Squeezed On: June 14, 2009

Cook Put What In The Steak?

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Chef%20angry%20mad%20cook%20south%20park.gif Pubic Hair! As reported by cbs4denver.com:

"According to the [police] complaint, a second kitchen worker told police [the cook] put a slit in the steak and pushed something inside, then stated, "These are my pubes," referring to pubic hair." [The cook said they were facial hairs. Huh?]
Why would a cook do this? He was pissed that the customer said the first steak was "medium," not "rare" per his order. What happened to Ryan Kropp, the cook?
Kropp, 24, of West Bend, was charged Wednesday with a felony of placing foreign objects in edibles, carrying up to 3 1/2 years in prison and a $10,000 fine. He was released on a signature bond.
Damn! A felony? Up to 3 1/2 years?

Since this is a "best of" post, I can tell you what the sentence was: 6 months in jail! And the victim said that wasn't enough! You can read a fair amount more here.

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Posted In: Best Of

Squeezed On: June 13, 2009

Wet Blanket On Iowa Wet T-Shirt Contest?

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[Sorry if this disappoints anyone, but that there is a costume.]


So wet t-shirt contests might not be your thing, but really, is it something you want to spend time prosecuting? In Mason City, Iowa, that would be a "yes," as reported by RadioIowa.com.

A magistrate court jury in Cerro Gordo County has found the owner of a Clear Lake tavern not guilty of violating that community's adult entertainment ordinance. The six-member panel returned the verdict after Alan Slater was charged last June after allegedly holding a wet t-shirt contest at The Marina.
Slater testified that he was planning to hold a wet t-shirt contest at the bar, but then backed out after thinking that he'd receive a citation from the city. He said he then let the public host the contest at the bar and directed his staff to keep things within the law.
Clever man, that Mr. Slater.

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Posted In: Get A Life

Squeezed On: June 12, 2009

Punished For Toilet Paper Letter?

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Texas Inmate George Morgan filed a habeas petition, which the state moved to dismiss. This didn't sit well with Mr. Morgan. So he wrote a note to assistant U.S. attorney Susan San Miguel on toilet paper. What did the note say? As reported by Courthouse News Service:

"Dear Susan, Please use this to wipe your ass, that argument was a bunch of shit! You[rs] Truly, George Morgan."
Ba da bing. Ba da boom.
One of Miguel's co-workers returned the note to the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, where Morgan is incarcerated.
And?
Morgan was charged with using vulgar language and was punished with a loss of 15 days of credit earned for good behavior.
Morgan appealed, arguing that the punishment violated his right to free speech. And he ... lost.
Judge Jolly acknowledged that prisoners have certain First Amendment rights, but said those rights are restricted by the state's interest in rehabilitating the prisoner.
"Morgan's note demonstrated a completely unjustified disrespect for authority, expressed in the most unacceptably vulgar form, which would be offensive in mainstream society," Jolly wrote.
"It would not be tolerated from a peer member of the bar, and would not be tolerated from a pro se litigant in the free setting."
Here's the source.

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Posted In: Odd Cases

Squeezed On: June 11, 2009

Beyond Road Rage

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So this man and his son (the Estays) were cruising down an Idaho highway when they saw their car ... being driven by someone else. They say they thought it was stolen. Nope. Turns out it was being repossessed (by the Lyles). A car chase ensued. Per kpvi.com:

When the cars pulled over, Estay admits to slashing the tires so it couldn't get away. His son is said to have attacked Landon Lyle. Estay is said to have stabbed Amy Lyle, but today any actual "stabbing" was disputed. Estay says it was an accident when he was approached from behind while slashing the tires. And both parties today did agree the injury was more of a slight laceration.
The younger Estay got 5 days in jail and 2 days probation. His dad "will serve 20 days in jail, pay a $1,000 fine, go to anger management, and write a letter of apology." But wait. There's more - and it's not good for Mr. Lyle.
Peter Estay today called himself a victim, and in many ways, he now is. Because after a bizarre twist of revenge two months ago, Landon Lyle was arrested for shooting his gun into Estay's home, with Estay's wife inside.
So while this two-year saga could've drawn to a close with Monday's sentencing, it is still far from over. Lyle is now charged with second degree attempted murder.

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Posted In: Odd Cases

Squeezed On: June 10, 2009

What, You Don't Find Kohl's Exciting?

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Honestly, I'm not a Kohl's guy either. But some people get really excited about shopping there ...

A man from Oconomowoc, accused of fondling himself in a department store, was charged Monday with one count of Lewd and Lascivious Behavior.
According to the criminal complaint, Daniel Wagner, 38, was seen masturbating in a Kohl's Department store on St. Paul Ave. in April.
Wagner was also charged with Disorderly Conduct. If convicted, he faces up to a year in prison.
(The above is from a report by Wisconsin station TMJ4 at todaystmj4.com.)

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Posted In: Odd Cases

Squeezed On: June 9, 2009

Interesting Gardening Apparel

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There are folks who garden in more traditional garb (clothes), and then there are the Pierces of Boulder, Colorado. They were spotted gardening in front of their rental unit with very little on - Ms. Pierce was sporting pasties and a thong; Mr. Pierce was was just wearing a thong. Some uptight neighbors called the cops. As reported by the Daily Camera:

... the officers who responded confirmed what the Pierces already believed to be true: Their dress, though scanty, was legal.
As long as a person's genitalia are covered, no law has been broken, Boulder police spokeswoman Sarah Huntley said.
Yeah! Take that, you uptight, puritanical ... What's that? You say there's a nuisance clause in my lease? And I'm going to get kick out anyway?
... the Pierces received a letter form Annie Mount at Boulder Housing Partners, their landlord, warning that the behavior was a "nuisance" to the community and needed to be changed. A clause in the Pierces' lease prohibits "nuisance" behavior, and violating the lease agreement can be grounds for eviction.
Kind of a vague term, no? Yes.
Betsy Martens, executive director of the Boulder Housing Partners, which administers Boulder's affordable housing program, acknowledged that defining the word nuisance is one of the "most difficult concepts in the law."
If Boulder tries the nuclear option, the Pierce's won't go down without a fight.
"We want our freedom," Robert Pierce said. "We want exactly what the law gives you, and we don't want to be harassed about it."

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Posted In: Extra Pulp

Squeezed On: June 8, 2009

Really? You Missed A Cyst That Big?

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bad%20doctor%20pocket.jpg Although he had examined the patient several times in 2002 and 2003, the doctor failed to notice that his patient had a 32 pound cyst! What did he tell her? Per the Otago [New Zealand] Daily Times online, that ...

...she was overweight and prescribed weight-loss pills.
Wrong. Very wrong.
The woman, a 44-year-old mother of three, was eventually was taken to Christchurch Hospital in severe pain where the cyst was removed. The woman told The Press yesterday the cyst was cancerous and she needed an operation to remove her womb, ovaries and fallopian tubes.
What happened to the doctor?
[He] was found guilty of professional misconduct by the Health Practitioners Disciplinary Tribunal in 2006. He was censured and fined $22,500 but his name was suppressed to protect his practice and family.
Wow. That's it? I agree with the victim:
"I've lost my insides, but he's still practising," she said.
She felt ill that the doctor continued to treat patients who were unaware of the misconduct finding. The patient called for a radical change from the health system so the names of medical professionals found guilty of professional misconduct were made public.
Here's the source.

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Posted In: Best Of

Squeezed On: June 7, 2009

Toilet Tissue Tax Tiff

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shopping_girl.gif Oh no you didn't K-Mart. You didn't just charge Mary Bach tax on that toilet paper. Everybody knows that, unlike other paper goods, toilet paper is not taxed in Pennsylvania. No, Ms. Bach is not making a federal case out it - just a teeny, tiny $100 state court case. Now maybe you think a lawsuit over 14 cents is trivial. Perhaps you didn't know that Ms. Bach went back to the store just to see if they corrected the problem. They didn't. So she's owed 28 cents.

Why sue for $100? Because that's the amount allowed under Pennsylvania's Unfair Trade Practices and Consumer Protection Law. And if you think I'm ridiculing Ms. Bach, you're wrong. I salute her. If nobody watches these little things, companies will get away with them. And if you multiply the little things by the number of purchases, they're not little things any more. To read about this and other dragons Ms. Bach has slayed in the past (and there have been a few) click here.

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Posted In: Best Of

Squeezed On: June 6, 2009

Would You Sue Your Mom?

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If you blamed your mom for severing your pinky, would you sue her? A contractor in New Jersey did. As reported at NorthJersey.com:

In 2006, John P. Garrity was installing hardwood floors for his mother, Nancy, when the accident occurred, according to court papers. While working with a miter saw in her garage, Nancy came up behind John and tapped him on his right shoulder. In depositions, John Garrity said that when he quickly turned around, his finger slipped into the saw’s path and severed his pinky.
Yikes. The case went to trial. The verdict? $95,500 for Mr. Garrity, plus $18,500 for medical expenses. The actual award was double that, but the jury found that Mr. Garrity was 50% responsible.

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Posted In: Odd Cases

Squeezed On: June 5, 2009

Can You Have Your Pot And Eat It Too?

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Sort of. A 17-year-old Washington student stood before his class and presented his essay on why marijuana should be legalized. And? Oh no you didn't... Per The News Tribune:

At the end of his speech ... [he] pulled out a joint, lit it and smoked away. Then he ate the remains.
Yes! Victory! He ate it, so you can't ... what's that?
For that he got a quick escort to the school office and then a ride to Remann Hall juvenile jail.
The boy ... was arrested on suspicion of unlawful drug possession, a misdemeanor.
In case you were wondering, he has a 3.7 GPA.

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Posted In: Juice Drops , Odd Cases

Juice Drops

You Just Locked Your Car With Your Remote, So You're Good, Right?
Almost everyone uses the remote control on their car key to lock the car. And it's then alarmed too. What a great technology! Remotes have really come a long way. So you're safe, right? Well, no. And here's why, per wmbfnews.com: Apparently thieves are targeting those keyless entry remotes
So, What Are You In For?
That's not a question this man will want to answer. Why? Because the answer is ... dognapping. As reported by The Sun Sentinel: A canine con man was busted Wednesday after trying to extort an $8,000 cash ransom from a North Naples woman in exchange for her two white
As Ye Post, So Shall Ye Reap
Maybe it's because texting or posting something on Facebook, or leaving a voice mail message (Mel Gibson!) is so easy. Whatever the reason, people really do a lot of stupid things with technology. A recent example is brought to you by The Belleville (Illinois) News-Democrat. An Alton man faces
Man's Car Gets Rammed, Has Laser-Like Focus On ...
Someone hits your car on purpose. Of course, you get all the pertinent information. If you're this guy, that would not be the license plate, type of car, etc. Per sfgate.com:A woman intentionally rammed her car into a man’s car while arguing over a parking spot in the Haight,
Of All The Places To Relieve Yourself ...
...The Juice would put "in front of the police station" near the bottom of the list. Of course, the calculus changes, when, like a 40-year-old Appleton, Wisconsin man, you have consumed so much booze that your blood-alcohol level is 4 times the legal limit. He was busted for ...
Bakery Burglar Caught By Leaving A Trail Of ...
If you guessed that this bakery burglar was caught because he left a trail of crumbs, you'd be ... wrong! Per the The Hamilton Spectator (Ontario): After breaking into a bakery in the area of Barton Street East and Sherman Avenue North Sunday night, a bumbling burglar left a
Wait, They Have Surveillance Cameras Watching Us Cashiers? Don't They Trust Us?
Most folks know there are cameras EVERYWHERE. The US is becoming more like the UK this way with each passing day. Apparently this Florida woman is not aware of the phenomenon. Per the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office: A Charlotte County Sheriff's deputy arrested a Port Charlotte Target employee Tuesday
It's Generally Not A Good Idea To Call 911 When You're Lit
In the world of 911 operators, this probably wasn't even that wacky of a call. Still, it was really stupid. It's almost like you'd have to be drunk to do something this dumb. Per clickorlando.com: A Brevard County mother was arrested after she called 911 and asked dispatchers to
Prosecutor Drops F-Bombs, Unfortunately For Him - In A Voicemail To Defense Counsel
&@#$#@)+&!!!! Everyone has thought about cussing someone out. Lots of us have done it. Not so many have done it on another attorney's voicemail. A longtime prosecutor in Clark County, Washington sure wishes he hadn't. As reported in The Columbian ... A 27-year veteran attorney of the Clark County
Strip Search? Ha!
People trying to sneak stuff into jail is not news. You can probably guess one of the techniques that is frequently attempted. Well here's a new one, at least new to The Juice. As reported by North Country Now (New York): A Moira woman has been arrested for allegedly
Yeah, You Know You've Thought About It
Admit it. You've thought about it. Some jackass steals your parking spot. You want blood (or at least some bruising). But you don't do anything because ... it's a parking spot. Well, one of both of these gents felt otherwise, per timesonline.com (Beaver, PA): [Franklin] Township police said officers
Epic Thermostat Battle
In probably every household, there is disagreement regarding the desirable thermostat temperature. In almost every household, a compromise is reached. In this household, not so much. These sisters, who share a home, got into it over one degree. As reported by The Chicago Tribune: Ilona Sales and Wanda Lupina
Do Not Mess With This Woman's Remote!
You've probably heard someone say that TV is like a drug. Well, this story certainly bolsters that notion. Per the Northwest Florida Daily News: Natasha Lynn Head, a 34-year-old Fort Walton Beach woman, was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after she picked up a knife and
Smells Like Fake Insanity
Per the St. Petersburg Times: To prove he's incompetent to stand trial on multiple felony charges, Robert Sinclaire Lee hid a razor in his mouth and used it to cut his wrist in court. He smeared feces on his face. And Monday, he entered a courtroom with feces hidden
Maryland: No Condoms In Nursery School!
The Juice really doesn't know where to start with this Maryland law, so here it is: A person may not sell or offer for sale a contraceptive device, whether or not advertised as a prophylactic, by means of a vending machine or other automatic device at a kindergarten, nursery
A Very Strange Fighting Style Indeed
It's a big world, and there are lots of different fighting styles - boxing, kung fu, jujitsu (jiu-jitsu), MMA, taekwondo, to name a few. And then there's this gent's fighting style, unlikely to be replicated by anyone, ever. As reported by The Santa Cruz Sentinel: A 24-year-old Santa Cruz
Um, Has Anyone Seen My Glock?
This is not a question a court security officer should be asking. But hey, what are you supposed to do with that thing when you go to the restroom? Clearly, not this. As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader: According to New Hampshire State Police, officers from Troop
Today's Installment Of "Judge The Judge"
Judges can do many things to end up facing discipline. They can skip out on work too much. They can treat parties poorly. They can disrespect lawyers who appear before them. Or, as a Pennsylvania disciplinary court found regarding Allentown District Judge Maryesther Merlo, all of the above, per
Maybe It's Just A Football Game To You ...
Sometimes "fans" truly are "fanatics." Something happened during the Falcons-Seahawks game this weekend that set a strange chain of events in motion. Per tcpalm.com: According to an arrest affidavit, the family was watching the game when the 56-year-old Crawford made rude comments about an unidentified player. That led to
Should Have Stolen The Computer Too ...
Who burgles a joint and leaves a perfectly good laptop behind? And in case you're wondering, it was out in the open, as you will soon see. As reported by tcpalm.com: In a case police are calling unique, a homeowner used his laptop computer video camera to capture a
Do You Think The Kid Should Have Been Arrested?
The Juice wasn't there, but that's never stopped him from passing judgment before. This seems like a harmless prank. What do you think? As reported by The Sun News (at Cleveland.com): A Northfield boy, 17, was arrested Dec. 17 and charged with disorderly conduct after he alarmed shoppers at
What Can Happen To You If You Don't Hold The Door Open For A Lady?
The Juice is a believer in some old-fashioned notions, like men holding the elevator door open for women. Too bad a fellow in Boston, Mohammed Warsame, is not likeminded. Here's why, as reported by The Boston Herald: A Roxbury man was slopped with a plate of pasta, punched, kicked,
Dad Gets Busted For Spraying "Liquid Ass" In School
Yes folks, you read that correctly. As reported by detroit.cbslocal.com: Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a “power–packed, super–concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine,
What Is It With McDonald's Customers?
In another installment of "Curse you, McDonald's!", a woman at a McDonald's in Kansas City just LOST it over her hamburger order. As reported by KMBC-TV: On Dec. 27, a woman at the McDonald's at 3255 Main St. was upset about her order and returned her hamburger twice, demanding
You Think YOU Are A Hardcore Giants' Fan? Fuhgeddaboutit!
Hardcore fans of the New York Giants were not feeling good after their team lost to the Redskins on Monday. Hopefully, though, only one took it this hard. As reported by The Star-Banner (Ocala, Florida): Authorities say a Silver Springs Shores man upset that the Redskins had beaten the
No, You Couldn't Just Burgle The Joint ...
The Juice yearns for the good old days, when robbers and burglars used to just rob and burgle. Alas, it appears we shan't be returning to those days. Previously, we learned about the Beanie Baby robber. Today, it's the fish-killing robbers. Per the TribLocal: Three goldfish were killed when
Someone Is A Little Too Attached To Her Phone
It seems that this young lady is a little too attached to her phone. As reported by TCPalm.com: While cleaning the house the mother found [18-year-old] Jennifer Natale's cellphone. The mother said she took the phone because the teen was not being truthful about where she received the phone,
Dumbest Attempted Robbery Ever? You Be The Judge.
The weapon of choice? An umbrella. The location of the attempted robbery - a Burger King drive-thru! As reported by The Journal Gazette (Fort Wayne, Indiana): According to Allen Superior Court documents, [Amanda M.] Ringler [27] pointed an umbrella at an employee through the drive-thru window and demanded money.
Nobody Likes Slow Drivers, But Seriously?
Hell, The Juice himself is not the most patient driver. Suffice it to say that, if his car were miked, there would have to be a serious delay, with someone's finger always on the button. But this dude in Houston? He either has an incredibly short fuse, was in
Taser-Proof Man? Not Quite, Though It Took Quite A Few Jolts
Why chase a non-violent suspect who is the subject of a "suspicious person" call when you can just Tase him? If you don't know that The Juice is opposed to the frequent overuse of Tasers, then you must be a new reader. (Scroll down this page, and in the
I Told You We Shouldn't Have Taken That One!
It stinks when your car breaks down. It really stinks when you borrow someone else's car, and it breaks down. It really, really stinks when you steal someone else's car, and it breaks down, and ... Per the Colorado Springs Police Department:Shortly after completing an unrelated call for service,
You Do NOT Want To Get Between This Woman And Her Chicken Nuggets!
This woman either had a serious case of the munchies, is just filled with rage, or is an alien sent to earth specifically to gather chicken nuggets. As reported by WNWO in Toledo, Ohio: Toledo Police say Melodi Dushane, 24, stopped at the fast-food restaurant at Front and Main
Maybe If Police Officers Read Legal Juice, This Wouldn't Keep Happening!
Why should police officer read Legal Juice? If they did, they would know, as all regular Juice readers do, that the Constitution allows folks to flip them off, and to cuss. Sure, they can make an arrest, but in the end, the flipper or cusser will be walking away
You Did Not Just Ban Halloween Costumes
Some people just seem intent on sucking all of the joy out of life. Here's a case in point, as reported by The Seattle Times: The staff at Lafayette Elementary School in West Seattle has decided to uphold its decision not to allow students to dress up for Halloween
You Can Run, Bu, You Won't Get Very Far ... IN THE COURTHOUSE!
Running from the authorities? Not a good idea. Running from the authorities in the courthouse? Doh! Per wane.com: It happened Tuesday in Tampa. A 25-year-old man in a purple shirt refused to sign his paperwork in a court case. Surveillance video shows the man took off running through the
So You're Saying Ministers, Priests And Atheists Can't Serve In The Tennessee House?
Do you think these provisions of the Tennessee Constitution might be unconstitutional? ARTICLE IX Disqualifications. Section 1. Whereas ministers of the Gospel are by their profession, dedicated to God and the care of souls, and ought not to be diverted from the great duties of their functions; therefore, no
You Really Arrested Her For Cussing?
You just can't go around arresting people for cussing, or you may be ponying up, as this Georgia city discovered. As reported by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution: Community activist Mary Kirkendoll grew so frustrated with Smyrna’s town hall question-and-answer session, she stood up and began to leave. Before she got
Dear, Can You Believe How Well Our New Plant Is Doing?
At a boot sale, which is roughly the equivalent of a swap meet, an elderly couple must have been delighted with the lovely plant they purchased. Certainly it was treated quite well, as evidenced by its incredible growth. So why is this Juiceworthy? As reported by the BBC: An
Something A Saudi Boss Definitely Should Not Say To His Employees
You're the new boss. You want to let your employees know that you're in charge. If you're in Saudi Arabia, this is NOT the way to do it. As reported by Emirates 24/7: The new manager at the mall in the western Red Sea port of Jeddah met the
That's My Story, And I'm Sticking With It!
Forget about "I only had 2 drinks ..." or "I was looking for the Easter Bunny..." Wait, that's what this dude said he was doing. As reported by The Union Leader: John Fowler, 50 ... claimed a man had come to his house with information about the location of
Not The Best Landlords
Certainly it's natural to want to maximize one's real estate investment. But we are still, for the most part, a nation of laws. San Francisco landlords Kip and Nicole Macy apparently didn't care much about the law. They were trying to clear out a 6-unit building they bought in
"I'm Not The Best Criminal"
That may be an understatement. Sure, if you're in jail, maybe it's not a big deal to steal from another inmate. But what about stealing a computer from the jail? Yup. Per the Kalamazoo Gazette:Kalamazoo County Circuit Judge Gary Giguere Jr. sentenced [Western Michigan University student William K.] Bradley
You Do Know That 911 Is Not A Confession Hotline, Right?
You call 911 when you are in trouble, not when you're going to cause trouble. Who doesn't know that? Well, there is this one guy ... As reported by Lancasteronline.com: At 11:45 a.m., [52-year-old Dennis] Auker called 911 and said he was going to beat up his neighbor and
Truth: It's Illegal For 12-Year-Olds To Trick Or Treat Here
In Newport News, Virginia, and some other fun-loving locales across the country, it is illegal for anyone over the age of eleven to trick or treat! This is truly one of the dumbest laws The Juice has encountered (and that's saying something). Here's the law: Sec. 28-5. - Prohibited
A Very Strange Case Of Road Rage
When you think of road rage, you think about aggressive driving, or maybe even someone pulling a weapon, right? But this? You would not think of this. Ever. Per BeeNews.com (New York): Police responded to a road rage incident on Union Road. Reportedly, two motorists were spitting on each

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Legal Juice honored by ABA Journal as top 100 blawg

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