals, fondled her breasts and made sexual comments to her.

The suit also claims that Arendall made her addicted to pain pills. He prescribed the pain pills to her and had her pick them up each week at his office after hours, and continued to increase her prescription until she was taking 240 pills a week, the suit states.

The woman experienced seven seizures, of which Arendall was aware. And he knew that the pain medication was associated with seizures but continued to increase the dosage, the suit states.

He also threatened to have her husband fired from his job if the woman told anyone about his conduct, according to the lawsuit.

Alma Police Chief Russell White told him last week that investigators had received complaints from 15 to 20 women who claimed to have been sexually abused by Arendall.

Now, though, having been in office only since January 7, 2007, he's looking at a different kind of trouble.

The state Judicial Conduct Board issued a complaint yesterday charging Willie F. Singletary, 28, with five counts of misconduct for soliciting campaign donations from the Philadelphia First State Road Rattlers Motorcycle Club on April 22, 2007.

Then, Singletary asked each biker to give him $20 for his campaign, in violation of state judicial conduct rules, according to the 11-page complaint.

"There's going to be a basket going around because I'm running for Traffic Court Judge, right, and I need some money," he said, according to the complaint.

"Now, you all want me to get there, you're all going to need my hook-up, right," he continued. "It costs money," he added. "I have to raise $15,000 by Friday. I just hope you have it."

Shazam! Here's the article.

Mr. Smith: I suggest to you with respect, Your Honor, that you're a few French fries short of a Happy Meal in terms of what's likely to take place.

Ironically, Blaylock will make more money working as a locum doctor in the private sector during this month's suspension than he does as a senior doctor at the rural hospital.

A hospital source who asked not to be named said that, ultimately patients would suffer most as the hospital was short-staffed and Blaylock's skilled would be greatly missed.

What punishment do you think the Kansas Board of Healing Arts handed down for this major violation of professional ethics? Before I tell you, let me also share with you some additional information that the Board had in its possession, as reported by The Topeka Capital-Journal:

Investigators with the Kansas board also have benefit of the Missouri healing arts board's confidential 300-page report on Geenens' out-of-bounds association with women. Geenens was publicly reprimanded by Missouri regulators and, to escape broader discipline, agreed in October to "retire" his license in that state.

Jacobs said Geenens bragged that a member of the healing arts board secretly promised him the board wouldn't hand down a severe punishment. Meanwhile, Geenens filed an ethics complaint against Jacobs in Missouri, but the case was dismissed a year later.

Jacobs filed a civil lawsuit, later settled for $100,000, alleging Geenens prescribed psychiatric drugs to cause his wife to accept the doctor's advances.